Finding Solace (66 page)

 
When it was
time to recite our vows, Ash interrupted the priest and asked if we could use
our own. We failed to have a rehearsal, so the poor man just looked stunned and
said yes. That is when Ash turned to me and said,

 
"From
the first time I saw you, I knew you were the one for me. Love at first sight
might be a myth, but there was something pulling me to you. The second time I
saw you, I knew you had to be mine, but I let you go. The third time I saw you,
fate stepped in. It is the only way to explain it. You were destined to be mine
and I would have waited forever for you, if that's what it took. You complete
me in ways I never knew possible. I love you more every day that passes. I
can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring and every day after that. Thank you
for returning my love and giving me the chance to make you feel like the
princess you are to me, for the rest of your life I will love you."

 
I cherished
every word he spoke. I had no idea what he was going to say. We didn’t talk
about our vows. They were meant to be a surprise.

 
Then it was
my turn. When I started, I got choked up and had to take a breath to get my
emotions under control. I looked up into his eyes and said,

 
"I knew
you were something special. I knew also that something was pulling us together.
Fate is the best way to put it. What I didn't know is that love could feel like
this. I didn't know that people had a right to be truly happy, to not have to
take the bad with the good. Because you, Ash, you don't possess one bad
quality. You’re perfect in every way I need. You are my prince and have managed
to bring my fairy tale to life. You are all I will ever want or need. I
couldn't be happier than I am right now, and I can't wait to see what tomorrow
holds for us. I understand there is surely going to be some bad along the way,
but with you by my side I can face anything. We can do anything as long as we
have each other. Thank you for loving me like you
do
.
I promise
,
I will love you more than you ever knew a
person could. And I will show you just how much for forever."

 
I barely got
it all out without stumbling over my tears. It didn’t help when I saw Ash's
eyes fill up either. The priest accepted our vows and after the ‘I do's’ we
were announced husband and wife. Ash grabbed me and claimed me as his, right
there in front of everyone. That kiss meant everything to me because we both
poured every emotion we were feeling into it. I was his wife, he was my husband
and we were having a baby. Life does not get any better than this. We turned to
the crowd and everyone was standing and applauding. We walked back down the
aisle hand in hand, raising them in the air for all to see.

 
The
reception was a blast. It definitely was not what I had always envisioned, being
that I couldn’t have a drop of alcohol, but I wouldn’t have changed a thing. I
loved having everyone there. I was grateful that I had nothing to cloud this
memory. The venue couldn’t have looked more beautiful. Never would you be able
to tell all of this was thrown together last minute. The tables were covered
with beige table cloths. Four foot high glass vases were in the center of each,
holding flowers that matched the wedding arrangements. Chocolate colored plates
and burnt orange napkins that matched the chair ties were the final touch of
elegance. I loved it all. Everything was done perfectly, and I will cherish it
always. We ate, we danced, and we celebrated.

 
What did
catch me off guard was how much Tony and Kate had in common. They seemed to be spending
the bulk of the night talking and dancing. Ash and I both noticed and thought
they could work well together. Heather and Jason could not have looked more
adorable either. Knowing that it was their turn next brought tears to my eyes.
They deserved to have the fairy tale also. Mike wasn’t able to be there because
a fight had already been booked, but he called both Ash and me, telling us
congratulations. Had we had more time, I know Shawn, Angie, Ashlee, Dave, and
Bryan could have been there with us. And I know they would have been if they
could. When it came time for Ash and I to dance, I chose Michael Bolton’s
"When a man loves a woman." I made it our song after Ash sang it to
me. He wasn’t happy about that fact and that people asked him to sing it again
for them. He explained that once was enough, which had everyone laughing.

 
The cake
ended up in our faces versus our mouths, but having that much fun was
absolutely worth ruining my makeup. And when I slammed it in Ash’s face, it was
worth everything. Don’t get me wrong, I ate plenty of cake afterwards. It
didn’t all go to waste.

 
The night
ended around eleven o'clock. I was exhausted and ready for bed. Pregnancy and
all-nighters do not go hand in hand for me anymore. I was proud of myself for
making it through the reception, period. We said thank you to everyone and gave
out our hugs and kisses. Then Ash picked me up and carried me to the car.

 
"Ash, I
can walk, you know."

 
"Princess,
I will carry you when I want to carry you. Just let me okay. I love taking care
of you and the baby. If you have to carry it, I can carry you both."

 
"I'm so
tired."

 
"Let me
just get you home and in bed. I will rub your feet if you want. Just tell me
what I can do and I will do it."

 
"I just
need sleep, honey. Can we consummate this tomorrow?"

 
Ash started
to laugh.

 
"Princess,
that baby proves we have been there before. I don't need that tonight. I just
need you."

 
He put me in
the car and drove us home. I was out before we left the parking lot. When he
pulled into the garage and cut the engine, I stirred but couldn’t wake up
completely. He picked me up and carried me to bed. He rolled me on my side to
untie the back and get me out of my dress. Once I was free of the contraption
and everything required to go under it, I blissfully fell asleep naked next to
my husband.

CHAPTER
52

 
I
was twenty weeks into my pregnancy when Ash and I changed our minds and wanted
to know the sex of the baby. The ultrasound was scheduled for two o'clock that
afternoon, which meant both of us had to take time off. Work had been great
about supporting me through all of the events that have transpired stemming
from that one trip to Fiji. I wouldn’t change a thing and they know it.

 
Ash’s school
was almost done and the fire house has accepted him full time, pending
graduation. Everything seemed to be going perfectly. Heather and Jason were
getting married in only twelve more weeks. I was going to be huge by then. I
thought
bridezilla
herself would have been mad at me
for ruining the look she was going for, but she had been nothing but
supportive.

Tony started pulling away again, which scared the
shit out of me, but come to find out, he just had his last scan done and he is
still very much in the clear. No cancer detected at all. He said he was just
busy with work. I didn’t believe him.

 
 
Mike still holds his title. The fight he was
in the day after our wedding was close, but he did end up winning. It was just
by decision versus knock out or
tap
out.

I never have heard from Colt. I think about him from
time to time. I wonder how he is, if he's met someone, where he lives now. I
wonder sometimes what my life would have been like had I said yes to him. What
would I be doing right now, in this current moment? I guess I will always feel
this way. Love doesn’t ever turn off. Not true love anyway. I wouldn’t change
my mind. If I could go back to that day, Ash is still who I am destined to
stand beside and who I would have chosen. Questioning life doesn’t mean that
you
are doubting
it.

 
I heard the
garage door open and then the voice that I love to hear, "Hey princess,
where are you? We need to get going if we are going to make it there
by..."

 
He came
around the corner and found me walking down the stairs.

 
"My God,
woman, you get more beautiful every day."

 
I beamed a
smile at him and said, "Keep them coming, handsome, because pretty soon,
I'm not going to believe you anymore."

 
He reached
me by the time I made it to the bottom.

 
"There
will never be a day that I don't think you are the most beautiful being on this
planet. Add the fact you’re carrying my baby, makes your beauty
untouchable."

 
"I sure
am glad your psycho stalker ways never did scare me away. I kind of like them
now."

 
He scooped
me up and said, "Good to hear, Sadie Williams, because you’re stuck with
me. Now let’s get you to the doctor. I need to know if there is a mini me or
you in there growing like a weed."

 
"I sure
hope it’s a mini you, because this would make one very big girl."

 
I rubbed my
belly as I said it. I firmly believed what I was saying. I felt huge and I was
only half way through. I’m sure most first time mothers complain about this
very thing, but seriously people, I am huge.

 
He set me
down so he could open the car door for me and said, "I kind of agree with
you. Not about the huge part, but definitely about a big boy versus big girl.
But if you think about it, princess, no one in either of our families
are
huge people. I'm sure it is mostly fluid until the baby
gets bigger. Then it can fill the space up."

 
Something
about his comment brought me back, back to a time when I heard the same
sentence. It just happened to be coming from a very broken man. I can’t believe
one simple comment could lead to finding out your child is not yours. Thinking
about how attached Ash already is to this baby, five years later what must it
have felt like? This baby brought me to a whole new understanding of his pain.

 
Ash got in
the car and then turned to me. "Sadie, are you alright? You got awful
quiet on me."

 
"Sorry, babe, just thinking about the baby."

 
"That
is something I will always understand. I'm so excited. This is going to make
the nursery so much easier to do. I can't believe we thought we could wait
until the end to find out."

 
"No
kidding, like we could have ever made it that long. Do you have any names you
like?"

 
"Nope,
I figured we could wait and see what we are having first."

 
"Good
point. I don't have any either."

 
We pulled in
to the doctor’s office with ten minutes to spare. We walked into the office and
were greeted by the receptionist I have known since I was sixteen and put on
birth control.

 
"Hello,
Sadie."

 
"Hi
Becca
, how are you?"

 
"I'm
great. Ultrasound time, huh?"

 
"Sure
is. Do I wait here or go back?"

 
"Go on
back. You know where it is."

 
Ash and I
walked back to the ultrasound tech’s office. When we got in and closed the door
I said, "I can't wait to go pee. I've got to go so bad."

 
"Then
go. I'm sure we have time before she gets here."

 
"No,
that is part of the deal. Full bladder means better pictures."

 
"This
whole process is crazy. If men had to do it, the species of mankind would die
off."

 
"I
believe that."

 
The tech
came in and introduced herself to Ash. I've known Jesse also, since I started
coming here. She explained that what we were there for really was not about
gender, but more about the health of the baby. Measurements of the head and
spine determined a lot.

 
She lifted
my shirt and began to squirt a clear gel on my belly. The screen was on, but
nothing made sense to me. Ash was by my side and holding my hand. Then she put
the wand over the gel. She moved it around for a couple seconds. Staying still
in one spot and then moving it to another and pausing. This went on for a
while. Jesse normally talks my ear off when I come in so I asked her, "Are
you always this quiet when you do this?"

 
She did not
say anything for at least another minute and then what she did say will never
be forgotten, "Sadie, I'm sorry. I need to go get the doctor."

 
She turned
to leave, but Ash was up out of his chair and blocking her path to the door.