Fine Lines - SA (28 page)

"Thursday's convenient for me. I don't think Anna's doing anything then. Is that al right for you?"

"I'l make a date in my diary. What sort of scintil ating evening do you have in mind? How about a nice, racy strip joint? Or would you rather just go clubbing?" I ignored him. "The Bal et Rambert's in the West End this week. I think I should stil be able to get tickets. You do like Prokofiev, don't you?"

"Love him to bits. I can't wait." Zeppo raised his eyes skyward. "The bal et! Jesus wept!" After that, I knew I could not put off tel ing him the rest for much longer. Yet I stil avoided it. It was not just cowardice. Now the denouement was almost here, I was no longer in any hurry. The anticipation was almost pleasurable enough in itself. I wanted to savour it for as long as possible. And so I dal ied, postponing the inevitable and miserly eking out the last days of Zeppo'signor ance.

The three of us now began to go out more often. Usual y it was only for a drink straight after work Anna seemed glad to put off going home but occasional y we would go to the theatre, or a restaurant, and spend the whole evening together. For me these were the best of times, golden-hued and perfect. I could even, letting myself believe his act, forget my dislike for Zeppo.

Only once was there a sour note. We were in a pub one evening, when someone came up to the table.

"Anna! What are you doing here?" I looked up at the young man who had spoken. Anna beamed tat him. "Oh, hi, Dave. I might have known I'd find you in here. Liquid dinner again, is it?"

"You've no need to talk. I bet that's not lemonade you're drinking." Anna grinned. "That's different. I'm here with my boss, so it's al owed. This is Donald," I smiled hel o. "And Zeppo."

She made no attempt to qualify who Zeppo was.

"Are you stil okay for tomorrow night?" the newcomer asked. Anna nodded.

"Eight o'clock. I'l be there."

He grinned. "Great. I'l see you then." He nodded towards a group at the other side of the pub. "I'd better get back. It's my round."

He smiled once more at Zeppo and I, and then left. I sat stiff-backed.

I had no idea who he was, but his easy familiarity with Anna hinted at al sorts of intimacies. And she was seeing him the next night. I felt hugely, hotly jealous.

"Friend of yours?" asked Zeppo.

"Wel , he's the boyfriend of a friend of mine," Anna said. "He's real y nice, but he drinks like a fish. Caroline that's his girlfriend is cooking a meal tomorrow night, and it's a dead cert he'l be out of his head before it's over. I don't know how she puts up with it." Reassured, I made an effort to be magnanimous. "He seemed pleasant enough."

"Oh, he is. He stil wil be when he's fal ing over in about two hours time. That's the only reason he gets away with it." Zeppo began to tel us about someone he knew who had a drink problem Zeppo always seemed to have a story for every occasion but I only pretended to listen.

My moment of insecurity had passed, but I remained shaken. The reminder that Anna stil had a social life I knew nothing about was a painful one. I told myself that it was unrealistic to expect otherwise, that so long as it did not interfere with our relationship, it did not real y matter. But the jealousy lingered. I did not want her seeing anyone except us. I wanted to possess her exclusively.

However, my resentment of her other friends, known and unknown, was short-lived. It could not survive without fuel, and Anna gave me none.

I no longer felt that I was merely her employer. Over the next few weeks, the three of us went out together more than ever. I could almost pretend that this happy balance was permanent, and although at the back of my mind I knew it had to end sometime, that there would come a point when I would be an unwanted third party, I came to see this as something that was always reserved for some remote future. The present, where I played an equal part, seemed immutable.

The first inkling that I had become superfluous came one evening after we had been to the theatre. It had been no different to any of the other times we had gone out together since Anna's return. I had detected no change in her attitude, to either Zeppo or myself. It was a warm night, and we had gone on to a pub with a smal courtyard so we could sit outside. Zeppo was engaged in another of his anecdotes, but I was not real y paying attention.

Then Anna laughed.

It was the first time I had heard her laugh, real y laugh, since Marty's disappearance, and I was not blind to the fact that it was Zeppo who had caused it. Neither was he. As he made a further quip, Anna, stil laughing, reached out and touched his bare arm. It was completely spontaneous, innocent but at the same time intimate, and Zeppo's eyes briefly flicked over to me. Then his attention was on Anna again. As he continued with his story, he put his hand on her forearm. There was nothing innocent or spontaneous about his action, but Anna did not seem to notice. Or mind.

Suddenly, I was aware that I was on the outside. For a few seconds I might as wel not have been there, and I felt a sour feeling in my gut at my exclusion. The moment passed quickly

-Anna was too considerate to neglect me for long but the feeling remained. And now, aware of it for the first time, I noticed that the way she looked and responded to Zeppo was subtly different to the way she looked and responded to me. I could fool myself no longer. The time of procrastination was over.

If I had stil been in any doubt, it was wiped out only minutes later.

The residue of her laughter stil about her, Anna excused herself and went to the toilet. Zeppo waited until she was out of earshot before leaning closer.

"Donald, old son, why don't you fuck off home and let the two of us get on with it?" My mouth went dry. I took a drink, stal ing. "I think it would look rather suspicious if I left now."

"Bal s. It'l just look like you're being romantic. She'l be grateful to you for it." He grinned. "Almost as much as she wil to me." I searched desperately for excuses. This was neither the time nor the place to have this conversation. "No. Not tonight."

"Oh, for Christ's sake, Donald, come on! I've been holding back so far because you said it was too early. Wel , now it's not. If I don't do something soon the poor cow'l be rubbing herself against the table leg!"

"You're disgusting!"

"And you're an old fart. Look, do you want me to fuck her or don't you? If you don't, let me know now, because I'm sick of pissing around. If you do, then tonight's as good a time as any. You wanted to know in advance, I'm tel ing you. So which is it to be?"

"I'm not going to be forced into'

"Nobody'5 forcing you to do anything. If you don't want to leave now, fine. Stay. But I'm stil going to take her back to my flat afterwards. Okay?" His attitude angered me. "No," I said, emphatical y.

Zeppo bal ed his fists. "Jesus Christ! What is the matter with you? Al right, why? Why not? Give me one good reason!" I looked around to make sure no one was listening. "I'm not prepared to discuss it now."

"Wel , too fucking bad, because you're going to! I've had enough of your little games. Either tel me why I shouldn't screw her tonight, or I wil anyway!"

"Don't you dare!" I had actual y begun to shake. Right then I wished I had never set eyes on him.

"Why not? We're both consenting adults. Anna's a big girl, she can make her own mind up. So how are you going to stop us?" I was almost choking. "I'm warning you, if you do I won't give you a penny!" He was grinning now, infuriatingly sure of himself. "So what? At this rate I'l be dead of old age before I get anything anyway. Besides, she might be so good I won't be bothered about being paid." Abruptly, his entire demeanour changed. The sneering face became solicitous. "Are you sure you don't want a doctor?" he asked.

I was thrown completely off balance. And then Anna appeared beside me.

"What's the matter?" Zeppo was looking at me with a worried expression. "Donald's got chest pains."

"No, I've ... I'm fine," I stammered, struggling to come to grips with the new situation.

"Are they bad?" Anna looked and sounded concerned.

"No, real y

"You're a bit flushed," Zeppo said. The foul-mouthed,

threatening creature of only moments ago had vanished. "Do you feel out of breath at al ?"

"No, I'm fine," I said, trying to sound normal and immediately sounding breathless.

"Do you want me to cal a doctor?" Anna asked.

"I'm al right, real y." I forced a smile. "It was probably indigestion. It's gone now."

"Perhaps we'd better go," Zeppo said to Anna, and I suddenly realised what he was trying to do.

"No!" I insisted. "There's no need. I feel fine. Real y." Anna stil looked worried. "I think we should go. It's getting late, anyway." Despite my objections, I could do nothing to dissuade her. We left the bar and Zeppo hailed a taxi. Before I could stop him, he had given my address to the driver.

"We should drop Anna off first," I said, desperately.

"I'd rather see you home," she said. "I can be dropped off later

"But you live nearer."

"I think we'd both feel happier seeing you home first." There was nothing in Zeppo's voice to suggest the glee I knew he would be feeling. "The sooner you get to bed the better. You'l probably feel better after a good night's sleep." There was nothing I could do. Helpless, I sat silently, aware of the occasional concerned glances from Anna. Quite probably I did not look at al wel . By that time I did not feel it.

The taxi stopped outside my house, and I reached for my wal et. But Zeppo put his hand on mine, preventing me from taking any money out.

"Don't worry about paying," he said. "I'l get this." He leaned over and opened the door for me to get out. I could think of no reasonable excuse not to. His face was deadpan as Anna wished me goodnight and made me promise to cal the doctor if the chest pains returned. I stood on the street as the door was slammed, and the taxi pul ed away. Anna waved through the rear window. So did Zeppo. Then they turned a corner and disappeared.

Almost beside myself with anger and panic, I let myself in and poured a drink. I forced myself to give the taxi enough time to drop Anna off and take Zeppo home, and then telephoned him. My hand shook as it held the receiver. It rang hol owly in my ear,

but no one answered. I almost cal ed Anna then. But I could not openly ask if Zeppo was with her, and I could think of no other excuse to cal .

I made myself wait five minutes and then tried Zeppo's number again.

Then I waited another five. And another. I had lost count of the number of times I tried, and then there was a dick as the receiver was picked up at the other end.

"Zeppo?" My heart jumped and began to race. But the voice at the other end was not the one I expected.

"Hel o?" It was an old woman's, thin and querulous. Anticlimax made me feel leaden.

"I'm sorry. Wrong number."

"Who?"

"I've dial ed the wrong number. I'm sorry to have bothered you." I was about to put the receiver down, but she spoke again.

"Who are you?" Her voice was raised and feeble. I spoke a little louder.

"I said I've got the wrong number. I'm sorry."

"Who did you want?"

"Someone cal ed Zeppo. I must have mis dial ed

"Steptoe?" I closed my eyes. "No. It doesn't matter. I'm sorry if I disturbed you."

"There's nobody here cal ed Steptoe."

"No, I know. My mistake."

"What?"

"I said I know!"

"Why'd you cal me, then?"

"It was a mistake. I'm sorry. Goodbye." Her voice was becoming louder and more irritable. "Do you know what time it is?" I hung up. Exasperated, I cal ed Zeppo again, making sure to dial the right number. When it was answered almost immediately I expected to hear the old woman's voice. But this time it was him.

My first overriding emotion was relief. But that was quickly lost in a surge of anger. "How dare you do that to me!" I shouted. "How dare you!"

"Hel o, Donald. You're not miffed about something, are you?"

I could almost see his smirk. "This time you've gone too far! How dare you?"

"You've said that twice already."

"Where's Anna?"

"She's in the bedroom. Just a second, I'l cal her." Before I could say anything, I heard him shout, "Anna, get dressed, it's Donald. He wants a word with you." I was paralysed. I tried to make myself hang up, but nothing happened.

I felt hot panic as I waited for Anna's voice.

"Just kidding," Zeppo's said instead. "Bet that had you shitting yourself, didn't it?" My legs would suddenly not support me. I sat down, trembling.

"Donald? You stil there?"

"Yes." My voice sounded weak. I tried to clutch at my anger for support. "I don't find your sense of humour very amusing."

"Better than not having one." He laughed. "Oh, come on, Donald, you asked for it. It serves you right." I did not know which of his moods I disliked the most, sul en, aggressive, or playful. "Where is Anna?" I asked, a faint anxiety stil lurking at the back of my mind.

"Safe and sound at home. We stopped off for a drink at a pub, and then I escorted her to her door. Al very proper, don't worry. I didn't even give her a goodnight kiss." Reaction was beginning to set in. I lacked the energy to argue. "I trust you enjoyed your little joke?"

"Yes, I did, actual y. But just think of it as a warning. Next time I won't be joking. I'm tired of being messed around. I don't like being treated like hired help, and if it happens again I won't just leave Anna on her doorstep. So either tel me what you're playing at, or you can shove your money and your pictures, and I'l fuck her anyway.

What's it to be?" I rubbed my eyes. I felt very tired. Suddenly, I could not wait to get him off the line. "I'l meet you after I close tomorrow. At your flat."

"What's wrong with now?"

"Tomorrow," I repeated. "I'l tel you then."

"There's a Mr. Dryden on the line for you." Anna waited expectantly, but although I had heard the words they failed to register. I shook myself. "I'm sorry, Anna. What did you say?"