Flaw Less (9 page)

—
Lawson Kerry Banks

 

 

“You went on them today, didn't you?” teased Mark as he and Lawson filed out of the media center following the faculty meeting at North Central High School, where they both worked. “You've got a lot balls for a second-year teacher.”

“I'm taking that as a compliment regardless of how you meant it,” Lawson responded with a wry smile. “I take my job very seriously. You, of all people, should know that. I can't sit around and watch these students fail and not say something about it. Half the teachers in that meeting were more concerned about planning the holiday party than they were making sure our students can pass the standardized tests.”

“After that speech you gave, I don't think you'll have to worry about that anymore. And after the way you called out most of the staff, I don't think you have to worry about getting an invitation to the faculty Christmas party either.”

Lawson laughed. “I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight with that hanging over my head.”

Mark looked at her intently. “Seriously, Lawson, I admire your passion. We need more people like you on the frontlines making a difference.”

“Thanks, Mark, but I've come to realize that if I really want to make a difference, I've got to get out of the classroom. There's only so much I can do from there.”

“You're not thinking of leaving the profession, are you?”

She unlocked the door to her classroom. Mark followed her inside.

“No, nothing like that. I've started working on my master's in administration. I think if I was a principal, I could implement the changes I'd like to see happen.”

“Got your eye on the big chair, I see. I'm impressed.”

Lawson sat behind her desk. “So do you think I've got it in me?”

“Lawson, I believe you can do whatever you set your mind to. Isn't it tough, though, balancing work, school, Namon, and a new husband?”

“No tougher than it was being a single parent trying to go to school and look after Namon and Reggie between my shifts at Pic-'n-Pay.”

Mark became solemn. “I still feel guilty that I wasn't around to help you with our son.”

“You shouldn't, Mark. You didn't even know Namon existed. Besides, now I have the kind of support system most people dream about.” She looked away. “Although I'm sure my husband would rather spend time working on a baby than me working on another degree.”

“Garrett isn't giving you a hard time about grad school, is he?” asked Mark, concerned.

“Oh no, Garrett's not like that. He's very proud of me. I think it's more about him getting older and not having any biological children of his own. We've talked about having kids, but the timing's never been quite right.”

“You can't always wait for the perfect time. If we did, do you think Namon would be here? Ambition is cool and wanting to make a difference is even better, but nothing compares to family and being able to watch your kids grow up.”

“I hate you didn't have that time with Namon. I know now how wrong I was to try to keep you from him.”

“Namon and I are making up for lost time. I'm just saying, at the end of the day, work isn't what matters. Family is.”

She nodded slowly. “You're right. When did you go and get so wise?”

“After two kids and thirty-three years, I ought to know a little something, right?”

She laughed. “Mark, I'm really glad we've gotten back to a place in our relationship where when we can talk like this. Things had gotten pretty bad between us for a while.”

“I know, and I apologize for my part in it. I shouldn't have threatened to take our son away from you and Garrett. I actually have a lot of respect for your husband. He's been a good father to Namon. I hope he's been as good a husband to you.”

“He has. He's everything I prayed for in a mate.”

“You did the right thing choosing him over me,” acknowledged Mark. “It makes me feel good to see you so happy.”

“I think it's important that we support and can be happy for each other for Namon's sake. So will we be getting you down the aisle any time soon?”

Mark laughed. “I don't know if marriage is in the cards for me. I've popped the question twice and have gotten two rejections. Twice might be my limit.”

“Third time's the charm, remember? You just haven't met the right one, but you will. I'm sure of it.”

“Yeah, we'll see.”

“Don't give up. She's out there, maybe even closer than you think.”

“Your lips to God's ears.” Mark kissed her on the cheek. “I'll catch you later.”

He disappeared, and Lawson busied herself with paperwork. “Oh my! Look what the cat dragged in!” exclaimed Lawson, seeing Sullivan in her classroom doorway. “Is this where you're stashing the bodies these days?”

“Ha-ha.” Sullivan set her purse down on one of the empty desks. “Can't I come by and see one of my oldest and dearest friends without having some kind of ulterior motive?”

“You can, but you usually don't, so what gives?”

“Nothing,” she replied in a sing-song voice. “I just wanted to see you.”

“Uh-huh. What's up, Sullivan?”

Sullivan slid into one of the student's desks. “Same crap, different day. Is Mark around?”

Lawson erased her board. “He's here somewhere, probably down in the gym.”

“Isn't it awkward having him work here? I'm sure by now everyone knows he's dipped his hands, not to mention his other parts, in your cookie jar.”

“It's not like we've broadcasted it over the morning announcements, Sully. A few people around here know, but we keep things very professional. Nobody's bold or crazy enough to ask us about it.”

“I think it's amazing that the two of you have managed to still be friends, all things considered.”

“It's better for Namon this way. It's not hard, though. Mark is a good dude. Now that we've firmly established the boundaries in our relationship, we're free to just enjoy each other as co-parents and friends.”

Sullivan sat upright. “What about Garrett? Where does he fit into all of this?”

“He's my husband, Sully. Everything begins and ends with him. Mark is cool, but if my relationship with him ever jeopardized my marriage to Garrett in any way, I would end it, no hesitation or questions asked.”

Sullivan nodded. “What about Namon? Now that Mark's in the picture, how does that affect Namon and Garrett's relationship?”

“It doesn't. Namon knows who his biological father is, and I think he's really grown to care about Mark and his little sister Mariah. But Garrett is the one who raised him. Garrett will always be Dad in Namon's heart.”

“Does Garrett feel the same way?”

“Of course. The two of them couldn't be any closer if they were biologically father and son. Heck, they even kind of look alike. God knows they act alike! Most people think Namon is Garrett's son. For all intents and purposes, he is.”

Sullivan drummed her fingers on the desk, thinking—or more to the point—scheming. “So you think it's possible for a man to unconditionally love a child who's not his own?”

“Yes, my family is living proof.” Lawson grew skeptical. “What's up with this line of questioning? Is there something going on with you I should know about?”

“I'm just weighing my options with this baby situation. You never know how these things are going to turn out. Something might happen that forces Charles and me to resort to adoption or artificial insemination. I just want to be sure that Charles would love the baby as much as he would if the child came from his own body.”

“Of course, he would! Don't even waste time wondering about that, but don't start driving yourself crazy with worst-case scenarios either. You and Charles will have your baby when it's time and not a moment sooner or later than that. Just be patient. I know asking you to be patient is like asking the sun not to be hot, but you have no other choice.”

“I always have a choice, Lawson,” stated Sullivan.

“Yes, you do, but it's always best to wait on the Lord, my wayward friend. The Bible says God knows His plans for us, and He's not going to move at our beck and call.”

“Waiting and patience aren't really my strong points,” huffed Sullivan.

“That's a tidbit we know all too well! But when we try to force things to happen, we go from God's divine will to His permissive will. He'll allow certain things to happen, but then you're subject to the laws of nature and society as well as the consequences. Nature and society aren't always as forgiving as our Lord and Savior.”

“How can you say it's not God's will for Charles and me to have a child when the Word clearly tells us ‘be fruitful and multiply'?” asked Sullivan, contradicting her.

Lawson gave up. “Just promise that you won't do anything stupid. I take that back—promise that you won't do anything stupid without running it by someone first, namely the Lord.”

Sullivan exhaled. “I promise that I'm not going to do anything I haven't thought out and planned very carefully.”

“For some reason, that's not very reassuring coming from you.”

“Lawson, you know me. One way or another, I always get what I want, and right now, what I want is a baby.”

“Those are the key words—
right now!
What about six months or a year from now? Better yet, twelve years from now, will you still want this kid? It's not like buying a pair of shoes, Sully. You can't take the kid back or donate him to charity when you get bored and want to try something else.”

“Don't you think I know that?” she snapped. “I actually want to have this baby. Why does everyone find that so hard to believe?”

“I guess because we can't figure out why you want it. You're not exactly the poster child for motherhood. If this is about trying to please Charles, your husband adores you and is committed to you with or without a baby. If it's to keep your marriage together, a newborn will only add stress to an already bad situation. If Charles wants to leave, he's going to leave—baby or no baby.”

“Maybe it started out being about Charles, but now having a child is something I want for me. I want to be a mother. I need to have at least one thing in this world I've done right. Being a good mother can be that one thing.”

“Sully, you've done a lot right in your life. You survived your sociopathic mother for one; you graduated at the top of your class in college. You're a brilliant artist and an even better friend. Even when you mess up, you pick yourself right back up, hold your head high, and keep movin'. You don't need to have a baby to prove anything to anybody.”

“I have something to prove to myself, Lawson, and to God. I want to prove to Him that I can be trusted with something as precious as one of His children. I want to prove to me that I'm capable of loving another human being more than I love myself.”

“I get that,” Lawson assured her. “I just don't know if that's a good enough reason to bring a child into this world.”

“That's not fair!” shot back Sullivan. “Look at you and Mark. What profound reason did you have for bringing a child into the world aside from the fact both of you were too ravenous to insist on throwing on a condom? Are you saying that, at sixteen, you were more equipped and prepared to be a mother than I am now?”

“I'm not saying that at all. At the time, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. If I could do it over again, I would've waited. That's why I'm not rushing into having more children. True, Garrett wants more kids, but deep in my heart, I know I'm not ready.”

“That's the difference between us, Lawson. I
am
ready, and it's
going
to happen, one way or another.”

“Yeah, and it's that ‘other' way that usually gets you in trouble.”

Sullivan shook her head. “Not this time.”

Lawson yielded. “Okay, just don't do anything you're going to live to regret, Sully. Let the Lord do His work without any interference from you. Remember Rachel, Jacob's wife in the Bible? She desperately wanted a baby too, and the child she thought she wanted so badly was the very thing that killed her.”

—
Reginell Kerry

 

 

“Hey, I'm here to pick up li'l man,” announced Reginell when Mark opened his front door the next evening and found her there instead of Lawson.

Mark let her into the house. “Where's Lawson?”

“She's finishing a paper for class, and Garrett's working late, so here I am.”

“You know I'm always happy to see you. Come in, sit down.” He made room for her on the sofa. “Namon is doing his homework. He'll be out in a minute.”

“Homework on the weekend?” Reginell frowned. “I used to hate teachers who did that! Just because they didn't have a life Friday through Sunday didn't mean I didn't.”

Mark chuckled. “Imagine how hard it was for me trying to cram in James Baldwin novels after playing football on Friday nights!”

“I bet you had some cute little cheerleaders doing that work for you. I know—I used to be one of those cheerleaders doing the football players' homework!” They both laughed. “How is everything going between you and Namon? He talks about you much more than he used to.”

“Good things, I hope,” ventured Mark.

“Of course.”

The relief showed on Mark's face. “We have our moments here and there when it gets a little tense, but most of the time, it's like we were never separated. I can't tell you how good it feels having him around. He and Mariah have gotten pretty close too.”

“Yeah, Namon is crazy about his little sister. If Garrett has his way, Namon will have another little brother or sister to dote on real soon.”

“You said
Garrett
. I guess you know Lawson isn't exactly gung-ho about popping out another kid.”

“Lawson wants to climb the corporate ladder. You know how she is, Mark. She's not satisfied with just being a teacher. Lawson wants to run the whole doggone school!”

“So I've noticed,” he replied with a laugh. “But I know she loves Garrett. I'm sure she'll slow down long enough to give him that baby he wants.”

“What about you? Do you want more kids?”

Mark shrugged. “I don't know. My hands are pretty full with Namon and Mariah. If I met the right woman, I might consider it.”

“You're not dating anyone?” she asked, surprised.

“Here and there, but nothing serious. What about you? No doubt you get more than your fair share of men vying for your attention.”

“That's business. They don't want me, they want Juicy, and even that's just for one night. I want more than that.”

“I thought you were pretty hot and heavy with some guy awhile back. I remember seeing the two of you at Lawson's wedding. It looked like you were going to be next in the bridal line.”

“Yeah, things seemed like they were getting serious for a minute, but he couldn't handle my job and seeing other guys around me that way. We broke up a couple of months ago.”

“So you chose stripping over the man of your dreams?”

“The man of my dreams will love and accept me whether I'm stripping or not.”

“True, but it's gonna take a strong brother to be willing to overlook all that. Wouldn't it just be easier to stop dancing?”

“For some, maybe, but I'm not stripping just to be doing it. I know none of you believe it, but it really is a career move for me. I've met a lot of people in the music industry at Paramours, people who can help me get my singing career off the ground. I know it's going to pay off eventually. Plus, it ain't like I'm out there shaking for pennies. I bet I make more in a week than you and Lawson, with all them degrees, make in a month.”

“You're probably right, but it makes a difference when you can look at yourself in the mirror, knowing that you're doing some good out here in the world.”

“I'm good at what I do too,” she crowed.

He licked his lips. “I bet you are, but I'm talking about making a positive difference in someone's life. You can't put a cash value on that.”

“But you
can
put a cash value on my rent, my car, my clothes, and everything else I got to pay for. No five-and-dime job is gon' cut it for me. I've got grown woman bills, so I've got to do what grown women do.”

“You don't have to do
that
, Reggie. Don't short-change yourself.”

Namon emerged from his bedroom, slinging his duffle bag over his shoulders.

Mark took his eyes off Reginell and looked up at Namon. “You got everything finished?”

“Yes, sir.” Namon waved at Reginell. “Hey, Auntie Reggie.”

“Hey, Big Nay! Your mom sent me to come get you. You ready?”

Namon grinned. “Cool. You gon' let the top down on the car?”

“Boy, you know Lawson hates it when I have you in car with the top down.” She broke into a smile. “That's
exactly
why I'm going to do it!” They all laughed. She tossed him the keys to her Mustang. “Go load up your stuff. I'll be out there in a minute.”

“All right.” Namon embraced his father. “Are you coming to my game next week?”

“Do you even have to ask? I'll be there, embarrassing you as usual,” guaranteed Mark. “Call me when you get home so I'll know you got there safely, all right?”

“Okay.” They hugged again and then Namon walked out.

“You're real good with him, you know that?” complimented Reginell once Namon was out of earshot.

“Well, I love him. He makes it easy.” Mark paused. “Listen, I know you got a lot of slack from your sister and her friends for forcing Lawson's hand about introducing me to Namon and telling him who I was, but I'm so thankful for that, Reggie. Who knows how long it would've taken if you hadn't. I'll always be grateful to you.”

“No thanks necessary. Lawson was wrong for ever keeping the two of you apart. I think it's wrong to keep any two people apart who ought to be together.”

He nodded. “I couldn't agree more.”

Reginell smiled. “Well, let me go on and get this boy home before his mama starts blowing up my phone. You know what a worrywart she is. I'll see you later, Mark.”

Reginell headed for the door. Mark grabbed her hand. “Wait a minute, Reggie.”

She turned around. Her eyes met his. “Yeah?”

“You know, maybe you and I should get together for coffee or lunch one day this week. What do you think about that?”

Reginell thought it over. “I guess that would be okay,” she replied, questioning if Mark was being nice or if he was asking her on a date.

“I guess it's a date then,” he said, answering the question for her. “I'll give you a call tomorrow, and we can set everything up.”

“Okay,” she confirmed, blushing. “I'll talk to you tomorrow.”

Reginell walked to her car, still asking herself what had just happened. She giggled. Truth be told, she'd always thought that Mark was cute and that Lawson was a fool for not going after him.

“Looks like Lawson's loss is my gain,” Reginell said to herself. The moment was quickly followed by two other thoughts. The first was that an attractive, successful, single man had just asked her out. The second was that she'd just accepted a date from her sister's baby's daddy.