Fixation (Magnetic Desires Book 3) (14 page)

Leo

"Damn it." I growled, tugging the noose around my neck loose and slumping against the soft leather back of my office chair. My damn desk hid under the papers stacked haphazardly over it. Blue ink splattered over the top sheets, the laptop monitor and my hands stained from the pen I’d snapped in half. There was no reason for me to have gotten so far behind on work, only I couldn’t think straight, hadn’t been able to for weeks.

I pressed my fingers to my temples, rubbing circles over the tension-filled knots. How long was Lola going to keep my daughter from me? How long was she going to hide from me?

The rattle of the door handle caught my attention. It opened slowly, just enough for Lola to slip inside. She darted glances around the room before her gaze settled on me. A lump formed in my throat when she stayed close to the door, her arms wrapped around herself. For so long I’d promised myself that one day I’d see her hurting as badly as she’d hurt me.
Good for me, keeping my promises.

I ran my gaze over her, noting the deep purple bruises under her eyes, her angular cheekbones, and the way her jeans draped from her hips. Shuffling my hand through my hair, I rose cautiously from my chair, not wanting to scare her away. Could I put the damage I’d caused back together? "Mike told me about the nightmares. You’re having them again?"

Palms up, she backed up as far as she could. "Please don’t."

I froze as her voice cracked over me, and cringed at the pain I’d inflicted. The inside of her hands were red, her palms and the pads of her fingers scabbed over with thick crusts. She trapped her bottom lip between her teeth when I ran my gaze up to her face. I took a careful step toward her. "Lola, I should have listened to you. Shit, I wanted to hurt you, but not… like that."

Taking a deep breath, her chest rose and fell as she straightened her spine. "It doesn’t matter, Leo. It is what it is."

I could almost feel the severance of her feelings for me. A chill washed through me as she locked her gaze with mine. Desperate, I breached the distance and pulled her into my arms. "I’ll fix this. I’ll make it right. I promise you, sweetheart—"

She pushed hard against my chest. Her chin wobbled and she shook her head. "Let me go. I didn’t come here to talk about us."

I wasn’t going to let her go until she understood we weren’t over. It had taken her a week to come clean about our daughter. I would have waited longer. After the pain I'd caused, I'd give her as long as she needed to let me into our daughter's life and to get used to the fact that we weren’t over, but letting her go wasn’t an option. "That’s okay. We don’t have to talk about us right now. As long as you acknowledge we’re not over. You’re still my wife."

"Don’t hold your breath Leo. You’ll die."

"That’s not a no." Brushing my thumb from her chin to her ear, I swept a tendril of hair from her face.  

"It’s not anything. Can we leave it? I came because there’s something I truly do need to tell you, though I’m guessing you’ve worked it out for yourself."

"We have a daughter." Staring into her eyes, I watched them change color when she nodded. "Why didn’t you tell me?"

She lifted her shoulders, dropped them again, and stepped around me. "Would you have believed me?"

Of course, I would have believed you.
She turned around to face me, waiting for my answer. I’d given her precious little to believe in over the past few weeks. Hell, I’d gone out of my way to disbelieve and distrust every word she’d uttered and thrown it in her face. If she’d told me I had a daughter, I would have laughed and tossed her out on her ass. My chest ached, and I gagged on the taste of stupidity. "I guess not."

"She deserves her father, Leo, not…" She waved a hand at me. "This man you are now." Her throat tensed as she swallowed and moved closer. "Is there anything left of that man I used to know inside you?"

Her words sliced through me and I wanted to grab her and show her how much I was still that man, but though she wasn’t angry, she no longer believed in me. "What can I do, Lola? Tell me how to fix it."

"I don’t know." She exhaled, casting her gaze to the floor.

"Can I...meet her?" My heart lodged in my throat, my tongue thick as I stood frozen, mentally pleading with her to tell me she wasn’t shutting me out completely.

Instead, she kept her gaze averted, only glancing at me when her hand was on the doorknob. "She doesn’t know about you, Leo. I haven't told her yet. Can you give me time to explain that to her?"

"Sure."

She bowed her head before she opened the door. "Tia's my world, Leo. What was between us, that’s gone now, but we’ll have to find a way to be friends, for her."

"For now. I can be friends for now, sweetheart, until you let me in again."  

"That's not going to happen." She shook her head, reinforcing her words, but her gaze was filled with longing. "Please don’t try to take her away from me. I’ll fight you with everything I have if you go that route."

"I wouldn’t do that, Lola. We’ll work this out." I shuffled toward her. Couldn’t she see I knew how wrong I’d been, how badly I’d fucked up?

"Okay." She passed through the door. "I’ll talk to her tonight. You can come by the house tomorrow evening."

"I’ll be there."

She shut it behind her, and I listened to her footsteps as she crossed to the landing.

Sinking back down in my chair, I shoved my hand through my hair. "I won’t let you down again, sweetheart."

It took a few minutes for the image of her to be replaced by the fact I knew nothing about five year olds. "Crap." Jumping up, I made my way downstairs. "Hey, Alex?"

"Yes, Leo." She wandered in from storage, manhandling a frame that was almost as big as she was

I took it from her and leaned it up against the wall beside her desk. "Do you know anything about kids?"

"Not really, why?" She surveyed the painting, checking the frame for scratches.

"Because I’m a father." Oh man, would I smile this big every time I said the word father?

"Congratulations. When’s it due?"  

I chuckled. "No, I'm not going to be a father. I
am
a father. With a five-year-old daughter."

Her jaw dropped as she clutched at her chest; an almost hilarious expression on my unaffable assistant.

"What do you get a five-year-old girl? You have nieces, right?" I glanced at the screensaver of three young girls in matching dresses on her laptop.

"Yep, oh, um."

"Never mind, I’ll work it out. I hate to do this but can you hold the fort here for the next couple of days?"

She focused on work, straightening herself out as she approached her desk and flipped through the online calendar. "Yes, I’ve got you covered. I’ll call in a couple of college students to help with the shipment coming in tomorrow and I’ll see what I can do about that paperwork on your desk."

I grimaced. "Yeah, I’m sorry about that. Guess I haven’t been able to concentrate."

She glanced up at me with a grin. "Go, Leo. Spend some time with your kid."

"Thanks." With a quick rap of my knuckles on her desk, I hurried out of the gallery. Now what the hell kind of gift did dads give?

Lola

I paced the living room floor while Tia stared out the window. The clock on the wall ticked on relentlessly.

"How much longer, Mommy?" Tia glanced at me, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

I glanced at the clock, though I had only checked the time seconds ago. "Five minutes, princess."

Five minutes until my life changed again. I should have been used to the ups and downs by now. Tia went back to staring out the window, her nose pressed against the glass, her breath puffing out in a white circle on the pane. I wasn’t used to sharing her. She was my child and I’d raised her for the most part alone. Now, I had to get used to the idea of him being in her life and I wasn’t prepared. Inspecting my nails, I tried to keep from glancing at the clock. Would it have been worse if he’d said he didn’t want her, or if he disappeared after he met her?

I dry swallowed as the sound of a motorbike in the distance grew louder, and Tia bounced away from the window and scrambled toward the entry. She halted in front of the door and glanced back, waiting for me to join her. I smoothed my hands over my pants and the tape that kept the tears in my palms covered rolled around the edges. With a grimace, I trod over to Tia. Once the hard part of this first meeting between father and child was over, I'd re-tape them.

Leaning down, I stroked a knuckle over her cheek. "Are you ready?"

She placed her hand in mine, and I tightened my fingers around hers as the growl of the motorbike shut off. Was I ready? Would I ever be ready for this? I pulled in a breath and opened the door.

***

Last night when I had settled beside Tia on her bed and told her a story that wasn’t in any of the books we normally read, she’d listened with wide-eyed fascination. I’d kept the details simple. A boy and girl met. They got married. They were so in love they had a baby, a princess. But there was a bad man who kept the boy and girl apart so the princess grew up without a father until years later when they found him again.

Tia had settled against the pillow with a yawn. "I’m the princess, right?"

"Yes, you are." I’d tucked the blanket under her chin and kissed her cheek. "That man you met with the same last name as you—"

"He’s my daddy?"

I knelt on the floor beside her. "Yes he is, and he wants to meet you. Would you like that?"

Pushing herself up on her elbows, her eyes shone with excitement. "When?"

"Tomorrow." Settling her down again, I pulled the blanket up to her chin. "You have school tomorrow, but after that he’d like to come and say hello."

"Okay." She put her arms out and I hugged her tightly. "Goodnight, Mommy."

"Goodnight, princess." Switching off the light, I shuffled out the door.

***

Leo got off his bike and fiddled with the saddlebag, retrieving a plastic bag before striding toward us. His gaze lingered on me for a moment and then he dropped it to Tia. I wanted to fall back, but I kept my feet firmly planted, my fingers relaxed around hers.

He dropped down to her eye level when he got to us and put out his hand. "Hello, Tia. Do you remember me from the other day?"

Sliding her hand slowly from mine, she placed it in his. "I remember."

He glanced up at me, his gaze searching mine and I nodded. "It’s nice to meet you again. I hope we can get to know each other."

"You’re…" she took a half step closer, "...you’re my daddy?"

My tear ducts burned as he swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. "I am."

I cleared my throat, not sure I could speak without my voice cracking. "I’m going to go get you guys a snack. Tia, why don’t you show your dad your cubby house."

Leo stood and wiped his palms on his worn jeans. "Are you okay, sweetheart?"

"No. Yes. Don’t call me sweetheart." I opened the door and went back inside, glancing back to see them walking hand in hand around the side of the house. Brushing my fingers across my eyes, I shook off the tenderness that gripped me and went to get a new bandage for my palm before fixing a snack for the two of them to share.

Ten minutes later I wandered into the backyard, manhandling the plate, a pitcher of lemonade, and plastic cups. Tia sat on the swing with Leo behind her giving her a gentle push each time she swung close to him. She held the chains in the crook of her elbows, and in her hands, she clutched a pink bunny. I placed the snack on the table and crossed the yard to them. Tia chattered about school as she swung, and Leo interjected when he could get a word in.

"Are you ready for a snack, princess?"

She grinned at me, and Leo held the chains, stopping the motion of the swing so she could jump off. "Look, Mommy."

She raced to me holding her wrist up to my face for inspection. My eyes widened at the expensive bit of Tiffany & Co jewelry wrapped around her wrist. The thin gold bracelet boasted a boat, a camera, and a T, along with the signature stamped heart. I stared at Leo, whose smile drooped. "It’s beautiful, princess. Go eat."

Straightening, I crossed my arms and glared at him. "Really? You think a piece like that is a good idea for a five-year-old?"

He came to stand beside me, so our voices wouldn’t carry to Tia. "I think I’ve missed five years of her life, and I want to make that up to her."

I shook my head. "And you thought it would be a good idea to do that with expensive gifts. She’s a child, Leo. She doesn’t need your money."

Gripping my elbow, he tugged me across the lawn out of her sight. "Don’t you think I know that?"

"Do you? If you’re going to be the type of father who buys pretty trinkets and then disappears until the next time he needs to appease his guilt—"

"Fuck, Lola, I don’t know where this is coming from," he said with a growl, "but you know that’s not the kind of guy I am."

"I don’t know you, Leo." I shook my head. "That’s become abundantly clear."

Tugging me closer, he bowed his head so his lips grazed my ear. "Our daughter needs her father in her life. She needs him to tuck her in at night and be there to help her with her homework."

My heart thumped against my ribs.

"And she needs her parents together." His fingers stroked up my arm, and I shoved my palms into his chest and pushed him away.

"No, she needs parents who love her, Leo. She doesn’t care if we’re not together. She doesn’t know any different." Stalking around the corner, I went back to the table where Tia was devouring a sandwich, a pile of crusts on her plate.

Leo followed behind, and I poured her a drink with trembling hands while he took a seat. The pitcher clinked against the table as it slipped from my fingers.

"Sweethe—" Across the table he reached for me.

"Don’t."

How could he think there was any point in trying to rekindle things between us? Especially when it was all for her. I couldn’t be trapped with a man I didn’t know, who didn’t know me, for the sake of our daughter. Even if my body ached each time his gaze lingered on me. Racing inside, I shut the door behind me. Would I ever find my way out of these feelings for him? God help me have the strength not to give in to him when my every instinct was to let him in. If only we hadn't been torn apart all those years ago. We'd never have found ourselves in this situation.