Fixated On You (Torn Series #5) (27 page)

As the thought of her swollen with my child again popped into my head, it instantly got me completely hard. I whimpered in almost agony.
Maybe just a kiss. Maybe not. No. I simply fucking couldn’t.

My rejection was giving her the wrong impression because tears were starting to threaten to fall from her beautiful eyes. “I need you, Bass. Touch me,” she begged. My heart reached out to her, however I knew that it wasn’t me that her sexual appetite was actually craving; it couldn’t be.

I cupped her cheeks with both of my hands as I let my thumbs wipe her tears away. “Emma, I’m so very sorry, but I can’t.” My lips sealed with hers for a sweet, goodbye kiss—a kiss with no tongue—but it was a kiss that I hoped would convey exactly how much she meant to me. For always, she was going to be my love. My soul. My home.

She sniffed, silently crying more. “I can make it right. You know I can,” she cried against my lips. “You used to find me irresistible. You used to never get enough of me. I can make it happen again. Give me a chance.”

Did she not know that this wasn’t about sex anymore? Sex had been a great bonus with her, yet it had never been about that for me. It had always been about that feeling of being a part of some great pact—that union of soul mating—that feeling that I was one with the woman I was destined to be with. That was the crux, though; I had felt it all. It had only been one-sided. I accepted that now.

Giving her a sad smile, I kissed the tip of her nose before picking up her robe and covering her naked body with it.

Someday, she’d understand
. I comforted myself with my delusion.

Chapter 35

Bass

“What the fuck do you want!?” Carter growled at me the second he took my call.

I knew I was the last man he’d rather converse with, but this call was important. “I’m calling about Emma.” My voice didn’t sound so sharp anymore. This was the hardest call I had to make, but knew I had to. I had to do it for Emma. The last gift I’d give her—happiness. “I’m divorcing her.”

Carter became silent on the other end, but I continued to hear his deep breaths, as if shocked. “Why are you calling me? Why are you even doing this?”

Marriage was about the person you fell in love with; it had never been about me. I had come to realize that I wasn’t the man that could ultimately make her happy. Her first choice was always him, never me. After losing the baby, I saw what I needed to do. What I should’ve done in the first place.

“She loves you and you make her happy. I just want you to know that she’s going to be a free woman soon.”

He exhaled a long breath. “
I thought you loved her?
” Carter asked, sounding even more confused.

I loved her too much, that was the problem. “I’m doing the right thing.” I hung up the call, closing my eyes as I tried to calm myself. Giving her up wasn’t easy, but I was still going to follow the steps to get there.

My lawyer had already informed and had already drawn up the papers. He was faxing them later on today so I could go over my assets and see which ones I wanted to give Emma.

I still had one more week left before the work to do in making this happen would be complete.

After filming each day, I dined with Emma and the rest of the crew including Kim. Both were cordial, however Emma was quite territorial, so she always made sure that she was part of the conversation when it came to Kim and me. It made me smile, and at times, I found myself wishing that I could stop the time and keep her for myself. Emma in this state could be very enchanting, though alas, I always came to the same conclusion.

Once we reached our hotel room, I rounded towards the bar to get something to drink. “Can I get you some refreshments? Sparkling water with a lemon perhaps?” I called out to her as she placed her purse on the accent table.

“Sure, that would be great,” she called out, sighing.

Pouring her the sparkling water with a slice of lemon, I strode over to her with the refreshment in hand when I saw her looking at some papers that were on the table that had come in an envelope. I swallowed, praying that it wasn’t what I thought it was, but when she glanced towards me with a painful, frowning expression, I knew then that I had to say something.

“Let me explain—”

She had the bundle of papers in her left hand, flinging it back and forth. “You’re divorcing me?”

I nodded, guilty as charged. “Yes, I planned to.” It was part of what we’d agreed upon, but after losing the baby and the fact that we hadn’t said anything about it after we got married, I was sure it was still a shock to find out like this. It was tacky, and I regretted not waiting until we got to LA to explain things.

She bit her bottom lip, looking at me like I had said the most hurtful thing. “When?” She spun around, slowly placing the items back on the table while staring at them, absorbing what they entailed. “When did you plan to tell me?”

For awhile…
“Last week.” When it had come time to break it to her, I had prolonged my agony because I wanted a little more time.

“You were supposed to…” She nodded. “Last week,” she whispered, spinning around before wrapping her stomach with her arms. “I guess throwing myself at you jeopardized that plan, huh? You didn’t want to look insensitive after I shamefully threw myself at you with no success, so you decided to wait a little longer to save me from embarrassment.”

It wasn’t like that at all, but it seemed like it would be doing us both a favor if she kept on believing that. “I’m doing this for you, Emma.”

Emma tried to move towards me, but stopped herself. She sniffed, looking away before blowing air out of her lungs, having
a hard time breathing. “How? I don’t see how this is for me, Bass. Why can’t you see that all I want is to be with you?” She brought her hand that held her wedding rings up, staring at the diamond like it was the most fascinating thing; as though it held significance to her. “Have I done you so wrongly that you can’t love me again?”

This was it.
The big moment where I had to lie and seal both of our fates for good. As much as it gutted me to say it, I comforted myself in knowing that someday she would live a fulfilling life, one where she had everything she wanted. At the end of the day, seeing the person you loved more than anything incandescently happy was worth all the suffering I’d endured. “I’m sorry, Emma.”

She grabbed the papers in her hand. “Fucking shit, Bass! Don’t say sorry. Don’t say shit you don’t fucking mean. Fine. Let’s have it your way. I’m going to pack and leave first thing tomorrow.” She barely gave me a glance before she ran into her room, slamming the door in her wake.

Waiting for her to calm a little bit down, I wondered how life had gotten so complicated. How the hell did I place myself in this position? One mistake—Nikki—that’s all it took to bring my world upside down. The consequences kept on coming; it had proved to be the ultimate domino effect.

I stood right outside her bedroom door, wanting to going in there and talk this one out, but I was left paralyzed. We had hurt each other so much that things were just too difficult to up. However, the thought of her hating me for not explaining myself thoroughly… I just couldn’t go on like that. Without knocking, I let myself inside her room. My eyes gathered the amount of things littered all over the room as she packed her belongings, ready to leave me.

She was wiping her tears with one hand; the other held a pen shakily as she tried to sign the papers. The one that said,
Emma Cole, sign here.

She had only signed Emma when the pen dropped, before she could sign Cole on it. “I—can’t sign this when you’re here.”

“Emma…”

“Please, don’t make me beg you.” She dropped to the floor where she stayed on her knees, crying. “Emma Cole…” she whispered before looking up to me. “It was what I had always dreamed of. I used to stay up late, daydreaming about what we would name our kids, what games we’d play during game night, what type of father you’d be, and how you’d be as a husband.” She shook her head, staring at her wedding ring. “I’m so sorry for being such a failure. You’re right; I don’t deserve to be your wife.”

I strode over to her and gathered her in my arms, pulling her to her feet. “Stop saying you’re sorry. We were both at fault.”

She nodded, crying softly. Sitting on the tip of the bed, I gathered her on my lap as she poured her demons out. I wanted to shed some tears for what we had lost—the crazy passion, the love and our baby—yet hearing her cry like this, like there was no hope left for anyone, made me want to protect her all the more. I loved her, I did, but if I held her back, I wasn’t sure I could let her go if she asked me later on down the road. Right now, when I still had the balls to keep it together, I had to cut her loose. She needed to be happy.

“It breaks my heart when you cry this way, Em,” I whispered against her cheek, loving how my nose lavished on her scented skin. She was always going to be my home… always.

She moved her face towards my neck until her lips almost kissed my skin as she spoke, her hot breath sent goosebumps all over my body. “My heart is permanently broken.”

“Don’t say that—”

Emma pushed against my chest, looking at me with a tortured expression. “I’m in love with you, and yet, you don’t see me anymore.”

Of course I did.
I always had
. “I see you, Emma. In all shades; I see you quite clearly. I have never stopped looking at you.” Never. Ever. Stopped. She had to know.

Her face contorted, eyeing me with confusion. “I don’t understand…”

It was sad, but my feelings were much stronger now. Having her as my wife for a short amount of time had been privilege enough for me. I was honored to call her family. “Things remain the same when it comes to you; nothing’s changed. It didn’t before and it hasn’t changed now, either.”

“Are you trying to say that you still feel—” She paused, speechless. “
But you’ve been so—
how is that possible?”

Because I was being a pompous ass?
Yeah, that was my defense mechanism. Sadly. “You know why.”

“But you said you weren’t in love with me.”

“I lied.” I said a lot of things; things I desperately wished I could take back.

Emma glared, slapping my chest. “How could you!
” She slapped my cheek softly.

My hand covered hers. “I was hurt beyond comprehension.”

She looked like she was about to cry again, hugging me until all I could feel was our hearts beating as one. “I love you, Bass. How about we start over?”

I remained silent, battling my inner fears. She loved me… just me? Or was it just like before
; a tug-o-war for her heart between Carter and me? “Emma—”

“Give me a chance, that’s all I ask. Please, I gave you one before. I’m begging to have one now. I promise to be the best wife I can be.
I can continue following you everywhere for a while and focus on my online classes… then, hopefully someday, I can start acting again. As for now, I want to focus on you, me and Gus. I think we both need to heal, but I want to heal together. I don’t want us parting when we have problems. We need to fight our battles together. Teamwork. Compromise. I’m willing to do all that for another shot with you.”

“Teamwork, huh?” A small smile was forming. It was hard to resist. Her brows were furrowed as she spoke to me. It only meant that she really wanted us to try again. When she mentioned compromise, I knew she was getting to something… Maybe starting over was for the best. Together. “It’s hard to resist you and give you anything you want when you look this way, you know.”

Her eyes lit up. “Please tell me that means yes, ‘cause I’m so ready to sock you if you’re going to decline that. You love me, how can you stand hurting your wife?”

That made me laugh. She was getting gutsy. I liked that. “I see. So you’re my wife now?”

“I want to be your one and only Mrs. Cole, Bass.” She stroked my cheek, suddenly becoming serious.

My one and only indeed.
“But am I
your
one and only Emma? I don’t think I could take it if we tried again and you left me for Carter.”

“I made my choice when I found you in Greece. When I thought you were gone, I had finally realized how much you meant to me
; how much we had meant to each other. I also realized how much I had taken you for granted. I’ve said my final goodbye to Carter.”

“In that case, I believe I owe you a honeymoon, Mrs. Cole.” I softly lowered my mouth to hers, kissing her gently.

“It’s been long overdue,” she groaned, kissing me harshly, passionately.

Then I remembered something… “I might’ve done something that might tick you off, but I hope that you’ll understand that this was done with my love for you in mind.”

She was busy taking her clothes off as was I. “Why? What have you done now?”

“Well… you see—” Carter Mason. Where did I begin with that?

~B~

Roughly two months later, we had a small ceremony in Greece, renewing our vows amongst our family and friends. This time, our first baby—Gus—was in attendance.

We still had a lot to figure out, but the difference between the new Emma to the one from before was vast. She was back to her secured self, and even though I had encouraged her to act, she had decided to take the rest of the year off, only wanting to focus on me and building our trust as a family. We had a solid foundation to make it last for a lifetime. I knew, with her by my side, I could carry us through the storm. I loved her unconditionally, and she felt the same way as well.