Fine things (28 page)

“You never give up, do you, Mom?”

She had grinned at him. “All right, all right.” She kissed him hard at the airport and took a last look at him. He was still her tall, handsome son, but there was more gray in his hair than he had had the year before, the lines were deeper around his eyes, and he still looked sad. Liz had been gone almost a year now, and he was still mourning. But at least the anger was gone now. He wasn't angry at her anymore for leaving him. He was just so damn lonely without her. Aside from losing his lover and his wife, he had lost his best friend. “Take care of yourself, sweetheart,” Ruth whispered to him at the airport.

“You too, Mom.” He had hugged her again and waved as she boarded the plane. They had grown much closer in the last year or two, but at what expense. It was hard to imagine how much had happened to them. And as he drove back to Napa that night, he thought about it all …and about Liz. … It was still hard to believe she was gone …that she hadn't gone away and would be back one day. Forever was so impossible to understand. And he was still thinking about her when he got to the house in Oakville and put the car away, but Nanny was waiting up for him. It was after ten o'clock and the house was peaceful and quiet. Jane had fallen asleep in her bed reading
Black Beauty.

“I don't think Alexander is well, Mr. Fine.”

Bernie frowned. The children were everything to him.

“What's wrong with him?” He was only two years old after all, still a baby practically, and more so, in Bernie's eyes, because he didn't have a mother. In Bernie's eyes, he would be a baby forever.

Nanny looked as though she felt guilty as she confessed. “I think I let him stay in the pool too long. He was complaining about his ear when he went to bed. I put some warm oil in it, but it didn't seem to help. We may have to go to the doctor in town tomorrow if it doesn't improve by morning.”

“Don't worry about it.” He smiled at her. She was so incredibly conscientious, sometimes it was hard to imagine it, and he thanked his lucky stars that he had found her when he had. He still shuddered when he thought of the sadistic Swiss nurse or the filthy Norwegian au pair who kept taking Liz' clothes. “He'll be all right, Nanny. Get to bed.”

“Would you like some warm milk to help you sleep?”

He shook his head. “I'll be all right.” But she had noticed for weeks that he was up late at night, unable to sleep, prowling around. The anniversary of Liz' death had been only a few days before, and she knew it had been hard on him. At least Jane didn't have nightmares anymore. But that night it was little Alexander who awoke howling at four A.M. Bernie had just gone to bed, and he quickly pulled on a dressing gown and went to the baby's room, where Nanny was rocking him and trying to comfort him, to no avail. “His ear?” She nodded, singing to the child as loudly as she could. “Do you want me to call the doctor?”

She shook her head. “I'm afraid you'll have to take him to the hospital. It's too bad to make him wait anymore. Poor little man.” She kissed his forehead and his cheek and the top of his head and he clung to her miserably as Bernie knelt down on the rug and looked at the baby that warmed his heart and broke it all at the same time, all because he looked so much like his mother.

“Feeling rotten, huh, big boy?” Alex nodded at his daddy and stopped crying but not for long. “Come to Dad.” He held out his arms and the child went to him. He had a raging fever, and couldn't tolerate even the softest touch on the right side of his head, and Bernie knew that Nanny was right. He had to take him to the hospital. His pediatrician had given him someone's name up there in case either of the children had an accident or got sick. He handed Alexander back to Nanny, and went to get dressed and look for the card in his desk drawer. Dr. M. Jones, it said, with the phone number. He called the exchange and got the answering service. He explained what was wrong and asked them to ring through to Dr. Jones, but the operator came back on the line and explained that Dr. Jones was at the hospital on an emergency call already.

“Could he see us there? My son's in an awful lot of pain.” He'd had problems with his ears before, and a shot of penicillin had always helped him. That and a lot of loving from Jane and Daddy and Nanny.

“I'll check.” The operator was back on the line almost instantly. “That'll be fine.” She gave him directions to the hospital, and he went to get Alexander, and gently put him in the car seat he still used. Nanny had to stay home with Jane, so Bernie was going alone, and Nanny almost wrung her hands as she covered Alex with a blanket and handed him his teddy bear as he cried woefully. She hated to let him go without her.

“I hate to let you go alone, Mr. Fine.” Her burr was always stronger late at night when she was tired, and he loved the sound of it. “But I canna leave Jane, you know. She'd be frightened if she woke up.” They both knew that she had been more easily frightened since her abduction.

“I know, Nanny. He'll be fine. We'll be back as soon as we can.” It was four-thirty in the morning by then, and he drove to the hospital as quickly as he could. But it was ten to five before they arrived. It was a long way from Oakville to the city of Napa, and Alexander was still crying when Bernie carried him inside and gently set him down on the table in the emergency room. The lights were so bright they hurt his eyes, and Bernie sat on the table and held him on his lap, shielding him, as a tall dark-haired young woman came in wearing a turtleneck and jeans. She was almost as tall as he, and she had an easy smile, and her hair was so black it was almost blue. Almost like an Indian, he thought to himself with a tired look. But her eyes were blue, like Jane …and Liz…. He forced the thought from his mind and explained that he was waiting for Dr. Jones. He wasn't sure who the woman was, and assumed that she was a clerk at the emergency room.

“I'm Dr. Jones.” She smiled at him. She had a warm, husky voice, and cool strong hands when she shook his, and despite her height and obvious competence, there was something very warm and gentle about her. And the way she moved was at the same time motherly and sexy. She gently took Alexander from him and examined the ear that pained him, talking to Alexander the entire time, telling him little stories, chatting, entertaining him, and glancing up at Bernie from time to time to reassure him too. “He's got one very hot ear, I'm afraid, and the other one is pretty pink too.” She checked his throat, his tonsils, his tummy to make sure there was no problem there, and then gave him a penicillin shot as fast as she could. He cried but not for too long and then she blew up a balloon for him, and with Bernie's permission offered him a lollipop, which was a big success even in his weakened state. He sat up on Bernie's lap and looked at her thoughtfully. And she smiled down at him, and then wrote a prescription for Bernie to have filled the next day. She put him on antibiotics to be on the safe side, and gave Bernie two small codeine pills to crush for him if the pain didn't abate before morning. “In fact”—she looked at Alex' trembling lower lip—“why don't we do that now? There's no point in his being miserable.” She disappeared and returned with the pill crushed in a spoon, her dark hair swinging across her shoulders as she moved, and the medicine was down and gone before Alex could even object to it. She made it kind of a game with him. And then he settled back into his father's arms with a sigh, still sucking the lollipop, a moment later, as Bernie filled out some forms, Alexander fell asleep. Bernie smiled down at him, and then looked at her appreciatively. She had the warm eyes of a deeply caring woman.

“Thank you.” Bernie smiled down at him and stroked his hair, and then looked up at Dr. Jones again. “You were wonderful with him.” That mattered to him a great deal. His children meant everything to him.

“I came in for another earache just like that an hour ago.” She smiled at him, thinking that it was nice the father had come and not the mother for once, looking exhausted and harassed with no one to help her. It was nice to see men give a damn and pitch in too. But she didn't say anything to him. Maybe he was divorced and had no choice. “Do you live in Oakville?” He had put down their summer address on the form.

“No, normally we live in town. We're just here for the summer.” She nodded, and then smiled at him as she filled out her part of the form for his insurance.

“But you're from New York?”

He grinned. “How did you know that?”

“I'm from the east too. Boston. But I can still hear New York in your voice.” And he could hear Boston in hers. “How long have you been out here?”

“Four years.”

She nodded. “I came out to go to Stanford Med School and never went back. And that was fourteen years ago.” She was thirty-six years old, and her credentials were good and he liked her style. She looked intelligent and kind, and there was a sparkle in her eyes that suggested a sense of humor. She was looking at him thoughtfully. She liked his eyes too.

“This is a nice place to live. Napa, I mean. Anyway”—she put away the forms and looked down at Alex' angelic sleeping face—“why don't you bring him in to the office in a day or two? I have an office in Saint Helena, which is closer to you than this.” She glanced at the antiseptic hospital around them. She didn't like seeing children there unless it was an emergency like this one.

“It's nice to know you're so close to us. With children, you never know when you're going to need a doctor.”

“How many do you have?” Maybe that was why the wife hadn't come, she thought to herself. Maybe they had ten kids and she had to stay home with them. Somehow the thought amused her. She had one patient with eight children, and she loved them.

“I have two,” Bernie supplied. “Alexander, and a nine-year-old little girl, Jane.”

She smiled. He looked like a nice man. And his eyes lit up when he talked about his kids. Mostly, they were kind of sad, like a Saint Bernard, she thought, and then chided herself. He was actually a very nice-looking man. She liked the way he moved …the beard…. Cool it, she told herself as she gave him final instructions and he left, carrying Alex in his arms. And then she chuckled to the nurse as she got ready to leave herself.

“I'm going to have to stop taking these late calls. The fathers start looking good to me at this hour.” They both laughed and she was only teasing of course. She was always serious about her patients and their parents. She waved good night to the nurses and walked outside to where she'd left her car. It was a little Austin Healy she'd had since med school. She drove back to Saint Helena with the top down, her hair flying in the wind, and she waved as she passed Bernie on the way, traveling more sedately. Bernie waved. There had been something he liked, about her and he wasn't sure what it was. And he felt happier than he had in a long time as he pulled into the driveway in Oakville as the sun came up over the mountains.

Chapter 35

Two days later, Bernie took Alexander back to see Dr. Jones. He went to her office this time. It was in a small sunny Victorian house at the edge of town. She shared the office space with another doctor, and she lived upstairs above the office. And Bernie was once again impressed with her manner with the child, and he liked her as much as he had before, maybe even more so. She was wearing a starched white coat over her jeans this time, but her manner was casual, her touch was gentle, and her eyes were warm as she laughed easily with Alexander and his father.

“His ears look a lot better this time.” She smiled at Bernie, then at his son, sitting next to her. “But you'd better stay out of the swimming pool for a while, my friend.” She ruffled Alex' hair, and for a moment she seemed more like a mother than a doctor, and it tugged at something in Bernie's heart which he was quick to deny to himself.

“Should I bring him back again?” She shook her head and he was almost sorry that she hadn't said yes. And then he was annoyed at himself. She was pleasant and intelligent, that was all, and she had taken good care of the child. And if Alex had to come back again, Nanny could bring him in next time. That was safer. He found himself staring at the shiny black hair and it annoyed him. And her blue eyes reminded him so much of Liz….

“I don't think he'll need to be seen again. I should get some information on him though, for my files. How old is he again?” She smiled pleasantly at Bernard and he tried to appear indifferent, as though he were thinking of something else, as he avoided the familiar eyes. They were so blue …just like hers…. He forced his mind back to her question.

“He's two years and two months.”

“General health all right?”

“Fine.”

“Vaccinations up to date?”

“Yes.”

“Pediatrician in town?” He gave her the name. It was easier talking of things like that. He didn't even have to look at her if he didn't want to.

“Names of the rest of his family?” She smiled again as she wrote it all down, and then looked up at him again. “You are Mr. Bernard Fine?” She thought that was what she remembered from the other night, and he almost smiled at her.

“Right. And he has a sister named Jane, who's nine years old.”

“I remember that.” She smiled at him again and then looked at him expectantly. “And?”

“That's it.” He would have liked to have had another child or two with Liz, but they hadn't had time before they discovered that she had cancer.

“Your wife's name?” Something in his eyes suggested sharp pain and she instantly suspected an ugly divorce.

But he shook his head, the pain of her question staggering him, like a blow he hadn't seen before it hit him. “Uh …no …she's not.”

The doctor looked surprised. It was an odd thing to say and he was looking at her strangely. “Not what?”

“Not alive.” You could barely hear the words, and she suddenly realized the pain she must have caused him, and she felt desperately sorry for him. The pain of death was something she had never grown immune to.

“I'm so sorry …” Her voice trailed off as she looked down at the child. How terrible for all of them, especially the little girl. At least Alex was too young to understand. And the father looked so devastated as he spoke to her. “I'm sorry I asked.”

“It's all right. You didn't know.”

“How long has it been?” It couldn't have been too long if Alexander was just two years old. Her heart went out to all of them as her eyes met Bernie's and she felt tears in her own eyes.

“Last July.” It was obviously too painful for him to say much more and she went on, feeling a rock in her heart as she thought of it, and after they were gone it troubled her again. He looked so heartbroken when he spoke of it. Poor man. She thought of him all day, and was surprised to see him in the supermarket later that week. Alexander was sitting in the cart, as he always did, and Bernie had brought Jane along. She was chattering rapidly and Alex was pointing at something and yelling “Gum, Daddy, gum!” at the top of his lungs as Dr. Jones almost ran into them, and she suddenly stopped and smiled. They didn't look nearly as sad as she'd imagined. In fact, they looked very happy.

“Well, hello there, how's our friend?” She glanced at Alex and found a warm welcome in Bernie's eyes when she looked at him.

“He's a lot better. I think the antibiotics helped.”

“He's still taking them, isn't he?” She couldn't remember the length of the course she'd given him, but he should have been.

“Yes, he is. But he's his old self again.” Bernie smiled and he looked normal and harassed and his legs looked nice in hiking shorts. She tried not to notice, but she couldn't help it. He was a good-looking man. And he was noticing the same things about her. She was wearing jeans again, and an oxford shirt and red espadrilles, and her hair was so clean it shone. She was not wearing her doctor coat, and Jane couldn't figure out who she was. Bernie introduced them finally, and Jane held her hand out stingily, as though afraid to open up too far. She watched the woman suspiciously and didn't mention her again until they were back in the car.

“Who
was
that?”

“The doctor I took Alex to the other night.” He spoke casually, but it was like being five years old and dealing with his mother all over again. In fact it made him laugh it was so similar. They were the same questions Ruth would have asked him.

“Why did you take him to
her?”
The inflections told him exactly what she thought, and he wondered why she disliked her so much. It never occurred to him that Jane was jealous.

“Doctor Wallaby gave me her number before we came up, in case one of you had an accident or got sick, like Alex the other night. I was very glad to find her actually. And she was very nice about meeting us at the hospital in the middle of the night. In fact, she was already there, seeing someone else, which says a lot for her.” And he remembered that she had gone to Stanford.

Jane barely grunted that time, and didn't say anything more. But when they ran into her again a few weeks after that, Jane ignored her totally, and didn't even say hello. And when they went back to the car, Bernie scolded her.

“You were very rude to her, you know.”

“Well, what's so great about her anyway?”

“What's great is that she's a doctor and you might need her sometime. Besides which, she hasn't done anything to you, for heaven's sake. There's no reason for you not to be polite to her.” He was grateful that Alex liked her at least. He had let out a great squeal when he saw her in the supermarket and immediately said hello. He remembered her that time, and she made a great fuss over him, and had a lollipop in a pocket for him. She told him her name was Doctor Meg. But Jane had refused the lollipop she'd offered her, and Megan seemed to take it all in stride and not notice.

“Just don't be rude to her, sweetheart.” She was so damn sensitive these days. He wondered if she was growing up, or if she still missed Liz as much. Nanny said it was probably a little of both, and he suspected she was right as usual. Nanny Pippin was the mainstay of their lives, and Bernie was devoted to her.

He didn't run into Megan again until a party he got talked into going to on Labor Day. He hadn't been to any parties in almost three years, not since Liz had gotten sick, and certainly not since she died. But the realtor who had gotten the house for him made such a point of including him in a barbecue they were giving that night that he felt rude not going at least for a little while. And he went feeling like the new kid in town, knowing absolutely not a soul, and feeling overdressed the instant he got out of the car. Everyone had worn T-shirts and jeans and cut-offs and halter tops, and he was wearing white slacks and a pale blue shirt. He looked more like Capri or Beverly Hills than the Napa Valley and it embarrassed him as his host handed him a beer and asked him where he was going afterwards.

Bernie just laughed and shrugged with a smile. “I guess I've just worked for a department store for too long.” His friend took him aside then and asked if he would be interested in keeping the house for a while. The people who were renting to him were going to stay in Bordeaux for longer than they'd planned, and they were anxious to have him stay on there. “Actually, I might like that, Frank.” The realtor was pleased with the news and suggested he keep it on a month-to-month basis, assuring him that the valley was even more beautiful in the fall, with all the leaves changing colors.

“The winters aren't even bad either. It might be nice for you to come up whenever you have a chance, and the rent is reasonable enough.” He was ever the salesman, and Bernie smiled, anxious to leave the party.

“I think that would suit us just fine.”

“Did Frank just sell you a winery?” a familiar voice asked. Her laugh had a tinkling sound, like silver bells, and Bernie turned and saw the shining black hair and the blue eyes that had startled him wherever they met. It was Megan Jones and she looked very pretty. He realized now how tan she was. Her skin was dark, in sharp contrast to her light blue eyes. And she had worn a white peasant skirt and white es-padrilles with a bright red gypsy blouse. Suddenly she looked very beautiful and it made him uncomfortable. It was easier thinking of her in blue jeans and her starched white coat. This was much too accessible, and the silky smooth shoulders caught his eye, as he forced himself to look straight into her blue eyes. But that was no easier for him. Her eyes always made him think of Liz, and yet they were different. Bolder, older, wiser. She was a different kind of woman. And there was a compassion there which made her seem older than her years, and was useful in her profession. He tried to pull his eyes from her now, but was surprised to find that he couldn't.

“Frank just extended my lease for a while.” He spoke quietly, and she noticed that no matter how much his mouth smiled, his eyes didn't. They were quiet and sad, and told people to keep their distance. His grief was still too fresh to be shared and she easily sensed that as she watched him, thinking of his children.

“Does that mean you're going to be staying up here?” She looked interested as she sipped at a glass of local white wine.

“Just on weekends, I guess. The kids love it here. And Frank says it's beautiful in the fall.”

“It is. That's why I got stuck up here. It's the only place around here that gets some kind of autumn. The leaves turn just like they do back east, the whole valley turns red and yellow and it's really wonderful.” He tried to concentrate on what she said, but all he saw were her bare shoulders and her blue eyes, and she seemed to be looking deep into his eyes, as though she wanted to say more to him. It made him curious about her. He had been since he first met her.

“What made you stay out here?”

She shrugged, and her perfect bronze flesh beckoned him as he reached for another beer and frowned, trying to deny the attraction he felt toward her. “I don't know. I couldn't imagine going back to Boston and being serious for the rest of my life.” The mischief he had suspected danced in her eyes and he listened to the sound of her laughter.

“I suppose Boston can be that way. Very much so, in fact.” He looked terribly handsome as he chatted with her and she decided to risk asking him something about himself, despite what she already knew about him.

“And why are you in San Francisco and not New York?”

“A quirk of fate. The store I work for sent me out here to open their new branch out here.” He smiled thinking about it, and then his eyes clouded as he thought of why he'd stayed after that …because Liz was dying. “And then I got stuck here.” Their eyes met and held, and she understood him perfectly.

“Are you here to stay then?”

He shook his head and smiled at her again. “I don't think I'll be here for too much longer. Sometime in the next year I'll probably be going back to New York.” She looked instantly sorry, and in spite of himself it pleased him. And he was suddenly glad he had come to the party.

“How do the kids feel about moving back?”

“I don't know.” He looked serious. “It might be hard on Jane. She's always lived out here, and it'll be hard on her going to a new school and making new friends.”

“She'll adjust to it.” Megan was looking at him searchingly, wishing she knew more. He was a man who made you want to know where he had come from, and where he was heading to. He was the kind of man one seldom met, warm and strong and real, but untouchable. And after seeing him in her office the last time, she knew why. She would have liked to draw him out, to really talk to him, but she wasn't sure how. “What store brought you out, by the way?”

“Wolffs.” He said it modestly, as though it were an unimportant store, and she laughed with wide eyes. No wonder he looked like that. He had the instinctive style of a man who dealt daily with high fashion, yet in a very masculine, unselfconscious way that she liked. In fact there was a lot she liked about him.

She smiled warmly at Bernie then. “It's a wonderful store. I go there every few months just to stand on the escalator and drool at everything. Living up here doesn't give one much opportunity to think about things like that.”

“I've thought about that this summer.” He looked interested and pensive, as though sharing a secret project with her. “I've always wanted to have a store in a place like this. Kind of a small, simple country store, with everything from riding boots to evening wear, but really, really beautiful merchandise, the best quality. People up here don't have time to drive a hundred miles for a good-looking dress, and walking into an enormous store is inappropriate up here, but something small and simple and really good would be exciting here …wouldn't it?” He looked excited and so did she. It sounded like a terrific idea to both of them. “Only the best though,” he went on, “and very little of it. Maybe take one of the Victorians and turn it into a store.” He loved the idea the more he thought of it and then he laughed. “Pipe dreams. I guess once you're a merchant, it corrodes your thinking wherever you are.”

He laughed and she smiled at him. She liked the look in his eyes when he talked about it.