Finding Solace (71 page)

 
The double
doors opened and the nurse pushed me through. Dr. Weiss was on one side and Ash
was on the other. Flashes from cameras and ah's from adoration were constant.
My mom and dad stood so proud. Next to them, Michael and Maria looked like
mirror images of my parents. Kate was there next to Tony, Heather, Jason, Mike,
Kaleb and Lindsey. The party was here. Oh my God, the party! I forgot about the
party! I turned to Ash, "Your surprise, Ash! It was a party. I forgot all
about it."

 
Everyone
started laughing. Ash looked down at me and said, "You surprised me for
sure today, party or not."

 
They pushed
me in a room and placed the babies in a bassinet so everyone could take turns
looking and getting pictures. Both of them had full heads of black hair. There
was no way to tell what color eyes they were going to have, or who they looked
like yet.

 
We announced
Tony and Kate as Kaden's God parents.
And Kaleb and Heather as
Kendal's.
All four of them were ecstatic they got which one they
secretly wanted. The grandparents loved the names we chose. Obviously, Kaden
got his middle name from Ash's father. My mother's middle name is Grace, so
that made our decision. As far as the first names, Ash and I fell in love with
them but liked Kale and Arianna also. It really did come down to the delivery
room, but I am so happy with our choices.

 
Each person
took turns holding them and taking pictures. I looked over to Ash, who was now
standing there holding both of our babies in his arms. I yelled over everyone,
"Share our babies with me, please."

 
He looked
over at me, smiled that million dollar smile and then walked over to me.

 
"I will
gladly let the mother of my children have her fill. Would you like one, or
both?"

 
"I want
both. Did everyone else get their chance?"

 
Everyone
answered yes, taking away any guilt I would have had for hogging the babies.

 
Heather said
something about the party which reminded me, "How did you find out we
weren't coming?"

 
Tony
answered for her.

 
"We
didn't. Everyone was at the house waiting, for forever. When you never showed
up, I called your cell phone and got nothing. Then
Ash's,
and the same happened. Your party went on without you guys, I'm afraid to say.
People got hungry and thirsty. Eventually, I figured you probably went into
labor and thought to call Kate. Sure enough, she answered. What I didn't expect
was her to tell me you were in surgery for excessive bleeding and not that you
were in labor."

 
"That's
when he grabbed me and said we needed to get everyone out of there and get to
the hospital. My loving husband here, stayed behind to get all of those people
out of your house."

 
I looked
over at Jason and said thank you. Mike apparently stayed behind too, but
Heather wanted to give all the credit to her man. That caused a laugh for sure.

 
Everyone
started to leave one by one. The day had been long, so each of them promised to
stop by again over the next few days. Eventually it was down to the new
grandparents and us.

 
The first
feeding was a little awkward with a room full of people, but most turned their
heads, thank God. Nursing was not part of my plan, but I felt I had to try for
the sake of our babies. We will see how well that goes.

 
I started to
get extremely tired and Ash was ready to call it a day with the family. They
all said they would be back in the morning. Not surprising at all. Kisses and
hugs were given and especially a lot of I love
you's
.
We said goodbye and Ash walked them all to the elevator. When he came back to
the room, he stopped at the door and stared at me holding the babies. His eyes
filled with tears again.

 
"Today
was so fucking scary and yet it is by far, the best day of my life. Losing you
would have killed me too, but meeting them gave life a whole new meaning."
He walked over to us and sat on the end of the bed. "I have never loved
anything before as much as I love you and our babies."

 
"I woke
up this morning thinking your surprise was a party. I had no idea I was going
to ruin your graduation ceremony more or less
require
surgery to give birth. But with all of the things that got us here, we are the
most blessed couple on earth. Look at these two, Ash. We made perfection."

 
"Yes,
we did."

 
Ash took the
sleeping pair, one by one, and placed them back into the bassinet. He then
turned the lights down and climbed into bed with me. He wrapped his arms around
me as I settled back down into my spot and began to drift off. After I heard
the sweet sound of Ash being asleep, I glanced over at our children and started
to reflect. I was so grateful for how my life turned out. I got the man of my
dreams and the most beautiful reflections of our love in a pair of healthy
children. Everything I have been through so far has set me up for where I am
now. I would not take back a thing. Mistakes can be the best learning
experiences. The most important lesson I believe I have learned is to never be
afraid to fail or you can never reach the goal you were trying to achieve. I
could not be happier with how this chapter of my life turned out. Ash and I,
together, can face anything.

 
My last
thought was of our babies sleeping next to us. This day marks the start of a
whole new chapter of our lives. We now embark on a mission to teach versus just
learning. Wish us luck, we are going to need it.

 
So, all of you might have differences of
opinions as far as who I should have chosen. I can admit, both men meant
something to me. Both men gave me the chance to love. But in the end, Colt got
to hold my heart for a little under 2 years. Ash will own it for a lifetime. I
did not make that choice easily. But I did make it wisely. The extreme ones,
they can love you like nobody else, but they can hurt you like nobody else. The
good ones, they just love you completely. I can never say what would have
happened if I had made a different choice, but I can say with certainty I am
happy with the choice I made. You just have to remember, what is meant to be,
will be.

It all works itself out
in the end.

DEDICATION

 
This book is for every girl who has ever had
someone important in their life try to convince them that they are not worthy.
Each and every person deserves to be cherished, and not beaten down, whether by
verbal or physical abuse. Climbing out of the hole (once thrown in) is a battle
waged internally. When you gain the empowerment to respect yourself, only then
can pure true love be achieved. It’s yours to have. You deserve it!

Affliction

Released February 14
^th
2014

Colt
is ready for you to hear his side of things.

Available
on Amazon only