Finding You (29 page)

This Ian didn’t like.  She was up to something.  “I came to check on her,” Ian replied obviously lying but he knew all too well how to handle his staff and the least his staff knew about he and his wife the better.

“She didn’t think it was anything too serious but you should be able to reach her on her cell.”

Ian nodded and went back to his office.  He called Nova’s phone and it went straight to voice mail.  He called the house phone but there was no answer.  He remembered that Roberta had the night off.

Nova got to moms about 5:30 which was about the time she turned her cell phone back on and it started ringing.  It was Ian.  God she had left and not said a word to him.  She answered her phone warily.

“Nova, what the hell babe?  I have been leaving you voice mails.  Janice said you left work sick.”

“Not sick,” she replied, “just not feeling well.  I guess not sleeping just had me feeling a little under the weather but honestly I am fine now.”

“Do you want me to order dinner for you?  I will be late again but I can order take out for you?”

Oh hell! 
“Actually Ian, I’m not at home.”

He didn’t say anything which meant she was supposed to keep talking.  “Mom called when I got home and we decided since you were so busy I would come and visit her for a day or two.  Girl time you know?”  She knew this was going to be a fight.

“What the fuck! Are you in New York?”

“Yes, I am just pulling up to the house now.”

“So you just decided to leave for New York without telling me?”  His tone wasn’t pleasant.

“I tried you at the office but you were busy.”  It was the truth, sort of.  “Ian, this is really the perfect time for me to come and visit her.  I can handle work through email and my cell and you are working so late, I knew this would probably be the better time for me to come and see her.”

She heard Ian let out a huff.  “Are you mad,” she asked? 
Of course he was going to be mad
.

“That you decided to visit my mom, no.  That you left without telling me, absolutely.  You changed states on me the whole time I’m thinking your two floors below me.  I can always be reached Nova, you’re my wife for God’s sake.”

“You’re right.  I shouldn’t have left without telling you first.  I flew in and had all intentions of calling you when I got to the airport but I had no time.”

“You know we aren’t finished with this, don’t you?”

The idea of him punishing her made her heart melt.  When she dropped this bomb on him, she feared he might not be around anymore.  “Yes sir,” she said trying to keep up her happy face but the truth was she honestly didn’t know if she could make it without this man.

“Tell mom I said Hi and call me tonight.”

Nova agreed and hung up the phone.  Mom was standing at the door when she arrived.  “Oh my sweet dear, I am so happy you have come to visit me.”

She pulled Nova in for a hug that Nova needed far more than she realized.  It took her a second to let go of her.  She hoped she didn’t notice.

“Hi Henry,” Nova said pulling her suitcase in.

“Hello Nova,” he replied taking her suitcase.  “I’ll just get this up to Ian’s room for you.”

“Thank you Henry.  I hope it’s not too much trouble?”

“For you my dear, it’s not trouble at all.”

How she loved these people.  In such a short period of time they had become very important to her.  This was exactly where she needed to be.

“So Nova, I hope you don’t mind but I thought I would treat us to a spa day tomorrow.  I’m so excited to have someone to go with me.”

Didn’t that sound like a great idea?  She could definitely use some pampering.  “Oh, you couldn’t have picked something better for us to do.  I could definitely use a day at the spa.”

“Great.”

After dinner Mom offered wine but I politely refused.  It had been such a long day that by 8 I was struggling to keep my eyes open and went to bed.  I called Ian and got his voice mail but I left him a message that I was going to bed and I would call him in the morning.  Once I was snuggled under the covers, I went fast to sleep.

Just after midnight I woke up hungry.  I lay silent for a while hoping I would fall back asleep but this baby wasn’t having it.  It was time to eat.  I pulled on Ian’s old robe and quietly made my way to the kitchen.  Nanny had fresh cookies in the cookie jar and I helped myself to a glass of milk.  After three cookies and my second trip to the cookie jar I was startled when I heard Rebecca’s voice.

“Nova, can’t sleep dear.”

I turned to see mom standing in her house coat.  Even in the dead of night she was still beautiful.

“Hey mom.  I just woke up hungry and Nanny’s cookies seem to be hitting the spot.”

“I swear, if I ate all the goodies she made over the years I would be as big as a barn.”

“What brings you down,” Nova asked?

“Oh, I don’t think I have slept in years Nova.  Some nights are better than others but usually a glass of milk helps.”

Nova poured her a glass of milk and picked up the cookie jar resting it between them.

“How is married life so far,” she asked?

“Really great.  I mean this week has been a little different.  Ian has been really busy finishing up this acquisition so I haven’t seen much of him but I have been so busy this past month with Lion’s Gate that I am thrilled to finally have things settling down.”

She smiled.  “Does it bother you that Ian works so much?”

“Oh no, not at all.  I mean I do miss him but Ian loves his work.  He is as passionate about I.S.C as I am Lions Gate.  Business is what we do.”

She could tell mom relaxed at her words.  “You are better than I was Nova.  Ian’s father worked all the time.  It wasn’t so bad when the boys were little but eventually he turned into a workaholic and it was very difficult for me.”

“Well, if makes you feel any better.  Ian isn’t a workaholic.  Normally he is an 8-5 person.  He is typically at home every night at 5:30 and unless something has to be done on the weekend, he doesn’t touch anything work related.  As a matter of fact he has made me stop opening up my laptop at night and on the weekends for the most part.  I realize now how important it is to separate work and our time together.”

“Ian is quite remarkable, isn’t he,” she asked.

“Ian is a lot of things but you are right, remarkable is definitely one of them.”

She could tell there was still a great distance between Ian and his mom.  She hoped one day that it would eventually fill in.  She had made it her mission to bring them closer and maybe this baby would do in fact just that.

She hugged mom and went back to bed. 

The next day they spent almost the entire day at the spa.  When they left she felt better and hungry.  She had spoken with Ian but only briefly.  He had a busy day but said he would call her later tonight.

Nanny had a late lunch waiting on them and Nova couldn’t have been any happier.  She was starving.  Nanny had fixed soup and sandwiches and Nova ate everything on her plate.  Good food and the good company of mom, Nanny and Henry were making her feel better.  She knew that she would have to face Ian when she got home but for the moment she was going to enjoy herself while she was here.

Nova napped after lunch and got up just in time for dinner which had been pushed to 7.  Nanny didn’t hesitate in pulling out all the stops.  She licked her lips when she saw the spread that Nanny had prepared.  After dinner she and mom settled in the den.  Again mom offered wine but Nova politely declined.

“You look tired Nova,” mom commented.

The truth be told she was tired.  Bed was sounding really good.  “A little,” she confessed.

“I’ll have to remind myself to talk to Ian about this, seems you are working too hard.”

Nova smiled. 

“Ian called me while you were sleeping this afternoon.  He was worried something was wrong with you.”

Nova sputtered trying to figure out the right words.  “He always worries about me.”

“He also mentioned he had no idea you were coming here.”

Busted. 
“It just seemed right when you called me.  To be honest I really liked the idea of coming to visit you.”

“Well, for that I am grateful but you see I am a little concerned.  Are you sure everything is alright?”

Nova waited just a moment trying to decide what to do.  Why had she come all this way?  “Yes, I am more than fine.  I am married to the most adorably handsome man I could dream of and business is going very well for both Ian and myself.  Life couldn’t be better.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

She knew then it was time to go home.  She needed to face Ian.  Her quick escape from reality wasn’t a bad idea but running away wasn’t the answer.

“How far along are you Nova?”

Mom’s words sent the plans in her head to a screeching halt.  “What?” she asked not able to come up with anything else.

She gave me a half grin and opened her arms to me.  That was all the welcome I needed.  The tears rolled down my checks as she held me.  

“Nova, why are you so upset dear?”

It was obvious I couldn’t tell her everything.  That wouldn’t have been fair to Ian but neither was me being in New York and him having no idea I was carrying his child.  “I don’t know mom, this wasn’t planned. Ian and I have never talked about children.  I know losing Brandon was very hard on him and I don’t know how he will take this.”

“Nova, Ian loves you.  Give him a little credit.”

If she only knew.  “I know it is probably silly but this has all happened so fast.  His work is really hectic right now.  I’m just worried it might not be the most perfect timing.”

She gave me a sympathetic nod but it was only to appease me. I could tell she wasn’t buying my answer but then she didn’t press me either, which I was grateful for.

“Come let me show you something.”

She stood and followed behind her.  She had noticed that mom only used the cane towards the end of the day.  She figured her foot just simply wore out on her as the day progressed.  She took Nova upstairs to the bedroom next to Ian’s.  The door had always been closed but so had most of the others so Nova never put much thought into it.

“This was Ian and Brandon’s room,” she said walking inside.

The room was still very child-like. She wondered if anything had been changed since Brandon’s death.  Super heroes and tons of action figures lined the shelves above both of the beds.  She could imagine two of Ian playing endlessly with all the toys.

“After we lost Brandon, Ian slept in his bed for almost a year.  My boys were identical in almost every way.  When one spoke the other would often finish the sentence and together they were double mischief.  It took Ian a long time to learn to be just himself.  His whole life he and Brandon were almost like the same person and to lose your other half was horrible for Ian.

“Worrying for Ian and grieving the loss of my child was almost more than I could bear but every time I didn’t think I could make it another day without Brandon I would look into Ian’s eyes and I would see Brandon.”

Tears rolled down Nova’s cheeks as she listened to her talk.

“When Ian turned thirteen he decided he wanted to have a separate bedroom.  I thought it was wonderful and together he and I decorated his room just like he wanted it.  I had considered several times packing up this room and when Ian didn’t move anything out but his clothes I asked him how he felt about it.  Ian had made a huge step in learning to individualize himself but when I asked him about packing up this room he became infuriated with me so this room has stayed untouched since Ian moved out of it.”

“I guess the idea of having to let him go was why he wouldn’t let you pack up the room,” Nova asked.  This was what had her so worried about this baby and Ian’s acceptance.  He had been so hurt losing Brandon she feared how hard it would be for him to love to that magnitude again.

“Nova,” mom asked drawing her attention back to her.  “I think you need to ask Ian that question.  You should hear his reasons from him.”

The next morning Nova woke up with Ian sitting on the side of the bed.  He looked like he hadn’t slept all night.

“Ian, when did you get here,” she asked sitting up straight.

“A few hours ago.”  His voice was raspy like he hadn’t been asleep.

Nova looked at the clock.  It was 7:30.  “Why didn’t you wake me?”

“Why did you come to my office the other day and leave without speaking to me?”

Nova’s heart sank.  She couldn’t answer him.  Tears filled her eyes instantly it seemed.  Ian brushed the tears from her cheeks and the touch of his hand made her grab it and hold it against her face.

“Talk to me Nova.”

She took a breath.  “Ian I don’t know how to.  I have been trying to figure this out but…”

“But what?” he asked.

“I’m so afraid you are going to leave me.”

He softened immediately pulling her to him.  “Why would you think I am going to leave you baby?”