Finished (15 page)

The last word gave her pause. And she frowned as she asked him, “Driven to do what?”

Drayton was listening intently, but at this he smiled and murmured, “You tell me.”

Julia reflected in silence. He wasn’t driven for material possessions. Or for fame or popularity. Finally, she said, without really thinking the words through, “You’re driven to make your space in the world exactly as you want it.”

She was vaguely surprised by her own observation, and she could tell by Drayton’s expression that he was a little surprised too. “I guess you could say that. Interesting.”

They sat on the bed in silence for a while, just looking at each other.

She was tied to this man in a very real way, and it just wasn’t in her nature to release those ties, to loosen her grip.

Finally, Drayton asked, “Now, does any of what you just said not match up with what you know about me now?”

Julia realized there was nothing out of place. The pieces fit together even more perfectly now than they had before she’d known the whole story.

She knew him now. Completely. Truly. When she hadn’t before.

“No,” she admitted, “It all fits.”

“Have your feelings for me changed?”

“I don’t know.”

“I can help you work it out. I can tell you anything you want to know.”

“Maybe. I’m still not sure what I want.” She wanted this confusion, this unfamiliarity, this fear to go away.  She didn’t know what else to say, so she asked the most essential question. “What do
you
want? It seems so strange that you’re not just taking off, given what you do. I mean, you’re some sort of master thief.”

“Do you think anyone, even thieves, want to be completely alone?”

Of course, they didn’t. Of course, Drayton didn’t want to leave town, leave everything he had, start over some place new—even if that was the smartest thing for him to do.

“So what do you want?” she asked again.

Drayton leaned forward, like he might kiss her. “What I had before.”

“But Mike—”

“Mike left.” His green eyes held hers in a mesmerizing vice. “I want what I had before—with or without him.”

She understood. Everything. Why Drayton still wanted her and what he hoped to find in the remnants of their relationship.

The same thing she wanted. What she couldn’t seem to let go.

Ties that were so hard to break.

She felt a bond between them—stronger than she had the moment before. She scooted over to lightly touch his chest, to feel him as she always had before.

His heart beat under her hand. Real. Natural. Faster than usual. Just like hers.

He covered her hand on her chest with one of his warm ones, but he made no further moves.

Despite the fact that they were fully dressed and just lightly touching, Julia felt her body responding to her emotions.

It was so reassuring, so familiar—that she was reacting the way she always had before. Her pulse was starting to race. Excitement rushed through her consciousness. And the pressure of arousal started to build between her legs.

Breathless and flushed, she asked, “You want us to stay together, without Mike?”

She felt an odd pang as she spoke his name, but she ignored it since it hurt too much.

Thinking about Mike would mean acknowledging the extent of her loss. This was different…this was holding something together with tenuous threads.

Drayton met her eyes, and she felt like she was looking all the way into him. “I want to hold onto what we can,” he said, his voice rich with an emotion she couldn’t quite identify. “Don’t you?”

Her lips parted as she stared up at his face, and a force of feeling washed over her, submerging her. “Yes,” she admitted in a whisper.

Drayton took that as her answer.

Leaning down, he pressed his lips against hers—lightly at first as if he were experimenting with her responses.

Her lips clung to his instinctively, and she made a little moan in the back her throat. His mouth was skillful, knowing, overwhelming her with a vast sense of experience. Just as it always had. But more.

In response to her eagerness, he deepened the kiss, teasing her lips apart with his tongue and then sliding in to explore her mouth. Her arm wrapped around his neck of its own accord, and she arched her spine to press her breasts against his chest.

“How many women have you kissed before?” she asked, when he’d pulled his lips away to mouth his way down her neck. She’d never asked him that question before, but he seemed like a different man now. And she wanted to know.

“Too many,” he murmured against the pulse in her throat. “And none of them were like you.”

It was exactly the right thing to say. A flood of warmth spread out from her belly to overtake her body.

He’d pushed her down onto her back during their embrace, and she gasped with pleasure as he bit at a sensitive spot on her neck. The ceiling started to blur before her eyes, as her mind whirled with a dizzying excitement.

It felt unreal—that Drayton was who he was, that she was with him right now.

He pulled his head up so he could better stroke her body over her clothes, skillfully and purposefully caressing her arms, her sides, her breasts, her hips, her thighs. His eyes followed his hands, and Julia felt both exposed and strangely naughty as the pleasure intensified at her pussy and shivers ran down her arms, neck, and spine.

She let him tease her into deeper arousal, unable to do much more than feel, than experience the deep sensations.

 “How many women have you touched before?” she asked hoarsely, squirming a little as her arousal became too strong.

“Too many.” Drayton slid his hands up to cup her breasts, squeezing them possessively. “Way too many. They blend together. Until you.”

Julia arched up in helpless pleasure—more from her emotional response to his words than from the delicious feel of his fingers on her tight nipples, which were now poking out shamelessly through her t-shirt as he fondled them.

The room, his face, the world kept blurring in front of her eyes. She whimpered as he expertly caressed her, knowing exactly what made her gasp and exactly what made her pelvis buck and squirm.

She reached up to cling to the headboard, feeling like she would be swept away entirely by the sensations.

Purely physicality. Sensations disconnected from the depth and pain of her emotions.

Just beyond the buzzing of arousal, she could hear in her mind the voice of Alexander Darrington when she’d talked to him in the antique-shop. “Six is never-ending.” Repeated endlessly. Six. A step away from completion. Never having to end. Never having to change.

Maybe it was true for her too. With Drayton, she could hold onto it forever.

He gently unclasped her hands from the headboard so he could pull her t-shirt off over her head. She fell back to the bed limply, hotly aroused and desperate for more of his touch.

He stroked over her satin bra, teasing her erect nipples and making her cry out before she bit her bottom lip. Then he unfastened her jeans and pulled them off too, leaving her naked except for her bra and panties.

He cupped her groin, and she knew the fabric was warm and damp beneath his hands.

“How many women have you undressed before?” she asked, panting audibly, her skin covered with goosebumps.

“Too many. For too many years.” He rubbed her pussy, and she mewled with pleasure at the rhythmic pressure.

Her mind blurred with an even deeper excitement.

“Do you want me?” Drayton asked huskily, holding his hand still between her legs.

She squirmed wantonly against his fingers, desperate for more stimulation. “Yes!”

“Tell me.”

“I want you, Drayton,” she gasped. “I want you.”

He moved over her, tense and hot and still fully dressed in his trousers and crewneck shirt. She whimpered and eagerly splayed her legs wide apart as he unfastened his trousers and freed his cock.

When he moved aside her panties and aligned himself at her entrance, she said, holding onto the last vestiges of her common sense, “This doesn’t mean I’ve made a decision.”

“It doesn’t have to.” Then he thrust home, the penetration of his cock filling her, stretching her. “It’s just sex.”

“Oh God!” she cried, arching up as the jolts of pleasure were so intense she almost came on the first stroke.

Drayton’s breath was warm and damp on her face, and his body beneath his clothes was burning up. “So hot,” he murmured, pulling back for another long thrust. “So wet. So eager.”

He pitched his hips forward again, his stroke harder than she’d expected. Her knees bent up as she tossed her head on the pillow, bombarded by sensations she couldn’t control.

“Wrap your legs around me, baby.”

She obeyed automatically, lifting her legs to hook her ankles around his butt, even as one part of her mind tried to process what was wrong with what he’d just said.

Her adjustments caused his cock to sink even deeper inside her, and she couldn’t stifle her moan in response.

Trying to grind her clit against his pubic bone, she gasped and pleaded, “More. Drayton, more.”

“Try to get your legs higher, baby,” he said, erotic authority in his voice.

She clawed at his back and edged her legs even higher up his body, digging her heels into the small of his back.

“Good girl.” He was flushed and panting himself, and he thrust again, his cock sliding easily in her slippery pussy, stroking and stimulating her clinging inner walls. “So good.”

“Oh, oh, God!” Her body rocked and squirmed beneath him, chasing the orgasm that was coiling so tightly she felt like screaming. “Please, Drayton, faster, harder.”

He built up a steady rhythm, not fast but hard and pleasing. Soon her panting changed to constant whimpering, and then to sobs of pleasure and frustration.

His eyes never left her face as he fucked her. “You’re going to come soon, aren’t you?” he asked hoarsely.

“Uh-huh.” She couldn’t concentrate enough to form anything but monosyllables.

“You’re already close.”

“Yeah. Close. Please.”

She came on his next hard thrust, the tight pressure at her center releasing itself in intense spasms. She cried out in helpless abandon as her body shook and convulsed beneath him.

She could feel his eyes on her the whole time and could hear him murmuring husky encouragement. “Good girl. So hot. Let go.”

Julia was still whimpering a little when she finally came down, and in place of the intense arousal was a heavy weight of recognition in her gut.

She clung to him, but she couldn’t look up at his face. He was still hard and substantial inside her, and her sensitive pussy was wet and clinging.

“That was lovely,” Drayton said, in the same voice he’d always used in bed with her. For some reason, she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear it right now. “I think you deserve at least one more.”

He pulled back and started thrusting again, and she knew it wouldn’t take long for her body to start responding once more.

But she tightened her hands on his neck. “Drayton.”

He must have recognized the new note in her voice because he pulled to a stop and stared down at her.

She met his eyes and opened her mouth. Then realized she had no idea what she wanted to say.

She had no idea what she wanted.

But she was pretty sure she didn’t want
this
.

She hadn’t been entirely content in their relationship—even when it had been stable and Mike had been a part of it.

She didn’t want it at all without Mike.

Julia didn’t know exactly why, but for some reason she turned her head and looked toward the opened doorway of the room.

She gasped and stiffened, the shock slamming into her first, before she could process the significance of what she saw.

Mike was standing in the door, a bag slung over one shoulder.

His expression was blank. Passive. Revealing nothing.

But she didn’t need his expression to know what he was feeling.

“Mike,” she gasped, squirming in Drayton’s arms, this time to get out of his embrace. “Mike.”

With a brief shake of his head, he turned and walked back down the hall.

“Damn it,” Drayton muttered, pulling up a bit. “Julia, don’t get upset. You weren’t doing anything wrong.”

“Let me up,” she said, pushing at his chest. “Get off.”

Drayton pulled his still hard cock from her pussy with a sloppy, wet sound. “I mean it, Julia. He has no call to pout. He’s the one who left.”

She ignored him, scrambling up off the bed, adjusting her panties and running into the hall.

“Mike!” she called.

He was already in the entryway.

“Mike, wait!” She moved down the hall at a dead run when she saw him opening the front door.

“I’ll talk to you later, Julia,” Mike said, leaving the apartment. His voice was almost normal, but he hadn’t really looked at her.

And she wasn’t fooled for a minute.

She’d crushed him. Without even trying to.

She ran out the apartment after him and might have caught up with him before he got to the stairs if their middle-aged neighbor hadn’t walked out and given a little squeal at the sight of Julia in her underwear.

“Mike!” Julia wailed.

He didn’t stop. Didn’t turn around. And she couldn’t possibly follow him undressed.

So she ran back into their apartment, on the verge of tears.

Things had been a mess before.

But now they might be beyond saving.

And this time it was her fault.

Julia slammed the door of their apartment behind her, but it did nothing to break the surge of her chaotic emotions. She hurried into Drayton’s room and grabbed her t-shirt from the rumpled bed.

When she’d pulled it over her head, she noticed Drayton was standing next to the bed, looking rather uncomfortable.

“You’re going after him,” he said—more a statement than a question.

She felt sloppy between her legs and wanted to rub at her pussy, but instead she searched for her jeans. “Yes. Of course.”

“Should that have been obvious? We were in the middle of something.”

Julia straightened up and looked at him more closely. He was flushed, his skin damp, his pants unfastened. Obviously still aroused.

“Sorry, Drayton,” she said, with a little pang of guilt in her throat. “Really, I am. I just got so upset about Mike.”

“I saw that. But I’m not convinced there’s any reason for it. We’re in a relationship. He’s the one who chose to leave.”

Julia found her jeans on the far side of the bed. “I know. But you must understand how he’d feel. Like…”

“Like what? Betrayed?” Drayton’s voice snapped sharply in the quiet room. “I assure you I can empathize.”

This was startling enough for Julia to pause in yanking up her jeans and stare at him open-mouthed. “I betrayed you?”

“No, not you,” Drayton said, his voice sharpening. “I was referring to the feeling of being abandoned—and then having the one who abandons you try to take what’s left to you away.”

Despite the indirect, slightly obscure wording, Julia knew immediately what he meant. And, despite her distraction about Mike’s abrupt departure, she froze in shock and dismay—registering the implications.

It was the closest Drayton had ever come to admitting feeling betrayed by Mike.

“Drayton.”

He raised his eyebrows and shifted from foot to foot stiffly, an uncharacteristically awkward gesture for him.

“Oh, Drayton,” she said, her face twisting a little. “I’m sorry about the interrupted fuck. We moved too fast. I wasn’t ready.”

“I realize that now. But I’m wondering if you would have realized it at all had Mike not come along and played the voyeur.”

The words were snide, and Julia wasn’t sure who the real target was. But she bristled in immediate defense of Mike. “He wasn’t playing the voyeur. He’d come in and happened to—”

She broke off suddenly. “Drayton?” she gasped. “Did you know he was there?”

She’d been so out of it while Drayton was fucking her that she hadn’t been conscious of anything else. But Drayton hadn’t been so overcome.

His face was unreadable, but she knew—she
knew
. “You knew he was there! And you kept fucking me anyway! Drayton, how could you?”

He lifted his eyebrows again. “How could I? Do what’s been standard practice between us for more than a year?”

“It was different, and you know that. That was just cruel.”

“You know, I’m hardly surprised you would think that.”

She wanted to cry at the realization of what had been going through Drayton’s mind. And Mike’s. But instead she stormed back into the living room to put on her shoes and grab her hoodie.

“Julia, he’s not worth it. He wants to move on—you know that.”

“Yes, I know that, but I’m not going to leave it like this.”

She grabbed her keys and purse and started to leave when Drayton grabbed her by the arm. His grip was hard, painful, relentless. And she gasped at the urgency in his face, bordering on desperation.

“Julia, don’t leave. We were going to talk—”

“I can’t talk more right now.” She wrenched away from him and left the apartment, relieved when he didn’t try to stop her.

She called Mike as she headed down to her car. He didn’t pick up. So she called again. He didn’t pick up this time either.

She kept calling back as she got into her car and pulled out of the parking deck. After about five minutes, Mike finally answered the phone. “Julia, I’m not answering for a reason.”

“Screw your reason. I need to talk to you.”

“Now is not a good time.”

“I know you’re angry and upset, but we need to deal with it. I didn’t cheat on you. You can’t act like I did.”

There was no answer.

“I’ve been in a relationship with Drayton for a year and a half. Just like you.”

“I know that.”

“Then why are you acting like I cheated on you?”

Again, no answer from Mike.

“Mike!”

“We can talk,” he said gruffly. “I mean it. But now is not a good time.”

“Then when is a good time?”

“When I’m less angry.”

He
was
angry—she could hear it in his voice—but she knew he was more hurt than anything else. She wasn’t surprised he wouldn’t admit it.

“Mike, where are you?”

She was driving aimlessly at the moment, but she was ready to seek him out immediately to make this better.

She swallowed hard at the nature of the silence on the other end of the call.

“Mike!” The one word was a choked plea.

“I’ll call you later. I will.” He hung up, and she knew it would be useless to try to call him back again.

She couldn’t go back to Drayton. Not now. So, after a minute’s reflection, she made a U-turn and headed back in the opposite direction.

***

“Julia,” Helen said, comforting in her typical, matter-of-fact way. “I can’t understand what you just said.”

Julia managed to get herself under better control, mopping up her face with a paper towel and sniffing until she could speak more clearly. “I know he feels like I was unfaithful to him—but I wasn’t. I wasn’t!”

“I know that. It’s unreasonable for him to think that just because he changed his mind, you would too.”

“I’m allowed to fuck Drayton,” Julia insisted, feeling another sob rising up in her throat.

“I know you are.” Helen sat beside her on the couch. She’d been grading papers in her pajamas, but she’d put her work away immediately when Julia had turned up in tears at her front door.

“He’s watched me do it a million times before.”

Evidently thinking it wise not to question this hyperbole at the moment, Helen simply said, “It might be a little bit different this time.”

Julia crumpled at the new wave of emotion that overtook her, imagining again how Mike must have felt as he’d entered their shared apartment only to find Drayton between her legs. “I know it hurt him. I didn’t mean to hurt him. If I’d been thinking, I wouldn’t have…but I’m not going to let him convince me it was an act of betrayal.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“He felt like it was, but it wasn’t.”

“Quite right.”

Wiping her eyes again, Julia peered at Helen suspiciously. But there was no trace of mockery on her friend’s face.

“I’m with you on this,” Helen said, evidently reading her mind. “Whatever your reasons for fucking Drayton, you were within the bounds of the relationship as the three of you had set them up. Mike changed terms. You didn’t. And what kind of judgmental hypocrite would I be if I assumed it was easy to cut Drayton out of your life for good, even now that you know it’s probably smarter to do so. You’ve lived with the man for a long time. You’ve been intimate with him, you’ve shared life with him. Anyone who says it’s easy to just let all of that go because it’s smart is crazy. Plus, you’re a really loyal person, and I’m sure giving up on Drayton is going to feel like disloyalty to you.”

Julia nodded. “It does. I still feel like shit about Mike, though.”

“Of course. You hurt him.”

“I wish I hadn’t.”

“I should have been stronger. I was so determined to think clearly and make a good decision. I had it all figured out this morning. But then as soon as I was with Drayton, I just caved.”

“Why do you suppose you did that?”

“I was scared,” Julia admitted, not even having to search for the answer. “I was weak. I didn’t want things to change. When he started to touch me, it all felt so easy, so familiar. I just went with it.” She sighed. “Aren’t you ashamed of having such a wishy-washy weakling for a friend?”

“Nice alliteration,” Helen said, “But I hope you don’t really think I’m that kind of judgmental know-it-all.”

“No. I know you’re not. But you’re always so smart and no-nonsense and ironic. I kind of thought you’d think I was silly.”

Helen shook her head and stared at the opposite wall of the living room. “It’s easy to make decisions about something that’s not happening to you. I’ve never been in your situation—what could I possibly know about it? Besides, no real person is strong all the time. It’s perfectly natural to have moments when you just don’t feel up to fighting. When you just take the easy way when it’s offered. Don’t beat yourself up. There’s no changing it now. What you did wasn’t immoral. It wasn’t wrong in any objective point of view. It just wasn’t what you wish you’d done.”

“Yeah.” Julia felt exhausted but quite a bit better. “Thanks.”

Helen smiled and put a friendly hand on her knee. “I have my moments. Now if Mike would ever stop pouting, you can explain things to him and get over this.”

Julia gulped. “He was really hurt.”

“I know. But he’s a big boy. And he loves you. And despite that possessive streak I always knew he had, he’s a pretty reasonable guy. He’ll get over it.”

“I don’t know.”

Helen shrugged. “So, if he doesn’t get over it, then just leave it be. If he wants to sulk like a baby, you can just go on with your life. Who needs him anyway?”

“Helen.” Julia had already started her automatic objection to this horrible thought when she realized the corner of Helen’s mouth was quirking. “Helen!” she said again, this time with a different resonance.

Helen smiled. “I didn’t think so.” She paused for a moment, then added, “You realize that you’re far more upset about hurting Mike than you were over learning Drayton is a criminal?”

“I know,” Julia muttered, looking down at her lap.

“What do you suppose that might signify?”

“Shut up.”

“Right. That’s what I thought.”

They sat in silence for a few more minutes before Julia shook herself off and met her friend’s eyes again. “All right. That’s enough hysterics for me. I’m ready to be strong again.”

“Good. Now you just need to figure out where Mike is so you can go drag him out of his moping.”

Julia knew why Helen was belittling Mike’s pain, and she knew her friend didn’t genuinely believe his feelings were trivial. So she didn’t argue against the choice of words. Instead, she thought through possibilities and soon realized the answer was obvious. “His cousin has a cabin about fifty miles out of the city. He probably went there.”

“All right,” Helen said, standing up when Julia did. “Then go find him. Make him listen to you. And don’t let him make you think you were bad.”

“Right. I wasn’t bad. Just stupid.”

Helen frowned at her.

“All right. Just human,” Julia corrected. She couldn’t help but smile though—and wondered what she’d do without Helen.

As she got into her car, she was still thinking about what it meant to be human. Earlier this morning, she’d been reflecting on how Drayton was just human too—but now he seemed farther from her and Mike than ever.

***

An hour later, she pulled off of an isolated, country road, her tires crunching on the gravel and trees hiding the small cabin until she’d turned through the curve in the driveway.

Mike went to his cousin’s cabin periodically to fish, and once she and Drayton had gone with him.

Drayton had complained the entire weekend about the accommodations—the thin mattress and the weak spray in the shower. She’d thought it was funny—he’d been hamming up the snobbish arrogance for her benefit—but Mike had been annoyed.

In fact, it had been one of the first times she’d noticed a real tension between the men. She’d written it off as bad mood, but it had signaled a shift in their relationships. It had only intensified through everything that followed.

She’d willfully ignored the progression—she could see that now. If she’d acted on it back then instead of suppressing it…who knew? She still couldn’t imagine how things could have ended well. If the two men couldn’t live together, there was no way she could keep what they’d had.

Julia got out of her car, her steps grating loudly on the gravel. She was wearing brown hiking shoes, and she watched as her feet took each step on the loose stones.

When she reached the cabin, she tapped on the door.

No answer.

She looked around the side of the cabin and was relieved when she saw a black SUV parked there. At least she hadn’t been wrong about where Mike had gone. Now she just had to get him to let her in.

She walked along the outer wall and tapped on a window. “Mike!”

Trying to peer in, she cupped her hands around her eyes so she could see past the glare. The window gave her a good view of a table. She saw Mike’s laptop resting on it.

“Mike!” she called out, more loudly now. Why the hell wouldn’t he let her in?

“Julia.”

She almost squealed as she whirled around. The voice had come from behind her.

Mike approached the cabin, carrying a fishing pole. He wasn’t smiling, but he wasn’t glaring or about to yell at her either.

She tried a smile. “Catch anything?”

He shook his head. “I guess my location wasn’t much of a puzzle.”

Vaguely, Julia took comfort in that thought. If Mike had really been trying to avoid her, he’d have gone somewhere she wouldn’t know to look. “Are you going to send me away?”

Shaking his head again, he gestured toward the cabin. He hadn’t shaved this morning, and his dark bristles were thicker than normal. “Come on in.”

Julia went inside. The rustic furniture was as she remembered it, down to the worn bearskin rug in front of the fireplace. Mike’s overnight bag was on the bed across the room.

When he waved toward the rocking chair, she perched on the edge of the seat, wishing this conversation was over.

Mike didn’t sit down. He just leaned against the sturdy table. His chest rose and fell as he looked at her, a hard edge to his jaw and his eyes uncharacteristically unyielding.