First Time in Forever (20 page)

“You’re not funny.”

“No, what isn’t funny is you using a child to get access to Emily’s body!”

He ground his teeth. “Do you want to speak a little louder? I don’t think they heard you in Boston.”

“It’s not fair, Ryan.”

He swore under his breath and dragged his fingers through his hair. “That isn’t what I’m doing.”

“Then what are you doing?”

“Honestly? I don’t know.”

“But you like Emily.”

Like?
Such an insipid word didn’t even begin to describe his complex feelings. “I sympathize with her situation.”

“That wasn’t sympathy I saw in your eyes when you looked at her.”

“Back off.”

“We both know you’re not interested in taking on anyone’s kids long-term, so just be careful, Ryan. I’m thinking of Lizzy. She’s young. Kids get attached.”

“Are you lecturing me?”

“Yeah, so now you know how it feels.” She punched him lightly on the arm and walked back to the group at the far side of the beach, leaving him staring after her.

She was right, of course.

He wasn’t interested in taking responsibility for a child.

He thought about Lizzy’s hands locked in his hair and the delicious sound of her giggle as he’d bounced her across the sand.

What the hell was he doing?

He’d told Rachel to back off, but he was the one who needed to back off.

He talked to Anton for a few minutes, exchanged small talk with a few locals and then returned to where the others were sitting.

Instantly Lizzy slid across the blanket to show him another shell, but this time he encouraged her to show Skylar instead and sat detached while they continued to sift through their personal hoard of treasure.

When the food was ready, they used rocks to crack open the lobsters and ate until they were full.

Ryan watched Emily, wondering why he’d never before seen a beach picnic as a sensual activity. There was too much licking of lips and sucking of fingers for his own personal comfort.

The twins and Lizzy, tired from so much outdoor activity, fell asleep in a heap between Rachel and Lisa who were talking about plans for the summer. Skylar was still sorting through sea glass and shells, holding up each piece to the light of the fire to take a closer look.

Emily leaned forward, too, and the soft fabric at the neckline of her dress gaped slightly, giving him an uninterrupted view of smooth, full breasts.

Remembering exactly how they looked bare and aching for his touch, Ryan felt a raging hunger that had nothing to do with food.

Lust was hot, liquid and brutal. The final straw was when he saw a couple of the male swimming instructors from the Ocean Club pool almost fall on their faces as they tried to get a better look at Emily’s luxuriant curves. Ryan gave them an icy glare that had them backing away, and then sprang to his feet.

“I need to talk to Anton again.”

Emily glanced up at him in surprise. “You’re leaving?” Her disappointment was so obvious he almost changed his mind.

And then he saw his sister’s eyes narrow and knew he was in trouble.

“I’ll be back.” He stumbled and planted his foot on a shell, earning his sister’s wrath.

“Ryan! Get your great big feet off the blanket. Ugh. You have no idea how many of my paintings he ruined when I was little.”

He turned his back on seashells, children and Emily’s curves and walked across the beach.

Alec was deep in conversation with a couple of marine biologists, and Kirsti was dancing with one of the instructors from the kayak school.

Across the sand he saw Jared end a conversation with a couple of lobstermen and glance toward Rachel.

Ryan ground his teeth and carried on walking.

His sister was right, her life was her business.

He had his own problems.

His problem caught up with him as he reached the edge of the beach.

“Ryan!” She sounded breathless, and he clenched his jaw and turned.

“What?”

“I thought you were going to talk to Anton?”

“He’s busy.” The truth was he’d forgotten about Anton; he’d been so intent on giving himself some space.

“Is everything all right? Lizzy was all over you. I hope she didn’t make you feel uncomfortable. Or irritated.”

Uncomfortable, he could have handled. Irritated, he could have handled. What he couldn’t handle was the fact he’d found her adorable. “She was great. Every kid loves the beach.” Too late, he remembered that she hated it. “Listen, Emily—”

“It’s fine. You don’t have to walk on eggshells—or maybe I should say seashells.” A dimple appeared at the corner of her mouth. “Can I walk with you for a minute? I could use five minutes of adult time.”

Unable to find a response that wouldn’t seem rude, he nodded. “Are you cold? Do you need a wrap or something?”

“I’m fine.”

It was a good job one of them was, he thought dourly, fixing his gaze on the rocks ahead. “When the tide is out you can walk right around to the next beach.”

“It’s pretty. I was thinking about what you said the other day,” she said quickly, “about teaching me to swim. If you meant it, then I’d like to.”

“You want to swim?”

She pulled a face. “No, but I think I should. It’s important for Lizzy. I’m sending the message that water is scary and to be avoided, and that’s not only unfair, it’s dangerous. She needs to learn how to swim, and once she’s learned, I need to be able to take her.”

“What changed your mind?”

“Watching the kids in the water. They were having so much fun. And listening to Rachel and Lisa talking about all the summer activities they have planned at Camp Puffin. Beach camp, kayaking, sailing. I want her to be able to do those things one day. I thought maybe Agnes would be willing to watch Lizzy for an hour while you teach me. Would you do it?”

He wanted to refuse. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Say no.

“I’m sure. What would I need to bring?”

His mouth was dry. “Just yourself and a bathing suit. But if you don’t have a suit, then—”

“I have one.”

He hoped to hell it hadn’t been chosen by Skylar, or they would both be in serious trouble. He was tempted to suggest a wet suit but then decided that wasn’t going to hide much, either. “Maybe you should wait a few weeks and—”

“I don’t want to wait. Let’s set a time. That way I can’t change my mind.”

He felt sweat bead on his forehead. “I need to look at my schedule.”

“How about tomorrow? It’s Sunday.”

“Weekends are our busiest time at the Ocean Club. Lunches are always crazy, and we’re fully booked for dinner.”

“So how about five o’clock?”

They’d walked as far as the next beach where the rocks opened up into a cave. When the tide was in, it filled with water, but right now it was a moonlit, cavernous grotto.

It was a favorite tourist spot on the island.

It was also a favorite haunt for teenagers looking for somewhere to have sex.

“Ryan?”

“Yeah.” His voice didn’t sound like his own. He was wishing he’d walked in the opposite direction. “Five o’clock should work. But if you change your mind, just let me know.”

“Don’t let me change my mind, even if I go on my knees and beg you.”

The thought of her on her knees almost made him stumble. “Emily—”

“Look!” She tugged her hand from his and walked toward the cave. “This place is amazing. Did you know it was here?” Her almost childlike wonder was in direct contrast to the dark, carnal thoughts that filled every inch of his brain.

“Yes.” He was so aroused, it was difficult to walk. “Be careful. The sea gets trapped in a few places and the pools can be deep.”

“How far back does it go?”

“When the tide is out, you can walk through to the next beach.” Or you could stop halfway and—

“Lizzy would love it.”

Even the mention of a child right now seemed inappropriate given that his thoughts were definitely adult only. “It’s a dangerous place. It fills up when the tide comes in. The coast guard has rescued more people from here than any other part of Puffin Island. Promise me you won’t come here without someone who knows the tides.”

“I promise.” Her voice was soft, and she slid her arm into his. “And thank you.”

“For what?”

“For not making fun of the fact I’m scared of water. For caring enough to warn me. I appreciate it.”

He had a feeling she wouldn’t be thanking him if she could read his mind.

The sound of music wafted on the breeze, and he knew a few people would be dancing on the beach.

“We should go back.”

“In a minute. Rachel is lovely. So warm and sweet-natured. Lizzy loved her instantly.”

“Yes. Fortunately she’s nothing like me.”

“You’re kind, too.”

The breath hissed through his teeth. “I’ve already told you, I’m not kind.”

“You’ve been very kind to me. You stayed with me when I had a panic attack. Most men would have run. You’re patient with Lizzy, even though I know you’ve already done all the child rearing you intend to do. And now you’ve offered to teach me to swim.”

He must have been out of his mind. “About that—”

“Thank you.” She stood on tiptoe and put her arms around him. “I’m so sorry I yelled at you.”

He caught her arms in his hands. “Emily, I lied to you. You were right to yell at me. And I’m not kind.”

“I think you are. And you lied because you didn’t want me to freak out. It was the right decision.”

“Emily—”

“I know you didn’t do it for me exactly, you did it for Brittany, but that makes you a loyal friend and I respect that.”

His control snapped. “You want to know how kind I am? Right now I’m thinking of all the ways I could have sex with you in this cave without one of us injuring ourselves on the rocks.”

She went still. “Here? Right now?” Her voice was breathy with shock. “Someone might come.”

Yeah, you
, he thought, but he managed to trap the words inside his brain for once instead of letting them escape from his mouth.

“I tell you I want to have sex with you in an infinite number of positions and that’s what worries you?” He waited for her to pull away but she didn’t.

Instead, she looked at his mouth. “Maybe if we did it quickly, we wouldn’t be caught.” Her voice was a whisper, and the gleam in her eyes made everything inside him tighten.

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that to me.”

“Have you ever had sex in this cave?”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that, either.”

Her eyes danced. “I’m pretty sure you’re not a virgin, Ryan.”

And he was pretty sure she was close to being one. He wondered how many lovers she’d had before Neil and decided he didn’t want to know the answer.

She was certainly an outdoor-sex virgin, and he wasn’t going to be the one to do something about that.

“We should go back.”

“Not yet.” She rested her hand on his chest, her features indistinct in the moonlit cave. “I’ve been thinking a lot about that kiss. I wondered if you’d thought about it, too.”

He’d been trying not to. “We should definitely go back.”

“There’s something I want to do first.” She stood on tiptoe again and brushed her mouth over his, and his grip on control unraveled like the chain of an anchor that had been tossed overboard. When her tongue licked into his mouth, he could no longer remember why he was fighting this.

Forgetting Rachel, Lizzy and all the obstacles he’d been trying to keep in the foreground of his brain, he buried his hands in her hair, angled his mouth over hers and kissed her back, opening her mouth with his, exploring those sweet depths with skilled, ruthless strokes of his tongue.

He tasted the delicious sweetness of her and buried his hands in that glorious hair. She smelled of summer blossoms and rose petals, everything about her silky smooth and feminine. She pressed her luscious curves against him, winding around him like a delicate plant growing up a rough rock face.

He felt her tug at his shirt and then slide her hands over his skin, and the feel of her brought him to his senses.

The cave magnified sound. Her gasps blended with soft echoes and the hollow drip of water sliding off rock. From beyond the cave came the faint rush of moonlit waves hitting the sand and the distant sound of laughter.

It was the laughter that penetrated his desire-clouded brain.

He eased his mouth from hers and heard her moan a protest.

“Ryan—” She breathed his name and opened her eyes reluctantly. “I want—”

“I know what you want.” Despite the dim light, he could see the dark streaks of color on her cheeks.

“But you don’t want the same thing. You’re not interested.”

He wondered how the hell she could think he wasn’t interested, given that seconds ago she’d been welded against a part of him that should have told her exactly how he felt on that subject.

He thought about what Rachel had said. He thought about Lizzy. “We should get back. People will wonder where we are.”

She registered the rejection. “You’re right, we should get back.” She stepped away unsteadily, like someone absorbing a punch. “It was unfair of me to ask you to teach me to swim when you’re so busy. I’ll book with one of the swimming instructors.”

He thought about the two swimming instructors who worked at the Ocean Club, both of who had almost fallen on their faces trying to look down Emily’s dress.

“I’ll do it.”

“That isn’t necessary. I can—”

“I said, I’ll do it.”

“In that case, I’ll see you at the pool tomorrow.” The exchange was awkward and stilted.

“Sounds good.”

It didn’t sound good at all.

CHAPTER TWELVE

E
MILY
STOOD
BY
the entrance of the Ocean Club pool, shivering.

If someone had told her a month ago she’d be dancing at a beach barbecue and learning to swim, she would have called them deluded.

But here she was, with a bathing suit tight and uncomfortable under her clothes.

When she’d first noticed it in the bag of clothes Skylar had delivered, she’d ignored it, thinking she’d have no possible use for it. As a result, she hadn’t taken a close look until five minutes before she was ready to leave the cottage.

She’d always assumed one piece bathing suits were less revealing than bikinis, but not this one. Or maybe it was just that her shape wasn’t designed for it. And instead of sober black, the color that denoted seriousness in all things, it was red.

Red for danger, Emily thought, which pretty much described her situation right now. Not just because of the water, but because of the man. Still, Ryan had made it clear he didn’t want to take their relationship further, so she didn’t need to worry about how she looked in the damn swimsuit. She could focus on the water itself.

Fighting the urge to change her mind, she undressed in the changing room, pushed her clothes into a locker and wrapped herself in a towel.

Ryan was alone in the pool, cutting through the water with powerful strokes that suggested an above-average athletic ability.

Remembering what he’d told her about his shoulder, she wondered if he’d used the pool as part of his recovery from his injuries.

When he reached the edge, he pulled himself out of the water in a lithe, fluid movement. His muscles bunched, and water streamed off those broad shoulders, droplets clinging to the dark hair that shadowed his chest. He was all sleek planes and streamlined power. Dazed by the vision of raw male strength, Emily blinked, reflecting on the unsettling discovery that apparently the mere sight of a man’s half-naked body could turn a thinking woman stupid. Everything around them faded, and she could see nothing except the glitter of his eyes as he scanned her from head to foot.

Mouth dry, she tightened her grip on the towel.

Her physical awareness was so acute she wondered how on earth she was supposed to concentrate on swimming with him in the pool.

Even without her fear issues, she’d drown.

“Hi.” He barely glanced at her before turning to pick up a towel from the bench near the water. In that moment she saw the vicious scars that curved over his shoulder and down his back. It looked as if he’d been mauled by a tiger.

Those scars told her everything he hadn’t and filled in details he’d omitted in his sparse recounting of the incident that had killed his friend and left him severely injured.

She wanted to ask him about it, but he’d already made it clear the subject was off-limits, so she stayed silent while he wiped his face and looped the towel around his neck. Leaning forward, he picked up a long float shaped like a fat piece of spaghetti and bent it in half.

“We’re going to put this around your middle until you’re confident.”

She was pretty sure that was going to be never, but she kept that thought to herself.

“All right.”

He strolled across to her. “You’re planning on swimming in a towel?”

If it had been an option, then she would have taken it. He might be unselfconscious about his body, but she wasn’t. She wished now she’d just walked out of the changing room in the suit, instead of drawing attention to herself. Better still, she wished she’d picked out a suit herself. Surf and Swim in the harbor would probably have stocked at least ten swimsuits more suitable than this one. Something actually designed for swimming. This one looked as if she was trying to seduce him.

Knowing that the longer she left it, the worse it would be, she let the towel fall.

Face burning, she met his gaze. “You’re thinking I should have worn a more serious swimsuit, but I don’t really have the shape for any sort of suit, and Skylar bought me this one—” Her voice tailed off, and her cheeks grew redder by the second. “Do you want me in the water?”
Oh, God, why had she phrased it that way?
Now it sounded as if she were propositioning him.

“That would help.” His voice was roughened and raw, and he flung the towel back on the bench and slid back into the water himself.

Dying of embarrassment, Emily sat on the side and dangled her legs in the water. Staring down into the blue depths, embarrassment gave way to another emotion. A hollow pit of fear sat where her stomach was supposed to be.

Through the spangled surface of the pool she could see the bottom, but sliding into water seemed like the most unnatural thing in the world.

She probably would have sat there forever had Ryan not moved in front of her.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

No.
“Yes.”

“In that case, put your hands on my shoulders.” His firm command cut through her building panic.

“You want me to slide in?”

“Yes. You’re going to be fine.”

“Lizzy had her first lesson with Rachel this morning. She can’t stop talking about it.”

“Emily.” His voice softened a little. “Put your hands on my shoulders. I won’t let you fall, and I won’t let you go under the water.”

Unable to postpone the moment any longer, she steeled herself and put her hands on his shoulders. Her palms made contact with hard, unyielding muscle.

“I don’t want to hurt your shoulder.”

“You’re not hurting me.”

“You’re gritting your teeth.”

“That’s not—” He closed his eyes briefly and shook his head. “Never mind. Just do this. Every moment you hesitate makes this harder.”

Taking a deep breath, she slid into the water. It was deliciously cool against her heated skin, and that might have been a relief if it hadn’t been for the fact that the movement of sliding in brought her body in close contact with his.

Her thigh brushed against the hardness of his, and she heard him curse softly.

“Sorry—” Anxiety made her clumsy, and she gripped his shoulders with her hands, then realized she might be hurting him and forced herself to relax her grip.

“You’re doing fine.” He put the float around her, demonstrating how it would support her weight, showing her how to move her limbs.

“For now, get used to being in the water. You won’t go under the surface because you have the float and you have me. We’ll stay in the shallow end.”

For a man whose defining characteristic was restless impatience, he was a remarkably patient teacher.

An hour later she swam the width of the pool with just the float, and he complimented her on her style.

Her confidence rose. “Can I try it without the float?”

“I think you’ve done enough for one day.”

“I think it would help my confidence to try.”

“It won’t help your confidence if you go under and never want to get back in the water again.”

“You could stay close by. Grab me if I look as if I’m going under.”

If other people could swim without a float, then so could she.

Determined to do this, she put her float on the edge of the pool.

She pushed forward, and instantly her body felt heavy and strange. Without the float she no longer felt buoyant. Starting to sink, panic fluttered inside her, and then she felt his hand on her stomach, lifting her, giving her that extra support.

“You’re doing fine.” His voice was calm. “It feels different without the float, but the movements are the same. Keep kicking. Keep using your arms. You won’t go under, I promise. I won’t let you.”

And suddenly instead of thinking about drowning, she was thinking about that hand on her stomach. About how it would feel if he moved it a little lower. It made her feel safe from drowning but unsafe in every other way.

She didn’t dare look at him, so she focused on the side of the pool instead, kicked and used her arms, and suddenly she was swimming, really swimming, not elegantly but staying afloat without help. She kept kicking and moving her arms, spurred on by his encouragement, until finally she reached the side and grabbed it.

“Good job.” Ryan was right next to her, and at last, now that the possibility of drowning seemed to have passed, she allowed herself to look at him.

His dark hair was slick, and droplets of water clung to the powerful muscles of his shoulders.

He was the sexiest man she’d laid eyes on.

And he wasn’t interested in her.

She gave a bright smile. “Thank you. That was brilliant.”

He didn’t smile back. Instead, he eyed the changing room door, as if judging how fast he could get out of here. “You did well. Do you always work that hard at things?”

“If it’s something important.”

His gaze slid back to hers. “I think that’s enough for one day. I need to get back to work.”

“Of course. Thank you for taking the time to teach me. I can do it by myself from now on.”

He frowned. “You can’t do that.”

“I’ll stay in the shallow end, but I need to practice.”

“Tell me when you’re going to practice. I’ll make sure I’m here.”

“You’re busy. You don’t want to—”

“Damn it, Emily! The purpose of this exercise is to increase your confidence around water, and that’s not going to happen if you’re on your own, so just say yes.”

“Yes. Tomorrow,” she murmured. “Same time. But you don’t seem very happy about it.”

“I’m happy.”

“Ryan, you’re speaking through your teeth, and you can’t wait to get out of this pool.”

“Because you’re standing next to me in a swimsuit that looks like something from a porn movie.”

She stared at him, her heart pounding. “You said—I thought—”

“What did you think?”

“That you weren’t interested. That this was all too complicated for you. That—” she hesitated “—that I’m not your type. I don’t know enough about sex. I—I’m not exciting enough.”

There was a long pause.

The only sound was the soft lap of water against the side of the pool and her own breathing.

“If you were any more exciting I’d need medical attention.”

Her stomach dropped, but this time the feeling had nothing to do with fear.

The air was punctuated by a tension as unfamiliar and alien to her as the swimming.

“I thought— Then why—”

“Because you don’t want what I’m offering.”

“How can you possibly know what I want when you haven’t asked me?”

His gaze held hers, and in that single moment the world consisted of the two of them and nothing else.

How could a single look be so arousing?

How could he do this to her?

“Emily—” He cradled the side of her face in his hand, stroking her cheek with his thumb as he looked down at her as if he was making a decision about something.

She was terrified he was going to change his mind. Walk away as he had the night before.

Instead, he lowered his head with a slow inevitability that made her wonder if anyone had ever died of anticipation.

His mouth brushed over hers with unhurried, skilled deliberation, the gentleness at odds with the leashed strength of his body. His eyes looked darker than usual, almost drowsy, clouded with emotions she found impossible to read.

And then the kiss altered. Instead of a lazy, exploratory brush of his mouth, it became hungry and urgent, and she felt the strength in his hands as he cupped her bottom and pulled her hard against him, the movement bold and blatantly sexual. She felt the hard, thick ridge of his erection through the thin fabric of her suit and the slick stroke of his tongue against hers as he slanted his mouth over hers and kissed her deeply.

Her hands gripped the brutal swell of his biceps and then slid upward over his wide shoulders and into the thickness of his hair.

He held her hard against him and kissed her with skill and purpose, the cool of the water contrasting with the heat of his mouth and the burning fire that blazed inside her. She was weightless in the water, slippery as a sea creature, and they kissed like demons, locked together and frantic.

He made a sound deep in his throat and then buried his mouth in her neck, and she tipped her head back, eyes closed, shaken and aroused as sensation ripped through her.

He backed her against the side of the pool and trapped her there. “I want you,” he growled the words against her mouth. “Can you feel how much I want you?”

Yes, she could feel it
. The hard, intimate pressure of his body against hers. The rough demands of his hands and mouth.

She drove her fingers into his hair, her mouth colliding with his in a kiss that stripped away reservations and inhibitions. “I want you, too.” She felt his hand slide upward and cup the weight of her breast. Then his thumb made a slow slide over her nipple, teasing it into an aching peak until she squirmed against him, engulfed in exquisite sensation and delicious anticipation.

Her mind shut down. All of her senses were focused on him, on his hands, his mouth, on the dangerous heat that burned through her body.

She hadn’t known it was possible to want someone this much.

They were doing everything except having sex, and just when she was hoping he’d cross that line sometime very soon, there was the sound of a door in the distance, and he released her.

“We’ve got company.” His voice was husky and uneven, and he kept his hand on her waist until he was sure she was steady on her feet.

Emily looked at him dizzily, thinking that it was a good thing her feet could touch the floor of the pool; otherwise she definitely would have drowned.

Gradually it dawned on her that they were in a semi-public place.

One of them needed to say something, and she decided that since he’d taken the lead on everything else, she’d do that part. “If I’d known swimming was this much fun, I would have done it years ago.”

He made a sound that was half laugh, half groan and brought his mouth back to hers. “Leave Lizzy with Agnes tonight. We can watch the sunset from my bed.”

She eased away, feeling the pull of regret. “I can’t.”

“Why not? She’d be safe.”

Lizzy would be, but what about her? Up until the past few weeks, she’d never thought of herself as particularly sexual. What if they got as far as bed and she disappointed him? This was a small island. She could be committing herself to a summer of awkward encounters.