Fleur de Nuit: Bourbon Street Bondage, Book 1 (5 page)

The question wasn’t whether or not she wanted it. Looking at the crop, Moira knew she wanted the control Adrian had offered her last night, and more.

The question was whether or not she wanted it enough.

Enough to deal with the nightmares, the fear. She’d woken in a panic three times last night, certain she’d felt the burn of rope around her wrists and full of the too-familiar dread. All a sure sign the nightmares would follow. So did she want it enough to hold the crop in her hand and own it?

“Non, that’s not all, is it?”

Moira closed her eyes. “No. It’s not.” She felt the tip of the crop lift her chin and opened her eyes. Adrian’s green eyes blazed back at her.

“Moira, chère. You want control? You have to take it.”

Moira stared at him a moment longer and made up her mind.

She took the crop.

Adrian circled her. “You think you don’t remember how to live. Mais you’re wrong. You remember how to trust and let go.” He stepped up behind her, hands wrapping around her hips, and whispered, “You simply don’t let yourself.”

Moira swallowed.
Honesty, right?
“You’re right.” Her voice trembled. “I don’t.”

“Oui, I know. But do you know why?”

She shook her head, and Adrian leaned in even closer, until she could feel his lips move against her ear.

“À cause de, no one has given you a good enough reason to.”

And as quickly as he’d moved behind her, he was gone again, leaving her trembling and weak. She turned instinctively to look for him and found him sitting in a chair in the corner of the room.

It took her a minute to find her voice again. “What do you mean?”

Adrian smiled. “Trust is all about taking chances. Mais, to take a chance, there has to be the promise of a payout. Some recompense. You suffered a great tragedy. Mediocre sex and a life only marginally less boring than the one you have now merely isn’t enough for you to risk getting hurt again, you see?”

Moira’s hands clenched around the crop she still held, as the blood drained out of her face. “How do you know?”

“There are two parts to l’art of domination. The world outside assumes that it’s all about the physical. They’re wrong.” Adrian stood and walked slowly over to her. “True domination is about the psychological. Close your eyes.”

Moira closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe. “Okay. I can understand that. But what does—”

His voice came very suddenly from close to her ear. “Psychological domination means I first have to get in your head. Like this.”

Moira suddenly found herself angry. “Stop it.”

“Stop what, ma chère?” His voice came from behind her. She hadn’t even felt him move. “Right now, your whole body is awake, aware. Every inch of you, straining for my voice, hoping for my touch. You could open your eyes, make it all stop. Maybe, for the first time, you think it might actually be worth playing along. You’re enjoying this.”

He was right, and she knew it.

Moira opened her eyes and turned, placing her hand in the center of his chest. “Fine. You’re right. About all of it. So where does that leave me?”

Adrian covered her hand with his own. “With a choice. Do you want to keep your boring, vanilla life, or would you like to give the dark side a try?”

She didn’t answer right away. Adrian’s green eyes bored into her, daring her. Moira stared back, her body tingling with the memory of the night before. It had felt like another life because it was another life.

A life where she didn’t have to hide from her past.

A life where she could be someone else, someone confident and happy.

A life where she was in control.

And she wanted it.

A hesitant smile crept across her face. “Yes.”

Adrian’s eyebrow lifted. “Yes, what?”

Moira let out a shuddering breath. “Yes, I want it. All of it. I want the control. I want the sex. I want to stop hiding from life.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting it all out in a rush. “I want it all, Adrian.”

The corner of his mouth quirked up. “And this?” He gestured to the crop she clutched like a lifeline. “What about the question I put to you last night?”

She stared into his vibrant green eyes. “You’re right. It’s mutual, it’s consenting, and if it’s for pleasure, where’s the harm?” Her voice shook, contrasting the flippant tone of her words.

But Adrian simply smiled wide. “Bon.”

Chapter Five

Moira woke with a sharply inhaled gasp. The streaming sunlight made her wince, but it also brought the world into sharp focus. Her world, now, in New Orleans.

Not the dark world of her past, with heavy footsteps and fear. Her heart was still racing from the memory.

Taking a deep breath, she rolled over, trying to avoid the bright light from her window, and jumped as she came face-to-face with a grinning Kara.

“Wakey-wakey, bestie!”

Moira swore and tried to burrow back under the covers. “God, Kara, I hate you.”

Kara’s laugh echoed through the room as she yanked the covers down. “Come on, Sunday morning breakfast. Let’s go. I want to hear all about last night and the fabulous sex you had.”

Moira opened one eye. “Stanley’s?”

“Better. The Cake Café. Boudin and eggs, crab omelet with brie, shrimp and grits… Get your lazy ass out of bed. I’m starving and I need details.”

“There aren’t any details,” Moira huffed. She pushed herself up out of bed and headed for the bathroom.

“Liar. With Adrian, there are always details.”

“Not this time.” She cranked on the shower and stepped in, shouting over the water. “No sex. Only talking. We psychoanalyzed each other. It was both enlightening and boring.”

Kara laughed. “You’re only grumpy because you expected sex and didn’t get any. Which makes me grumpy too. I’ll have to have a chat with him.”

“Relax, Kara. I think I can handle one night without sex. Hell, the other night was good enough to last me another two years. So if you really want to be helpful, you can pick out something for me to wear.” Moira leaned back and let the water rinse the shampoo from her hair, and sighed. She hadn’t been kidding when she told Adrian it had been the best sex she’d ever had. But she also hadn’t been kidding when she said it was too good. It made her want more, and Kara was right. She was grumpy at not getting any.

“Clothes are on the bed, hon. I’m making coffee because your ass is too slow.”

Moira shut off the water and smiled, stepping out of the shower. “You’re a goddess.”

Kara stuck her head back in the room and winked. “I know. But I also know my best friend. Now hurry up already!”

Moira shook her head at Kara’s impatience. She’d always been like that, pushing Moira around for her own good. And really, she wouldn’t have it any other way. Kara had always been the stronger of them, more able to handle life. Odd that she’d be so happy as a submissive. But then, maybe that was why.

What was it Adrian had said last night?

Submissives were the stronger of the pair.
They have to be, to take what we give them. To allow what we give them.

Moira smiled at the thought. Maybe it did fit her.

The smell of coffee wafted in a moment before Kara. “You done yet, woman? My stomach’s about to eat itself.”

Moira laughed and put on the top Kara had picked out before taking the coffee she held. “All right, all right. Let me down this coffee so I can think straight.”

Kara tapped her foot while Moira chugged her coffee, and then they were off, winding their way through the already busy streets. They rode the Riverfront Streetcar to its end, chatting aimlessly, then wandered arm in arm into Marigny, and up to Chartres Street, where the quaint little yellow two-story sat.

“So you really didn’t have sex last night?”

Moira shook her head and swallowed the last bite of her omelet. “No, we really didn’t. God, I love this place. If only they had beignets, it’d be heaven.”

Kara waved her hands and smeared some brie on her croissant. “We can always stop at Café Du Monde after. I love their coffee. I seriously can’t believe Adrian.”

Moira shrugged. Five minutes into their first session, she’d stopped trying to understand Adrian. “He was trying to explain psychological dominance without the distraction of sex. Or maybe without the reward of sex. Hm.”

Kara rolled her eyes. “I’m still going to have a word with him. You know you start analyzing things, and you never stop. He can’t let you think about it, or you’ll go crazy.”

Moira smiled to herself. “No, I think this worked pretty damn well.” Adrian had positioned her as far across the room as possible and forced her to dominate him and arouse him with only words. Words and her voice. It had taken her half the night, but she’d finally gotten comfortable with it. “Let’s say it was an enlightening experience.”

And I didn’t think about Justin once.

Until I fell asleep, anyway.

She could still almost hear Justin’s heavy tread in her mind.

“Hmph. Well, as long as you’re happy. Are you going back tonight?”

Moira blinked the memory away and nodded. “Yeah. He threatened to send Devon after me if I didn’t show.”

Kara grinned widely. “Maybe you shouldn’t then. Devon does look rather lovely.”

“And have him throw me over his shoulder and haul me back to Adrian’s? No, thank you. You might enjoy that, but it’s not my thing. You’re welcome to come with me, though.”

Kara gave her a look that said more than Moira was sure she understood, but it was gone before she had a chance to analyze it. “I think I might.”

Moira brushed off the oddness of the look. “Maybe you can hook up with your brewmaster again. What was his name?”

“Ian. And maybe.”

Kara’s “maybe” was both a yes and a no. She came to Adrian’s, but what Kara did after Adrian pulled Moira away, she wasn’t sure. Kara had waved with a secretive grin that Moira knew far too well, and watched them go.

Moira took a deep breath and focused on Adrian. “So, what are we working on tonight? More seduction and domination from across the room techniques?” There was an edge of sarcasm to her voice that she hoped was covering the nervousness she felt every time Adrian pulled her into a room by themselves.

Adrian grinned wordlessly, making her nerves ratchet up higher.

“Ma chère, we really must do something about this nervousness of yours. It simply won’t do.”

Moira snorted. “Yeah, good luck with that.”

Adrian sat, smiling. “I suspect I’ll have very good luck with that. Pourquoi are you nervous? I haven’t hurt you, or given you reason to think I will. And be honest with yourself.”

Honest? Moira took a deep breath, angry at herself for the answer. “Fine. If I’m honest, it’s got nothing to do with that. I’m nervous because I might actually enjoy myself. I’ve been afraid too long, and the answer to it all is something I dismissed out of hand as insane and strange and not for me. And I was wrong. And you sit there all smug and right, and I’m scared I’ll like the person you’re pushing me to become.” She took a deep breath and sat down, trying to keep her hands from shaking with all the adrenaline pumping through her. Honesty was scary.

Adrian gave her an amused look. “Bon. Honesty is a good thing, don’t you think? And now we’ve established that, kindly remove that lovely dress you’re wearing. And anything under it.”

“Wait, what? Why? I thought…”

Adrian tutted. “Trust, Moira. Tonight we’re gonna learn about pain and pleasure. You need to understand some things, if you’re gonna do this right.”

Moira folded her arms and narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean? What are we doing?”

“Do you trust me, ma chère?”

She stared at him, hating his calm charm, and fidgeted in her chair. Adrian only waited, his eyes never leaving her, until she couldn’t take it anymore. Moira shoved herself up out of the chair and unceremoniously yanked her dress up and over her head, tossing it to the floor.

Adrian smirked as the lacy underwear she’d specifically picked out followed. Moira glared and sat back down. “Satisfied?”

Adrian’s eyes did a slow tour of her body. “Non. Gratified, oui, but I couldn’t possibly be satisfied while a beautiful woman was naked in front of me, and I wasn’t either about to fuck her or just finished fucking her.” He gave a dramatic sigh and stood with a smirk. “Perhaps later, if we’re both very good. Or very bad.”

He stepped up to her and held out his hand, waiting for her to take it. Moira’s curiosity got the better of her. She took his hand and let him lead her over to the table of toys. Adrian kissed her hand and dropped it before taking off his jacket and rolling up his shirtsleeves. “Pick one.”

Moira glanced at him. “Why do I have to be naked for this?”

Adrian clucked his tongue and wrapped his hands over her shoulders. She shivered at the touch of his breath on her neck, and then shivered again as his lips grazed her skin. “Two reasons. First, because you need to be both comfortable and confident wearing absolutely nothing. You have a beautiful body, and you can’t dominate a scene if you’re worried about showing it off.”

Moira closed her eyes as Adrian’s hands began to knead at the knots in her shoulders. “Mmm. And the second?”

“You need to feel the toys you use. Which means, I’m afraid, that I’m going to use them on you.”

Moira froze, and her eyes flew open. Deep breaths. One slow breath, and then another. “Adrian. No. I can’t. Please.”

“Be calm, Moira. I will not tie you down. You will have complete control the entire time. But you can’t understand the line between pleasure and pain without having experienced it.”

“Adrian, I don’t think—”

“Do you trust me, Moira?”

She hesitated. Adrian pressed his body against hers and wrapped his hands around her shoulders.
He’s not Justin. Justin never asked me to trust him.

“Yes.”

“Bon.” His head dipped until his lips found the skin of her neck again. “Pick one.”

Moira swallowed and counted slowly to five before picking up a suede flogger. Adrian’s hand traveled a slow trail down her arm before he took the flogger from her hand. Stepping away, he grasped her shoulders again and steered her toward the chair she’d sat in earlier. It had a midheight semicircular wooden frame and a wide body and arms with comfortable upholstery, but he didn’t have her sit. Instead, he spun the chair around so the back was facing them.

“Hands on the back of the chair, ma chère. Did you decide on a safe word?”

Moira took a deep breath and did what he said. She’d given her safe word a lot of thought, as he’d suggested, but one word kept coming back. “Chimera.”

“A beast born of many parts. I think it fits you. Now let’s get started, shall we?”

She closed her eyes and nodded.
He’s not Justin. He’s not Justin. He might hurt me a little, but he’s not going to harm me.

“I will not harm you, Moira.” It was a little uncanny, the way he knew what she was thinking. “Take a deep breath and relax. Let’s talk about breathing techniques for a moment. Have you ever taken yoga or a martial art?”

Moira’s eyes opened. “I…yes. I have.”

“Then you know how to center yourself, and calm your mind and breathing. Do that, ma Maîtresse. Remember, you are in control.”

Moira nodded, forcing her breathing and heart to calm while Adrian ran his hand up and down her back.

“You have a beautiful back. When I begin with the flogger, I’ll focus on the upper back here, on both sides of the spine, and try to avoid the spine directly. I’ll also avoid anything but the lightest of strikes on the lower back here, around the kidneys.” His hand drifted lower, following his words. “Your delectable tchu will also get some of my attention, but I’m going to use less of the flogger, so I avoid what we call wrapping. Some subs like the sharp pain that comes from the tips of the flogger wrapping around the body, but in general you want to avoid that. The same goes for your breasts and thighs. There’s a particular technique to flogging a breast. Always from the bottom up, or the sides, so as not to cause any undue damage. Ready, ma chère?”

Moira blew out her breath slowly. “No. Yes. God. I don’t know about this, Adrian.” She took another deep breath and released it even more slowly. “Fine. Ready.” She hoped.

“Remember,” he whispered. “It all stops with your word. Allons-y.” The flogger dragged lightly down her back. “We’ll start slow. I want you to understand the flogger.” He let it slide down all the way to the curve of her ass, making Moira want to squirm. And then he dropped it on her shoulders again and repeated the movement. “Mais I also want you to understand that there can be pleasure with pain. Spread your legs.”

Adrian’s feet knocked against Moira’s, and she moved them without protest. The flogger’s light touch disappeared for a second before reappearing between her legs with the lightest of flicks.

Moira gasped at the slight bite of the suede fingers, and the rush of wetness her body responded with. “Oh God.”

Adrian chuckled. “Oui, ma chère.” The flogger landed between her legs again. “Gets those endorphins moving.”

She swallowed, her hands closing more tightly on the back of the chair. “So I see.”

“Don’t lock your knees.” Adrian returned his attention to her back. He repeated the light caress and then followed it with a less gentle flick. Moira gasped, her body twitching against the soft sting. He did it again, a little harder. Her body flinched more.

Adrian’s hands closed on her hips. “Hold yourself steady. Don’t anticipate, don’t flinch. Breathe and let your body relax.”

Relax. Right. While he’s whipping me.

“Give me a minute.” Moira let out a shaky breath and tried to remember her breathing exercises. Adrian’s thumbs rubbed circles on her hips, relaxing her and keying her up at the same time, before they dropped away from her. Anticipation jolted through her and Moira forced herself calm again.

Calm. Quiet. Centered. I can do this.
“Okay.”

The sting, when it came, wasn’t bad. A small bite that made her suck in her breath. It came again, and she fought the urge to squirm. The flogger flicked between her legs again, before landing with a much harder burn across her back.

Moira gasped. But before she could even say his name, Adrian returned to light rotational flicks. He settled into a rhythm, and she began to relax with the steady
flak flak flak
up and down her back, buttocks and thighs. A not entirely unpleasant burn began to build up.

The pressure changed without warning, coming faster and harder. Moira’s teeth clenched.