Fire Inside: A Chaos Novel (37 page)

He rolled, taking me with him as he scooted us up the bed and settled on his back with me in his arms.

I pressed closer. Winding an arm around his middle, I rested my cheek on his pec.

“I didn’t want just one night,” I shared.

“I know,” he said softly.

“I’d been watching you for years.”

“I know, baby.”

“I was ready to take the risk again. I just wasn’t ready to admit it until just now, outside, when you said the things you said, which were exactly what I was going through then you kissed me, and I knew I couldn’t live without you. But all that happened before, I put you through hell.”

“Lanie—”

I closed my eyes tight then opened them. “I’m sorry I put you through that.”

“I’m not, lady, because I loved every fuckin’ second.”

I blinked in the dark then lifted my head to look at him. “What?”

“Not havin’ you these past weeks sucked, but it led to me comin’ that hard, that fast and givin’ that same thing to you, it was worth it. And here you are in my bed, tellin’ me you love me and I’m gonna keep you here, so fuck yeah. It was worth it.”

He caught my chin with his finger and thumb to hold my face toward his as he went on.

“But before that, I loved every fuckin’ second, Lanie. Even when we were fightin’. And babe, you’re too hard on yourself. I threw my punches too and I know I can be a dick when I do. So don’t do what you do, take all this shit on your shoulders.”

“You were always up front. I didn’t know it but I was playing games.”

“Your head was messed up, Lanie. That wasn’t games. That was your way of straightening shit out.”

I liked that he thought that and I hoped he was right.

Still.

“We fight dirty, honey,” I noted.

“No, we fight honest. Trust me, I know when fighting comes from someplace ugly, someplace cold, someplace jacked. I got that shit from Mitzi. I also know when it comes from someplace else, feelings that are good, fights that are worth it to get past shit and learn about each other and I know that because that’s what we got.”

“Do you think so?” I asked.

“I know so,” Hop answered and his words were firm.

I pulled my chin from his grip and pressed my face in his neck.

“It hurts,” I told him.

“It hurts because you give a shit.”

This made sense but still.

“You said I made you genuinely happy,” I reminded him.

“Yeah, I said that,” he confirmed.

I lifted my head to look at him again. “How? I jacked you around. I lied about what I wanted from the very beginning. Even though I didn’t do it consciously, I still did it. I screwed things up and then did it again and again and—”

“Baby,” he interrupted me, his body suddenly shaking with laughter, “didn’t you hear me when I said I like a challenge?”

“There’s a challenge, Hop, and then there’s a pain in the ass.”

Still laughing, he rolled us again so I was on my back and he was pressed into me.

“You’re beautiful, fuck me, seriously, so goddamned beautiful sometimes, swear to God, I think I can’t look at you any longer because if I do, your beauty will burn out my eyes.”

Oh my God!

That was
so
sweet.

“You’re funny. You’re crazy,” he carried on. “You’re just you and to hell with what people think. You’re total class. You could be a snob because you come from money and you got your kind of beauty but, because you’re you, you fit anywhere. You treat my kids good. You’re a fantastic fuckin’ cook. You let go in bed and come hard, givin’ me even more beauty. I lay in bed with you, tellin’ you stories about bitches I used to date and you giggle your ass off, you don’t get in my face about reminding you I used to date those bitches. I lay in bed, tellin’ you stories about my life and you look at me with those beautiful eyes of yours and listen like I’m tellin’ you God’s secret plan for harmony. And I sing you a song and you stand on a goddamned chair and shout I’m the shit then jump me when we get home. None of that, none of it, lady, is a pain in the ass. All of it, every bit, is worth fighting for.”

Oh.

My.

God!

That
was
so
sweet!

“Hopper,” I whispered.

“Babe, hear this. I figured something out about Mitzi. She didn’t want that guy because he had her heart. She wanted that guy because her dad made shit but they lived in a part of town where she went to school with kids that had serious money. Don’t know but I guess, for her, bein’ poor around the rich fucked with her head. And that guy’s dad made money. The kind of money that meant he had it easy in life, doors opened for him. So by the time I met him, he had a wife who couldn’t give him kids but he still had a six-bedroom house in Cherry Creek. He drove a BMW. She drove a Merc. He wore fuckin’ loafers shined so bright, I fought against puttin’ on shades to battle the glare. And she was so tricked out, it didn’t take a psychologist to figure out she was usin’ money to buy her happiness. Mitzi wanted that. She wanted the Merc and designer gear. She didn’t want him.”

I didn’t know where he was leading with this so I just said, “Okay.”

Hop got I didn’t understand so he explained.

“What I’m sayin’ is, fucks with a man’s pride, his woman steps out on him. But when Mitzi sorted her shit and figured out she’d wasted most of her life on a dream she wouldn’t live because she wasn’t woman enough to keep a decent man, she came crawlin’ back to me. She didn’t step out on me. She didn’t give a shit about me. I was just there to keep her from bein’ lonely and to get her off. She was steppin’ out on our life. She understood, too late, that flashy cars and big houses were not where it was at. A man in your bed who’s gonna be true to you and whose highest priority in life is lookin’ after you and the kids you make together is.”

Well, that was the God’s honest truth.

And I loved, loved,
loved
it that Hop thought that way.

“Life is fucked up,” Hop continued. “First it leads me to a bitch who wants the high life and fucks me over while she’s tryin’ to get it. And then it leads me to a good woman who had the high life and knew better what was important.” He lifted a hand to cup my jaw before he finished, “Thank fuck it came in that order, babe, or I’d be fucked.”

“Funny,” I said quietly, “I was thanking fuck because you came into my life at all.”

After I spoke my words, the room went still and it stayed that way for so long, it began to freak me out.

“Hop?” I called.

“Do you have any fuckin’ clue how much I love you?”

After his growled words, I stopped breathing. Therefore it took effort to wheeze out, “I do now.”

I felt his lips hit mine, where he said, “Every step, every breath, every second I lived on this earth, I’m thankful for, no matter how fucked up or whacked or hard or good, ’cause all that shit led me to you.”

Oh dear.

I was going to cry.

Damn!

I was crying.

In fact, I burst into tears on a muffled sob, twisting my head and shoving my face in Hop’s neck.

His arms closed around me, he rolled us to our sides and he held me close, one hand stroking my spine as the goodness I felt from his words flowed from my eyes and into his skin.

“I’m giving you a key to my house,” I announced stupidly, my words breaking, my breath hitching.

“Good,” he muttered, his words breaking because he was stifling laughter.

“We need to speed up the easing Cody and Molly into things gig because I don’t want to sleep without you, even if it might be inappropriate Dad’s girlfriend spends the night,” I declared.

“I’ll work on that with them right away,” Hop replied, still sounding amused.

“If it takes time, when they’re asleep, I’ll crawl through the window.”

Even more humor in his tone when he stated, “Babe, seein’ as my room is on the top floor, I’d like to see how you pull that off, but I’ll save you that hassle and let you in the front door.”

I belatedly fell silent and stopped acting like an idiot but kept crying.

Hop asked, “Easing the Cody and Molly into things…
gig?
”

I pulled my head back and looked at him. “What?”

“You don’t say words like ‘gig’, lady.”

“My man’s a biker. Shit rubs off.”

The minute I finished speaking, Hop’s arms spasmed around me as he burst out laughing.

I watched and listened through the dark, loving every second.

Still laughing, he bent his head and took my lips, laughing into my mouth as he kissed me.

Amazing.

Then he made love to me, a lot slower this time.

Even better.

And last, I fell asleep, naked in his arms.

No dreams.

Just Hop.

The pounding at the door woke us. Hop’s arm convulsed around me and I lifted my head from where it lay on his chest to stare at the door.

“Open this goddamned door, brother!”

Oh God.

That was Tack.

And he sounded really,
really
angry.

“Fuck,” Hop muttered.

“Fuckin’ now!” Tack shouted.

“Fuck,” Hop repeated.

“Oh dear,” I mumbled.

“Not a good time!” Hop yelled.

“Open it or I kick it in!” Tack shouted and I felt my eyes get wide. I’d never heard Tack angry like that.

“Oh dear,” I whispered.

“Fuck,” Hop grumbled, rolled into me, kissed me quickly then he rolled out of bed.

Tack pounded at the door.

Hop tossed his thermal to me and I tugged it on as he pulled up a pair of jeans and moved to the door.

“Jesus, brother, cool it! Fuck! I’m comin’!” Hop yelled, made it to the door, unlocked it and opened it. I had the thermal down to my waist, the covers up it and I watched as Hop took a quick step back because Tack pushed in.

Tack scowled at me in bed for a nanosecond before his head swung Hop’s way.

“Seriously?” he asked. “I just get done dealin’ with that shit with Tabby and you,
another brother,
are nailin’
my other girl
in… fuckin’…
secret?
”

How sweet. I loved it that I was his other girl.

“Tack, breathe, brother, and give me a second to explain,” Hop stated calmly.

Tack pointed my way. “Her head’s messed up. You go in there when her head’s messed up?”

“My head isn’t messed up,” I butted in and Tack turned his scowl back to me.

“Darlin’, you’re in my heart, you know that so no offense, but you’re right, it isn’t messed up. It’s
fucked up.
”

Oh wow. I was in his heart.

“Tack, listen to me,” Hop called Tack’s attention to him and Tack sliced his gaze to Hop. “There’s a reason we kept it under wraps, a good one I’m not gonna explain because it’s Lanie’s and she gets to explain it if she wants. What you gotta know right now is, this is real,” he stated just as my phone rang from inside my purse.

“It better fuckin’ be real, brother. I know you. I know you wouldn’t pull shit on me, Red, Lanie, but what I
don’t
know is why it’s a goddamned secret,” Tack returned.

I’d scooted up to my knees to reach the side of the bed where my purse was, grabbed it and pulled my phone out while Hop replied, “Lanie had some things to work through and I thought we should focus on that without outside distractions.”

It was my request we keep it a secret but Hop was setting it up so, if there was a fall, he would be taking it for me.

I was feeling all warm inside, thinking that was nice, still feeling the glow of Tack calling me his girl (regardless of this tense situation; however, I knew Hop would sort it out) as I put my phone to my ear.

I wouldn’t have answered right then, but the display said it was Lis. She knew everything that was going on, including my break up with Hop, which led to her gently trying to understand why we broke up since she told me she liked him and thought he was good for me. She was also worried about me so I didn’t want to miss a phone call from her to make her more worried about me. I’d done enough of that to people who cared about me.

“Hey, sweetie. Now’s not a good time,” I said in greeting. “I’ll call you back in an hour or so and we’ll talk.”

“You think maybe her best fuckin’ friend and
your
fuckin’ friend, brother, might have been able to take your back on that?” Tack asked a very good question.

I didn’t hear Hop’s answer because Lis spoke in my ear.

“Lanie, honey…
God.
I don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to say it. The bubble burst last night at Mom and Dad’s. Dad is in the hospital. Mom’s in jail.”

I blinked at the covers.

“What?” I whispered.

“Apparently, this is a guess,” she began, “but I figure Dad stewed on what you said then finally pulled his finger out and made his decision. From what I could get from Mom’s hysterical phone call, Dad informed her he couldn’t keep hurting her and his other chick, so he made a decision and he picked the other chick. Mom finally grew a backbone, lost her nut, grabbed a bottle of wine and conked him on the head with it. He started bleeding. She started yelling. They started scrapping. The neighbors freaked, the cops were called, then the ambulance. Now Dad is under observation for a concussion and Mom needs a cosigner for a bond since Dad’s seriously pissed and he’s pressing charges.”

“Oh my God,” I said.

“Lady, what is it?” Hop asked.

“I know,” my sister agreed.

“Oh my God,” I repeated.

“No shit,” my sister replied.

“Lanie, baby,
what is it?
” Hop asked.

“Oh my God!” I cried.

“Jesus, Lanie,” Hop clipped and I felt his hand under my chin lifting my eyes to his where he was standing by the bed, looking worried. “What the fuck is it?”

“Oh my God,” Lis said in my ear. “Please tell me that’s Hop.”

I ignored her, the fact that Tack was standing there and told Hop. “My dad told my mom he picked the other woman. She lost it. Conked him on the head with a wine bottle. He’s in the hospital and pressing charges. She’s in jail and looking for a cosigner for her bond.”

Hop’s hand fell away as he straightened, all the while doing a slow blink.