Finding You (17 page)

“Did I hurt you?” he asked threading his fingers with hers. 

“God yes but that was the best orgasm I’ve ever had.”  She panted a few more breaths. “That’s wrong isn’t it?”

“Nova, there is a lot of things wrong with us sweetheart but that wasn’t one of them.”

It was early afternoon when she woke up.  She reached over for Ian but she was alone.  Once she had fallen asleep she hadn’t moved.  As a matter of fact she thought she woke up in the same position she went to sleep in minus Ian who wasn’t half under her any more. 

She got up knowing the staff would be in the house already.  She had missed a day at the beach but it had been worth it.  He had taken her some place farther than she had ever been. 

She turned on the shower and got in. The cold water forced her to wake up and cleared her head but when it turned warm she looked in the floor remembering the confession of love she and Ian had shared just hours before.  She loved him.  She had never thought it possible to love someone.  She had never even considered letting anyone in but
he
just felt so right.

When she got out of the shower she hesitantly caught a glimpse of her backside in the mirror.  It actually didn’t look as bad she figured it would comparing how sore it was but there was no denying it.  It definitely looked like she had been bitten.

She dressed in a short tank top dress she had bought at Victoria Secret, put on a little powder and some lip gloss and left her hair wet and went in search of the man she loved. 

Downstairs she looked around still not finding him.  She went to the kitchen to get something to drink and went towards the office Ian had set up for himself when he arrived.  The door was closed.  She considered leaving him alone but she needed to see him.  He was on the phone and starring into one of his laptops.  He smiled the minute he saw her.

She came in and carefully sat down in the chair across from him.  She propped her feet up on the desk and crossed her legs.  Sitting down was killing her but she wasn’t about to let him know that. 

~  ~

He lost track of the voice on the other end of the phone the minute she walked in but when she sat down, carefully he might add trying to act as if her ass wasn’t sore and propped her long legs up on the desk he lost all train of thought. 

“We need to wrap this up.  Finish crunching the numbers for me and get back to me.  I want you to email the numbers and we will talk again tomorrow afternoon.  If anything changes, call my cell but I want this.  I just need you to prove to me it’s worth my time and my money.”

She looked up at him as he sat down his Blackberry.  “I hope you didn’t leave the empire hanging on my account.”

“Have I ever told you how nice it would be to have you as a permanent fixture on my desk?”

She smiled back at him.  “I think you have mentioned something about a desk next to yours a time or two.”

“Yes, the desk.  I do seem to remember that as well.”  He stood up and came around to her.  He parted her legs and settled in the floor.  He lifted her skirt and planted a kiss over her underwear.  “I see you didn’t forget your panties.  Good girl.”

She ignored his barb.  “You know if you and I shared the same office we would have sex as much as you would work in an eight hour day.  The empire would fall and where would we be?”

She ran her hands through his hair which he seemed to truly enjoy. 

“I can’t let the empire fall Nova.” He started with slow kisses on the inside of her right thigh.

“No, we can’t let the empire fall.” 

He felt her legs relax but she flinched as soon as she tried to wiggle in her seat.

“Sorry about that baby.  How do you feel?”

“Sore but it’s alright.”

“I have some liniment in my bag that will make it better.  I put some on you after you fell asleep last night.”

She looked surprised.

“If you will turn over I will make it up to you.  I’m sure it wouldn’t mind a few kisses.”

“No,” she said trying to wiggle him from between her legs.

“Fair enough.”  He stood up and kissed her on her forehead.  “You don’t have any regrets about last night do you?” 

She stared at him for just a moment.  “I don’t have regrets about anything that happened last night.”

“Good, because last night meant a lot to me Nova.”

She stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck.  “I’m yours Ian Strong.  I’m not going anywhere.”

They both needed the reassurance that their moments of truth hadn’t left them both alone.  The needed the reassurance of each other to take a step forward. Now they both could.

“We are taking the boat back to the main island tonight.  How does some Cuban food sound?”

“That sounds really good. Sir hasn’t been feeding me.”

“I had lunch earlier but you are right, you haven’t eaten since we were in flight to Miami yesterday.  Let’s go to the kitchen.”

~  ~

That night we spent the sunset sitting in Mallory Square along with many locals and visitors watching the brightest orange sun I had ever seen drop below the horizon.  It was an incredible sight.  We had dinner at a Cuban restaurant just off the square and watched some of the street performers while we waited to eat. 

In the short time I had been with Ian, I had never seen him completely relax until now, he was just Ian.  Not the head of an empire, not the Dom who held my heart, not anyone, just Ian and watching him laugh and enjoy himself was by far better than any part of the vacation.

We snorkeled on our island and even found some souvenirs on Duvall Street before Ian and I finally nestled into our last two days on our island.  Boarding the small plane back to Miami was a little sad.  So much had happened on our vacation but it was time to go back to the real world.

We landed in Boston and drove back to the house.  Something just seemed off when we walked in the front door.  I unpacked my things while Ian temporarily disappeared into his office.  Everything was exactly as we left it but I couldn’t shake the feeling that life wouldn’t be the same as it was on our little island. 

I went to the kitchen and fixed each of us a drink and met him in the bathroom.  He had the shower running and I stepped in with both our drinks.

“Hey beautiful, how did you know?” he asked taking the drink from my hand.

“I guess I’m a little nervous.  I just assumed you could use one too.”

“Nova, this is us.  Just because we are home doesn’t make anything different.”

His words helped wash some relief over me.  “I know, but I don’t feel right.  I need something Ian.  I need to feel right again here with you.”

She leaned against the wall swallowing her drink as fast as the burn would allow.  Before she could finish it, he took it from her.

“Nova, what do you need sweetheart?”

“Take me to the playground Ian.”

When the door to the playground locked the rising anxiety Nova had felt since she walked in the house finally started to ease up.  Sitting naked in the floor with her hands behind her back she waited. 

“Stand up Nova.”

Her legs felt heavy and weightless at the same time.  The hair on the back of her neck was standing up.  She couldn’t deny the panic that raced through her.  Not because of what was waiting for her but because she was terrified.  She knew her place when they had left Boston.  She found a new place on vacation but now back at home she couldn’t figure out what her role was.  She didn’t know how to function without set boundaries.  She needed Ian to reset the lines. 

“Why are you in here Nova?”

He led her to the saw horse.

She didn’t answer.  She had so many thoughts rushing through her mind she didn’t know how to tell him.

“Very well, bend over.”

This was easier.  It was easier to bend over and let him tie her down than to admit how off center she presently was.

When he finished securing her hands and feet she had no room to move. 

“Nova, are you going to tell me or do I need to spank you to get you to talk?”

She opened her mouth but the words just wouldn’t come out.

“Do you have any idea how hard you make me with your pretty little ass just waiting for me to touch it?”

Oh, this was what she needed to hear.  She shook her head.

He ran his hand across her ass.  “Then you can understand how hard it is going to be…for me…to leave you in here don’t you?”

“What?  What are you talking about Ian?”  She struggled trying to raise her head but it was no use. 

“Nova, I gave you the opportunity to tell me why you wanted to come in here.  I know how anxious you are being back here with me.  You don’t know what to do, do you baby?”

She nodded her head feeling the tears welling in her eyes.

“I thought we had our relationship settled on the island but I should have realized that once we got back here you might still look at our arrangement as a job.  You’re lost aren’t you baby?”

She didn’t have to acknowledge him.  The tears flowed down her cheeks and she quivered as she wept.

“You made me face some of my demons on the island.  It’s your turn Nova.  You have no idea how to function without somebody designating boundaries around you.  You don’t know if the contract between us still stands or what I expect of you.  This isn’t what this room is for and I’m not going to give you what you think you need.  You have to do this on your own Nova. 

“Talk to me baby and I will help you through it but I’m not going to punish you.  I’m not him Nova.  You are always safe with me you just have to decide what you want and be brave enough to come and get it.  Show me you’re a fighter Nova.”

Her eyes burned from the tears flowing from her like a faucet.  He had found her weakness and was pushing her to face it head on.  “Please Ian,” she begged.

“Baby I can’t do this for you. 
You
have to let go of it.”

The memories of her childhood flashed through her mind.  She had fought for years to stand alone but she had never stood alone.  Her mother and Stanford had always been pulling her down.  It wasn’t just Stanford that made her this way.  In fact, he had very little to do with it.  It was her mother who had caused the most damage.  She had never really cared for Nova.  She never remembered the loving touch of her mother’s hand or the words ‘I love you’ come from her mouth.  Nova had excelled in everything she did but not once did her mother ever acknowledge her efforts or her accomplishments.  Maybe that was why she was so driven.  She was constantly trying to be the best for someone to tell her she was doing a good job.

She thought of the day she buried her mother.  Her tears were as fake as the loving arm that Stanford had extended around her.  Even though it was a very private ceremony for immediate friends and some of Stanford’s colleagues, he still made it into a staged performance.  He didn’t cry, he left that up to Nova. His role was playing the strong loving husband and father to all the onlookers at the funeral.  As soon as they returned home it was two weeks before Stanford spoke his first words to her.  That was when things changed.

Her next thoughts centered on Stanford before finally passing to Harvard.  She felt like she was watching a reel of her life in her tears.  Harvard had been good for her.  Her only regrets were not having had the strength to make more friends.  She thought of all the useless wasted sex she had.  She had always been upfront.  She never left anything in question.  All she wanted was sex and nothing more and she always managed to find the guys who were perfectly happy with that.  She had never let anyone touch her intimately until Ian.

It was then that she realized she was all alone in the room.  She had no idea how long he had been gone or how much time had passed.  Her legs were getting numb so she knew it must have been for quite some time.  Her first instinct was to call for him but she wasn’t done and she knew that.  He had given her what she needed.  He had tied her down and made her face her demons, alone.

She had never expected to find love.  Never expected to want to be with someone and Ian was the only thing she truly wanted.  She had tripped herself when she came back to Boston.  Ian had never expected anything to be any different when they got back but she let her fears creep in and almost destroy the commitment that she had made to him.  She remembered her words to him the night he faced his own demons, “
I am yours Ian Strong. I’m not going anywhere
.” 

She felt his touch. 

“I am yours Nova. I’m not going anywhere.” 

How did he know her so well?  How could he have possibly known that those were the exact same words she was thinking?

“Ian, please hold me.”

He moved at a fast pace to untie her as though he had been waiting on her to say the words.  “I’m here baby, hold onto me,” he said lifting her up and carrying her to the bed.

She buried her face in his chest.  “Ian, I am so sorry.  I panicked when we got home and I didn’t know what to do.”

“I know baby, it’s alright.  I knew it was coming. I could see it in your face on the plane.”

“You could, why didn’t you say something to me.”  Her voice was low almost childlike.

“Because you needed to face this.  You can’t let me in if you don’t let go of your past.”