Fixed on You (10 page)

We arrived at the club five
minutes before the scheduled meeting. Hudson stayed in the car for a while,
allowing me to go in first instead of together. In the office, I found David
setting up my laptop.

“Hey,” he said in greeting. “Are
you ready to show off those brilliant brains of yours?”

I wondered if David knew about
Hudson’s plan to attend or not. Either way, I didn’t want him to know I knew.
“Should I start?”

“No, Pierce said he might come.
You should give him a few minutes.”

Hudson walked in seconds later.
“David,” he said, shaking his hand. “Alayna.” He nodded at me, and I wondered
if this was out of consideration to me, knowing that his touch drove me beyond
distraction. Or did touching me do the same thing to him? I couldn’t imagine
that could be true—he compartmentalized so naturally, I had to think his
thoughts were sincerely only on the moment at hand.

Beginning my presentation of
ideas took the most effort, but with my PowerPoint slides to rely on, I easily
fell into the zone, soon forgetting my audience. First, I focused on the
operational aspects of The Sky Launch, items that threatened our competitiveness
with other clubs, suggesting an increase in hours and days we were open, a
retraining of key personnel, and a unified mode of operation between bartenders
and wait staff. Then I moved to marketing recommendations, emphasizing a total
rebranding with a spotlight on the bubble rooms.

I spoke for nearly an hour and a
half. Sometimes David asked questions, and I answered confidently and
succinctly. I knew The Sky Launch. I knew business. I knew what would make the
club a rockin’ place. I felt good.

Except for occasionally asking
for clarification, Hudson remained quiet and attentive. When I finished, I
looked to him, hoping for feedback or praise or a reaction of some sort.

Instead, he looked at his watch.
“David, I have some place I need to be now. You can call me tomorrow if you
want to discuss these ideas.”

The endorphins of presentation
performance weren’t enough to shelter me from the defeat of Hudson’s lack of
acknowledgement. Had I completely sucked shit? Did smart girls turn him off?
And where did he have to be at eight o’clock on a Thursday night?

Whatever. If Hudson didn’t like
it, then tough. He wasn’t my boss, as he’d so vehemently pointed out. I didn’t
need his stupid validation. I’d been top of my class. I knew my stuff. I put my
laptop away, fury leaking into my brisk movements.

“Thanks,” David said.

“Great. Alayna?”

“What?” I may have snapped.

Hudson waited until I met his
eyes to continue. “Walk me out, please.”

I bit my lip as I followed him
out the office door, knowing my attitude had been less than professional. At
least he would chastise me in private.

We walked in silence down the
ramp toward the entrance. The club didn’t open for another hour and the place
was empty except for a few employees preparing for the night.

When we neared the front door,
Hudson pulled me into the coat-check room. I squealed in surprise.

“Alayna,” Hudson growled,
pressing me against the wall with his body, pinning my hands to my sides. His
nose traveled along my jaw. “You were brilliant, do you know that?”

“No.” My voice squeaked, his
unexpected change of temperament throwing me for a loop. “I mean, I thought my
ideas were good, but then you didn’t say anything…” I trailed off in a moan as
he nipped at my earlobe.

“I couldn’t. I was too fucking
turned on.” He pushed his groin against my stomach, emphasizing his point and I
fought off another moan. His warmth against me spread tingles throughout my
body.

“Then it was good?”

“Oh, precious, do you really have
to ask?” He pulled back to look at me. “You think smart—practical and yet
outside the box.” He leaned his forehead against mine. “And it drives me
fucking crazy.”

I felt giddy. I generally hooked
up with men who were attracted to my body, not my mind. It elated me. I was
also now sure that Hudson’s attraction to me began at the graduate symposium at
Stern. “So Hudson Pierce is into nerdy girls.”

He alternated his words with hot
kisses at my neck. “I’m into
you
—when you’re nerdy, when you’re
flustered, when you’re whimpering under my tongue.”

Damn, Hudson knew how to hit my
buttons—buttons I wasn’t even aware I had. I shivered under his kisses. I
longed to touch him, to run my fingers through his hair, to pull his body
closer to mine. But he still had my arms pinned so I had to settle with telling
him with words. “I’m into you, too.”

He crushed my mouth with his,
letting go of my arms to let his hands wander under my dress. He grabbed my
bare ass squeezing and caressing my tender skin as he kissed me aggressively.
My fingers flew to his face, and I cupped his cheeks as his tongue danced with
mine.

When he pulled away, we were both
panting. His eyes gleamed mischievously. “During your presentation—did you
picture me naked?”

Always.
I grinned. “I
didn’t have enough to go on. I haven’t seen ya naked.”

“I haven’t seen you naked and
that doesn’t stop me from picturing.” He scanned my body momentarily and
growled. As if he were picturing me naked that very second.

His playful mood made me braver
than I had been with him. “So when are we going to remedy all the seeing of
naked bits?”

Hudson rubbed his thumb along my
cheek. “Ah, now she’s eager. After she’s sampled the goods.”

 “I was always eager. Now I’m sure.”
I turned my mouth to nibble on his thumb and he raised a brow.

 “What time do you work tomorrow?”

“Nine.”

His eyes widened as my nibbles
turned to sucking. “I’ll make sure I’m done with work by five,” he said
hoarsely. “Come by the loft then. Take the main elevator to the penthouse. You’ll
have to enter the code: Seven-three-two-three. Repeat it for me.”

“Seven-three-two-three.”

“Good. I’ll text it to you so you
don’t forget. Five o’clock. Don’t eat. I’ll feed you.” He pulled his thumb from
my mouth and gave me a swift kiss. “And I’ll feed on you.” He returned again
for a deeper kiss. 

He sighed when he pushed away
from me. “Tomorrow, precious.” He grabbed my hand and held it as long as he
could while he walked away. Before he disappeared out of the coatroom he turned
back. “Oh, and I assure you, bits is not an appropriate word for my naked
parts.”

I assumed that already from the
outline in his pants.

Less than an hour after Hudson
left, Liesl stopped me as I passed the lower bar. “Laynie,” she said, nodding to
a small bag on the counter. “Hot Stuff left that for you while you were pulling
the cash drawers from the office.”

I bit my lip. “Hot stuff? You
mean Hudson?”

“Yeah.” I had no idea what Hudson
could have given me, and though I had been on my way to unlock the front doors
and open the joint, I changed my direction and headed to the package.

A folded paper was taped to the
outside. In neat block print he had written:
I can’t let you go without.
I blushed as I peeked inside, suspecting I knew what I’d find. Sure enough,
there were my panties—laundered and folded neatly. I didn’t even want to think
about what member of his staff got the job of cleaning the under things of
Hudson’s fuck buddies. But the fact he’d made it happen was kind of cute.

“So what the fuck, Laynie?” Liesl
said, and I quickly closed the bag.

“It’s nothing. I left something
when I was at his office earlier.” Internally I smacked myself. Next she’d
question why I’d been in Hudson’s office.

But that wasn’t what she asked.
“You left your panties at Hudson’s office? Yeah, I looked. What did you expect
from me?”

I rubbed a hand over my face.
Liesl would find out soon enough. She’d find out the fake story, anyway. This
was the perfect opportunity to tell her I was dating the man.

But I didn’t. I couldn’t. I
wasn’t ready to share him yet. I wanted to live with the genuine a little
longer before I started playing the pretend. “Liesl, I promise I’ll tell you.
Just not tonight.”

She breathed out an exaggerated
puff of air. “Fine, whatever. But you better have juicy details when you’re
ready to spill.”

“Deal,” I said. I took the bag
and its contents to the bathroom to put them on.

After I did, I caught myself
smiling in the mirror. Maybe I’d been wrong about Hudson. He obviously wasn’t
the pompous asshole I thought he was. In fact, he was turning out to be a
pretty decent guy.

Damn it. 

I woke up the next day with
Hudson on the brain. Again. I’d never scheduled sex and knowing it was on the
day’s agenda made my belly tight and my pussy throb. But with the constant
replay in my head of words he’d said, moves he’d made—my panic flag began to
rise. I wondered as I had many times in my life if I was doomed to live either
obsessing about my relationships or obsessing whether or not I was obsessing
over them.

With three hours before I was set
to meet Hudson at the loft, I had to address my anxiety. Otherwise I’d be too
wound up by the time I saw him and I doubted even his magic charm could unwind
me.

I decided to take a jog and
quickly regretted it. Midday runs were brutal in the summer, especially when
I’d become used to running in the cool of the morning. Halfway through my
planned course, I gave up and slowed to a walk. None of it helped ease my mind—the
heat, the exercise—I still couldn’t stop wondering about Hudson, what he was
doing and what he would do to me when I saw him.

By coincidence or subconscious
effort, I found myself wandering over to the Unity Church where my old Addicts
Anonymous group met. I’d discovered it at the height of my obsessive disorder—a
place where atypical addicts got together to discuss everything from video
gaming addictions to obsessive shopping. I’d moved away from attending on a
regular basis since I hadn’t had any attacks in several years, but maybe
checking in now wouldn’t be a bad idea.

I went inside and down to the
basement meeting rooms, finding a session led by my favorite facilitator ending.
I hung in the back until they’d finished, then made my way toward Lauren.

“Well, there’s a sight I haven’t
seen in a while,” Lauren said, throwing her arms around me in a friendly hug,
her hair hitting me in dozens of long braids. “Should I be concerned to see
you?”

“I don’t know yet. Do you have
any time to talk?”

“A bit. Wanna grab a cup of
coffee at the corner café?”

“Yeah.”

As we walked, I caught Lauren up
on my graduation and the prospects of promotion at the club, as well as the
blow Brian had dealt me with his retraction of financial support. Lauren had
counseled me through many of my family issues and knew probably better than
anyone about the intricacies of the relationship with my brother.

“Will you be okay without the
help from Brian?” Lauren asked when we were seated outside, each with an iced
coffee. Her subtext said she was talking about more than the money. Stressful
situations led to relapses in mental health disorders, and she wanted to know
if I was stable enough to hold up.

“Maybe,” I said with a sigh. “I
think so. Brian hasn’t been much help with any of my crap except financially.
And I’ve gotten the money worked out.”

“You have? That’s great. I’m
sensing a ‘but,’ though.”

“But there’s a guy.”

“Mm hmm.” She sat back, her arms
crossed over her chest. “Go on.”

I paused, not really sure how to
explain my relationship with Hudson, wanting to give details and knowing I
couldn’t. I tried to pinpoint exactly what concerned me and express it as simply
as possible. “We work together. And I can’t stop thinking about him.”

“Is it David?”

Thinking about David now seemed
odd. I’d mentioned David before in the group, when we’d started our occasional
make-out sessions. Now he felt distant and in the past though he’d only put a
hold on us two days before. “It’s someone else.”

Lauren cocked her head. “What
sort of thoughts are you having about him?”

“Fantasies.” I lowered my face to
hide my blush. “Sexual fantasies.”

“What else?”

“That’s it.”

Lauren shook her head. “You’re
not going to get me to say you’re having problems because you’re thinking kinky
about a hot guy.”

“But it’s all the time. I mean, I
wake up thinking about him, I go to sleep thinking about him, I’m tending bar
and I’m thinking about him.”

“But no stalking or calling him
at work or emailing him incessantly?”

“No.”

“Only sexual thoughts?”

“No, I replay things he’s said to
me in my head. I wonder what he’s doing and thinking.”

“Have you considered you might
just like him?”

I took a swallow of my coffee. Up
until the night before I had spent a lot of time considering that I didn’t like
Hudson. Except sexually. I always knew my female parts were drawn to him. But
other than that, no, I hadn’t considered it. I couldn’t.

“Lauren, I can’t like him,” I
groaned. “We…there’s no chance with him.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. We’ve discussed it.”

She looked at me curiously. I
searched for something more I could give her. “He doesn’t do romance,” I
conceded.

“Lots of women get the hots for
men that are unattainable. It’s natural. It doesn’t mean you’re falling
backwards. Stay realistic about the situation. If you feel he’s consuming your
thoughts to the point that it’s affecting your daily routine, then you need to
seek some help.”

“So would sleeping with him be a
bad idea?” If she said yes, I didn’t know what I’d do. I didn’t think I could
cancel on Hudson. I wanted him too badly.