Finding You (By You #3) (16 page)

She swept into the room to find the perfect spot to set them.

"Sorry I'm late," Jeremy said, following her in. "Took a little longer than I thought to get those."

She waived a hand, dismissively, not really paying attention to anything he was saying. Finally, she decided to put them on her dresser because they were simply too large to go on the desk and still give her enough room to work. Not that she was complaining about their size. No, they were perfect. And, they were the first flowers anyone had ever given her.

"They're beautiful," she said again, barely acknowledging that he was still standing there.

"I'm glad you like them."

She shot him a wide smile that only diminished as an uncertain look appeared on his face.

"What is it?" she asked.

He shook his head, his lips curling up at the corners some more.

"I don't think I could ever get sick of the way your face lights up when you smile." Sarah's heart pounded even harder in her chest as she gasped through another smile. "Yep, just like that," he added, wagging a finger at her.

"Stop it, you're making me blush." And he really was. She could feel the heat rushing to her cheeks, but she didn't shy away from him.

Jeremy took a step forward and hooked his hands around her tiny waist.

"You're even hotter when you blush."

His voice deepened and the intensity behind his eyes strengthened as he said it. Being that close to him again made her think about their kiss earlier, made her stomach flutter in anticipation of what was to come.

"You make me blush a lot."

He nodded his head once, his eyes dipping to her lips as he did.

"I notice it every time," he said.

Then, his head dipped and his lips found hers. They pressed into each other, and their tongues followed soon after. Sarah's arms wrapped around him, pulling him even tighter against her as she let her own tongue wander around his mouth. He kissed her eagerly, passionately. After their kiss earlier, she didn't think they'd ever have a more passionate kiss, but this one made the other look like a peck on the cheek.

Jeremy's strong hands wrapped around her ass and he lifted her up. Her legs spread and wrapped around his waist as he did, their bodies pressing even tighter against one another. Every thought in her mind gave way to his kiss, every reason that she'd wanted him to come over in the first place. All of that could wait, it wasn't important right then. She just wanted to feel him the way she felt him that last time. Wanted him to do those things he'd done before.

Slowly, Jeremy lowered her to the bed, easing himself on top of her as he did. They kissed a while longer, and she could feel him growing stiffer between her legs, could feel that thing she was so curious about but hadn't yet explored. When he finally pulled away, and looked at her, the intensity in his eyes startled her.

"I don't want to go another day without you kissing me," he said.

She bit her lip, her voice caught in her throat. She searched his face, wildly, seeing the simple truth behind what he said.

"You don't have to," was all she managed, before he was kissing her again.

In that moment, Sarah didn't care about any of the other stuff that had happened. She still had a million questions for him, but none of them were as important as him kissing her. None of them could compare to the intensity of that kiss, to the honesty of that kiss. There would plenty of time for talking, later. For now, she just wanted to
be
with him.

Jeremy fell onto the bed next to Sarah, breathless. Her body was still shuddering next to him, a huge smile spreading wide across both of their faces. He loved it when she made those little noises, he loved feeling the way her whole body twitched and convulsed as he pleasured her. It was the most enlivening thing he'd ever felt, and he would have done it all night long if she hadn't stopped him.

After they caught their breaths, Sarah turned to him, and gave him a playful gaze.

"You spoil me," she said.

"You make me want to spoil you."

Her smile spread even wider, despite the cute little way she bit her lip. Seeing her smile like that made all of the things he'd been worried about before seem less important. So long as she was smiling at him, everything was right with the world.

But the little seed of doubt crept into the back of his head. The little seed that had been planted there earlier that day. He couldn't forget the reason he had come over--couldn't forget the very thing he had promised he would tell her. She deserved to know, and the longer he held off, the harder it was going to be to tell her the truth.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked, her brow pinching together.

She really did have a way of reading his mind. She could always tell when something was on his mind. But, he didn't mind that she could do that. He liked that they had that kind of connection, that kind of bond with each other. It wasn't something you could force. It was either there, or it wasn't.

"I wanted to talk to you about something," he started. That
had
been the reason he'd come over, hadn't it?

He waited for a response, but she only nodded her acknowledgement. He took a deep breath before continuing on. The next part would probably be the hardest, because it was the part he felt the worst about. He'd been over it time and time again in his head, and there was simply no way around the truth. If she didn't accept him for it, then that would be that. He just had to lay it all out there and hope things worked out for the best.

"Before, when you asked about the accident..." he took a deep breath, "I didn't tell you quite the whole truth." The puzzled look in her eye pained him. He never should have deceived her, in the first place. "The real accident happened a couple of years ago, about a year after I got out of high school."

Now her puzzled look turned into a frown.

"You lied to me?"

He winced at the pained sound in her voice.

"I mean, it wasn't a complete lie--I did break my leg falling off a horse--but that wasn't what Jonny Mae had been talking about."

Sarah sat up, scooting her back against the wall, pulling away from him. She looked at him, cautiously, and the distance between them hurt more than he thought it would. She shook her head, her face a cross between confusion and anger.
 

"I don't understand, why wouldn't you just tell me the truth in the first place?"

"It's not that simple," he said. "This isn't something I'm used to talking about--with anyone. It was bad, and I try not to think about it."

"What's so bad about it that you wanted to keep it from me?"

"I didn't want to keep it from you, you just caught me off guard, is all."

"Well, I wish your first instinct wasn't to tell a lie."

He let out a frustrated sigh, but he knew she was right. She deserved to know the truth.

"I'm sorry," she said, suddenly. She put a hand on his arm, giving him a gentle squeeze. "I know you're trying, and I appreciate it. Take all the time you need to tell me."

It was the sweetest, most perfect thing anyone could have said to him in that moment. He took a deep breath. "It's hard for me to talk about, because someone that was very close to me was killed." Sarah's hand squeezed his arm, softly, but she didn't say anything. He shook his head. "It was just a night like any other, really. Wrong place, wrong time. It's shocking how fast your whole world can change when you least expect it. How one moment the love of your life can be sitting next to you, and the next you're wondering why you're still alive and she isn't."

He could feel pressure squeezing on his chest, and fire roaring up through his lungs. He took a few deep breaths, trying to think about anything other than that night. Would there ever be a day that he could talk about it openly without having a total breakdown?

Sarah didn't say anything for a long while. She just squeezed his arm a few times, reminding him that she was there. When he looked back up at her, he saw the pain he felt mirrored in her eyes. He gave her a weak smile.

"There you have it," he said, matter-of-factly.

Her soft eyes searched him for a few moments.

"Thanks for sharing that with me. I can't imagine how hard it is to talk about it."

His head dipped in a nod.

"I haven't told many people about it."

Sarah let out a deep breath as she ran her fingers along his arm. Jeremy still struggled to keep the memories of that night safely tucked away.

"What was her name?" Sarah asked.

He pinched his eyes shut, tightly, but that didn't stop the memories of her from rushing back to him.

"Dani," he said.

"You two knew each other from high school?"

He nodded. "That's actually how I know Becca, too. Becca was Dani's best friend, and she never liked me. It's ironic now that we're at least kind of friends."

"Yeah, I bet that could get pretty awkward," Sarah said, letting out a slow, relieved breath as she did. She gave him a soft smile, then squeezed his arm again. "Well, I bet you made Dani a very happy girl."

He tried to give Sarah an appreciative smile to go along with her nice compliment, but he fell short. He'd made her a very happy girl right up until the moment that he'd gotten her killed.

Sarah put her arm around him and pulled him closer to her. He sunk into her and tried not to think about anything. He tried to block out all of the promises that he'd made Dani, and all of the promises he'd broken. He'd sworn he'd never find someone else, he'd sworn he would be alone forever. But as Sarah squeezed him tight against her chest, he knew without a doubt that she was someone he could be happy with. She was someone he could love.

And he hated himself for it.

Silence loomed over them for a long time before either of them said anything. She stroked the back of his hair, and he focused on the gentle rise and fall of her chest with each breath she took.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth before," he said. "It's just...it's hard for me to talk about it, sometimes."

Her fingers didn't slow as she slid them through the back of his hair.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about."

Just then, his phone buzzed in his pocket, and his mind snapped to where he was supposed to be that very minute.

"Crap," he said, digging the phone out of his pocket, already knowing what it was going to say.

"What's up?" Sarah asked, a concerned look on her face.

"I'm late. I was supposed to meet Becca ten minutes ago."

He glanced at the phone, cringing when he saw the message.

WHERE ARE YOU?

Jeremy scrambled off the bed, grabbing his shoes and slipping them on, quickly. He tied them hastily as Sarah sat on the edge of the bed watching him warily.
 

"Are you free later this week?" he asked. "I'd like to see you again."

He wanted to see her
every
night, but he didn't want to come across as too clingy, so soon. After all, they'd only just started seeing each other, and he still had a lingering fear that he was just a rebound from her ex. He prayed that he wasn't, but he still had to be cautious.

She nodded. "Yeah, I'll be around. Just call me." Her voice was strained, and her lips pinched into a thin line as she watched him finish tying his shoes. "Where are you and Becca going?"

Jeremy tried not to stumble as he was caught off guard by the question. He gave her a surprised look, his mind racing.

"It's just this group meeting thing that I said I'd go to with her," he said, his voice rushed.

Technically it hadn't even been a lie, though he doubted she would have seen it the same way. But it's not like she had anything to worry about, especially not with Becca. There were still
some
things that he just couldn't share with her. Not yet.

Sarah nodded tightly, her face pinched even more. He leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek before turning to run out.

"I'll call you later, okay?"

She nodded at him, and he raced out the door. He hated leaving her side, he would have stayed there all night if he could have. But he couldn't. And Becca was already going to kill him for being so late.

He just wished Sarah hadn't looked so upset with him when he left. He wished he'd been able to put one more smile on her face.

* * * * *

Jeremy was nearly out of breath by the time he wheeled his bike up to the old, brick building. Becca was pacing back and forth in front of the entrance, an irritated look on her face.

"You're starting to make a habit of this," she said.

"I know--I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"You said that last time."

"And this time I mean it."

She looked him up and down, sizing him up.

"You were with her again?" she asked. He hesitated for a second, then nodded. Her face was stern, but her voice was softer than he'd expected. "And have you talked to her, yet?"

"We talked a little... I'm working up to it."

That was mostly the truth. He'd told Sarah quite a bit, even if it hadn't been everything. But Becca wouldn't be satisfied with only partial truths. There were no shades of gray in her world, it was either all or nothing.

"She deserves to know."

"I don't need a lecture," he said, his voice suddenly hard. "It will happen when it's supposed to happen."

"After the little stunt you pulled this past weekend, a lecture might be
exactly
what you need."

Jeremy let out a frustrated sigh. Hadn't they already talked this to death, earlier?

"I told you before that nothing happened. It was one night, just some harmless fun."

"Harmless nights don't include you escorting a drunk girl back to her room," she said, her voice with as much of an edge as it'd had earlier.

"I told you,
nothing happened.
Just get over it, what's done is done."

She studied him for another moment, her lips pursed together. She had that look about her that he was used to seeing, like she was on the verge of giving him a serious piece of her mind because he wasn't acting the way she wanted him to act, because he wasn't doing what she wanted him to do. And he couldn't say that he blamed her. He'd fucked up, but it had been a one-time thing. He hadn't even been tempted.