First Light (19 page)

The office was small, just Alex and I on phones, the office manager Damien and Ben, the luxury travel consultant, as well as a temp from time to time. Alex had been really helpful since I'd started, but our conversation had never veered beyond work, so while I didn't want to be rude, I didn't know how to respond to the way she was looking at me. I gave her a small smile.

'Did you know them?' she whispered.

I cleared my throat. 'What makes you say that?'

To my surprise, she suddenly looked sad for me, as though she was worried I might burst into tears. Did I look that bad?

'Kalen, was, a friend,' I mumbled.

‘Oh my God!
’ she mouthed. ‘Kalen
Smith
?'

I sighed inwardly. My new job had gone a long way to helping keep my mind busy, but work and school only took up so much time.

My initial reaction when Kalen had left without even saying goodbye had been anger, but it was difficult to blame him for leaving – my colleague’s elated reaction to his name spoke volumes. She was beaming at me, her large blue eyes wide with anticipation. Damien and Lara had fallen quiet and I could feel their glances in our direction.

Alex seemed to cotton on to them too, as her expression switched from excited to over-it in a millisecond. She stared at her computer screen, tapping the keyboard repeatedly, making out like she was busy. Lara lost interest and scuttled off to the kitchen.

I looked at Alex to find her smiling, like we were in on a secret together. I wanted to thank her for her tact. It wasn't something I was used to.

‘Some girlfriends of mine think he’s hot,' Alex added when no one was in earshot. 'I quite like the taller one myself.’

‘Denver,’ I nodded simply. Her choice was an obvious one. Denver was as beautiful as any actor or model. Though in my eyes, nobody compared to Kalen, not even remotely. My stomach tensed uncomfortably at the thought of him. ‘I didn’t realise people knew them,’ I lied. They hadn’t wanted people to know them, but they definitely did; the drawback of trying to be covert in a tiny village that had its own Neigbourhood Watch. He could never hope to be invisible when everyone in Clanots knew him by name.

‘Er yeah! But, I didn’t think they spoke to anyone – well, apart from the hot one, he's always out with like, a zillion girls around him – but that Kalen one, he’s never even looked at me before. How did you meet?’

‘He was a friend of my father’s.’

Her enthusiasm was infectious. Even though I knew the boys were gone for good, it was nice to have someone take notice of me. We continued to chat for most of the day, between taking calls and hiding our conversation from people coming and going.

At the end of my workday we swapped numbers and agreed to meet up for a coffee. I didn’t have the courage to tell her what he'd really meant to me, or that he'd left without even a word. I’d only come to terms with it myself, just days before. It had taken ten days for me to finally believe it. New Year's Eve had come and gone. At first I felt numb, wondering over and over if I’d missed something, if I’d done something wrong, something that would make him ignore me. I spent all my time checking my bedroom window, listening for every sound until I felt completely neurotic.

Then I became scared something might have happened to him. The strange feelings I’d had when I was alone, the car with the blacked out windows that I’d assumed was a debt collector. Could that have been someone, not watching me, but watching Kalen? Before I knew it, I was running through the pouring rain like an escaped mental patient and banging desperately on his front door. It swung open to a cold dark shell, no trace they ever existed.

Back at home I’d stumbled around in a trance. I lit the fire, made a cup of tea and went through mundane motions to keep my mind busy, like sweeping the floors and dusting the television cabinet. It wasn’t until I sat down to drink the tea, which had turned cold that I realised I’d done all of it without taking off my jacket. Sitting in my soaking wet clothes, I didn’t move or attempt to take a shower. The cold and damp seeped right through me. I let it.

I thought of our last day together and wondered how he could have let me enjoy one of the greatest days of my life, when he knew it would be followed by so many of the worst. Was it a particularly cruel form of torture he’d learned as an assassin, or was it designed especially for me?

I stared vacantly at the television, too afraid to think about what I’d lost.

Clanots Ocean – 30
^th
December 2009

‘You know, my friend is infatuated with you.’

Kalen looked at the tiny Chinese girl who was trying her best to appear threatening. He had to stifle a smile, because of all the threatening people in the world, she wasn’t one of them.

‘Don’t be modest. You know she is, because you’ve constructed it to be just that way. You swoop in here, all dark and mysterious. You find her when she runs away from home, you stop her doing drugs in the bar, you save her from her inner demons, or whatever–’

‘Mae, what are you getting at?’ he asked, suddenly irritated. He wasn’t used to people knowing anything about him, and a naïve little girl telling him how it was made him more than uncomfortable.

‘What I’m getting at, is that you knew what you were doing. So now you have her right where you want her and I wanna know, what now?’

‘Is that any of your business?’

‘Frankly, yes. She’s been my best friend for seven years and Ronnie doesn’t make friends easily. She doesn’t trust people, because even though she tries to pretend like her mother leaving never affected her – it did. She’s actually very fragile. She’s just lost her father and now you show up and I think you’re going to hurt her, possibly in a way she might not recover from.’

‘I’m not,’ he managed through gritted teeth, unable to look her in the eye. What was wrong with him? Who was this girl to make him feel guilty for doing something he wanted to do?

‘Really? So what – you’re going to stay here, be her boyfriend, go for walks in the park, take her out for dinner, get married, live happily ever after?’

‘What has she told you?’

‘Nothing. Since you came along, she barely talks to me any more. But you think I can’t see that you’re bad news? What is it Kalen, drugs? I mean, come on – the whole town knows you’re trouble, all we have to do is look at you and your friends to know something odd is going on.’

Kalen couldn’t believe his ears. He was supposed to look sweet and innocent, like butter wouldn’t melt – he wasn’t supposed to radiate trouble. He was finding out a lot about himself lately.

A noise sounded at the back door. Ronnie was home. Kalen’s palms began to sweat; it had been a very long time since that had happened.

‘Look, I’m not saying you don’t care about Ronnie,’ Mae said quickly. ‘All I am saying is that if you cared
enough
, you would leave her now before she’s in too deep. She’s a beautiful girl with her whole life ahead of her, Kalen. Do you really think you’re good for her?’

‘I hear you,’ he growled, barely managing to control his rage.

Seeming to sense his inner turmoil and looking happy with her achievement, Mae delicately picked up her cardigan and left the house, just as Ronnie came in from the garden.

‘Sorry I am late – are you leaving?’

‘Sorry Ron, I have to, I have plans later. I stayed as long as I could.’

Pause.

‘Ron, I met Kalen, we had a nice chat. That’s what you wanted, right?’

‘Yeah, I guess.’

‘He seems to care for you a lot. As long as you’re happy and safe, that’s what matters.’

‘Okay.’

Kal sat on the living-room sofa and fumed silently. He hated this girl who professed to know him.
She knew nothing
, he thought miserably. Yet somewhere deep inside, he was tormented. His feelings for Veronica overruled all sense and reason. He’d put his friends in danger – he’d put her in danger, all so he could keep enjoying the moments of serenity he found when he was close to her. He hated to think of another man having his hands on her slim body, in her long silky hair, but maybe that is what was best for her. After all, he really didn’t deserve happiness… but she did.

‘Is everything okay?’ Ronnie asked, shocking him out of his reverie.

‘Of course.’

‘Did you and Mae have a good chat?’ Her tone was light, but her eyes were questioning. There wasn’t much that could get past her, he thought, with mixed feelings of pride and regret.

‘Yeah, she’s a great girl – you’re lucky to have her as a friend.’

‘I guess so,’ Ronnie trailed off. He could see she had questions, but he also knew she wouldn’t push it any further. Instead she curled up next to him on the sofa. He felt his pulse quicken.

‘You sure you’re okay?’ she asked him sweetly. He loved the sound of her voice. No matter what was happening around her, there was optimism in her tone, a blindingly absurd belief in the people around her. Despite how ugly a person was inside, she still had faith in them – she had faith in him. His gut wrenched at the thought of her and of him without her. Her sunny face brightened his world, an otherwise desolate place. Being with her was the only time he felt any peace.

‘Are
you
okay?’ he asked, coughing to clear the tightness in his throat.

‘Yeah. I guess I’d just like one day without the aggravation from my sister, or the concerned looks from Mae – just a day when I don’t miss Dad so much. I don’t know what to do for the best any more. I seem to be hurting everyone at the moment.’

‘Let me take you out tomorrow,’ he asked with more effort than he’d ever needed to exert to remain calm and unreadable, ‘let me try to give you one good day.’

She looked elated at the possibility and he hated himself a little bit more.

20 – Old Friends

Rachel had been busy
. Now the boys had left town, both she and Jared were less concerned with coming over to check up on me. My new class timetable meant I had Fridays off and I’d managed to fill the void with two and a half days a week at the Travel Shop. Still, I had a considerable amount of time to myself again.

I got in from work at four, rewired an old table lamp that hadn’t worked in months and put the remaining boxed Christmas decorations back in the loft. Mae had called and agreed to come and hang out later in the evening. We had been back at school for nearly two weeks, but I’d barely seen her outside of classes. I was looking forward to a proper catch up.

I watched the clock on the kitchen wall while I waited for her and for what felt like the millionth time, I wondered what had become of me. My life had been dull before, but I hadn’t been aware of it. I was happy in my ignorance. Now, knowing how it felt to have something I wanted, only to have it taken away, I had developed a newfound hatred for everything average. Even my old daydreams no longer helped. Once, I could have pictured my hero coming to my rescue and felt infinitely better. But now, when I tried to picture him, his face was nothing more than a blurry haze. The only thing that stood out was a pair of intensely dark-blue eyes, reminding me of everything I wanted to forget.

I went to the computer and started it up. Google home page filled the screen. I typed in:
Project Five Fifteen
. A whole page of results popped up, but nothing remotely related to what I was looking for. Instead, a list of events occurring on or around the fifteenth of May. I started a new search, typing,
Special Requirements Unit
.

My finger hesitated over the button on the mouse. I’d watched enough movies to consider that looking for such things could get me in serious trouble with the wrong kind of people. And what did I expect? That his name and address would pop up? I shut down the computer and unplugged it from the wall, feeling ridiculous, desperate and scared all at once. The television it would have to be. I curled up on the sofa, glancing back at the computer. I felt like it was watching me.

When I heard the knock on the door, I felt the tightness in my chest ease. I hopped up from the sofa to let Mae in.

‘Hey–’ I did a double take. She had brought Cheryl along.

‘How are you?’ Mae asked, wrapping her arms around me.