Flaw Less (11 page)

—
Reginell Kerry

 

 

Mark invited Reginell to a restaurant that she'd never heard of or been to before. She was far more at home in a place where the menu was on the wall behind the cash register. The white linen tablecloths and waiters in suits were intimidating to her. She knew she had no business in a place like that and got the feeling that everyone else there knew it too.

Mark was waiting for her near the entrance.

She greeted him with a simple, “Hey.”

“Hello, yourself.” He kissed her on the cheek and took off her coat. “Our table is ready.” A hostess escorted them to their table. Mark pulled out Reginell's chair for her. “You look nice, Reggie.”

“Thank you.” Reginell looked around anxiously. “I feel like I'm underdressed,” she admitted, wishing she hadn't chosen the hip-hugging black mini and knee-high stiletto boots.

“Are you kidding? You look great . . . very sexy.” Mark took his seat. “What's wrong? You look nervous.”

“I've never been in here before. It's kind of fancy for lunch.”

“I like to spurge a little, especially if I have a good reason to,” he added with a wink.

By the time they'd placed their orders, Reginell had started to relax. “I bet you've taken a lot of women here, huh? I know the drill, you spend a lot of money to make 'em feel like they owe you something.”

Mark grinned. “Now, I'm not one to brag, but I've never had to spend money to get a lady to give up the goods.”

“Yeah, I bet!” Reginell agreed with a laugh.

“What about you?”

“What
about
me?”

“Do you make them drop a truckload of dough before you drop them drawers?”

She laughed again. “I make them drop some dough to even
look
at the drawers! But that's just work, you know. My man doesn't have to spend a lot of money on me or anything like that. I just want a good man who cares about me and can see who I really am outside of being Juicy up there on stage.”

Mark stared into her eyes. “So who are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean who are you outside of the club and your sister's shadow and behind all those masks that we wear out in public every day?”

Reginell thought about it. “I think I'm someone who is kind and loyal, who goes hard for what I want—even if my sister doesn't understand what I'm doing or why I'm doing it. I'm a beast if you get in my way,” she warned. “But I'd lay down my life for the people I love. I like to make people happy. I love singing, I love performing, period. Even though it's stripping, I still get a chance to get up and entertain people and make a wad of money while I'm doing it.”

“You forgot one. You're strong, Reggie. You'd have to be to make it in that business. You're a survivor, and you're not afraid to go for yours. I admire that about you.” Reginell giggled. “What's so funny?”

“Nothing.” She blushed. “It's just that I've never heard anyone say they admire me before, especially not lately.”

“Well, I do. I can't believe none of the guys you've dated never told you that before.”

“I don't go on that many dates anymore,” she replied. “Besides, if you date one man, you've dated them all.”

“Oh, Lord,” grumbled Mark, “another angry black woman.”

She rolled her eyes and frowned. “You haven't seen angry yet.”

“Put your claws back—I'm just kidding! I can think of a lot of words to describe you, and
angry
isn't one of them.” He tilted his head a little. “Reggie, can I ask you a personal question?”

She laughed. “You
been
asking 'em! I don't know why you're trying to get my permission to do it now.”

Mark smiled. “Well, this might be kind of a sensitive subject, but it's something I've been wondering about. How is it that a smart, vibrant girl like you got into stripping?”

Reginell groaned and rolled her eyes.

Mark reached for her hand. “I don't mean it like that. I mean, like,
how
. What happened to make you walk into the strip club that day and apply for a job?”

Reginell exhaled and leaned back in her chair. “I didn't walk into the club looking for a job, not one stripping anyway.”

“So how did you walk out with one?”

She shrugged. “Just kind of happened.”

Mark shook his head. “Taking off your clothes doesn't just ‘kind of happen.' I know there's more to it than that.”

“Ray said it was what I needed to do if I was serious about breaking into the music business,” she recalled.

“Ray's the guy who owns the club, right? Lawson says he's kind of shady. Is that true?”

Reginell laughed a little. “Well, I guess he's as honorable as the next pimp, if that answers your question.”

“How did you get mixed up with a dude like that?”

“My homeboy Black gave me Ray's card. Black thought Ray might be able to help me find a record label. I figured it wouldn't hurt to call and see what was up. Say what you will about Ray, but he has a lot of connections in the music industry.”

“And you have a lot of talent! You don't need his connections.”

Reginell sucked her teeth. “Mark, we're in Savannah, Georgia—not exactly the music capitol of the world. It's going to take more than a good voice to get discovered out here.”

“So what exactly did this Ray character promise you?”

“The world,” she replied with a bitter chuckle. “You should've seen me strolling into his office wearing my borrowed suit, trying to look all professional.” She shook her head. “It didn't take long to find out my voice wasn't the only thing Ray was interested in.”

Mark took a sip from his water. “What did he do?”

“What he does best. He let me talk about my dreams and how bad I wanted to sing. I told him about leaving college to go to New York to sign with this independent label and how it all blew up in my face. He said that I had guts and that he liked that I was ‘hungry' and down to do whatever it took to get a deal.”

“Dropping everything to follow your dreams
did
take guts, Reggie. I know Lawson gives you a hard time about dropping out of school, but sometimes you've got to be willing to take risks.”

“Well, Ray asked me to sing for him, and I did. He said he loved my voice and was going to hook me up with some people to produce my demo. He even offered to be my manager.”

“Your
manager
?” he asked warily.

“At the time, I believed he really wanted to help me.”

“When did you change your mind?”

“Around the time I understood what being willing to do
anything
meant.”

Mark caught her drift. “I take it that he wanted you to do a little more than run errands and get coffee.”

“Yeah, he wanted me to do
way
more than that. He started talking about his manager's fee and how he was taking a chance on me and needed something for him in order to prove that I was a worthy investment.”

“Is that when stripping came up?”

“Not really. He wanted something else first. He started saying things like, ‘We need to get to know each other better,' and that he wasn't going to waste his time on some scared li'l girl and whatever I wasn't willing to do for a chance at stardom, the next girl would be willing to do. Then he said I could go out that door and keep singing for pennies or I could turn off the light and show him how much I appreciated him making me a star.”

Reginell closed her eyes. “I remember just praying and asking God to give me a way out. Immediately, I felt the strength to run, to flee and resist the devil. I told Ray I wanted a record deal but not like that.”

“So you walked out?” concluded Mark.

She looked away. “Not exactly.”

“What happened?”

“Mark, I don't know if I should get into all this with you. You're my nephew's father. If you knew some of the stuff I've done, you probably wouldn't let Namon anywhere near me.”

“I'm not here to judge you, Reggie. We've gotten to know each other pretty well over the past year or so. There's nothing you can say that would change my opinion of you. You can trust me. Tell me what happened with Ray.”

Reginell took a deep breath. “Ray started talking about how other chicks were givin' it up for up for beats, tracks, contracts, and everything else in between and that sex was just another bargaining chip.

“I told Ray that some people do make it without having to compromise themselves or their principles, and that I planned to be one of them. Then he said, ‘Sweetheart, you ain't Beyoncé. You ain't Alicia Keys or Mariah Carey or none of those other chicks who can make it just off talent. This is the only way you're going to get ahead in this game.'”

“And you believed him?”

“I think at that point, I figured I could give it up for free or I could put a price tag on it and make it work for me. I just told myself to do it and get it over with. I could repent afterward. Then I just turned off the lights and pretended it wasn't happening.”

Mark empathized. “That had to have been hard for you. I imagine something like that changes a person.”

“It did for me. I haven't quite looked at men, or myself, the same way since. I know I strip and everything, but I believe in God and I know He's not happy with the way I'm living my life. I always think about my mother watching me from above and remember all those sermons where the pastor talked about the body being bought and paid for by Christ.”

Mark's heart went out to her. “It's never too late to change direction. You've got a story to tell, Reggie, but the best part is that it isn't over. You can write the ending however you choose. Dancing at the club doesn't have to be it for you.”

“I know it's not!” she boasted. “I'm going to be a star, Mark. Just watch.”

After having their fill of lunch, dessert, and conversation, Mark accompanied Reginell to her car. “I had a really nice time with you,” said Mark. “I hope we can spend some time with each other again.”

“I don't know. . . .” She grinned. “We'll see.”

“I guess it's not a real date unless it ends with a kiss, so . . .” Mark leaned into her, and she closed her eyes. He planted a soft kiss her on the forehead. Then he lightly brushed a finger across her lips. “Was that okay?” he asked.

“Yes, that was nice.” She'd never known a guy to not go straight for the jugular. “Good-bye, Mark.” she said flustered. She climbed into the car, and he shut the door behind her.

Reginell floated all the way home. She knew Mark to be a good father and coach; now he'd given her something else about him to like. He seemed like such a nice guy.

Then reality set in: Nice guys didn't go for women like her. And even if they did, they either never stayed put or rarely stayed “nice” for very long.

“Mark is probably no different from any other joker you meet in the club any given night,” she told herself. “You'd be stupid to put your heart into this. You'll just end up hurt and disappointed again.”

In her heart, she knew he was just like the rest, but there wasn't anything she wouldn't have given to believe that he wasn't.

—
Kina Battle

 

 

Thanksgiving was two days away. Sullivan, Reginell, and Angel crowded into Lawson's small kitchen to help her prepare Thanksgiving dinner, expecting to feed no less than twenty people over the next couple of days.

“Can you believe in a month it'll be Christmas?” posed Lawson, mixing batter for her famous six-tier coconut cake.

“Oh, I can believe it!” exclaimed Angel, chopping onions. “I'm in the house with two kids who've been counting down to Christmas since Labor Day.”

“I hope this year will be easier on them. It was hard for any of us to be in the Christmas spirit so soon after Theresa's and E'Bell's deaths last year,” noted Lawson.

“Speaking of E'Bell, where's Kina?” asked Reginell, who had been assigned to “corn bread duty” for her sake and everyone else's.

Lawson peered out into the driveway. “She's pulling up now.”

“Look . . . if it isn't the lesbian du jour,” joked Sullivan as Kina joined them in the kitchen.

“I never said I was a lesbian, Sully.”

Sullivan tapped the side of her face. “Yet your girlfriend is, so you'll understand if I jump to conclusions.”

“Joan is not my girlfriend,” upheld Kina.

“Right, I believe the politically correct term is
life partner,
” teased Lawson.

Kina rolled her eyes and turned around. “I'm leaving.”

“No, you're not,” insisted Angel, dragging Kina back into the fold. “Ladies, give her a break. Kina, I know I speak for everyone when I say that we love you even if we don't agree with some of the choices you're making.”

“Forget all that,” spat Reginell, wiggling in her seat with excitement. “I wanna know what happened with Joan the other night!”

“Yeah, I kinda wanna know that too,” admitted Angel.

Kina sighed and sat down at Lawson's kitchen table. “It was nice. We had a good time.”

“A good time or a
gooood
time?” fished Sullivan, sitting down next to her.

Kina hesitated. “She kissed me.”

Sullivan slapped her hand across her forehead. “Oh my God! Kina's officially crossed over!”

Lawson shushed Sullivan. “Let her finish, Sully. It's not as serious as all that . . . is it, Kina?”

Kina looked around at all of them. “I don't know.”

Angel narrowed her eyes as if trying to process this new information. “What does that mean? Exactly what is it that you
don't
know?”

“We're probably going to go to hell just for listening to this foolishness!” ribbed Sullivan.

“If you're going to hell, it won't be for this. You started paving that road a long time ago!” fired Kina.

Angel wiped her hands and joined them at the table. “So, are the two of you, like, a couple now? Are you dating?”

Kina shrugged her shoulders. “It's like I said, I don't know.”

Reginell leaned in. “You admitted kissing her, but did you . . .
you know
. . .” She raised her eyebrows up and down.

Kina's eyes bulged. “No, nothing like that, but . . .”

“But what?” pumped Reginell.

Kina swallowed. “I thought about it. She got to second base. I really think I'm attracted to her. I can't promise that she won't get all the way home next time.”

The ladies let out a collective
“Eww!”

“Ladies, I'm in crisis!” cried Kina. She stood up to wash her hands and pitch in. “Maybe I should let you guys meet her. We can all meet up for dinner or something. That way, you can feel her out and tell me what you think.”

“Feeling her up and out is
your
job, Kina,” said Sullivan. “Honey, I love you, but there's nothing in the best friends' handbook about this. The last thing I need is for the church to catch Pastor Webb's wife walking in or out of one of Joan's gay establishments. I can see the headlines now: P
ASTOR'S
W
IFE
N
OW
S
EEKS
L
ESBIAN
L
OVER
! I don't think so.”

Kina frowned. “Why do you always make everything about you, Sullivan?”

“Because everything always is!”

“Well, this isn't!” declared Kina and faced her friends. “This is not the time to abandon me. What do you think I should do?”

Sullivan gave her a hard look. “Seek therapy!”

Kina stomped her foot. “I'm serious!”

“So am I!” replied Sullivan. Lawson and Angel laughed.

“No, really, I mean . . .” stammered Kina.

“What?” asked Lawson, still laughing.

Kina turned somber. “I mean, it's been over a year.”

“Since E'Bell died?” Angel inferred.

Kina wrung her hands together nervously. “Since . . . the last time.”

“The last time what?” asked Reginell.

“You know . . .” Kina seemed embarrassed. “Since the last time I've been with a man.”

“
What
?” squawked Sullivan. “You haven't had sex in over a year?”

“Don't say it like that, Sully,” jeered Lawson. “You make it sound so depressing.”

“That's because it is!” blabbed Sullivan. “My goodness, no wonder you've turned to women. At this point, you'll turn to anything with a pulse!”

“It almost feels like it,” admitted Kina. “How am I supposed to handle these urges? I've been
active
for the past fourteen years. I'm used to being intimate on a regular basis. I'm ashamed to say it, but my hormones have been out of control.”

“It sounds like you're dealing with a lustful spirit,” concluded Lawson.

“No, it sounds like she's horny!” exclaimed Reginell.

“I agree. It definitely sounds like a job for good ol' Bob,” resolved Sullivan.

Angel looked up. “Who's Bob?”

Sullivan reeled back. “Are you serious? Considering how long you were celibate, I thought you and Bob would've been joined at the hip.”

Kina was confused. “I'm with Angel on this one. Who's Bob?”

“B-O-B . . . Battery-operated boyfriend,” supplied Reginell.

Angel giggled. “Really, Sullivan? Toys?”

Sullivan narrowed her eyes. “Don't act like you've never—”

“I didn't say that, okay?” inserted Angel. “I just don't advocate it.”

“Why not?” asked Reginell. “It's safe sex in its highest form.”

Kina filled a pot with water for boiling. “Don't you guys think it's a sin?”

“The Bible says anything you know is wrong is a sin,” Lawson reminded them.

“It's not sin, it's sex with someone I love,” challenged Sullivan.

Angel laughed. “Maybe it's a necessary evil, like carbs and calories.”

Kina set the pot on the stove. “Yeah, but why is it wrong, especially if you're thinking about your husband in the process?”

Lawson poured her batter into a floured pan. “At the very least, I think it's an impossible standard for any man to live up to. I mean, all those multiple speeds and settings. No human being can compete with that.”

“Sounds like we're speaking from experience,” muttered Sullivan.

Lawson grinned. “Well, I
was
celibate for those three years before getting married!”

“So it is wrong?” Kina asked again.

Angel cleared her throat. “Right or wrong, no battery-operated device can replace having your own husband in your own bed. Bob, as you so eloquently call it, can't hold or kiss you—”

“You haven't seen the new stuff they're coming out with,” threw in Sullivan.

Angel went on. “No toy or vibrator can take the place of a real man. It's not a part of God's plan for sex and marriage, so I don't think it should be a part of ours. You can dress it up however you want; it's still lust and thinking about sex. Biblically speaking, the sinful act starts in the mind. The physical act is just a manifestation of that.” Angel took a breath and continued. “That said, sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!”

They all hooted.

“Maybe I should bring this up in Bible Study,” suggested Kina.

“Um, maybe you
shouldn't!
” cautioned Lawson. “I don't know how to work your vibrator questions into the pastor's series on grace and mercy.”

“Grace and mercy aside, if a sex-toy box is going to keep Joan out of
your
box, I'm all for it, Kina,” said Sullivan.

Reginell laughed. “While we're on the subject of odd couples, guess who I had lunch with the other day.”

“Whose husband or boyfriend was it this time?” asked Sullivan. Reginell gestured a finger from her free hand in Sullivan's direction.

Lawson checked on the food she had in the oven. “Who, honey?”

“Mark.”

Sullivan looked up with a confused expression on her face.
“Mark who?”

“Mark Vinson—who else?”

Angel shuddered and shook her head. Kina looked away.

Reginell noticed the looks on everyone's face. “What?”

“Reggie, I know you're not the brightest bulb on the chandelier, but even you should know not to go after your nephew's father. Are the pickings getting that slim at the strip club?”

“Sullivan, chill out. They only went to lunch,” reiterated Lawson. “No need for you to get your panties in a bunch.”

“As if she doesn't go commando,” threw in Reginell.

Angel's eyes widened. “Lawson, you're okay with this?”

Lawson shrugged. “Why wouldn't I be?”

A scowl registered on Sullivan's face. “Well, it's icky to say the least! I mean, I've heard of hand-me-down-clothes, but hand-me-down—”

“Don't even say it!” butt in Angel, sensing where Sullivan was about to go.

Lawson calmed the fray. “Ladies, you're acting like Reggie and Mark are ready to jump the broom. Besides, Mark and I were never in a real relationship. He can date whoever he wants.”

“Thank you!” said Reginell. “If I said you all couldn't date anyone I ever slept with—”

“There would be no one left to date,” piped Sullivan.

Reginell ignored her and addressed her sister. “So you're really okay with me hanging out with Mark?”

“Girl, don't listen to Sullivan. I said yes, didn't I? It was only lunch. Don't make such a big deal out of it.”

“What if it was more than lunch?” pressed Reginell.

Lawson was a little unnerved. “Did something happen between the two of you afterward?”

“No, nothing like that. I just meant, like, if we were to go out again.”

“Reggie, you're a grown woman. You can do whatever you want.” Lawson paused a moment. “I just hope Mark is different now.”

Reginell went on alert. “What do you mean?”

“Honey, Mark wasn't as interested in getting to know me
personally
as he was getting to know me
biblically
, if you catch my drift.”

Angel brushed it off. “That was fifteen years ago, Lawson, he was just a kid. What teenage boy isn't interested in sex?”

“I agree, and we all know that sex is a man's first need. It just so happens that you work in an establishment where sexing it up is a part of your job description, Reggie. For some guys, hooking up with a stripper is a fantasy. Mark might be one of those guys.”

“So you think all he wants from me is sex?”

“I'm not saying that definitively. I have no idea what Mark wants from you, but Mark and I talk a lot. I can't say that I've ever heard him express having an interest in you.”

Reginell was crushed. “Oh . . .”

Lawson put her hand on her sister's shoulder. “Sweetie, I'm not saying that a man wouldn't be genuinely interested in you. I'm saying you shouldn't take anything Mark does or says too seriously. He's a natural flirt, and I'd hate for you to misread his signals and think there's something there that doesn't exist. You're my baby sister, and I don't want to see you get hurt again.”

“You're probably right,” resolved Reginell, shattered by the revelation. “I don't know what I was thinking.”

“Don't worry, sis.” Lawson hugged her. “The right man will come along. Just don't expect him to be Mark Vinson.”

“Lawson, can you come open this?” Sullivan held up a jar of relish for the potato salad. “You know you're all manly and strong.”

Lawson strolled over to her. “Insults are not the quickest way to get me to do you any favors.”

Sullivan pulled Lawson off to the side. “The relish was just an excuse to get you away from Reggie. What was that about?”

“What was what about?”

“All that blocking you were doing,” charged Sullivan. “Don't you think that was a little harsh?”

“Excuse me for trying to protect my sister from getting hurt.”

Sullivan stood akimbo. “Maybe you really were trying to protect Reggie . . . Maybe you were really trying to protect
you
.”

Lawson drew back. “
Protect me?
From what?”

“From being jealous of the fact that your ex-boyfriend might actually be falling for your baby sister.”