First Class Farewell (5 page)

The days of taking a long hot shower were over. So were the
days of sleeping in, a midnight run for pizza, and lazy Sunday mornings making
love ‘til noon.

Nic quickly rinsed the conditioner from her hair and shut
off the water. With a towel wrapped around her she peeked out of the bathroom
to see who was awake. Paul sat up in bed, leaning on the headboard, with both
children crawling over him. Quietly, she shut the bathroom door and quickly
dried off and stepped through to the closet and dressed in navy blue trousers
and a button-up short-sleeved pale blue cotton blouse. Not having nearly enough
time to do anything else, she quickly braided her wet hair and applied a small
amount of make-up. Her kindergartners really didn’t care what she looked like.
Bending over to grab a pair of shoes, the button from her pants popped off and
rolled under the shelf.

“Damn!” she muttered as she sat down on the bench and
sighed.
Nothing fits anymore
, she thought as she glanced at her clothes
hanging in front of her. Her eyes looked upward to the clear plastic tote on
the top shelf. “Guess it comes down today.”

Standing on the bench she just vacated, she stretched up
until her fingers finally managed to touch the plastic.

“What the heck are you doing?” Paul bellowed as he walked
in, Annie clinging to his leg and sitting on his foot as he walked.

“Trying to reach my maternity clothes.”

“You should have yelled. Come on. Move,” he chuckled as he
grabbed his wife around the waist and pulled her off the bench. “Annie? Can you
let go for two seconds, please?”

“No,” the three year old replied.

Nic rolled her eyes and pried her daughter from Paul, just
long enough for him to grab the tote, lower it to the ground, and kiss Nic on
the forehead. Then Annie threw herself at her father and grabbed his cheeks in
her little chubby hands and kissed him smack on the lips.

“Thank you,” he chuckled. “Now let’s let mommy get dressed,
k? Gregory?” he yelled. “Come on! Breakfast time.” He left Nic in peace to
rummage through the tote for something to wear.

In the kitchen, Paul sat Annie on a stool at the counter and
opened the fridge and pulled out milk and eggs.

“Can I have Captain Crunch?” Gregory asked as he wandered
in.

“Sure,” Paul nodded. “Annie? Do you want cereal, too?”

She shook her head. “Eggs and toast.”

He got to work feeding his kids, Gregory first, as he left
for school with Nic. Now in first grade, he didn’t like the fact that he had to
wait in the kindergarten room with his mother until school started. That room
was for babies and he was
not
a baby anymore. But he did like the perks
of having his mother being a teacher at his school. He liked walking to and
from school with her. It was time that he didn’t have to share her with his
little sister. And, sometimes he would have lunch in her classroom with his
cousins who also went to his school. He liked to do that.

As Paul plated some scrambled eggs and a piece of toast for
Annie, Nic rushed in and poured herself some orange juice. She chugged it down
in just a couple of gulps and then grabbed her forehead when the pain hit.

“ARGH!”

Paul laughed. “You do this
all
the time. Brain
freezes are avoidable, you know.”

“Thank you,” she smirked, as she rubbed her head.

“You have plenty of time,” he added. “Have some eggs.”

“Ew, no,” she frowned. “The thought is not appealing this
morning.”

Though she didn’t have morning sickness, there were some
foods Nic just couldn’t eat during her pregnancy. Eggs were near the top of the
list. Watermelon, however, was not on the list and as she opened the fridge to
return the juice to its shelf, she grabbed a large container full of it for
lunch.

“I don’t understand how a fruit that’s basically water can
sustain you throughout the day,” Paul said.

“I could eat buckets of it,” she replied. “But I’ll take
some pita chips and hummus too, k?”

He grinned and nodded. “Do I have ten minutes for a shower
before you leave?”

“Yep,” she smiled.

“Thanks,” he said as he hurried from the kitchen.

*****

Now married for eight years, Paul and Nic had settled into a
comfortable and happy life. Still a kindergarten teacher, Nic loved her job,
especially being able to have her sweet nieces and nephews in her class, and
her own children at least in the same building.

Paul was now the Executive Director of a non-profit
organization that worked with veterans. He repeatedly reminded himself how
lucky he was to have found a second career after leaving the Navy Seals that he
loved almost as much as being a Seal, albeit considerably less dangerous. It
certainly wasn’t the same as the rush of a mission, or as physically demanding
as being active in the military, but he knew that what he was doing now also
made a difference in the world. And he strongly believed that the veterans
deserved to have the opportunities he was working so hard to ensure they
received.

Another wonderful thing about his job, was that his office
time was flexible. There were many things that he could do from home and so two
days a week, he stayed at home with Annie. It required discipline to actually
work and not just play with his baby girl all day, but he was managing quite
nicely, and it meant Annie was only in daycare three days a week. Not that
daycare was a problem. There was a wonderful young lady in their building who
watched her. Talk about convenient and she was thrilled at the prospect of
watching the new baby if and when Nic decided to go back to work after her
maternity leave was up, although no decisions had been made yet, as that was
still a few months away.

It had been a wonderful surprise to announce at a Sunday
family dinner that they were expecting another baby, only to have Ben and
Sophia reveal that they, too, were pregnant. The cousins were due just ten days
apart. Maureen couldn’t have been happier. For so long she’d wondered if her
sons would ever get married, let alone give her grandchildren and now here they
were popping out babies every couple of years.

Paul was shaving when Nic walked up behind him and wrapped
her arms around his waist. Resting her cheek on the damp skin of his back she
sighed.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Mmm. I think we should go away this summer. Just the two of
us. We can leave the kids with someone and have a few days all to ourselves.”

“That sounds fantastic. Do you think you can leave them for
long? Last time we left for a weekend, we came home on Saturday,” he chuckled.
“You made it all of one night.”

“I know, but Annie’s older now. She’d probably enjoy a
vacation from us, too.”

“Let’s get through the next month and then we can make
plans.”

“K,” she agreed and kissed his skin before pushing away.
“It’s time for us to leave.”

“I’ll be dressed in a minute.”

*****

Gregory was very much like his mother. He was going to be an
intellectual. Paul could already tell by the way he did his homework; the fact
he loved the science channel over cartoons; he would prefer to play with Legos
over playing at the park. Annie, on the other hand, was probably going to
follow in her father’s footsteps and become a Navy Seal, according to Nic. In
her short three years of life, she’d seen the inside of the Emergency Room five
times. If it wasn’t for the fact that Adam was their pediatrician, Nic would be
worried that Child Protective Services would be paying them a visit.

Annie launched herself off furniture with reckless abandon.
She purposely shoved Paul’s keys into an electric outlet just to see what would
happen. Wanting to fly, she climbed up the steps at her grandparents’ house and
launched herself into the air, escaping serious injury by landing on her Uncle
Mark. He didn’t escape injury and broke his wrist.

Privately, Paul was elated by his daughter’s fearlessness.
She would never let anybody push her around, either. At the ripe old age of
three and a half, she possessed a kick-ass attitude and take-no-prisoners
approach to life. But Nic worried about her constantly, so Paul tried his best
to allow Annie her adventures, but in a contained way.

Like this morning, after spending thirty minutes on a
conference call with the VA, he walked into her bedroom and found that his
sweet daughter had built a tower of some kind with her bedroom furniture. She’d
managed to lift her chair onto the table and had balanced her doll house on top
of the chair. Now she was climbing up, already on the chair preparing to hoist
herself onto the house.

“What on earth are you doing?” Paul exclaimed as he rushed
to grab her before she toppled to the floor.

“Trying to touch the ceiling,” she replied, as if it was the
most normal thing in the world for her to be doing.

“Why?”

“Because I haven’t yet.”

Holding her against his chest, he stifled the laugh trying
to get out. Then, without warning, he tossed his daughter high in the air and
caught her as she came back down.

“Again!” she screamed as she giggled wildly. Her daddy
obliged.

Over and over he threw her into the air and she became giddy
with delight as she hit the ceiling with her hand each time she flew through
the air. After a couple of minutes, Paul held her tightly and kissed her
cheeks.

“There,” he grinned. “Ceiling has been touched. Let’s go and
have some lunch.”

*****

“I appreciate your help and look forward to seeing you,”
said Paul into the phone. “I know that you have been an amazing ambassador for
our organization and I can’t thank you enough.”

Paul had been introduced to Fred Borsten by his brother,
David. Several years ago, shortly after Paul had joined the organization that
he now ran, Fred had been in dire straits. Through David’s association with
Lou, Fred’s daughter, Paul had been able to assist Fred secure adequate housing
and continued medical attention for his diabetes. Now Fred was speaking at
events to help elicit donations, and also to encourage those veterans needing
help, to come forward and ask, sometimes difficult because of pride.

Paul ended his conversation and typed up some notes on his
laptop. After proofreading the document, he emailed it off to his assistant at
the office. Stretching his arms high above his head, he stood and was just
about to check on Annie, who’d been asleep for well over an hour when the phone
rang.

“Hello?” he said cheerfully.

“Hey, Paul,” came Mark’s voice.

“Hi. How are you?”

“Not good. Paul? Something has happened…” Mark choked out.

Beth had barely slept, spending most of the night tossing
and turning. At one point, she’d crept from the bedroom, closing the door
behind her so as to not wake her husband, and sat in the living room in the
dark. Silent tears had soaked her cheeks as she’d muffled her sobs into a
pillow.

When the shrill alarm sounded, she’d slapped it off quickly
and slid from the bed. Standing in the bathroom door, she gazed at Tim sleeping
peacefully. She’d let him sleep for a few more minutes before the ugliness of
the day began.

Unable to put a coherent thought together, Beth stumbled
around the bathroom, turning on the shower, brushing her teeth, throwing her
pajamas on the floor in a pile. For the last few weeks, she’d known this day
would come. She just hadn’t wanted to think about it and by
not
thinking
about it, she’d hoped that it would just be postponed indefinitely. No such
luck.

Stepping under the scalding beads of water, Beth hung her
head and let the warmth cascade over her. Tim slipping in behind her didn’t
even make her jump like it usually did.

“Morning, beautiful,” he whispered as he nibbled on her
shoulder while wrapping his arms tightly around her waist and pulling her back
to him. She remained silent as he continued trailing kisses along her shoulders
and on her neck.

“I…I don’t think I can,” she whimpered.

“I know,” he replied with a sad smile. “But let me hold
you,” he said as he turned her around and pulled her against his chest. “I wish
there was something I could say to make it all better…something I could do.”

“Me too.”

But there was nothing anyone could do. Not even the
Veterinarian could help. Today was the day. Today she had to say goodbye and
she had no idea how she was going to do it.

*****

While still working as an editor, Beth had not worked much
over the past few months. Personal issues had kept her from being able to
concentrate on the ramblings of others. However, she’d started a journal and
found it occupied much of her time and Tim was encouraging her to turn it into
a book. He’d said that many people would want to read it. Beth knew there might
be a few who’d want to read her most personal thoughts, but she wasn’t sure
that she wanted to let them inside her mind…and her heart. Infertility was
common, but also extremely personal and heartbreaking. Was she willing to
expose herself like that?

Their struggle had begun a few years ago when they’d stopped
all forms of birth control, deciding that they’d let nature take its course.
After a year, Beth had gone to see her Gynecologist and discussed it with her.
A few tests were run, on her and Tim, and she was diagnosed with PCS,
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Armed with prescriptions for drugs designed to
help her conceive, they tried for over two years with no success. Holistic
approaches were taken and were not realized. Having just undergone their third
in vitro fertilization attempt a few days ago, they waited. Tim remained
hopeful while Beth, plagued with hormonal fluctuations, waited for the doctors
to tell her, once again, that it had not taken.

All that had happened over the past few years was documented
in a Word document on her laptop. Everything. Not just the clinical procedures,
but the emotional toll it had taken on her and her husband. And to make matters
worse, her sisters-in-law were popping out babies left and right. Not that she
wasn’t thrilled for them all. She was. Always the first to volunteer to
babysit, Beth found herself surrounded by nieces and nephews and thrilled with
the opportunity. It was when she was no longer with them that her heart broke
once again.

Tim was the eternal optimist. After each time they made
love, or after each procedure, he would hold her in his arms and whisper, “This
is it! Do you think we just made our baby?” And then he’d kiss her tears away
when her period would come…the answer being a resounding “
no.”
It was
all just way too hard.

The journal had been helpful. She’d been able to pour out
her innermost thoughts and feelings and there wasn’t anybody to judge her for
them. She’d been honest and raw as she pounded away on the keyboard, leaving
nothing unspoken…or un-typed. She hadn’t even let Tim read it, although he knew
what was in it. She was open with him and shared her feelings truthfully. They
were a team and she didn’t want to hide things from him, especially as her
hormone levels fluctuated like a roller coaster. She needed him to love her
unconditionally and she hadn’t been let down by him once. Eventually she’d
probably let him read it, just not yet. It was still too soon.

As Beth left the bedroom, she walked down the hall of their
spacious apartment, a gift from Matt when she’d married Tim. Three empty
bedrooms sat waiting to be filled with little bodies…the babies she craved.
Andrew and Rory had discussed with them the possibility of adoption, but she
wasn’t ready to go there…yet. They had to exhaust all other avenues first, and
then…well, they’d wait and see.

Continuing past the closed doors, she wandered through to
the kitchen and poured herself a glass of milk. Walking through the living
room, past the empty dog bed, she stepped onto the patio and closed her eyes.
The city was coming alive as the sun rose over the tall buildings. It was going
to be a glorious day. It was just too bad that her heart was breaking with each
passing minute.

*****

Walking into the vet’s office after lunch, Tim kept a firm
grip of Beth’s hand, squeezing every so often in a show of support and love.
The receptionist smiled at them as they entered the waiting area and asked them
to have a seat while she went and got the doctor. There were several other pet
owners scattered around the room, each with their own best friend; a few cats,
several dogs, a parakeet and a turtle.

Sitting on the vinyl covered bench for just a moment, the
vet walked through the doorway and walked towards them.

“Hello Beth. Tim,” he nodded. “Come on back.”

They stood and followed him down the hall, past the exam
rooms and into the back room, through the cat room and into the large area that
housed the dogs that were ill or needing medical attention. There lay Cleo,
Beth’s faithful companion for the last nine years. With tears in her eyes, she
hurried to the cage and knelt in front of her best friend.

“Hello, sweet girl,” she whispered.

The doctor opened the cage and Beth pushed herself forward
and placed her hand gently on Cleo’s back.

“You are such a good girl,” she cooed. “My beautiful girl.”

Cleo didn’t lift her head, but her eyes opened and she
sighed. Tim’s heart broke as he watched the exchange. He placed his arm on
Beth’s shoulder and wiped a tear that had escaped down his cheek.

“I will love you forever, Cleo,” Beth continued talking to
her dog. “You saved me so many times and I will never forget you.” She
continued to stroke her back and rub her ears. “You are forever my girl.”

The cancer had spread quickly and silently. After two surgeries,
the vet had said there was nothing more they could do. She was in constant pain
and could no longer walk. The last three days had been spent at the vets
getting a second, then third opinion. All were then same. The time had come.
Beth had to say goodbye.

The I.V. was already in Cleo’s front paw. All the vet had to
do was administer the liquid in the syringe and Cleo’s pain would be over…she
would be at peace…and Beth would be devastated…distraught and heartbroken. Cleo
had been there for her, ever loyal, forever faithful. She had even brought Beth
and Tim together. How would she survive without her girl?

With sobs pouring from her, Beth leaned in and kissed Cleo
for the last time, and it was as if Cleo knew what was happening and she used
her last ounce of energy to lift her head and lick Beth’s hand, saying goodbye
in her own way. Tim nodded to the doctor and he pushed the contents of the
needle into the IV. In mere seconds, Cleo closed her eyes and exhaled her last
breath.

*****

Sitting on the park bench half way between their apartment
and Tim’s fire house, Beth fondled the dog collar that she held in her hands.
The leather was worn and soft…pliable from years of wear. Gut wrenching. Heart
breaking. The tears wouldn’t stop.

Tim held her close…his arm protectively around her as he sat
beside her and silently comforted her as best he could. He shared her pain and
her loss, after all, Cleo had been his dog for the past six years, too.

They’d sat for almost an hour watching other dogs play with
their owners as they ran after balls and sticks and collected treats for
behaving. Tim was just about to suggest they head home when his cell phone
rang.

“Hey, Mark,” he said into the phone. “Can I call you back?”
But then his expression changed from concern to something more.

Beth turned her head and read his expression. “What is it?”
she whispered.

“Oh, no,” Tim choked. “No.”