Finding Orion (26 page)

I vaguely
remembered everything that had happened the night before.
Jace's
early phone call.
His bag of toys.
Orion.
I pressed
the palm of my hand against the cool tile and bowed my head. He wasn't real, so
why did I feel so terrible? I hadn't lost anyone, and yet there I was, standing
in the shower on the edge of tears as if I had.

Was it possible
to have such a strong attachment to something that wasn't real? To someone I'd
only ever seen in my dreams?

I blinked at
the tears and grabbed a washcloth, scrubbing my face until it hurt. Maybe
staying in the shower wasn't a good idea. It was where I went to think, only
now, I wanted the thoughts—the constant reminders—to go away.

After rinsing
my hair, I got out to dry off. My clothes were still folded in a pile on the
bed, well out of reach. I shivered when I thought of how empty the apartment was.
I'd lived alone for years, but after the dreams I'd had of Orion and the time
I'd spent with
Jace
, having an empty apartment felt
surreal, out of place.

It's just for this morning.
Jace
would be
over after I got off from work. All I had to do was
get
dressed and head to
Farrin's
.

Wrapping a
towel around my middle, I walked into the room to get on my slacks and work
shirt. I still had over half an hour before I had to leave, but with as quiet
as it was I decided to take my chances and headed in early.
Maybe if
Farrin's
in a good mood, I can leave early too.

I grabbed my
keys from the counter and ran out the door.

****

Around lunch,
I got a text from Derek's number. Frowning, I picked up my cell and realized it
was
Jace
. Apparently he'd left his cell back at the
apartment and needed it for some meeting he was supposed to have. So, after
checking my schedule, we made it so he could drop by work while I was on break.

He pulled in to
the parking lot and made his way over to where I was sitting. I fished the keys
from my pocket and offered them to him when he sat down.

"That
doesn't look very appetizing." He pointed at my sandwich.

I shrugged. "It's
easy and I just buy it from work."

"That's
horrible."

"And
what did you have to eat so far today?"

He smiled.
"Cold pizza?"

I rolled my
eyes.
"You and pizza.
Hey, so do you know where
you left your cell?"

"Yeah.
It's in my
bag. I put it in there before I came over last night."

"Oh,
okay."

"You
sound suspicious."

"Kind
of.
I just didn't see it on you, so thought that maybe you left it in the car."

"Unfortunately,
no."
Jace
held up the keys. "Thanks
for this. Do you want me to drop them off when I'm done?"

"Keep
them. You'll be off work before me. Just make sure you don't lock me out."

"Sounds
good."
He leaned in to kiss me on the lips. "See you in a few
hours?"

"God, I
hope so."

I watched him
go and finished my lunch. I'd always wondered what it would be like if he
visited at work. I made a mental note not to let it happen again. I knew he'd
made plans for us already, and seeing him halfway through my shift was just
cruel.

As if the day couldn't go any slower.

****

By the time I
got home, it was quarter past nine. I'd called to let
Jace
know I would grab dinner along the way, so when I opened the door to my
apartment to see him standing in the middle of the living room with the lights turned
low, my stomach turned.

The furniture
had been rearranged. He'd moved the couch off to one side.
The
table, too.
All that was left on the living room floor was the same bag
from last night and
Jace
, completely decked out in
slacks and a button-down shirt.

My mouth
watered as I did the usual head-to-toe inspection. His hair was slicked back.
His shoulders were broader than I remembered. And the way he looked at me just
then?

I drew in a
shaky breath and tried to meet his gaze. But as soon as I did, he raised an
eyebrow at me. His face was calm, his eyes dark. And when he unbuttoned his
cuffs to roll up his sleeves, something inside me clicked.

Either from
the dreams I'd had of Orion or from the erotica I'd read, I had a complete
mental shift. My heart skipped. I struggled for breath, and even as I bowed my
head, I could feel his eyes on me.
Staring.
Judging.
 

His feet
shuffled across the carpeting.
Toward me.
Past me.
Behind me.
The door to the
apartment closed, and I flinched when he bolted the lock.

He moved
again.
To my right.
In front of me.
Hot breath brushed along the side of my neck, against my ear. "Are you
okay?" he asked, his voice just as calm as it had been last night.

"Yes."
Was I supposed to call him master just then?

"Are you
willing to try something new tonight?"

I bobbed my
head and closed my eyes.

"Safe
words..." he paced from one side of the room to the other, "are only
to be used when you need them most. For me, yellow says I need to stop and
check in. Use this when you're uncomfortable or need to change positions."
His footsteps stopped right in front of me. "
Bree
,
look at me."

I did, and
just about fell back in to the door. His eyes were the same as before, but at some
point, he'd removed his shirt.

"Red is
used when you want play to stop,"
Jace
continued
when he could see he had my full attention. "Keep in mind that when you
do, I won't reach that intensity of play for a very long time—if at all. So,
make sure you mean it before you say it. Understood?"

"Yes,"
I licked my lips.
"Master."

"For
tonight, all I'm going to ask you to do is to remove your clothes."

I cocked my
head. Hadn't he already seen me naked? I wasn't sure how it was supposed to h—

"Eyes
on me."

I hadn't
realized it, but I'd dropped by gaze.

"We need
to get you used to following commands that don’t pertain to sex before we can
get to the rougher stuff." Then as if he'd seen the disappointment in my
eyes, he said, "I told you last night that things would be slow, and I
meant every word. This isn't something we can jump into. I need to gain your
trust as much as you have to gain mine. Whatever we spoke of before is
obsolete. Living in this lifestyle is nothing like a normal relationship. You
put a lot more on the line which means higher consequences should something go
wrong. And the last thing I want is for you to get hurt or to control you in
such a way that you resent me the way you see your ex." I went to speak,
but he stopped me. "I'm not done yet. I know this will frustrate you, but
know that I'm not doing any of this to hurt you. Going slow, especially when
you're a new sub, is a lot safer than going all-out and doing irreversible
damage. Do you understand?"

I swallowed
hard. Frustrated didn't even begin to describe how angry this new rule made me
feel. "Yes, Master."

"Good
girl."
Jace
rolled his shoulders back and looked
down at me, his eyes darkening. "Stand in the middle of the room so I can
see you."

Looking back
on how quick Orion's commands had been, I was almost expecting
Jace
to throw orders at me. He didn't. Showing more
patience than I think I've ever seen on anyone,
Jace
stood there.
Silent.
Not judging.
Watching.
Waiting.

He set his
jaw, and still the command to get undressed never came. But the way he looked
at me then, it was almost as if he could see right through me.

Stepping into
the middle of the living room, I drew in a shaky breath and waited. I bit my
bottom lip and counted the buttons on his shirt, the beats of my heart. I
counted his footsteps as he came toward me, walked around me. The hairs on the
back of my neck stood on end, and when he finally walked a full circle around
me, he sat on the couch.

"Unbutton
your blouse."

Despite the
fact that he'd seen me fully undressed before, going one command at a time was
nerve-wracking, even for me. Buttons I usually had no problem with slipped
through my fingers. My hands shook and no amount of tightening my jaw kept my
teeth from chattering.

I held my
breath, and just when I felt like I was going to burst, the first button came
undone. I exhaled, winced around the dizzy spell, and glanced at
Jace
, hoping to see him smile at my small victory. His
expression didn't change.

Glancing back
down at my blouse, I groaned at how many buttons I had left to go. But with
time, they slowly came undone. Once I undid the last one, I waited for my next
order.

It didn't
take long for
Jace's
voice to fill the empty space
around me. "Let it fall to the ground."

Relaxing my
shoulders, I waited for the light fabric to slip over my skin and float onto
the floor. Chewing my bottom lip, I set my arms behind my back, more out of
habit than any order
Jace
had given me in the past.
And again, his orders were quick and terse. It seemed the longer I stood here,
the more confident he became.

One by one,
my clothes were added to the blouse on the floor. Shivering under
Jace's
intense gaze, I closed my eyes when he stood up. His
footsteps were barely a hiss across the carpet.

He leaned in
next to me, so close I could feel his breath on my neck. Even though we'd
gotten past me stripping down, the session wasn't over yet.
Maybe he changed his mind.
God, I hope
he had. The anticipation alone was too much, not to mention how he watched me.

His voice
came out in a mere whisper, still as assertive as it had been when I first
walked into my apartment. "Get dressed."

I winced at
the tone of his voice. There was no room for negotiation. He said we were going
to take things slow, and nothing changed that. And even though I wanted him to
touch me, I knew it wasn't my place to ask. He wasn't just fighting back an
urge. He was fighting his past—one that probably never should've happened.
You have to earn his trust.

Trying not to
show my disappointment, I bent over and picked my clothes up off the floor.
Playtime was over. But before I could bring myself to put any of them on,
Jace
took them away from me.

"Are you
okay?" he asked, his voice calmer than before. The
Jace
I knew before tonight was slowly coming to the surface.

I nodded.

"How do
you feel?"

"Frustrated.
Annoyed."

"Angry?"
He raised an eyebrow.

"A
little."

"At
me?"

"I..."
Was I actually angry at him? "I don't know."

He nodded and
handed the clothes back to me. "There's one more thing I want you to do
for me."

"If
it's
cartwheels or back flips, it isn't humanly possible."

He smirked.
"No, but probably something just as difficult.
Over the
next week, I want you to wear your cuffs to bed like you did last night. Get
comfortable with them. Not only that, but for one week you aren't allowed to
come." He laughed when my shoulders dropped. "Relax, I'm not going to
punish you if you do, but I will reward you if you don't. Can you do that for
me?"

I nodded,
then
asked, "Does that mean I won't see you for a week?"

"You
might, but this week is pretty up in the air at work. When I visit again, I
want you to be ready."

I hugged my
clothes to my chest to fend off a sudden chill.
"Ready
for what?"

"Anything."

Chapter Eighteen

"Do you have a robe?"

It was the
first text
Jace
sent me the following Friday. No
hello. No asking how I was. Just five words—did I own a robe?

Keeping my
cell out of sight behind the registered, I texted him back.

"Maybe one or two."

He responded
almost immediately.