Finding Promise (11 page)

“Yes, but he refused,” she admitted wearily.

“Well, why are you bothering to ask me?” He sounded cantankerous, but right now he didn't care.

“Will was shot because of me! You are having all of these problems because of me! I would rather take my chances alone so no one else will get hurt. When I find out where I'm supposed to be, you could send my things to me, if you wouldn't mind.”

Jake jumped to his feet, smacking his head again in the process. “Damn!” Was he never going to learn the height of that damned wagon! He wanted to pace, but the space was too small, so he hunkered over and glared at her. “Let me get this straight. You're worried about me following those killers, but you think you should ride alone to Denver?”

She was taken aback by his angry outburst.

He jabbed his finger at her. “You can get that notion out of your head right now. That's not happening. If you're determined to go to Denver right now, I will take you.” Once the words were out of his mouth, he regretted his offer. He wouldn't leave her alone in Denver, and he couldn't stay with her and wait for her memory to return, which might not happen anytime soon. The cattle had to eat, which meant he had to keep moving and get them to Wyoming. “I don't think that is the best thing, since your memory hasn't returned. It wouldn't be safe for you to be there alone.”

“Do you think Cole could take me?”

Cole again
. He ground his molars. “No, I can't spare my men.”

“Of course,” she said. She briefly considered leaving some money for a horse and riding out when she got an opportunity, but what would that solve? She knew he would come after her and that would waste more of his time. She wanted him to understand how she felt. “I don't want anything to happen to you, or your men. If I left, those men would stop causing you trouble.”

Once he understood her altruistic motives, some of his anger abated. It humbled him that she was so worried about him and his men that she would risk her own life. He had to allow she was so exhausted her thoughts were probably as muddled as his. He winked at her and grinned. “Didn't I mention that trouble was my middle name?”

The man was unnerving. That wink of his and that irreverent grin gave her a tingling sensation all over, and she couldn't stop the blush moving over her cheeks. She didn't know whether to scream or laugh. “Wyoming, then.”

Rubbing his eyes, trying to keep them open, he said wearily, “Wyoming, then.” He stared at her a minute longer. “I best get out of here and get some sleep.”

“Stay,” she said softly. “I sleep better when you're here.”

He wondered if she'd already asked Cole. Whether she knew it or not, it was his cattle drive and his responsibility to make sure everyone on it was safe.
Not Cole.
He was too tired to care if the men gossiped. And he couldn't figure out a better way to keep her safe than to stay close to her. Besides, he could be dry for more than an hour, and that was very appealing. “You promise to sleep if I stay?”

She smiled at him. “Yes, I'm sure I will.”

“It's a deal.” He stretched out on the pallet. He wanted to pull on some dry pants, but he didn't have the energy to leave the wagon to change. The lantern was next to him and he started to turn it off when he saw she was reaching for her hairbrush.

When she removed the comb, she pulled her hair over one shoulder and started brushing.

As tired as he was, he still felt a surge of desire watching her perform that simple feminine task. It reminded him of the night he and the men had watched her brush her hair, but this was different. Sitting just a few feet from her made it seem much more intimate. His gaze lingered on her soft, delectable neck. He could almost feel his lips moving over her skin.
God, give me strength!

Promise turned to face him, trying to avoid looking at the dark hair peeking through the opening of his unbuttoned shirt. “I don't think I am, or was, married.”

Jake pulled his eyes from her neck and searched her face. He wondered why she made that comment.
Where is this conversation headed? Is she trying to tell me she has an interest in someone else?
He thought about her connection with Cole. She was comfortable enough with Cole to discuss leaving before he knew anything about her plans. Had something happened between them while he was gone? He knew Cole was attracted to her, but he didn't know if she was ready to move on.

“I know you thought the man I mentioned in my journal, Matthew, might be my husband . . . but I don't think he was.”

He wondered if she had a direct line to his thoughts. “Why?”

“It's just something I feel. I don't feel like a married woman.” She couldn't tell him that she found him wildly attractive and just being near him left her breathless. He was the one who occupied her thoughts, not some man she didn't remember. Definitely not the feelings of a married woman who loved her husband.

Jake was quiet for a long time, unsure how to respond. He decided it was best to be honest. “It seems logical that you were married because the two of you were traveling together.”

“It may seem logical, but I just don't think so,” she stated emphatically. Another thought struck her. If she was married, perhaps she didn't love her husband. For some reason the possibility of being in a loveless marriage saddened her even more.

Jake didn't want to disagree with her about her marital status, but he wasn't as confident. Every man on that wagon train had been lying near a woman that fateful day. It followed that the men were making some effort to protect their women, just like he would have done. There was one big difference between him and the men on the wagon train. He would have had a gun to even the odds. “Try to sleep. It will be dawn soon.”

Jake jerked awake from a deep sleep at the sound of Promise screaming, “Get your hands off me!”

He looked over at her and saw her thrashing about. Moving to her pallet, he gently touched her shoulder. “Honey, wake up. You're having a bad dream.”

She struggled as if she were fighting off demons. “Let me go!”

“Sweetheart, wake up!” he said louder.

She opened her eyes, and Jake said quickly, “Honey, you were having a bad dream.”

She threw her arms around his neck, burying her face in his chest, and started sobbing.

Jake sat down with her in his lap. “Shhh, it's okay now. Just a bad dream,” he whispered. She felt so delicate and fragile in his arms, and he wished he could take all of her fears away.

Her face moved to his neck and he could feel her tears. “Those men . . . one was holding me down . . . he said . . . he said he was going to . . .” Her words trailed off as she recalled what the man had said to her.

Jake had to lower his head to hear her since she was speaking just barely above a whisper. The pain in her voice was palpable. He gritted his teeth, imagining what that coward holding her down had said to her.

“They were shooting . . . everyone.” She paused and struggled to breathe between sobs.

He couldn't bear the agony in her voice. Those men were going to pay for what they put her through, he would damn sure see to that.

“Everyone was shot! They were throwing everything out of the wagons. I pulled away from the man holding me and ran to my trunk. All of my things were scattered. I was looking for . . .” She stopped, trying to remember what she was looking for. After a moment, she uttered in a soft voice, “I don't know what I was looking for.” She looked up at Jake through wet lashes. “Why would anyone do such a thing?”

There was no explaining the kind of men who killed like that. “Do you remember their faces clearly?”

Replaying the scene in her mind, she began to shiver. “I saw some of them very clearly. The man who held me down and . . .” Her words drifted off. She couldn't continue. She didn't want to remember that evil face, but she had seen him very clearly. “I know what he looks like. He was big . . . very big.”

Jake wasn't merely angry, he was enraged. Just thinking of a big man holding down a small woman like her made him want to tear the man's heart out. He wanted to go after those killers and not stop until they were in jail or dead. He promised himself he would find each and every one of them, and they'd better pray they didn't give him a reason to kill them. What was important right now was for him to remain calm and listen as the events unfolded in her mind.

“Were these people my family? Why can't I remember?”

“You will remember, you're just not ready right now.”

Suddenly she said, “Indians! There were Indians on the ridge.” She grew quiet, and Jake knew she was trying hard to remember everything.

“I can't remember what happened after . . . until I awoke and saw you.” Suddenly, the import of what Jake asked dawned on her. “They aren't only coming back for the money, are they? I can recognize them. They don't know I lost my memory.”

“I've considered that. So don't even think you are going off to Denver by yourself,” he said firmly.

“I wish I could remember more,” she said sadly.

Tightening his arms around her, he felt a shiver run down her spine. Feeling her soft cheek on his bare chest, he involuntarily took a sharp breath.

“Are you sure you wouldn't be better off if I left? More of your men might get hurt.”

“You're not going anywhere,” he responded emphatically.

Pushing away from him, she looked up into his eyes. “What if they come back?”

“Then I'll deal with it.”

It was difficult for her to believe he wasn't upset over the trouble she'd brought to him. She wasn't sure why God blessed her with a man like Jake McBride, but words couldn't accurately express how she felt. “Thank you for everything, Mr. McBride. What would have happened to me if not for you?” She leaned up to kiss his cheek, but at the same moment he moved his head and their lips touched. It was accidental, but she didn't move away, and neither did he. Very lightly, he brushed his lips over hers, and still she didn't move. He didn't think, he responded. At first he was gentle, and when she responded by pressing closer to his chest, he cupped her head in his hand and kissed her in earnest. She wrapped her arms around his neck and curled her fingers in his hair. Within seconds he was breathing heavily, his skin felt like it was on fire, and he wanted more, much more. Thankfully, sanity returned before his desire got the best of him. Dragging his lips away, he rested his forehead on hers and closed his eyes, trying desperately to rein in his runaway emotions. He must be crazy to do a fool thing like that. He reminded himself of his vow to keep his distance, and not be the worst kind of man and take advantage of her situation. Any woman would naturally feel beholden to a man who saved her life. When he finally opened his eyes, his gaze drifted to her hand resting on his chest, and he was nearly lost again. It'd been a long time since he'd been touched by a woman, and her touch was unlike anything he'd ever felt. He wouldn't have been surprised if his heart actually beat out of his chest. It took every ounce of effort he had to gather his control. He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. He kissed the back of her hand. “Honey, I won't let anything happen to you. And you don't owe me anything.” Before she could respond, he shifted her to the pallet and jumped from the wagon. As he walked away, he wondered if she'd thought about Cole while he was kissing her.

Chapter Twelve

Four days passed in relative quiet. To the relief of the men, there was even a blessed pause in the rain. Cole was riding beside Promise, as had been the case since the night Jake kissed her. Jake was determined he wasn't going to make the same mistake twice, so he avoided temptation. His willpower eluded him every time he was around her, and he knew he was asking for trouble anytime he went near that wagon. Since she was on very friendly terms with Cole, he'd assigned him the task of staying with her at all times. Cole was the one sleeping under her wagon and Jake stayed away from camp as much as possible. When he needed a fresh horse, he would ride into camp, change horses, slap some meat on a biscuit and take it with him as he rode. He even slept in his saddle. But no matter how he tried, she remained on his mind.

Today was the first day he wouldn't be able to avoid her. They would be crossing the river, and it was his responsibility to make sure every person knew what to expect, and how to respond if there were problems. He'd just ridden back to tell Shorty they would be making camp after they crossed the river, but once he reached the wagon, he heard shots from behind him. He yelled for Cole to get Promise inside the wagon with Shorty and to stay with them.

Jake rode fast to the front of the herd, which was difficult since the cattle were bolting in every direction. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Harm riding toward him. He'd feared that he might have been the target.

“They shot the Judas steer,” Harm yelled above the noise.

“Were they taking shots at you?” Jake asked.

“I'm not sure, but I was faster than the steer. I almost went after them, but I figured that was what they wanted.”

Jake figured they planned to stampede the cattle, hoping his men would give chase and leave Promise vulnerable. He felt like his men were sitting ducks, and there was little he could do about it. If he gave chase, the killers would see him coming and move on. On the positive side, the killers had to stay a good distance away, hidden so they didn't become targets. “Let's get these cattle under control. This close to the river, we could have some real problems if they don't settle down,” Jake told him.

“Yeah, and the river is high and moving fast,” Harm replied.

They neared the river and Jake left three men at the front of the herd so he could ride back to the wagons. “Shorty, we're ready to start crossing, so get the wagons to the bank and stay close to Promise.”

Promise stuck her head through the opening. “Mr. McBride, was someone shot?”

He'd noticed she still called him Mr. McBride. She was on a first-name basis with all the other men, including Cole, and that rankled him. “Just a steer.”

He directed his attention back to Shorty. “Shorty, see that she gets a man's shirt and holster. When we get to the river, I want her on a horse so she can cross with the remuda.” He knew the river would be the best place for the killers to get to Promise if they had decided to forget the money and kill her, because his men would be focused on getting the cattle across.

“Sure will, boss.”

His eyes slid back to Promise. “Put you hair up under the hat and wear the holster.” He rode closer to her and handed her his bandanna. “Put this around your neck like some of the men wear theirs. Can you swim?”

“I'm not sure.” The set of his square jaw told her he had too much on his mind right now to trouble him with questions she wanted to ask. Questions about why he had ignored her since that night in the wagon when he'd kissed her. He hadn't so much as spoken to her in days, and she'd lost sleep trying to figure out why. She'd enjoyed his kiss . . . more than enjoyed it, but he'd obviously decided it was a mistake. His actions told her he didn't want to be around her, so she certainly wasn't going to throw herself at him. She told herself to face the fact that his feelings didn't run as deep as her own.

Jake pulled Cole aside and spoke quietly with him for a few minutes before he rode away to talk to the other men. River crossings were always dangerous; it wasn't uncommon for men and cattle to drown, and he didn't need the added pressure of killers lurking about, trying to pick them off one at a time. He wanted every man to get across that river in one piece. When they'd crossed the river in the Panhandle, he'd discovered four of his men couldn't swim. Two almost drowned, but he'd managed to pull one to shore, and Cole saved the other man. Since this was going to be a more dangerous crossing, considering the fast current, he wanted to keep the cattle in a tight line, no more than ten across. It would take longer to cross, but it'd be safer for men and animals. Cattle could be swept away, or if they spooked, a multitude of things could go awry. The men needed to be alert and stay calm. He wanted to be everywhere at the same time, but he knew his attention would be on Promise, no matter what.

There were eighty horses in the remuda, and he planned to have several men riding with them, along with Promise. It would be necessary for some of the men to make several trips across the river. He wasn't happy about that, but he didn't have a choice. When he spoke to the men, he asked for volunteers, and to a man, each one volunteered, including the ones who couldn't swim. There wasn't a man on this drive lacking in guts and determination. He'd make sure they received a nice bonus when they made it to Wyoming.

Spotting Rodriguez, he reined in to talk to him. “I'm going to have Promise cross with the remuda. I know you will be with your horses, so stay close to her. I figure the three of us can keep her safe.”

“
Sí
. Can the señorita swim?”

“I don't think she knows for sure, but I want men around her that can.”

“I will stay close,” Rodriguez promised.

Before they could take the wagons across they had to distribute the weight evenly between them. Hearing Jake's discussion with Shorty about the weight of the wagons, Promise said, “If you need to leave the trunks behind, please do so. I know they are very heavy, and I don't want to put the animals in danger.”

“We won't need to do that, we're just moving some things to the other wagons,” Jake replied. He gazed at her outfit. Just as he'd instructed, she was wearing the gear he'd requested. Even in that getup, she looked beautiful. Hopefully, at a distance she would pass for a young man, because up close, she for darn sure wouldn't fool anyone. “I want you to get your paintings and drawings out so I can strap them on top of the wagon. They have a better chance of staying dry up there.”

She couldn't believe he'd even thought of her drawings at a time like this. He had many more important things to think about. “You don't need to go to the trouble.”

“No trouble, just pull them out.”

Promise hurriedly scrambled into the wagon to retrieve her work. Jake carefully wrapped them in the canvas that Shorty used for the tent, and tied the bundle on top of the wagon.

“Thank you for taking the time to do this, Mr. McBride.” She was grateful her work might be spared from the water, particularly the drawings of him.

Jake kept his eyes fixed on his task. “This is probably the only thing that might stay dry.” Once the bundle was secured, he explained the plans for crossing. “I want you in the middle of the horses. Cole, Rodriguez, and I will be right beside you at all times.”

She wasn't fearful for herself, she was worried about him—about the men, the animals, everything. “Is crossing this river very dangerous?” she asked. She was near tears, but not out of fear. She hated the tension between them and his cool attitude. If there was one thing she'd learned about Jake McBride, it was that he was a passionate man.

“It's always dangerous for the cattle when the water is moving this fast. But the remuda will cross after the cattle, so you don't have to worry.” He turned and mounted Preacher. “Ride Stubborn, since you're used to him, and he's dependable in water.”

“Prince.”

Jake looked at her and arched his brow. “Prince?”

She smiled. “You told me I could name him, so his name is Prince. He's a wonderful animal, and Stubborn just doesn't fit.”

In spite of the seriousness of the situation, Jake chuckled. “Prince it is,” he said before he rode away.

Riding back to point position, Jake slowly led the way into the river. Longhorns were unpredictable creatures, so it didn't come as a surprise when one cow panicked in the fast current and was in danger of drowning. Jake pulled his rope from his saddle and tossed it around its horns. With the rope secured to the pommel, Jake felt Preacher struggling with the panicked animal. Slipping out of the saddle to lighten the load for his horse, Jake held on tight to Preacher's reins. He swam beside his horse with his knife between his teeth in case he had to cut the rope and let the cow go. He wasn't going to lose Preacher, no matter what. Exhausting minutes passed before they were able to gain purchase on the river bottom. Once ashore, they pulled the cow to the bank, leaving it and his horse winded from the exertion. After catching his breath, he jumped back into the saddle and rode back into the river.

The crossing proved to be as difficult as Jake feared. Billy was one of the young men who couldn't swim, and he was swept from his panicked horse. The fast-moving current pushed him into a longhorn, causing a nasty deep gash in his side. Jake reached him before he went under, pulled him across his saddle, and got him to shore. After leaving Billy in the care of one of his men, Jake rode back into the river. It took a long time to get the cattle across, and he'd lost some, but not as many as he could have.

The wagons crossed without incident, and Shorty started tending Billy. The three men who couldn't swim stayed with Shorty and Billy while the rest of the men started back to help with the horses.

Cole and Rodriguez were waiting to cross with Promise in the midst of the remuda. Jake and the rest of the men were halfway across the river when he turned to make sure his men were not having problems, and he saw Indians out of the corner of his eye. He counted eight warriors, and they were just several yards from where he'd left Shorty with Billy. There were three other men with Shorty, but they were not the best shots. He told the men beside him to continue on to the other side, and he turned Preacher back toward the Indians. The men wanted to go back with him, but Jake was adamant they get to the other side. He told them no matter what happened they were to protect Promise. He had a feeling the Indians weren't the only unwanted visitors watching. “Tell Cole to stay where he is.” Jake knew Cole well enough to know he would be inclined to cross the river to help him out.

Just as he reached the shore, Shorty yelled, “Boss, you go ahead and protect that gal. We can handle these braves!”

“I'll see what's on their mind, and maybe we can get out of this without a fight.” The warriors were slowly moving closer, and Jake instructed Shorty and the men to pull their rifles out, but not to take a shot unless he pulled his weapon.

“Boss, what if they don't understand English?”

“They'll understand enough.” Jake rode toward the Indians.

“What is that crazy fool doing?” Cole asked when the men reached the other side of the river.

“He said for you to stay put,” Ty replied.

“Is there anyone in this godforsaken territory that isn't dogging us?” Harm asked.

Cole was torn. He didn't know if he could sit there and watch as his friend rode alone toward the Indians.

Promise's heart was pounding as she watched Jake's progress toward the impressive warriors. The artist in her was mesmerized by their fearsome appearance, from the feathers hanging from their long, dark hair, to their bare chests, down to their knee-high moccasins. When her gaze drifted back to the imposing man facing the warriors, she found him equally magnificent. His bronze skin was nearly as dark as the braves', but that was where the similarities ended. Next to Jake's large muscled frame, the warriors looked more like boys.

All afternoon she'd watched him save men and cattle in the fast-moving river. He had to be exhausted, but he showed no signs of slowing down. She knew the moment he'd spotted the Indians. Without hesitation, he'd turned Preacher around and headed back to shore. She'd never expected him to confront the Indians alone. His courage didn't surprise her, but she quickly asked God to stay by his side. Still, she didn't think she could sit there and do nothing to help him. There was no doubt in her mind that the men were staying with her because of Jake's instructions. “Shouldn't we go help him?” she whispered.

“He told us to wait,” Rodriguez answered. “He has a plan. The men across the river are ready.”

Though Rodriguez sounded confident, his words didn't calm her pounding heart. Her eyes darted to Shorty and the men on the opposite bank as they trained their rifles on the Indians, and Jake's back.

Everyone watched in silence as Jake stopped a few feet from the eight braves. When one brave moved forward from the group, Promise could hear her own heart thumping. The expression on the faces of the men beside her indicated they were as frightened for Jake as she was. “Please don't stay here for me. Go help him.”

“If we cross the river now, they might see it as a threatening move.” Cole hoped that explanation calmed her because it wasn't helping him at all.

As the minutes passed, everyone remained motionless, waiting . . . waiting. Surprisingly, even the cattle across the river seemed silent for the first time in weeks. In the quiet, they could easily hear Jake's deep voice reverberating across the water. While they couldn't make out his words, it was clear he was communicating with the brave. His tone indicated the interaction was not a friendly one. After a lengthy exchange of words, the lead brave appeared clearly aggrieved about something, if the motion of his lance was any indication. As he spoke, he jabbed his weapon in the air with every word. Jake's tone was brusque as he shook his head from side to side, obviously saying no. The brave was not receptive. Even from across the river they could hear his angry, clipped response. Jake's hand moved to the butt of his pistol. Everyone held their breath as the men behind Jake lowered their heads to their rifles and took aim. Jake spoke again, and this time the braves turned to confer with each other. Within seconds, heads started nodding in agreement.