Finding the Thing Within (18 page)

***

Francesco called him on Saturday morning to organize a dinner at a pizzeria that evening so that Rosario could meet his new fling. Rosario asked Georgia and after some initial reluctance, managed to convince her to come. Then he invited Lorenzo, who, being free on Saturday, agreed to come. Rosario, Giorgia and Lorenzo were to meet Francesco at his house and they would go on from there. Francesco had booked a table at a pizzeria nearby. When they reached the his house he wasn't there but arrived soon after with his daughter Barbara and his new friend Silvana. They made their introductions and went to eat. In the car Rosario and Giorgia decided that at first glance Silvana seemed a very beautiful woman, but you could see she wasn't as young as Francesco's usual girls and so they doubted it would last. The pizzeria was a little out of the way so they switched on the radio.

"This must be it," said Giorgia.
"Wow, have you seen how many cars there are," Rosario commented, “There’ll be no space to park."

Francesco went in first, spoke with the owner and somehow managed get a space for all their cars. They all sat down and the waiter asked if they wanted to stay inside or go out on the courtyard where they could even dance. The group was split in the decision, there were those who wanted to stay inside especially Rosario and Giorgia, who thought it would be too cold outside, and those who wanted to go out to watch the people dancing. Finally they decided to sit outside.

"What do you do?" Rosario asked Silvana. "I work in a department store."
"Have you known Francesco long?"
"Hey, why are you giving her the third degree?" protested Frances.
"Don’t worry, it doesn’t bother me at all," Silvana

said. “I’ve known him at least five years."
"It’s just that since I’ve known Francesco even
longer, its strange I never knew about you!"
"Maybe," continued Silvana, “We’ve only been seeing each other since I recently separated with my husband."
Lorenzo was sitting next to Rosario their legs
touched under the table.
"Dad, I want to dance," said Barbara.
"Who’s stopping you? Go on and dance." "Yeah right! Alone, I don’t think so."
"As soon as we finish eating we’ll all go, all right?" "Hey," said Giorgia, “Isn’t it a bit too chilly out
here?"
"You’re right," agreed Rosario. "I said we should
have stayed inside, now when they bring the pizza it’ll go
cold immediately."
They called the waiter and changed tables. The
music was much louder inside but at least it wasn't so cold.
While they ate, they exchanged comments and opinions
on the events in New York a week earlier and all agreed
that it had been a terrible and unprecedented tragedy. Silvana talked about the vicissitudes of her life, her two children, a sixteen year old girl and an eighteen year old boy. "Oh! You already have a grown up son?" Rosario
was not at all interested in Silvana’s life but more by the
prospect of meeting an eighteen years boy. Lorenzo understood Rosario's intent and and gave him a dark look. "Why
didn’t he come along?" Rosario continued.
"Well, can you imagine an eighteen-year-old coming out with a middle aged group? Indeed I wonder why
Lorenzo is hanging around with us oldies, how old are
you?"
"Almost twenty-five’ said Lorenzo, with some embarrassment.
Rosario, who had noticed it, added, "His girlfriend
couldn’t come tonight, so he came alone."
"Oh right, it did seem a bit odd."
You could see a mile away that Lorenzo, although
he was trying to disguise it, wasn’t feeling comfortable.
They ate and tried to calm Barbara who was all excited,
and then they all went to the dance floor. On the dance
floor, there was a girl wearing a blouse and a pair of white
pants that stood out from the others because she danced
so much better than them. They unanimously agreed that
she must've been a professional dancer or at least been to
a dance school.
She stood out not only for her agile dancing, but
also for her beautiful hips and behind. Rosario was annoyed by Francesco and Lorenzo who were making
cheekily appreciative comments, them being the ‘real
men’, as if Rosario was unable to appreciate such a figure.
However, they all threw themselves into the melee and
danced. Giorgia seemed to have momentarily forgotten
Federico. Silvana and Francesco looked smiling into each
other’s eyes, Rosario watched Lorenzo with admiration,
and Barbara danced and enjoyed herself as only a young
girl of her age can. The music alternated between disco,
pop songs and traditional Sicilian music and, even though
they didn't all like it, everyone danced. The evening continued in great spirits until they decided to make a move
sometime after two o'clock.

Finally,
Rosario thought, he was feeling happy be

cause he had seen Lorenzo happy too.

***

The next morning he found an email from Mr. Bassetti:
“Good morning Mr. Mollica.

I apologize for the delay in my reply and will followup with our telephone contacts.
To avoid misunderstandings and unnecessary expenses, we have looked at the legal viability of such a patent with the assistance of the Italian patent office. According to our findings, we are uncertain as to whether your patent is afforded protection for a number of reasons described.
I tell you all this openly now and I hope this does not undermine in any way its susceptibility. My intention is simply to seek an open collaboration based on solid foundations.
So in light of what has come to light, we think it appropriate to see it as the basis of a simple partnership, wherein, on our next trip to East we will check the feasibility of the project and in case of a positive response we will still provide you with the promised 10% of profits. Yours sincerely.
Bassetti Gino.

What fantastic news so early in the morning,

thought Rosario. The first patent problems were already starting with the patent. What was so strange in his patent? Wanting to better understand he called Mr. Bassetti.

"Hello, Mr Bassetti?"
"Hello, how can I help?"
"I just wanted to get a better idea of your change of

heart regarding my patent."
"You see Mr. Mollica, although your patent is valid
it is really a simple modification of a pre-existing design,
this is really a simplification of another project."
"True, but I made improvements with regard to its
functionality."
"This is also true, but if tomorrow someone
changes a comma and gets us, we can’t appeal it at all. So
this is what I think, we aren’t going to get involved with any
patent just now, I’m trying to be fair with you and I don’t
want to give you false hopes. I’m going to Asia for some
other business and I’ll put forward the project and if the feasibility exists, you’ll still get your ten percent for the idea. By the end of October I’ll be back and we can speak
again."
"Ok maybe it’s better, we shouldn’t risk legal issues."
"Yeah, well, it makes sense. Ok, goodbye Mr. Mòllica."

Rosario thought for a moment and realized that maybe it really was the best solution
.

***

September was the time to begin back at work in earnest, but the sweltering heat made it hard. Many shops had reopened their doors, but with the air conditioners turned right up, there was certainly little desire to work. The sea called and Rosario replied. Lorenzo had got back some results from his exams and so far all with excellent marks. Lorenzo went to the sea nearly every day and nearly every day Rosario would find him there. They would nestle on a rock far away from prying eyes and steal such frugal moments of sexual pleasure as they could. They spent one whole Sunday happily together, Lorenzo said again that things weren't going well with Paola and she was always going on about his being gay. She wanted a real man and the fact that she would no longer accept his bisexuality.

Rosario said, "I told you that sooner or later she would reproach you for it."
Lorenzo nodded, "You know, she’s becoming unbearable, obsessive, petulant and jealous. She’s changing, and she’s changed so much since I met her. I didn’t think that after all she has said up to now, her attitudes would change. She seemed so happy to have me again as her boyfriend. She never really accepted the fact I’m gay, she just pretended to."
"Stop thinking about it, come here and kiss me."
He spent the afternoon talking about Paola and her character.
"Are you going home now?" said Rosario.
"No, tonight I’m going out out with Tullio so I’ll go straight to his office."
"Then what?"
"I don't know. We’ll probably get something to eat and then we’ll maybe watch a film back at his office."
Lorenzo and Tullio often watched movies on DVD at Tullio's office. They left the beach in their own cars and had followed the same road until at a certain point they went their separate ways. As soon as Rosario got home he had an idea, maybe it would be a good time to contact Tullio and they could discuss their passion for Hi-FI, and Lorenzo would be there too.
He took the number called.
"Hello?"
"Mr. Chiazzese?"
"Yes it’s me, who’s speaking, please?"
"Rosario Mollica, if you remember I wrote you an email..?"
"Oh yes, Mr. Mollica, sorry I haven’t called to invite you to our meetings yet."
"You know, I’m sorry. I called several times and didn’t get through so I took the liberty of calling on a Sunday, thinking to find you free."
"Don’t worry, but I’m not really free, I still have a fair to organize, but after October 10th I’ll be free and we can meet up no problems…"
"Ok, we can speak more then, thanks and have a good evening."

Shame,
thought Rosario. He had been convinced

he would have been able to meet up with him that evening, and consequently see Lorenzo too. Five minutes after he got an SMS from Lorenzo.

WHY ARE YOU SUCH A DICK?
Shit. He decided that he must’ve been really pissed off. Nothing he did seemed to go right.

Part 24

Lorenzo didn’t phone the next day, nor the following. Rosario went to the sea and found him but he was greeted with, "You really pissed me off the other night; if you had been there I’d have killed you."

"Come on, you’re over-reacting."
"Tell me what the hell you were thinking, calling him on a Sunday? You did it to panic me, knowing that I was there. Were you hoping he would say 'Yes Mr. Mollica, let’s get together and talk? Lorenzo’s here, he’s my friend and you can meet him too.' You were such an asshole."
"I knew you would react, but not like this, all right I’m sorry, I was wrong."
"And you think that saying sorry makes everything Ok? You think he’s an idiot? He’ll put two and two together and connect the Rosario Mollica from the email to the Rosario who called when we were in Lampedusa."
"I don’t understand, you should be happy that I’ve tried to take the initiative in something which you know will eventually have to come out."
"It doesn’t have to come to anything, and you shouldn’t be interfering?"
"Alright! Can we make peace now?"
"I don’t know, I’m still pissed off."
Rosario lay out beside him and said nothing and didn’t even touch him. Lorenzo turned over repeatedly to look at him and he turned to the other side. After a while Lorenzo fixed his gaze on him and, without looking away, they both burst out laughing.
"Silly, come here. Why are you doing this?" said Lorenzo.
"Because I love you, you can’t begin to imagine how much I love you. I really am falling in love with you. Until a few weeks ago there was some resistance from my heart, which has now melted and I want to have you as close as possible and to get on with things."
"I’ve been screwing up a lot recently, everyone wants something and I can’t give anything to anyone. Paola is haunting me, and there’s you that wants me to make changes that I’m just not ready for."
"Not ready, you’re not ready. You’ve been saying that for two months now, how long do you need?"
"Even I don’t know. If only I could leave both the heterosexual and gay worlds, and just go home, or away, to a city where no one knows me."
"Dearest Lorenzo, it doesn’t help to try and escape from what you are, you’re still the same, and you can’t change. Remember how much you love being penetrated, straight men don’t. You’re a fag like me and don’t forget it."
"It’s true that I love it when you’re inside me but then straight after I feel a revulsion, I’m immediately disgusted at myself."
"Don’t worry my love you’ll get used to it, oh boy will you ever get used to it!"

***

The fifth of October was approaching, and Rosario still hadn't bought a present for Lorenzo's twenty-fifth birthday. So he decided that he should start getting ready for it. He went to a record shop and looked for ‘Le Fate Ignoranti’ soundtrack but it sold out. He began to worry that he wouldn't be able to get it for Lorenzo before the fifth. On the second attempt though, he found it.

“I’ll wrap it as a gift!" said the blonde at the cash register.
"No thanks, I do it myself later on."
Now that he had bought it, there was no need to hurry as he had done on the way there and dawdled home. Once there, he took a blade and pried off the cellophane wrapping with great delicacy, trying not to rip it at all.
With a black indelible marker he wrote on the inside: FOR THE FOUR AMAZING MONTHS THAT
YOU’VE GIVEN ME AND FOR MANY MORE. YOUR IGNORANT FAIRY.
Since the CD was already open he copied it and
then repackaged everything with the original cellophane,
wrapped it in a gift box and put it aside for the awaited day.
Rosario called early in the morning on the fifth to say
happy birthday.
"When can I give you your present?"
"What’s the rush, you can give it to me tomorrow." "What are you on about? Your birthday's today and
I’ll give it to you today!"
"Come here an hour from now and everyone’s out." At 10.30 he was at Lorenzo’s house, he came in
with the present hidden behind his back but Lorenzo found
it straight away. They made love calmly this time, no rushing, no frenzy, just sweet, gentle tenderness.
Everything was going normally when Lorenzo said,
"I've an idea, come with me."
He brought him into the dining room and cleared
the table. "Here, I want to do here!"
But the table was too high and it wasn’t right or
rather it wasn't right for Rosario because he was short, if
Lorenzo had been in the active role; he’d have had no
problems.
"The bench, clear the bench."
They tried on the bench too but it was too narrow
and they were risking falling just when the sensations were
at their most beautiful.
"Okay…come here and let’s try on the reclining
chair."
In fact it was the best solution because they could
finally finish what they started in the bed. Rosario, at his
climax, came on Lorenzo's chest and then after, between
his heavy pantings, kissed him and said, "Happy birthday
my dear."