Flawed Beauty (20 page)

Jace
ran an exasperated hand through his
too-long hair. He needed a haircut, she thought.

“Fine,” he growled through clenched
teeth.

“Goodbye,
Jace
,”
she choked before rolling back onto her side facing the window – and away from
him.

§§§

Tate awoke back in her own bed. Her
head was still fuzzy, but not as bad as the night before. She was happy the
dull headache she’d seemed to carry for days was gone. And while her hand still
hurt, it actually felt better also. She cringed at how much her splurge on the
taxi had cost. She wished she’d had
Jace
bring her
home. At least then she’d have known where he was last night. An image of
Jace
and the dark-haired girl in the red cowboy boots came
unwelcomed into her mind again. Her heart clenched in her chest. She kept
telling herself, this was for the best, but it didn’t keep her soul from being
shredded.

Her mouth felt as if it were filled
with cotton, and slowly, she eased her aching body from the bed. She took care
of her body’s needs and brushed her teeth before shuffling towards the kitchen.
She was reaching for a glass when her door opened and
Jace
walked in carrying two lidded cups with what smelled like coffee and a white
bag containing what she assumed were donuts. She stood warily before him and
gave him an unsure smile. He kept his expression neutral and wordlessly handed
her a cup. Their fingers brushed against each other and she swallowed at the
too brief contact. Gone was her passionate lover to be replaced with the icy
condemnation of this stranger.

“Thanks,” she murmured, before
taking a quick sip. Her face contorted at the taste. “Yuk! What is this?”

“Green tea.
It’s better for you,” he answered.

“Why do you get coffee, if it’s
so
good for you?”

“Because I’m not the one who nearly
died from blood poisoning,” he responded sharply.

She flinched a little at his words
and his tone.

“Yes, well thanks for… everything,”
she murmured.

He cleared his throat. “You
shouldn’t have let it go so far. You could have died.”

He raked her from head to toe and
she blanched at how she must look.

Looking down at the cup in her hand,
she said softly, “I know, Sean told me.” She swallowed. “
Jace
,
I…”

He cut off her apology with a
question which rocked her. “Who is
Patanga
Moon?”

“What?” she rasped out as she
struggled to breathe.

“
Patanga
Moon? Who is she?” he asked again, indicating the kitchen table with the
scattered newspaper clippings.

Her gaze moved to the table and her
hands began to tremble. “I’d like you to go now,
Jace
.”

“Not before I get some answers.”

She lifted woeful eyes to his. “I
don’t want to tell you,” she whispered.

He stared at her for a long time.
“Are
you
Patanga
Moon?”

She turned and made her way into the
living room and sat down heavily in the old, brown leather chair. Setting her
cup down and raking her fingers through her hair, she replied, “Does it
matter?”

He followed her as far as the
archway, leaned against the jamb, and shrugged his shoulders.

She turned to stare straight ahead,
giving him her profile. Blowing a deep puff of air out of her cheeks, she
murmured, “Yes.”

“So… those stories in the clippings
are about you?”

Swallowing at what he must now think
of her, she simply nodded her head.

“How does the guy fit into all
this?” he asked with forced nonchalance.

Exhaling sharply, she fell back in
the chair suddenly exhausted. Tired of trying to be something she wasn’t. What
did it matter if
Jace
got his pound of flesh? Didn’t
he deserve it?

Clearing her throat, and without
looking up at him, she told him woodenly, “When I was thirteen, my parents
offered me up online to any pervert who could afford it. There was a raid
before the deal could go through. My mother was killed and my father imprisoned.
The lead investigator of the case petitioned the court for me to live with him
and his family. Nick, the guy who was here the other night, was his son.” Tate
lowered her eyes nervously and dropped her voice to a whisper. “When I was
fourteen, Nick drugged me, then… raped me, and shared the video with everyone.
I was moved to foster care after that.” Absently, she wiped at the tears of
shame on her cheeks.

She caught the movement out of the
corner of his eye as he raked his hand through his hair.

With a small shake of his head, he
asked. “Wait… was he the only one before me?”

Slowly she shook her head.

“Damn it! Don’t you think that’s
something I might need to have known? Of course, look who I’m talking to – the
person who refuses to tell me anything. It makes no sense. I mean, I don’t
understand why you’d want, or even how you could be with him again. Didn’t I
mean anything to you?”

Her head jerked up at his words.
Before she could stop them, the words rushed out, “Of course you did. I love
you.”

He flinched at her words. “Then how
could you betray me like that… with him?” he asked anguished.

With tears slowly trickling down her
cheeks, she shook her head and whispered, “I didn’t… I could never…”

He cut her off once more. “I saw
you, damn it,” he barked.

“It wasn’t what you thought. He was
angry… has been angry for a very long time. He wanted to punish me by…
destroying my life once more.”

He stared at her uncertainly for a
long while. “So you didn’t…”

She shook her head as his sentence
trailed off.

He startled her when he pushed
himself off the jamb and began pacing.

“Damn it, Tate. What am I supposed
to believe here? That I walk in on you kissing a naked man, and nothing
happened?”

Tate lowered her gaze and began to
pluck nervously at the gauze covering her injured hand.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said
quietly.

“The hell it doesn’t,” he snarled.

Heaving a huge sigh, and with her
voice trembling, she said, “
Jace
, I think it’d be
better if you’d just go.”

With her heart pounding as it
shattered into a thousand pieces, she waited for him to leave, begging him
silently to leave, before she fell apart and begged him to stay. After an
agonizing amount of time, he left, closing the door quietly behind him.

Tate didn’t know how long she sat in
the same position after he’d gone. What was she going to do? If
Jace
was going to keep playing at Zeal’s, she’d have to
find another job. She hated that as she’d worked there for two years now. Plus,
she doubted
Zek
would allow her rent this place
anymore either. But she’d give up those two things if it meant not having to
see
Jace
. Her heart couldn’t bear it.

It was almost two before she could
force herself to eat anything – she settled on soup. She’d eaten almost half
when she pushed the bowl away. Her stomach was just too tied up in knots. As
she sat at the table, she began to pick up the items and put them back into the
shoebox. She should probably throw these things away, but they were a reminder
of who she truly was – just in case she ever tried to forget.
Jace
had almost made her forget. Good thing she’d had Nick
to remind her, she thought ruefully.

Underneath all the clippings and
things, Tate found
Jace’s
laptop. She heaved a huge
sigh. She’d thought she was done with the torment of seeing him. Maybe she
could just get
ahold
of Sean Devlin and have him give
it to
Jace
. She picked up the shoebox and her
half-eaten bowl of soup. She set the bowl in the sink, and as she turned, she
saw two things lying on the counter: the white envelope with
Jace’s
name written on it, obviously still containing the
money, and the gold CD Nick had left.

Her stomach clenched at the sight of
the CD. She’d never actually seen it herself. With trembling hands, she set the
shoebox on the counter and picked up the CD. Breathing rapidly, she went back
to the table and flipped on
Jace’s
laptop. With
slightly uncoordinated fingers, she inserted the disc and clicked the proper
function on the laptop for it to play.

The quality of the CD wasn’t great
and a little grainy. In the background she could hear Nick talking, but the
sound quality was so poor, she couldn’t make out what he was saying. With her
fingers raised to her lips, she watched in horror as a much younger Nick moved
around her bed, tugging off her shirt and bra first,
then
struggling to remove her jeans. He’d left her panties on as he disrobed. He
moved onto to the bed as the girl (she couldn’t allow herself to think of it as
her) moaned and moved as if she were drunk. He spoke something into the camera
before he lowered his mouth to one of the young girl’s budding breasts. She
twitched but didn’t fight him. Moving from the bed, Nick bent from sight for
just a second before he came back into view, holding his jeans in his hands.
From his jeans pocket, he pulled out two clothespins and made a further show of
clamping them on the young girl’s nipples. She twitched again but still didn’t
fight it. Nick glanced around the room, looking for something,
then
moved to the dresser filled with all the trappings of a
young girl. He shuffled through the items on top and triumphantly held up her
curling iron for the camera. He moved back to the moaning girl and slid her
panties down her legs. Laughing, Nick flicked the panties at the camera.

 Tate leaned up quickly and
flipped the laptop off when Nick moved the curling iron down her body, his
intentions obvious. She rose and stumbled to the sink and heaved. Great,
racking sobs tore from her body. Why would he do that? And so many people had
watched that video. She wondered if it was still out there, roaming from person
to person. She sobbed harder. It was so much worse than she ever imagined. No
wonder there’d been so much damage. She shuddered to think what else he’d done.
She’d never be free of it, never. She wondered if she’d run into people who’d seen
it and recognized her as the girl from the sex video. What if it’d gone
viral?  No wonder all the boys in school wanted to have to sex with her.
They all thought she was a freak thanks to Nick. She hated him so much.

Needing to get out of the apartment and
not think about
Jace
, Nick, or her stupid, nothing
life, Tate grabbed some of the bills from
Jace’s
envelope and headed downstairs to Zeal’s. She couldn’t remember the last time
she’d been there during the day. She knew she probably shouldn’t mix alcohol
with her meds, but she really didn’t care. All she wanted was to forget, at
least for a
while,
the horrific images of her lying
naked while Nick… She shook her head to chase the images away.

She was happy to see she didn’t know
the woman tending bar at Zeal’s. According to her nametag, her name was Ramona.
If she didn’t know Ramona, then Ramona didn’t know her. Thinking of her
newfound wealth in
Jace’s
envelope, Tate ordered a
double from the top shelf liquors: Crown Royal. She drank the first drink quickly
and ordered another. She slowed slightly after the fourth double.

When Ramona went off shift at seven
and was replaced by
Nicko
, Tate moved to a barstool
in the furthest corner of the bar and sat with her back against the wall,
watching the bar as it filled with people. While she slowed her alcohol
consumption, she didn’t stop. She didn’t want to think, to remember, to know
anything. She was glad she’d not seen the CD as a young, already traumatized
fourteen-year-old girl. She’d really have been screwed up if she had. She
laughed to herself at that.
Like she wasn’t screwed up.

Tate didn’t know how long she sat at
the bar, but it was really buzzing. Because of where she sat, she was mostly
hidden and left alone, as was her intention. She watched young lovers as they
got up to dance to the sound being pumped out by Nelson, the DJ. She wished she
could be that carefree, courageous, and naïve, but she never would be.

She turned to grab
Nicko’s
attention for another drink, and jumped when she heard
the angry voice behind her.

“What the hell are you doing? Are
you trying to kill yourself?”
Jace
demanded.

Tate closed her eyes at the pain.
“Go away,
Jace
.”

“Damn it, Tate! You just got out of
the hospital.”

Nicko
glanced her way and she lifted her glass
and he nodded.
Jace
moved up to the bar.

“She is not having another. She is
cut off. Keep the bill for me, I’ll pay it later,”
Jace
said to
Nicko
. “Come on, you’re going home.”