First Lady (47 page)

“Is Mom mad?”

“No, honey,” Lauren advised her. “But I think you guys hurt her feelings pretty badly.”

Chris gulped, his blue eyes round. “We did?”

Lauren nodded. “I’m afraid so, sugar. It’s not often she offers to do something with you. And I don’t think it felt very good when you all shot her down.”

Ashley sucked her bottom lip into her mouth as her guilt-filled gaze drifted towards the bathroom door. “Will you tell her she can come if she wants?” She frowned unable to muster much enthusiasm for this last part. “It’s okay if she has to cancel.”

Christopher nodded quickly. “Yeah, it’s okay. Will you fix it? We don’t want Mom to feel bad.”

Aaron, feeding off his brother’s worried tone of voice, whimpered. “We didn’t mean to be bad, but I don’t want her to cancel!”

“Shhh... It’s okay,” she assured them kindly. “You guys weren’t bad.” She tried to kick her brain into mom mode, which was a little difficult considering she couldn’t blame them for their reaction. “But… um… just try to think of other people’s feelings before you speak, okay?” She looked at them expectantly, hoping that bit of advice sounded reasonable.

Her words were met with three instant, eager nods.

Lauren smiled, a little proud of herself. “Okay then.” She gently patted Christopher’s leg, his flannel pants feeling soft against her palm. “We can tell your mom—”

There was another knock at the bedroom door and Jane’s voice that interrupted them. “Does anyone want breakfast?”

“Me!” the kids answered, scrambling off the bed and heading for the door, more than happy to have an excuse to hide out in the other room. When they opened it and darted out, their nanny, Emma, who was clad in her bathrobe and pink fuzzy slippers, reluctantly poked her head into the bedroom. “I’m sorry they disturbed you.” She grimaced a little. “Last night, I told them to wait until you were awake before barging in on you and Dev.”

Lauren wrapped her arms around her up-drawn knees, and then made a dismissive gesture. “That’s okay. We were already awake.” She heard the shower and bathroom flare to life. “The kids are just excited.”

Emma laughed, the movement causing her large bosoms to jiggle merrily. “That’s an understatement. Will you and Dev be joining the children for breakfast?”

Lauren tore her eyes away from the bathroom door. “Hmm?”

The older woman’s heavy eyebrows drew together with just a touch of worry. Lauren seemed a little out of sorts. And after the trials of the past few days, that was saying something.
 
“Breakfast?”

Lauren shook her head. “No, thank you, Emma.”

Emma nodded and began to withdraw.

“Wait, Emma.” Lauren got out of bed and went to the door. “Could we get a pot of coffee?” She chewed her bottom lip for a moment. “And could you keep the kids out of here until it’s time for us to go? Our agents should be here by 9.” She paused. “I… umm… I need some time alone with Devlyn first.”

“Of course.” Normally, Emma would tease the newlyweds over a request like that, but something told her that wouldn’t be a good idea this morning.

“No phone calls or interruptions unless it’s an emergency, Emma.”

The matronly woman didn’t know what was going on, but doing what came naturally rarely failed her. She walked over to the bed and leaned over to pull Lauren into a gentle hug, feeling the other woman relax into the calming embrace and then, after a few seconds, return it fully. “Whatever it is you’re going to do, good luck.”

Lauren closed her eyes, soaking in the rare moment of maternal or, more precisely, grandmotherly comfort. Anna Strayer, Lauren’s mother, rarely had had an appetite. And the infrequent hugs she and her daughter shared unerringly made Lauren think of what it must be like to wrap your arms around a walking skeleton.
 
Despite being short in stature, Emma had a bulky, dependable presence that was so much easier to sink into. It surrounded Lauren, making her feel safe and boosting her confidence. “Thanks, Emma. This is something I can’t afford to screw up.”

*
 
*
 
*

Still towel-drying her dark hair, Devlyn emerged from the bathroom wearing a thick white robe with the Presidential Seal emblazoned across her right breast.

Lauren was dressed in a well-worn pair of jeans and a soft, red denim shirt. Her socked feet dangled off the end of the tall bed, as she sat waiting and fiddling nervously with the glasses in her hand.

Dev took in Lauren’s outfit. “That’s cute,” she commented neutrally as she headed towards her dresser.

Lauren smiled, but she was too worried for the gesture to reach her eyes. “Thanks.”

Dev let the robe fall to the floor and tugged out a pair of socks, panties and gray sweat pants. She turned slightly as she began to dress and Lauren’s eyes swept over her nude body, lingering on the scars that marred the pale skin of Devlyn’s hip and shoulder.

The blonde drew in a deep breath and padded the few steps to the dresser and her wife.
 
She moved behind Dev and laid her cheek between broad shoulders, and she reached out and traced the scar with sensitive fingertips, only to have her hand pushed away as Dev pulled up her underwear, then sweats. “It took a long time, but they’re all healed,” Lauren began, hoping that pushing Devlyn wasn’t the wrong move all together.

Devlyn’s body stiffened, but after a few seconds she reached down and squeezed Lauren’s hand. She already knew where this conversation was going, and she steeled herself. “We’re going to have the talk I kept putting off while you were in the hospital, aren’t we?” Dev pulled away a little to pick up her robe and drape it over a nearby chair.

Lauren nodded. “I think we should.” She reached out, silently asking for Devlyn’s hand.

Troubled blue eyes glanced at her for reassurance.

“Please,” Lauren said, knowing that Devlyn wouldn’t refuse her.

Dev’s eyes darted down to her own naked chest. “I need—?”

“No, you don’t, honey.”

“But—”

“I know you feel vulnerable right now. But it’ll be okay.”

Dev’s eyes widened a little as the remark hit home.

Lauren stepped closer, her hand still outstretched, her head cocked invitingly. “Maybe vulnerable is good. I need every advantage when it comes to you.”

Dev reluctantly took Lauren’s hand and felt an instant squeeze as her reward. “I already feel like I’m walking around without my skin. Trust me, you don’t need any more advantage.”

“Do you really think you need to be perfect with me? You’ve seen me at my lowest and my worst and you love me anyway.”

“Damn straight I do.”

Lauren smiled fondly. “Why should it be any different for you?”

“I umm…” Dev looked away, the image of how she’d handled the stresses of late at odds with the image she had of herself. “I just thought you might be getting a little sick of seeing me so….God, I don’t know.” She rolled her eyes at herself. “Weak. Indecisive.”

The younger woman’s forehead puckered. “I know I didn’t have a good marriage with Judd, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what one is. If I had wanted to go it alone, I wouldn’t have proposed in the first place. We’re a team and when one member gets a little tired, the other just works a little harder to pick up the slack, right?”

Charmed, regardless of the sick, niggling feeling in the pit of her stomach, Devlyn managed a smile. “Yeah,” she said softly.

“So c’mere.” Lauren gave Dev’s hand a gentle tug and their arms wrapped around each other in a heartfelt hug.

Devlyn buried her face in Lauren’s hair. “Why do I get the feeling I’m going to be hearing the word workaholic?”

Lauren tightened her hold on her partner. “We’re going to talk about everything, okay?”

Dev’s throat tightened. “That’s good, because I got a call from the doctor after you went to bed early last night.”

“My doctor?”

Dev shook her head. “No, mine. He called to discuss the results of my check-up last week… since… well, since I didn’t want to leave you to go into his office or have the appointment here.”

Lauren’s heart rate picked up and she looked Dev directly in the eye. “Is there something wrong?” She was surprised to hear how calm her voice felt, considering her insides were now churning.

“Nothing serious.”

Lauren’s pupils dilated as the sliver of fear that had been jabbing her dug in with greater force.

“My mammogram, EKG, blood work,” her face twisted in revulsion, “and colonoscopy were all fine.”

“But?” Lauren held her breath, feeling a little lightheaded as the blood drained from her face.

“Are you all right?” Dev’s concern was evident by her tone of voice. She gently untangled Lauren’s glasses from the younger woman’s iron grip and tossed them on the bed. “You’re going to break them.”

“Just tell me.”

Dev’s eyebrows jumped. “All right. I have high blood pressure.” She sighed, part irritated but a bigger part uneasy. “The numbers have spiked since last year.”

“Nothing else?” Lauren asked tightly

Dev’s hands came to rest on her hips. “Isn’t that enough?”

“Thank God. I- I thought you were going to tell me you had a brain tumor or something equally horrible.” She let out a shaky breath, the relief coursing through her veins enough to make her weak in the knees.

Dev shook her head a little as if to clear it. “Buh—” She lifted one hand, then let it drop. “A brain tumor?”

“The headaches, nose bleeds, and irritability were signs of something, Devlyn.” She felt a little foolish as she admitted, “I um… I looked those symptoms up on the Internet.”

“And came up with the worst possible scenario?” Devlyn scowled. “I’m rubbing off on you far too much. Those are all symptoms of high blood pressure, too.” She quirked a half grin, unable to mask the fact that she was a little unnerved by the diagnosis. “But to be honest, my irritability is because I’m not feeling like my old self and I’m still pissed off there is truly only 24 hours in a day. I still think I was robbed.”

Reaching out to stroke Devlyn’s arm, Lauren regarded her seriously. “What can we do to make this better?”

“My doctor wants me to start on some medication.” Dev’s scowl deepened, the thought of having to swallow a bunch of pills irking her to the core.

“Will the medicine cure it?”

She glanced away and rocked back on her heels, wishing her sweats had pockets where she could stuff her hands. “It should help… some.”

“Some?” Pale brows disappeared beneath tousled bangs. “What else?”

Dev lifted an eyebrow of her own and sighed. “I think you and my doctor conspired against me. He wants me to eat better, sleep more, and reduce the amount of stress in my life. By a lot. Which is the same thing I’ve been told at every checkup since I was 19, by the way.”

Lauren said a mental “thank you” to Dev’s doctor. “He’s clearly a very, very sensible man. In fact, I think I love him.”

Dev crossed her arms over her chest. “Too bad you’re taken.”

“Not bad.” Lauren shook her head and leaned forward, letting her forehead drop lightly against the freshly-scrubbed skin of Dev’s upper chest and smelling the clean fragrance of peppermint-scented soap. “I like that I’m taken.”

Dev wrapped her arms loosely around her partner. “Me, too.”

“Your body is talking to you, honey. I think you should listen.”

Devlyn pressed her lips to the top of Lauren’s head, then moved to the bed and flopped down dejectedly, throwing one arm over her face.
 
She sighed, surprised to find that she felt like crying. “I don’t know what to do.” She swallowed hard and admitted to herself for the first time just how many things she’d allowed to wander out of her grasp and how she had no earthly idea how to rein them all back in. “I fucked up.” It was a faintly hoarse admission.

Lauren closed her eyes, glad to hear the words, but sad at the toll it had taken to get to here. She climbed into bed, shoving aside her glasses and lying close to Dev, her head propped up by her hand. “Devlyn,” her voiced dropped to an intimate, easy tone that always captured Devlyn’s attention. “You haven’t done anything you can’t fix.” She cupped a warm cheek, her fingers sneaking under Dev’s arm to wipe away the few tears that had managed to escape. “Nothing’s too late.”

“What about the kids?” Unconsciously, Dev’s hands began to clench and unclench.
 
“Jesus, I can hear Ashley in 30 years from now telling her own kids that she ‘can’t be with them, but that she’ll make it up to them later’!” She looked up at Lauren with a lost expression. “When did things get so out of control? When did I lose control!” She closed her eyes in self-disgust.

“You haven’t lost control.” Lauren wiped away a few more tears, this time with her lips. “You’re a spectacular president, a better friend and partner than I could have hoped for, and though I know you don’t believe it this minute, you’re a good mother.” She exhaled. “But you can’t control everything. You can’t do everything yourself. You just can’t. Something has got to give. And that something has been your health and your well-being, and that is affecting all of us.”