Fireflies From Heaven (11 page)

 
Remembering how heartbroken I’d been
when my mom died, I understood how devastated Isabelle and Reed had felt.
 
Only I’d had my dad, who’d managed to
wade through his own river of grief to help pull me from mine.
 
Reed and Isabelle hadn’t been as lucky.

 
“Ellie? Reed peered down at me. “Are you
crying?” He brushed the tears from my face, but I wanted to comfort him not the
other way around.

 
I sat up and folded my knees beneath me.
“Isabelle told me.”

Reed just
stared at me.
 
“She told you about
what?” he asked carefully.

“Everything,” I
whispered and I felt Reed tense.

“You know about
Jane Cox.”
 
His gaze narrowed at me,
and then he stood up.

“Reed—“

He stopped
suddenly and faced me. “I wanted to tell you myself.” His eyes flashed with
dark emotion. “I was hoping I could make you understand.”
 
Raking his hand over his jaw, he shook
his head. “Shit. I know it’s bad, but I didn’t know what else to do then.”

Reaching out, I
put my hand on his chest over his heart and felt his muscles tense.
 
“I’m not judging you, Reed.” I spoke
with soft desperation and silently prayed for him to know it was the truth.

“No?” He
laughed humorlessly. “I had sex in exchange for rent money.”

I was shaking
with Reed’s pain. “I know,” I whispered. “You don’t have to do this.”

He clasped my
shoulders gently, and looked into my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Reed,” I
whispered urgently, cradling his face in my hands. “I wish I could take away
your pain. You were just a kid.
 
It
wasn’t your fault and you shouldn’t blame yourself.”

Reed stared at
me in disbelief.
 
His hand lifted
and covered my own, which was still caressing his jaw.

“Ellie, I know
it wasn’t all my fault.” His gaze met mine. “I wanted to tell you myself.” He
let out a deep breath. “And I wanted you to want me anyway.”

The heartfelt
admission did something to me.
 
Every day I’d been falling more in love with Reed, but at that moment I
plunged all the way in, and the empty spaces inside of me, that I hadn’t known
existed, filled.
 
Wanting to tell
him, but afraid it was too soon I said, “I want you, Reed.
 
I always will, nothing that’s happened
or will ever happen can change that.”

“I don’t if I
deserve you.” His thumb slid over my lips. “But I’m not letting you go.”

 
“What happened wasn’t your fault,” I
insisted, needing him to understand that. “None of it.
 
She took advantage of you.”

Reed shook his
head. “No. I knew what I was doing. I knew it was wrong.” His eyes implored me
to understand him, and I did.
 
Reed
didn’t think of himself as a victim and was shouldering responsibility for he’d
done.
 
His strength was incredible.

“I’m sorry for
what you’ve been through. I’m sorry Isabelle found those things.”

Reed’s slow
smile made my stomach flip
 
“Bring
all the sex toys to my house that you’d like.” Reed chuckled. “I’m serious
about that,” he added with a smile in his eyes.

I smiled in
return, but I wanted him to know that he didn’t have to always be strong.
 
“My mom once told me I didn’t have to
pretend with her. You don’t have to pretend with me.”

“I know that,
Ellie.
 
I’m okay.” Our eyes met and
I saw the truth in his words. “So I’ve had some bad shit happen.” He spoke
matter-of-factly. “It didn’t break me. Despite what Isabelle thinks, I’m not
traumatized by my past.
 
I’m not
into anything sexually deviant.”

His smile
melted over my already sensitive skin sending shivers down my spine. “I didn’t
think you were,” I told him.

“Isabelle was
worried, and I don’t want you to be afraid of me.”

I was shocked,
not about Isabelle but that Reed thought I could ever fear him. “I could never
be afraid of you, Reed.”

“Good, because
I’m the last person you’d ever have to fear.”

Shifting
beneath the intensity of his gaze, I asked, “What if I didn’t mind the sex?”

His brow cocked
and I could tell I’d surprised him. It was difficult not to fidget with those
hot blue eyes all over me, missing nothing.

Reed raked his palm
over his jaw. “Are we still talking about the sexual deviant kind?” he drawled,
his words slow and thick like warm honey.

My throat was
dry, and my body was hot. “Is that what you want?

“If you want a
little rough sex, I’d be happy to oblige,” he replied, his eyes never leaving
mine. “As long as it only involves pleasure. I could never hurt you.”

My brain caught
on the words ‘rough sex’ and hiccupped.
 
That sounded interesting.
 
Any sex with Reed sounded delicious and made me ache in all the places I
wanted him to touch.

Finally I just
asked what had been on my mind. “Reed, why haven’t we had sex?”

He looked
shocked. “That’s what’s bothering you?”

“After the
night with the riding crop, I just assumed that you’d want to have sex with me.”

“Ellie, I can
barely control myself around you. I’ve gotten used to the constant hard-ons and
going to bed every night thinking of you while I jack off.” He stopped, frowned
and apologized for his bluntness. “I know your life went on after that night,
and I’m glad.
 
But I’ve spent the
last two years thinking of how I could win you over, sweetheart.
 
My feelings for you are deep.
 
I was just giving you time to catch up.”

 
“Reed,” I whispered as he pulled me into
his arms and I sank against his hard body. He felt good against me and smelled
like a mixture of soap and aftershave. His lips brushed my temple then slowly
rained a trail of kisses down my jaw and neck until I groaned in pleasure.

“I want more
from you than sex Ellie, but I want that too. I think about it all the time.”
His head dipped and his mouth settled over mine.
 
I moved into him and we kissed tenderly
at first but then kiss ignited, turning hot and hungry. We were on fire,
touching and kissing and pressing into one another as if we couldn’t get close
enough.
 
That was why we didn’t
notice the blue and red flashing lights until the cop car pulled alongside Reed’s
truck.

“It’s not funny,
Ellie.” Reed looked over at me and I could tell he was trying not to
smile.
 
“This isn’t how I want to
meet your Dad.”

We were inside
of Reed’s truck, pulling out of the lot. “You’ve already met my dad,” I reminded
him, hoping I wasn’t bringing up bad memories.

“That’s
different. When I see him again he’ll be looking at me and wondering if I’m
good enough for his daughter. I’d like to not be in the back of a cop car at
the time.”

 
Frowning, I told him, “I’m not sure
what’s up with Travis.
 
He’s usually
pretty laid back. I’ve never seen him have such an attitude.”

“Yeah, I’m sure
it had something to do with us making out in public and my hands being all over
you.”

“Are you
embarrassed, Reed?” I teased him, poking his side and noticing how the muscles were
rock-hard.

He glanced over
at me.
 
“No. I’m worried your dad is
going to want to shoot me for touching his daughter.”

“I think he’ll
like you.”

Reed seemed
hopeful.
 
“You think so?”

I could tell my
answer was important to him. “I know he’ll like you.”

“Was he cool
with your other boyfriends?”

I turned to
look at Reed, not sure how I should answer. “He met Davis once and didn’t like
him.”

“Davis is the
asshole that’s marrying your cousin.
 
He doesn’t count.
 
What about
your other boyfriends?”

“I haven’t had
any other boyfriends.”

“What?” he
asked, surprised.

Reed pulled
into my apartment complex just as my cell started its ringtone.
 
It was my dad. “I have to answer,” I
told Reed, unbuckling my seatbelt and thankful to be able to postpone the
conversation. I leaned across the cab and dropped a soft kiss on his mouth. “See
you tomorrow?”

“I can’t wait,”
Reed told me.

The next day
Isabelle and I were working together at the cancer wing of Texas Children’s
Hospital.

“Hey Izzy! Do
you know what happens when my dog stays out in the sun too long?”

Isabelle
scrunched her face into an exaggerated frown and clasped her chin with her
purple-gloved hands as she pretended to think really hard. “I dunno Ellie, What
does happen when your dog stays out in the sun too long?”

I paused a
moment for effect, watching the excitement on the kids’ faces as they hung on
our every word.
 
“He turns into a
hot dog!”

The kids burst
out laughing and I loved the sound.

“We have got to
decide what we should give our friend Dr. Hotchkiss for his birthday.
 
Does anyone have any ideas?” I asked,
planting one fist on my hip and scratching my pink head with the other hand.
 

A dozen small
hands flew into the air.
 

“A
stethoscope!”

“A motorcycle!”

“An Xbox!

A swimming
pool!

“A horse!”

It took several
enthusiastic replies before we got one that would actually work, but finally a seven-year-old
girl named Jessica smiled and said, “A red balloon. Red is his favorite
color.”
 

“But we don’t
have any red balloons,” a little boy said frowning.
 

“Why don’t we
look inside my bag?” suggested Isabelle.
 
“Maybe I brought one.”

“Great idea,
Izzy.”

Together we
looked inside the large flowered bag, and then we glanced at each other and frowned.
 
Turning the bag upside down, we showed
the empty inside to the kids, who were clearly disappointed.

“There’s no
balloon!”

“What are we
going to do?”

“Izzy,” I
called excitedly to Isabelle as if I’d just come up with most brilliant idea.
“You forgot the clown dust!”

“You’re right,
Ellie.
 
We can’t make magic without
it.
 
Now, where did I leave that
clown dust?”

Isabelle turned
in a wide circle, her back to the kids that were laughing hysterically because
the clown dust was stuck to the seat of Izzy’s hot pink, polka dotted pants.

Plucking the
clown dust from her pants, I opened the little bag and sprinkled some glittery
dust into the bag.
 
The kids watched
expectantly, while Isabelle and I waited for the clown dust work.

Reaching into
the bag, Izzy pulled out three big red balloons and all of the children cheered
and clapped.
 

Half an hour
later, Isabelle and I sat in the hospital cafeteria drinking strong black
coffee.
 

“I’ve had a
chance to think about last night,” Isabelle told me, staring down at her
coffee. “Now that I’ve slept, I realize I might have overreacted. I’m sorry you
had to witness that.”

“No apology
needed.” I reached out and put my hand over hers, giving it a reassuring
squeeze before letting go. “You were concerned about your brother, I can
understand that.”

Isabelle
nodded. “I went to see Reed this morning to apologize. I don’t think Reed has dealt
with the abuse, but he says I’m wrong.
 
He never talks about it and always acts
like it’s no big deal. I can’t believe anyone could possibly be that
strong.
 
Am I wrong?”

“Isabelle,
people deal with things in different ways.
 
I know how much you love Reed, but I know he’s going to be okay.”

 
“Thanks, Ellie,” she said smiling.
 
“Did I act crazy yesterday?”

“Maybe just a
little.” I held up my thumb and forefinger about and inch apart to demonstrate.

“I love that
you always tell me the truth.”

I felt a lump
of guilt knot in my throat, and I wanted to say, “I’m in love with your
brother!” but I couldn’t. Not yet.
 
After last night, Reed understood why I’d kept our relationship from
Isabelle a secret and we agreed to give her some time.

 
He thought Isabelle was just being
overprotective of him, but I wondered if it was more.
 
Isabelle was concerned with whether Reed
had dealt with the past, but it seemed that she still had some open wounds that
hadn’t healed.

“I don’t want
to keep us a secret, Ellie,” Reed had said to me last night on the phone. “In another
week I’ll have my last surgery and this thing will be off my leg. Isabelle will
have calmed down. We can tell her then.”

I’d agreed, but
I was starting to wonder if Isabelle would forgive me for keeping this from
her.

“Amber was
shocked when I told her about Reed’s sex toys,” Isabelle was saying. “She said
she’d be willing to use them with him, but Reed never asked her.”

Hearing that
left a bitter taste in my mouth. “Maybe he’s seeing someone else,” I suggested.

Isabelle’s eyes
widened.
 
“He’d never do that.
Whatever he’s dealing with now, I know he still loves Amber.”

“What if he was
seeing someone else, Isabelle?” I persisted, hoping she’d be open to the idea.
“I know you’re friends with Amber.
 
Would it upset you for Reed to be with another woman?”

“Of course it
would.” Isabelle shot me a look of disbelief. “The Fosters practically raised
us. Reed and I spend every holiday with them.
 
They’re our family, and I wouldn’t ever
want to give that up.”

“I know,
Isabelle,” I said, feeling sad.

“Don’t look
now, but your favorite doctor is coming this way.”

I looked.
Isabelle kicked me from under the table.

“You never told
me about your date,” she scolded. “I bet he’s going to ask you out again.”

That wasn’t
going to happen. Unlike Isabelle, Stephen knew I had a boyfriend.

“Hello,
ladies,” Stephen said smoothly. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“Not at all,”
Isabelle replied sweetly. “We were just talking about you.” She grinned and I
got an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. “Ellie was telling me how much
fun the two of you had on your date the other night.”

I had to hand
it to Stephen because he didn’t miss a beat. “Was she now? I’m glad to hear she
had as much fun as I did.”

I sucked in a
shaky breath and smiled.

“I actually
need to ask a favor of you, Ellie.
 
Tommy
Colton has been asking for you.
 
He’s had rough day. The chemo is taking its toll, and I thought it might
help raise his spirits if you could stop by and see him before you left.”

I was frowning,
thinking about Tommy’s bad day.
 
Misunderstanding the reason for my expression, Stephen said, “If it’s a
problem, maybe Isabelle can stop by.”

Glancing at my
watch, I was surprised at how late it was.
 
I had a few more patients to see today, Reed included, but somehow I’d
make it work. It’s not a problem,” I said quickly.
 
“Give me a five minutes an I’ll be right
there.”
 

“Remember, we
rode together Ellie,” Isabelle reminded me. “But I can come back and pick you up.”
She made it seem like picking me up would be a major inconvenience.

“I can give
Ellie a ride home,” Stephen suggested. His eyes slipped to mine and an uneasy
feeling gripped me.
 
I wanted to say
no, but it was just a ride. “Thanks,” I told him.

 
Isabelle was smiling ear to ear.
 
I was wondering how I would explain this
to Reed.

I didn’t mind
spending more time than I’d planned with Tommy, but I knew I was in a time
crunch by the time Stephen and I left the hospital.
 
We reached the VIP parking lot where his
sleek, silver Lamborghini sat in all its glory.
 
I felt uncomfortable when he followed me
to the passenger side of the car, but I knew he was only being a
considerate.
 
Opening the door for
me, I slid into the buttery soft leather that molded to my back.

It was unfair
to compare Stephen with Reed because Reed possessed some untouchable quality
that Stephen lacked, something that drew people in and made them take
notice.
 
When he walked into a room
all eyes fastened on Reed, drawn to him as if his presence energized the room.

 
“Tommy was in good spirits,” I said
conversationally to Stephen.

Stephen smiled easily.
His wrist, with the expensive Rolex, was propped casually on the steering wheel
and looked relaxed and in control.

 
“He loves it when you come to visit.
 
All the kids do. Thank you for seeing him
today.”

“You don’t need
to thank me.
 
I was glad I could
help.”

Glancing over
at me, he asked, “Your boyfriend isn’t going to be upset that you’re late?”
Maybe it was his way of asking indirectly if I had a boyfriend since Isabelle
had made it seem like I was into Stephen.

 
I’d texted Reed at the hospital to say I
would be late, and he’d texted back, ‘Take your time. I’ll be here’. “No. He
won’t be mad.”

“Oh, so you do
have a boyfriend.
 
I was wondering
after what Isabelle had said.”

“I’m sorry
about that.” I tried to think of how to explain Isabelle’s obvious matchmaking,
but I couldn’t think of anything that sounded sane, so I kept silent.

“You keep
looking at your watch,” Stephen prodded. “I thought you might have date.”

I shook my
head. “I’ve actually got a couple of patients to see today.”

Stephen looked
relieved, and I got a bad feeling.

“Why don’t I go
with you? It’ll save time if we stop on the way and you won’t have to get your
car.”

He wanted to go
with me to visit my patients?
 
Imagining
showing up at Reed’s house with ‘Doctor Hot Kiss’, had me smiling at the
absurdity of that situation.
 
I had
to cough back a laugh, wondering how I’d explain that to Reed. ‘So Reed, this
is Dr. Hot Kiss, I mean Hotchkiss. I figured you’d want to meet the guy I’d
went out with after we started dating because I know how much you love his
name.’

“That’s nice of
you to offer, but I should change before going to work.”

 
“I’ll drop you at your apartment.”
 
He seemed disappointed but didn’t argue
and I was thankful for that.

The Lamborghini
purred into my apartment complex a few minutes later, and I thanked Stephen
again for the ride.
 
To my dismay,
he got out of the car and came around to meet me.

“I know you’re
taken, Ellie.
 
But if it doesn’t
work out with the other guy, give me a call.”

I was surprised
but not nearly as floored as when Stephen reached out and put his hand behind
my head and planted his mouth on mine.
 
I stiffened in his embrace and pushed him away. He released me
immediately.

“I’m sorry,”
Stephen said, looking grim as he stared down at me. “I thought maybe... Well, I
had to try.”

Hesitating, I
thought of what to say. “Don’t worry about it.”

He didn’t look
sure, but he was suddenly in a hurry to leave.
 
I assured him again that everything was
fine between us, and Stephen nodded, got into his car and drove away.

I watched him
leave, knowing I shouldn’t have accepted a ride from him. When I turned to go
inside, I saw my dad staring at me with a look in his eyes that I knew meant
trouble. It was pure rotten luck that Dad had been sitting in his car, watching
the entire scene between Stephen and I.