First Class Farewell (9 page)

Tim had been completely supportive when she’d broached the
subject with him. He’d even suggested she keep a daily account of her
pregnancy, too. She’d liked the idea.

Now they stood watching the bustling all around them, but
stood entwined in each other’s arms as unconsciously they each had a hand over
her flat belly. Matt smiled at the sight. Remembering back to the day that
Janie had announced the wonderful news that they would be welcoming a baby was
one of the happiest days of his life. He understood the joy his brother was
feeling and he couldn’t have been happier for them.

“I think it’s fantastic that we’ll be having a party
tonight,” he said. “Ray would be happy to know that his wake will be combined
with a celebration for your news.”

“He was a good man,” Beth smiled. “And he will be missed
more than any of us realize, I think.”

Matt nodded but felt in his heart that he already knew just
how much he would miss his friend. He had missed him terribly each day of the
past few weeks and didn’t see how the pain was going to go away anytime soon.
But today was not a day to mourn so he tried to push the grief from his mind as
he watched his children run around the patio, the excitement obvious as they
giggled and skipped with their cousins.

Ben had Lisa in his arms and chased after Charlie who was
dashing for the pool. With a swoop he reached out and scooped him into his
other arm about three feet from the edge. Handing Lisa off to Alex, they headed
for the beach to join Paul who was already building sand castles with Gregory
and Annie.

David was not far behind his brother, Amanda running beside
him, singing a merry little tune, and Rachel on his shoulders, one chubby
little leg on each side of his head. She was laughing and patting her daddy on
the head, urging him on toward the sea.

Andrew and Rory had Joseph in between them and they were swinging
him high in the air as they walked. If you listened closely, you could hear the
faint laugh escape from his lips. Isabelle and Christopher noticed them leaving
and quickly fell in beside them, not wanting to miss out on any of the fun.

Ella was wandering around with Cynthia, as she supervised
the deliveries and set-up. Matt chuckled. If his daughter didn’t choose event
planning as her career, he’d be surprised.

The rest of the family was in the house, scattered. His
parents were in their bedroom resting. Peter hadn’t been the same since the
shooting. It had taken an emotional and psychological toll on him that had left
the family struggling with how to help. Maureen had repeatedly told them that
time would be the healer. Hopefully the party would, too. Matt was counting on
it.

He headed back through to the media room. A Yankees game was
on the television. He fell into the middle of the sofa, between Derek and
Tyler, and watched, somewhat interested, until Cynthia announced that
everything was ready and the party could begin.

*****

All the beautiful little girls were in party dresses and all
the boys in their best church outfits. The women rivaled the pages of the best
fashion magazines and the men were dressed to kill. The Bahamas are known for
the laid back and relaxing atmosphere. Shorts and flip flops were the uniform.
But Ray deserved nothing but their best and their dress showed it.

With a warm breeze and the smells of deliciousness wafting
through the air, the DJ began the speakers thumping with a lively song that had
all the girls skipping and the women wanting their men to dance with them. The
bartender poured drinks and champagne bottles popped with a delicious trail of
bubbles pouring from the long necks. Stainless steel lids were removed from
trays of mouth-watering delicacies and the grill was already producing burgers
and hot dogs with perfect grill marks for the children. As the sun dipped lower
and lower, the thousands of tiny white lights sparkled brighter and brighter.

One of the first things Janie had done to the house after
they purchased it, was to have a wrought iron fence put up in the corner of the
patio. She wanted her children to be able to run and play but be in no danger
of falling into the pool. Now it was filled with children, laughing and
playing, safe, allowing their parents to also enjoy the evening without worry.

On the outside, to strangers, the Lathem clan looked not
only wealthy, but happy, too. And they were. Although tempers occasionally
flared, and differences of opinions made for healthy debate, the brothers were
all best friends and their spouses had also become inseparable. They were a
close knit group and when choosing the company they’d best like to socialize
with, they were happiest with each other. Laughter, good-natured teasing,
joking and conversation filled the air as the adults ate and drank and
celebrated.

Maureen sat next to her husband and joyously watched her
family. In ten short years they had grown in leaps and bounds and she wasn’t
sure her heart could hold any more love. Yet they’d just learned that another
baby was coming and the excitement she felt was overwhelming. As all the
younger grandchildren sat at tables and ate a smile formed on her lips.

“You look beautiful, my love,” Peter said as he reached for
her hand and brought it to his lips for a chaste kiss.

Maureen smiled and sighed. “There are moments like this that
couldn’t be any more perfect.”

“Except that we are celebrating the life of a man who is no
longer with us.”

“My darling,” Maureen whispered, fully aware of the guilt he
felt. “The only person to blame for Ray’s death is that vile creature who shot
him. This is not your fault and I know that Ray would
not
want you
blaming yourself.”

He exhaled and dropped his head. “How can I not feel guilty?
It was because of me he was there!”

“Well, if you’re going to play that game, it was my fault
then! I was the one who needed the aspirin. You went there for me!”

“This is not your fault,” Peter declared forcefully. “Not
ever your fault.” He looked horrified she would even suggest such a thing.

“That’s right…it isn’t. And it isn’t yours either. It was a
tragic thing that none of us predicted, but I tell you what. He would’ve gone
into that store even if he’d known what the outcome was going to be. He was
that kind of a man and we should be grateful we had him as part of our family
for as long as we did. I know that I can never understand or comprehend what
you went through that day and I pray to God that it never happens again, but by
golly, Peter, we need to move on. For Ray.”

“Amen!” injected Matt, who’d silently approached his parents
and overheard their conversation.

Peter looked from his son to his wife of nearly sixty years
and nodded. “For Ray,” he whispered.

Tummies full. Feet tired. Eyelids heavy. The party had been
a smashing success. As little princes and princesses were carried to bed, and
the vans loaded and driven away, the lights of the house dimmed.

There remained only four by the pool: Derek, Adam, Tyler,
and Shelby. Derek and Tyler fell into conversation about a project in Atlantic
City that MEL Holdings was in the middle of developing. That left Adam to
announce he was going to walk down to the beach. Shelby offered to join him.

In silence, they flipped off their shoes, Adam rolled up his
pants and they headed for the moonlit water. In all the world Adam was sure he
hadn’t visited a more peaceful stretch of sand than that which lay under his
feet. The property stretched for half a mile on either side of the house and the
privacy was welcomed and appreciated.

The water lapped at their feet, occasionally covering them
up to their ankles. The water was warm and soothing as the sand gradually
collapsed under their toes. It was almost a full moon and even though it was
now close to midnight, the beach was light and magical.

“That was a wonderful way to pay tribute to Ray. I’m sure he
approves,” smiled Shelby.

“Approves?”

“Yes. I’m sure he does.”

“You think he’s aware of our party?” Adam was skeptical.

“Of course I do. He’s somewhere with his brother and his mom
having a party right along with us.”

“So you believe in heaven?”

“I believe in something,” she replied. “I don’t want to
think that when we die that’s it. That would be a terrible way to live.”

Adam didn’t respond. He just kept walking, gazing off into
the horizon.

“Don’t you believe in God?” she asked, breaking the silence.

Shrugging his shoulders, Adam considered her question. “I
don’t know,” he answered truthfully.

“What about when your dad died?”

“It was a nightmare…those months before he died. I prayed
every single day that he’d get better and he didn’t.”

“I’m sorry,” she said as she placed her hand on his arm.

Adam smiled and placed his hand over hers, holding it to his
skin. “He just gradually got worse and worse until he died. If there is a God,
he ignored me.”

“You don’t think that maybe God let him die so that he
wasn’t in pain anymore? So that your family could begin healing?”

“I guess I’ve never thought of it that way.”

Shelby grinned. “The great and mighty Dr. Anderson doesn’t
know it all?” she teased lightly.

“Hardly,” he chuckled. “The older I get the more I realize
how little I really do know. I’m learning things from my patients and their
families every day.”

“Kids are amazing, aren’t they? They teach us so much. I was
playing with Amanda this evening and she was telling my why her daddy paints
pictures. You know what she said?”

Adam shook his head.

“She told me that her daddy painted her mommy’s face so that
other people could see the happiness in her eyes and that would make them
happy. That’s coming from a four year old. I realize it isn’t some unheard of
revelation or anything, but to have that kind of wisdom…insight is…is…”

“Out of the mouths of babes,” Adam nodded. “They just tell
the truth. No pretenses, no hidden agendas, just life as they see it. It’s
refreshing.”

“It is,” Shelby agreed.

“Do you want kids?”

The change in Shelby was physical. She pulled her hand from
Adam’s and folded her arms across her chest. Her pace quickened and her lips pursed.
Without thinking, Adam grabbed her arm and swung her around to face him,
stepping within inches of her face.

“It’s just a question.”

“It’s a loaded question.”

“Tell me.”

Her eyes dropped and Adam lifted her chin with his hand and
held her gaze.

“I’d love children,” she whispered. “But I can’t see myself
having any.”

“Why?”

She stepped out of his hold and Adam let her go. They began
walking back the way they’d come.

“I’m not sure I’d be a good mother and I don’t want to fail.
If you kill a plant, well…it’s not the same as ruining another human being.”

“You’d make an excellent mother.”

“How do you know that? It’s not like I had a good example or
anything.” There was bitterness in her voice. She rarely spoke of her mother,
the pain still there, lurking, always present.

“There are lots of people who have complete asses for
parents and who become the most loving and kind parents themselves. Look at
Lindsey. Nic. Rory. Our own family has multiple examples of defying and
defeating the circle of abuse and abandonment. You are kind and smart and have
love to give. Don’t sell yourself short. And don’t deprive a child of your
heart. Don’t deprive yourself.”

Slowly, they made their way back to the house. The patio was
now empty. Derek and Tyler must have gone to bed.

“Do you want a drink?” Adam asked, as they walked to the
French doors.

Shelby shook her head. “No. I’ll see you tomorrow,” and she
headed inside, closing the door behind her.

Adam watched her silhouette walk through the great room and
disappear.
She will make a wonderful mother…and the perfect wife.

*****

With each year that passed, Matt’s love for his wife grew.
Their legs still entwined, the beads of sweat on their bodies glistened in the
moonlight that was streaming through the open doors to their private balcony.
Making love to Janie was his favorite way to spend his time and the last thirty
minutes had been extremely pleasurable.

Fingers laced together and bodies in harmonious rhythm,
they’d built to a peak so high, they’d fought to catch their breath as they
plunged, crashing and exploding in orgasm that left them limp and satiated and
Janie quickly falling into a deep and restful sleep.

Matt lay awake, his fingers mindlessly tracing patterns on
the warm silky thigh that lay across him. His wife’s breathing was hypnotic and
relaxing as his eyes focused on nothing but saw everything. His entire family
was here, under his roof. The experiences of the past few weeks had driven home
the fragility of his peace and the shortness of life. One day, in the not too
distant future, he would lose his parents. Death would claim them and leave him
to step into their shoes. He was able to shoulder the responsibility. He just
didn’t want to. He didn’t want to think about it but the thought lay siege upon
him every so often and it was difficult to rid himself of the impending loss.

As his eyelids closed, he saw his friend…smiling…happy. He
heard him laugh and his eyes flew open, only to confirm he lay in the dark, his
wife next to him.

He’d heard Ray laugh as sure as he knew his own name. And
then, in his mind, he heard as much as he felt the words, “I’m okay. Be happy.”

A faint smile crossed Matt’s lips as a tear escaped and fell
quickly to the pillow. “Goodbye, my friend,” he whispered, and pulled his wife
into his arms and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep.

*****

Shelby silently opened the bathroom door and crept down the
hall to the music room that was her bedroom for the visit. It was a small room,
but faced the beach. Bob had set up a roll away bed for her and it was
comfortable enough. There was an oversized stuffed chair that sat next to the
window with a matching ottoman that called her name. Snuggling into its’
softness, hugging her knees, she looked out at the water and the moon light
dancing across the ripples.

She’d been mad at Adam for asking her about wanting
children. It was a thought she’d pushed from her mind. What right did she have
to bring children into this world? She feared she would be as miserable a
mother as her own. It was best not to think about it.
Besides
, she
shrugged,
I’d have to have sex to have a baby
. She unconsciously
shuddered.

Shelby had not had a boyfriend. She hadn’t been on a date.
Well, not a real date. She’d gone out with friends, met someone for coffee, or
for a drink to blow off some of the pressure of medical school. She’d sat in
the park for lunch or gone to a movie with a man, but it had never been a date,
just two friends doing the same thing at the same time…together. The idea of
getting close to a man scared her senseless. Dr. Weaving had encouraged her to
spend time with men in safe situations…public places like crowded restaurants
and theaters. She’d also told her that in time, a physical relationship would
not seem quite so repugnant to her, but that day had still not arrived. The
idea of some man putting their hands on her made her physically ill. Over the
past few years she’d let men try to kiss her and each time it’d ended in the
same way. She’d pushed them away and had ended up trembling and nauseated. There
were only a handful of men that could touch her…in a non-sexual way, Adam being
one of them. But’s that because she knew there was nothing other than a
sisterly affection he held for her. And that was safe…nonthreatening.

Adam had been her best friend since she’d moved to New York.
He’d helped her study, brought her food during finals and let her whine and
complain about the stresses of medical school, all while trying to finish his
own residency and start his own career.

No. Adam didn’t scare her. Adam was safe.

The breeze blew through the window, making the lightweight
curtains dance and twirl. Slowly, her eyelids became heavy and fluttered
closed, allowing her to drift off to sleep.

But it wasn’t a calm sleep. Her dreams were memories,
stirred up from the past, of her mother and things she wished she could forget
once and for all. Left alone in a dark room, she was hungry and cold and when
the door opened she looked up with anticipation, only to see
him
. Panic
rose through her entire body and she violently shook as he took a step closer
and then another. Pushed into the corner of the room, there was nowhere else to
go. She was trapped with no way out.

From somewhere, the words of Dr. LaVaughn came to her child
mind. “He can’t hurt you anymore.” Shelby spoke the words to
him
. She’d
said it and he heard her. His head tilted and his brow furrowed. She stood on
wobbly legs and said it again, a little bit louder. He opened his mouth to
speak, but didn’t. So she said it again much louder. “You can’t hurt me
anymore.”

Her eyes flew open and she inhaled sharply. She still hugged
her knees as the curtains whooshed with the gentle breeze. The moonlight still
danced on the water and all was quiet in the house.

“He can’t hurt me anymore.”