FIRE (Elite Forces Series Book 2) (12 page)

“Please.  Don’t stop.”  She moves into my arms and holds herself up with hers around my neck.  I grab her hips and slide her easily on and off of me at a fast pace until I’m releasing into her.  She follows shortly after.  “It’s so hot inside.”  Her words are interrupted as she finishes her orgasm in my arms. 

She’s so fucking beautiful and I know right now in this moment, I can’t let anything happen to her.  She’s too important for me to risk in any way.

    The road leading to her apartment approaches quickly, I’m glad we didn’t continue to drive while I was pissed off.  These corners would’ve been a bitch.

“Kaleb.”  Jade whispers as she meets me in the front of the Jeep once I get out.  We didn’t actually accomplish anything before we fucked on that dirt road.  I know there’s still a conversation to be had and I dread every second of it. 

She splays her hands wide across my chest while I feel the beating of my heart in my head.  I knew she was going to be pissed and act all crazy before.  I knew she’d start demanding information wanting to know what the hell is going on, but never in my life did I think she would say something to hurt me.  My only focus is keeping her safe, why the fuck would she need protection from me? 

“Let's go inside, Jade.”  She lifts her hands off my chest and moves to the side.  I pass her by, stepping into her house.  I drop the bags to the floor and hit the light in a robot motion before I run my hands over my face in frustration, trying to decide how to handle this conversation.  I’m still so damned pissed I can hardly form a sentence, and somehow I need this stubborn, gorgeous woman to know I love her with everything in me, but I will not sacrifice her safety on a mission like this.  My brother is a monster and would love nothing more than use ammunition like her against me. 

I look into her eyes and try like everything to say something that could possibly touch the surface of explaining my love for her.  She has me completely choked and I can’t speak around the chaos going through my mind.  I grab my bag and start walking to the bathroom, hoping a fucking shower will calm me enough to talk to her.

Her voice stops me in my tracks when what she says crashes up against my chest like a roaring wave slamming into you out of nowhere.  She’s speaking incredibly softly, talking so tenderly through her own restricted voice, and just knowing she’s struggling hits my heart instantly.

“I’m sorry. It’s just… do you have any idea what ran through my mind when I saw them drag you away from me?  I crumbled, Kaleb.  I told you one of the days at the hospital how I went ballistic and held a gun to Harris’ head.  I wasn’t in the right state of mind.  All I could think about was you and how much I’ve fallen in love with you.  I thought my life was going according to plan when all along my plan was you.  I was waiting for you.  I used to be as hard on the inside as I am on the outside, and in ways I still am, but not with you.  I’m weak when it comes to you, Kaleb.  I’m weak because you make me crazy and the thought of ever losing you terrifies me.  You make me happy and I don’t ever want to lose… “

“Come here,” I interrupt her as her words hit home.  She couldn’t have described our mutual feelings any better.  I’m weak when it comes to her, just as she is to me.  I’m no expert on love, this is the first and only time I will ever experience it.  Jade is it for me.  Where I’m about to go could end in a way I’m not prepared to admit, but I have to go into this knowing she is safe, even if it makes her angry.  

Reality is a crazy bitch.  She’ll knock at your doorstep whenever she pleases.  Maybe Jade saying what she did was the dose of reality I needed.  I need to leave without her knowing.  Because the last thing I want to do before I leave is fight with her over this; and that is what we will do if I tell her a damn thing.

I grab her by the waist when she closes in on me and push her up against the wall, allowing my entire body to cover hers again.  My hard cock presses into her flat stomach, while we both breathe each other’s air again.  I lower my face to hers and look straight into her eyes. 
Feel me, Jade.  Feel everything I can’t say and know I’m doing this all for you.  For me.  I’d lose my fucking mind without you, and there’s no way I’m chancing your life for this specific mission.  He’ll make it personal, and that’s something I can’t take a gamble on.

“I’m so sorry.”  Her words are a strangled whisper, and her soft hands grip my face.  I feel her chest heaving up and down as it brushes against mine with every breath.  She begins to run her fingers up and down through my beard, tugging on it just before she lets her hands slide down my arms.

“I know you are, but Jade, let me make one thing clear before I take care of you all night long.  I want you to know that every single fucking thing I’ve done since I met you was only done after I thought of how it would affect you.  I would never do a goddamn thing to intentionally hurt you.  I fucking love you.  Do you get me?”

“Yes.  I get you.  But don’t you,” she tugs hard on my beard until she has my face within an inch of hers, “ever manhandle me again.  You fucking scared me, driving like a lunatic and slamming your fist on the dash.  There’s a time and a place for taking out your aggression.”

“Is that an invitation, Captain?”  I bite her bottom lip.

“You bet your sweet ass it is.  I happen to like it a little rough if you haven’t noticed.”

“Now you're challenging me to go again?  Jade, baby.  I’m sorry too.  The last thing I want to do is bring you any more pain.  We’ll talk about it, just not tonight.  Tonight, I need to feel you.  To taste you again.  To make you forget the hurt and only think about me.”  Her lips curl up in the naughty way I like.  What comes out of her mouth next would have been sufficient enough, but fuck it.  I’m a guy.  I’ll take all I can get, especially from her.

One of her tempting little hands trails down my chest, and she grips a hold of my cock through my jeans, squeezing and teasing.  She wants to play again?  Hell, I’ll always be up for more playtime with her.

“Come on.”  I grab her hand.  My cock is twitching, and jerking, and aching again to come out so quickly.  Fuck, I hate fighting with her.  Thank god it’s done and over. 

“Strip.” This time, my tone is powerful, demanding as I urge her to take that sexy little outfit off. Jade in her tight camouflage that showcases her tight ass is one thing, but Jade in a tight little shirt and shorts that hug every sinful curve in her body is a tempting sin that she’s had me begging to commit all day.  She thought the look on my face today when I was stalking toward her after my meeting had to do with the news I heard.  She couldn’t be more wrong.  It had everything to do with her standing on my porch, looking like the sin she is, waiting for me.

I can feel her eyes on me through the darkness, her eager hands rustling around as she slips out of her clothes again.  I do the same with my clothes, letting them fall to the floor at my feet.

“Kaleb, take a shower with me.” God, I will never get sick of hearing her say my name and hell, yes, I’ll shower with her.

“Come here.”  I don’t wait for her.  I reach out, grab her wrist, and lead her to her shower.  We take our usual quiet shower, all the while using our hands to show our love for one another.  She drops to her knees, and before I have time to think, she has me hard and fully erect again.  I want us to spend time in bed together, so I shut off the water and lead her to the bed. 

Our bodies are soaking wet, but neither of us cares in the slightest.  I lie back on her bed and pull her on top of me.  My mouth goes to her neck, and I nibble her freshly cleaned skin.  I quickly feel her rapid pulse below her ear while she’s panting in mine, her noises driving me insane.  I’m forgetting, yet memorizing every part of her I can.

“Jesus, Kaleb,” she moans.

“Turn around.  Take my cock and let me taste your pussy, Jade.”  The instant she slides herself around, I grip her ass and tug her down onto my face, licking up her center.  I fucking growl.  Her wet lips start licking the base of my cock, up and down the entire shaft, while I continue to stroke her with my tongue, coaxing her intoxicating smell to impale my senses.

“Fuck.”  I can’t hold back when she swirls her tongue across the tip.  She’s teasing me, and I can’t say I don’t love it.  I pump my hips up.  I want her mouth on me now.  I want my come down her throat.  I want her all over my cock. 

My balls tighten when she slides her wet mouth down my shaft. One of her hands takes over, and she sucks and pumps me hard.  She’s working me, while I’m working her. I bring her tiny bud in between my teeth and bite down gently, while my fingers move from her ass, spreading her wide, my tongue having the same effect on her as hers does on me.  Those noises.  Goddamn, those sexy gasps coming out of her have me on the verge of exploding.  I lose my shit when she grinds her pussy onto my face.  Her taste explodes in my mouth, and there’s no way I’m letting that be the way this night ends.

Fucking hell.  Welcome to my heaven.

My cock is aching to be inside of her again.  I flip her over onto her stomach.  “What are you doing?” she asks, her voice raspy and dripping with need.

“I’m going to fuck you, Jade.”  I use my hand to place her head and shoulders down on the crumpled-up bedding and lift her tight little ass in the air while I listen to her quick breaths and heavy breathing before I slam my cock into her.

“Is this what you wanted?  My cock hard, fast, and deep, Jade?”  God, she’s feels incredible. “Answer me.”  I fist her hair in my hand and use my other one for support as I rock into her more.  Her head snaps up.  Her warm breath is right there, begging for me to take her mouth.  Not yet.  Not until she caves and I rail the shit out of her body.  I want to fuck us both into next week.

“I’ve wanted you since the first time you asked me to get on my knees.” 
Fuck me.
 

“You better come one more time, baby.  I’m going to explode inside of you.”  My hips move my cock in and out of her while she clamps down on me, and I know she’s close.  God, I’d give anything to see the hunger in her eyes right now.

I wake with a jolt; a deep rush of panic has me feeling alone. “Kaleb.” My hands reach behind me to feel his empty, cold side of the bed.  Where is he?

We fell asleep with him holding me tightly.  It was startling at first, the way he hauled me into his hard body as if he was afraid to let me go.  His heart was beating out of control, and I know damn well it had nothing to do with the way he fucked me with such passion and aggression both on the dirt road and in my bed.  He’s torn up inside, and it’s killing me that he won’t let me help him.

He woke me a few hours later with nothing but tenderness in his touch.  His fingers grazed across my nipple as he whispered in my ear how much he loved me.

Kaleb does love me, but he does not make love.  He fucks, and he does it hard.  I wouldn’t want it any other way with him.  I love it when he’s rough and takes what is his.  He’s only made love to me nice and slow a few times, and that was after Afghanistan and before we left for Mexico.  I tried not to dwell on it last night.  Instead, I felt.  I felt his love pouring into me with each passionate thrust, with each desperate kiss.  He was trying to get as close to me as he possibly could.  The best way he could think of was to be inside of me.

The crazy, dominant, wild Kaleb, who doesn’t take no for an answer, took charge when he fucked me twice last night before we went to sleep. Then, as fast as one of my speeding bullets, he flipped and turned on the romance.  Romance he swore up and down he doesn’t do.

With every deep penetration something followed out of his mouth.

“I’m obsessed with you, Jade.”  Thrust.

“I could do this with you forever.”  Thrust.

“I love the way you taste.”  Thrust.

“Smell.”  Thrust.

“Feel.”  Thrust.

It carried on and I loved every minute of it.  I became so enamored with his words and his gentle touch the way he stroked me until I felt like I was floating, and then when he kissed my collarbone and buried his head in my neck as he came inside of me, I knew.  I fucking knew that whatever he was told in his meeting wasn’t good.

And now I’m concerned.

I know I hurt him last night when my anger filtered through my mouth and the words crept out before I had a chance to register what I was saying.  If I could take it all back, I would.

I’m dying here though.  He’s not treating me like his equal or like the soldier I am.  He’s treating me like he would someone he’s trying to protect from the stress of our world.  Like a civilian girlfriend, who can’t be subjected to the details of a mission like we go on.  I’m not fragile.  I’m not going to break or shatter.  The only way that will happen is if he doesn’t quit hiding things and lying to me about whatever the hell is going on.

I need to find him.

Sliding the covers off of me, I swing my legs over the side of the bed.  I bend down to grab the first piece of clothing I can find.  It’s the shirt he had on yesterday. It smells like him.  I slip it over my head, turn, and look at the time on the clock.  It’s four-fifteen.  What could possibly have him awake this early?  Maybe he’s in pain.  I know he was yesterday.  I saw it every time he switched positions and his back scraped across the couch or chair at his mom’s. 

I want this nightmare to be over.  This is the first real relationship either one of us has been in, and it has been one fight after another to keep us afloat.

“Kaleb,” I call out., my hands gliding along the wall for support because of how sore my body is today.

It’s eerily quiet.  I rush for the light and almost scream when I hear Harris open the front door.

“Fuck, Harris.  You scared the shit out of me.  Where’s Kaleb?”  He takes a few steps toward me as I continue to turn more lights on.  I really need to get reacquainted with my own apartment.  I just haven’t stayed here much lately.

“He got called early again.  He asked me to keep you with me until he gets back.”  I know my face turns hard and my words become cold. 

I’m fucking angry.  After our fight, the rough sex, and then him making love to me, he should’ve woken me up before he left.  He knew there would be a possibility of this and yet, he still kept the mission details from me.

“Are you serious?  This pisses me off.”  I stomp back into the bedroom to get my phone.  I can’t believe he didn’t even have the balls to tell me goodbye.  Mexico changed him.  It changed us, and I’m not sure I want the kind of relationship where I’m going to always be worried he’s going to leave me in the middle of the night on some secret mission.

How am I supposed to have his back when he didn’t even make sure I was there to do it?  I dial his number, expecting him to send me to voice mail.  When he answers, I immediately lose it before ‘hello’ even comes out of his mouth.

“I can’t believe you left without saying goodbye, Kaleb.  How do you expect me to be able to breathe until you get back when my mind will be a clusterfuck worrying about you?  I saved your ass in Afghanistan.  I tried like hell to kill as many as I could in Mexico, while your fucking team pulled away without you.” He tries to interrupt me, but I’m so goddamn angry that my words keep spewing out of my mouth.  “Then, when you were hanging from a motherfucking tree and the damn Mexicans were pissing on your legs, I’m the one who killed each and every one of them.  Your team may be strategic and careful… but I love you.  There’s not a stronger loyalty than that, Kaleb.  How could you just leave me out of this?  I know you.  I know you’re going to find Ty or do something you want me to stay away from.  Well, Kaleb.  I hate to tell you, I won’t tolerate being treated like a fucking fragile little bitch who has to stay at home and keep house while you’re out saving the damn world.  I don’t know what it was about me that made you think I’d sit back and take this without fighting you on it.”

“Jade. Stop.” His stern words enrage me even more.

“No, Kaleb.  You fucking stop.  I’m dying here, knowing you’re going on a mission and I didn’t even get the chance to kiss you goodbye, or to discuss any of this with you.  Have you ever thought that this mission may go bad and how I’ll feel if I never see you again?  You know damn well that could happen on any day in our careers.  Just like you wouldn’t tolerate me doing this to you, I’m not going to stand by and watch you do this to me.”

“What’re you saying, Jade?”  I stop.  What am I saying?  Can I deal with this kind of stress on a normal basis?  Do I really want to give up everything to be treated like this when I’ve worked my life to be treated as an equal?  If I can’t even get that in my relationship, how do I expect to get it in my career?

“I can’t do this, Kaleb.  I love you, but I can’t live like this.”  His silence is gutting me.  My tears slide down my face with anger and sadness as I tell him what I wish like hell I didn’t have to.  But I have to remember who I am in this.  I have no idea where to find him or how to help him, and I’ll be absolutely consumed with worry until I hear they made it back, but I’ll have to distance myself from him in the future.  He’s forcing that on me with his actions.  

I hate to do this over the phone, and I really despise fighting with him before he leaves on a mission.  I may not be able to have a real relationship with him, but that doesn’t change the fact I fucking love this man and I’ll be totally destroyed from all of this.  “Please, just be safe.  I’ll be here when you get back.”  I lie. I can’t have him out there doing his job and worrying about us at the same time.  For his safety and for my heart right now in this moment, he needs to think we’ll be alright.  

“Jade.  I wish like fuck I could tell you.”  Every time he talks, another piece of my heart breaks.

“We both know you could, you just choose not to.  But I understand.”  I’m trying like hell to be sympathetic here.  I swallow hard, holding my chest with my free hand, while I fight through the giant lump in my throat to end this call.  “I love you, Kaleb.  I’ll see you soon.”  I close my eyes and stop breathing as I wait for his response.  His voice is raspy and uncertain when he finally speaks.

“I love you too, baby.  Just tell me we’ll work through this when I get back.  Because I am coming back, Jade.  I’m coming back to you.”  The tears escape fast as I squeeze my eyes closed tightly, knowing I can’t ever see him again.

“I’ll be here.  Please be safe.”  I hit end and sit on the edge of the bed, feeling the weight of the words from the call.  My heart hurts, and I know I’m right about not being able to see him again.  He has always had a way of owning me when he’s near me.  If I let him get close to me, I know exactly what he’ll try to do.  He’ll coax me with his ability to strip me bare, because that’s exactly what he’s done. He’s left me exposed, naked in a way I may never recover from.  Kaleb Maverick has peeled away the hard shell I’ve had guarding my heart, and now he’s left me bleeding.

I hear Harris’ footsteps as he walks to the doorway, stopping to lean against it after he asks me, “You alright?”

“No, I’m not.  He’s treating me like a civilian girlfriend he can’t share shit with.  Or hell, it could be worse.  Is he just doing this to keep me from going because he’s trying to protect me?  Either way, I can’t do this for the rest of my life.  I’ve worked my ass off to prove I’m capable of being strong and that I’m not afraid to take out any enemy or threat in the way of completing a mission.  So what if I got pissed at the team for taking off without him?  I would’ve been pissed to leave anyone there.  I mean, hell, we just left him there to be eaten alive by the enemy.”  I stand and start to pace back and forth as I talk.  “He’s hiding something from me, and I can’t deal with that.  What did he say to you exactly?”

“He asked me to keep you safe until he returned.  I told him I would.  That’s it.  Jade.  You know we don’t ask questions.  We just do as we’re told.  You should be used to this by now.”

“This isn’t the Army.  He’s not our commanding officer anymore.  He’s our fucking teammate.  This is my relationship with the man I love.  How am I supposed to stay here, knowing he’s going into some deep shit?  I’m losing my mind, thinking about all the possibilities of what can go wrong.  What if those guys don’t watch every single fucking thing, Harris?  I can’t do this every day.  This is not a life I want to lead.  I’m built to fight, not keep fucking house.”

“Are you seriously walking away from him?”  I stop moving and stand silent as I look at Harris still leaning against the doorframe.

“I have to, Harris.”  I sit on the edge of the bed again before I realize I’m sitting here only in Kaleb’s t-shirt. 

“Damn it.  I’m losing my mind.  I’m prancing around here in a damn t-shirt in front of you.”

“I’ve seen it all before.  I know it’s not like that.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal, but it is to me.  This is part of what I mean about being naked and bare.  He has my mind fucked up with worry, and I feel vulnerable to the fact that my whole life could be changed with one wrong move by any of them.

I slide some shorts and have to roll the waist down so they’ll stay up on my hips.  Harris never leaves his spot, and I want to yell at him at the same time I want to thank him for always being here.

“No, it’s not.”  I grab a brush, running it through my tangled-up hair, gathering it up, and securing it with a few pins into a messy bun while I start to think about what I’m going to do from here.

“Tell me where your head is, Elliott.  I need to know the plan before you move on anything.”   I busy myself picking up everything on the floor, which isn’t much.

“We’re leaving here.  I’ll report in tomorrow and see if they can get me back out there.”

“You really think rushing back out there is going to help you through all of this?”

“It can’t hurt.”  He pushes off the wall and moves toward me. 

“You’re not ready for that, and you know it.”

“Well, Harris.  I’m not going to just sit around and play housewife.  That’s not who I am.  He obviously wants that from me.”  I leave the bedroom to get the last of my stuff gathered.  I want Harris to get me out of here before I break down and cry again.

Throwing the last of my stuff in my bag, I flip the lights off and start past him to the door.  He steps in front of me, stopping me in my tracks.

“Stop.  I’m not going to let you make any rash decisions until we know exactly what’s going on.  I’m taking you to the ranch for a few days, so you can chill the fuck out.  I’ve already told our superior where we’ll be.  He agreed on the extended R&R for both of us. You have to call him yourself and let him know your whereabouts.”  I look at his chest, because honestly, my eyes can’t look into his.  His caring demeanor is something that’s easy for me to pull toward when I’m hurting like this.  He’s been through so much with me, and I continue to send him on a ride from hell with the chaos in my life.  I know him well enough to know he wouldn’t have it any other way, but hell, I need to feel some sense of normalcy soon before I lose my mind.

“I have Mallory packing her bag at my house.  She’s coming with us.”  I look up.  His eyes are soft, and he grins just slightly when I start quizzing him.

“You fucking my friend, Harris?  Because I swear I can’t deal with her heart being broken when I’m dealing with my own shattered mess.”

“We’re just having fun.  Now, give me your bag. Call your superior and tell him where you're going.”  He reaches for my single bag just like the gentleman he is.