Flicker (38 page)

              He had fascinated her since the first day she'd seen him. She had loved him, shyly and hesitantly but just as purely as he loved her, since she had hesitated to leave school with him on the second day until she'd looked up into his eyes and seen a reflection of her own pain. All the games, the manipulations and secrets and mood swings, were part of him-- things she could accept, for they were more than balanced by the tenderness, the teasing and laughter and quick wit that made him more than a match for her. Moreover, she found that the darkness in him matched well with the darkness she hid within herself; they complemented each other's flaws perfectly. She understood him, and he her, in a way she had never encountered before.

              With her realizations fresh and unexplored, Elise thought fleetingly that she should have felt at least a little shy. But surrounded by Alex's love, as always she felt safe. She stared into his eyes, noticing for the first time just how many shades of blue comprised them, and her heart thundering with anticipation. For a breathless eternity, they stood with their bodies pressed together, wrapped up in each other; then Alex moved, and Elise responded to him as if she had been waiting for this moment her entire life. His right arm was wrapped around her waist, holding her tightly to him, and he cupped her cheek with his other hand, tilting her face up toward him so she could see the utter adoration in his eyes. When his lips neared hers at a glacial pace, giving her ample time to stop him, she stretched eagerly to meet him half way. She was ready for this-- they both were. Right now, she wanted nothing but him, with nothing held back.

              As their lips touched, a shock went through Elise's entire body. Her power woke in her chest, sending a flush of heat over her skin; her veins were filled with lightning. His mouth was firm, but his skin was petal-soft, and he tasted of mint and warmth and life. The line dividing his mind from hers melted away, and suddenly they weren't two separate people-- they were one being, awash with golden light and pulsing sensation. With each pounding beat of Elise's heart, tingling swept through Alexander's body; as her slender fingers clutched at his shoulders, pulling him impossibly closer, both of them shuddered. Sparks danced through their power as Alex nibbled gently on Elise's lower lip, and she opened her mouth for him with a tiny gasp, arching her back to press herself harder against him. She felt his tongue brush hers, an entirely alien sensation that somehow felt so right. They were crushed together, each clinging to the other as if life depended upon their embrace, and as she drowned in him Elise stopped thinking altogether.

              After Alex dropped her off at home again, Elise went up to her room, feeling like she was moving through a dream, and closed the door firmly. Standing in front of the mirror, she held her hair in a careless pile atop her head as she twisted back and forth, studying her reflection intently. Her appearance hadn't changed in the last month; there was no way to tell, from the outside, just how drastically different she was-- let alone any indication that her life was anything but the norm.

              She snorted, dropping her hair with no shortage of agitation. When school started a month ago, she hadn't worried about having friends at all, let alone having a boyfriend; her biggest concern had been whether or not she would get into Oxford. Her future had been decided, at least for the next several years. Now? She began to drag a brush vigorously through her sleek hair, taking out her frustration on it. Now she'd kissed a centuries-old vampire, was faced with the prospect that she might live until she actively chose to die, and was expected to decide whether or not she wanted to take part in a political coup to overthrow a queen she hadn't even known existed.

              It was ridiculous! She was seventeen years old-- she could count on one hand the number of different states she'd been to, never mind leaving the country. She knew absolutely nothing about the world at large, which was one of the reasons she wanted to go to college abroad. Alex likely wouldn't mind accompanying her to England if she got into Oxford, but what if she didn't? Her second choice school was in Canada-- would he be willing to settle there for four years? Would he be willing to settle anywhere for that long? And what about Rashid? He clearly didn't care about her education-- he'd probably expect her to put off college until after his coup was finished, assuming she lived. And in the meantime, he didn't exactly live around here, so he'd want to do what-- take her off to his cult somewhere in the Middle East to train for some sort of psychic vampire battle? It sounded like the plot of a sci-fi movie. Was that her life now? It couldn't be-- the whole thing seemed so unreal.

              And yet, she had seen firsthand that this wasn't just some story. And much as she didn't want to believe him, what Rashid had told her about the world being out of balance rang true with her. Other things he'd said felt wrong-- things that were just a little off, or were pure speculation and opinion on his part. But this-- he wasn't wrong about this. And from what Elise could tell, it was vitally important to him that he be able to correct this imbalance.

              She sighed, pulling more gently on the hairbrush, trying to relax. Given how important his quest was to him, it was entirely likely that Rashid would have at least considered approaching the other omnivores about it. Elise knew nothing about any of them except the Queen, but if Rashid was turning to her, Elise doubted it was because he had any other options left. She was a complete beginner, barely knew anything about her powers or the world-- or perhaps that was the appeal. Perhaps Rashid thought that because of her youth and inexperience, she'd be easier to control.

              For all Rashid's talk about balance and equality, maybe he was lying to her. He had tried to sound neutral when he spoke of the effect the Queen's solitary rule was having on the male populous of the world, but Elise had detected more than a hint of fanaticism in him regarding the subject. It was entirely possible that he would use the very real problem of global imbalance to convince Elise, who could be no more than a puppet at least until she learned the ways of the world, to lend him her power while he took the place of the Queen and ruled himself instead. Elise was beginning to think she might agree that men needed to be represented in this secret governance-- she had always believed in equality. However, she wasn't inclined to think that one inequality would solve the problem of another-- and while the different cultures around the planet would undoubtedly take a long time to come full swing, Elise had to think in the long term. Her newfound perspective, that her life had the potential to last thousands of years, wouldn't allow her to do otherwise. If the balance of the world was offset to one side, it wouldn't fix anything to settle it on the other side-- if Elise was going to be a part of any changes, they would be for actual equality.

              Elise ground her teeth, rolling her shoulders as she tried to ease some of the prickling tension she felt. There was so much to this choice-- which man she would ally with, what she would do for the next several years, if not the rest of her life. She had to think of what damage might be done to her, personally, by her decision. Whether Rashid could help it or not, Elise knew now that what she'd said to Gregory was correct: Rashid wanted far more from her than just a partner in an endeavor. Elise had already had enough experience with their powers to know that the more any one of them was open to the influence of others around them, the more his or her own self was called into question. In order to counterbalance each other the way Rashid had talked about, he and she would have to be open to each other much-- if not all-- of the time. Elise sighed again, planting her palms on the top of her dresser and leaning forward to meet her own eyes in the mirror. Rashid was so intensely devoted to his beliefs, and Elise was beginning to wonder if, given the opening, his fervor might burn her up, consuming everything that she was. She had spent too long asserting her own independence and self-sufficiency to risk disappearing into Rashid's vision of the future.

              And Alex-- Alex would require that she give him just as much of herself. He was, in his own way, as broken as she was; she wasn't daunted by the fight they'd had yesterday, but neither was she fooling herself anymore. Being with him would take its toll on her just as surely as going with Rashid would.

              This was ridiculous. She didn't have to choose between the two of them, as if her life depended on which man she fell for-- she didn't need a man at all, and picking one side or the other weren't her only options. Neither of them owned her; she loved Alex, she knew that now, and she still wasn't certain how she felt about Rashid. But none of that mattered in the grand scheme of her life. She needed to do what was best for her right now. If Alex didn't want to follow her to college, that was his loss, and if Rashid couldn't wait for her to be ready for his war, that was his problem.

              “I am Elise Morgan Whitfield,” she said quietly but firmly to her reflection, watching her expression steady as she reasserted herself. “I will compromise myself for no one.” With a soft growl of frustration, she buried her aching head in her hands. It wasn't going to be easy, but her choice was clear.

              Elise allowed herself to wallow for a moment longer before she pulled herself together and grabbed her cell phone from her desk. She may as well get this over as soon as possible.

              As she'd anticipated, the conversation didn't go well.

              “Good evening,” Rashid answered smoothly on the second ring.

              “Hello, Rashid,” Elise said neutrally. “Please sit down-- we need to talk.”

              “I don't like your tone, kitten,” he said warily, sounding considerably less jovial. “Perhaps this is a discussion we should be having face to face.”

              Elise sighed; she'd been dreading that suggestion. But if she was going to be turning him down, she may as well make a habit of it. “No, I'd rather not.” She spoke rapidly, wanting to get the words out before he could stall her. “Look, Rashid-- I've thought it over, and I'm not ready for what you offered me. I'm sorry, I am. But I can't do this now.”

              The line was silent for a long time. And then, very quietly, Elise heard him. “I need it to be now, Elise.” His near-whisper was entirely devoid of emotion. Elise began to tremble, and stammered out the first objection that came to mind.

              “Rashid, you want me to rebel with you against this establishment that I have to take your word and Alex's even exists! No, I won't do it-- I'm not executing some coup on a regime I've never even met. Maybe I'll be a little, I don't know, more inclined to insurrection after I've met this queen of yours, but how do you expect me to fight against her when I've never even looked the woman in the eye?”

              He snorted. “You have a remarkably old-fashioned view for such a modern girl,” he scoffed. Elise didn't say anything, and he continued. “This doesn't sound like your voice alone,” he pressed, and Elise could hear his voice shaking as he struggled to contain himself. “I hear Alexander's words on your tongue; I can feel his influence over you.”

              “My feelings for Alex have nothing to do with my choice,” Elise snapped before she could think better of it-- and then sucked in a breath when she realized her mistake. But it was too late to take back the words.

              “How utterly like a female,” Rashid spat venomously, no trace of restraint in his voice now. “You think with your heart instead of your head! Now you make the stereotypical choice-- your lover above all else. The whole world will suffer for your selfishness, and you want anyone to respect you?”

              Elise clenched her teeth, furious. “I am not choosing Alex-- I'm simply choosing
not
you! And your reaction is proving that I chose well.”

              She heard Rashid's harsh breathing-- she knew it was coming through the phone, but she was unnerved enough to turn and look behind her, just to make sure she was still alone. “Woman,” he ground out, but Elise could hear him struggling to moderate his tone. “You are turning your back on my life's work-- centuries in the making! I am not a man who faces the rejection of his dreams with a shrug and a sigh. But my passion does not make me evil.”

              Elise sighed. “I don't mean to paint you as the villain, Rashid. But what you're asking of me-- that level of trust-- I don't think I'm capable of it. And if I am, it isn't with you. I don't know if that'll change; who knows who I'll be in a century or so. But right now? No.”

              Very quietly, he spoke. “I am asking you one more time to reconsider. I need your help-- the people of this planet need your help. Look at the state of the world-- we may not have a century for you to make up your mind. I do not beg anyone, Elise, but I am asking you now-- please.”

              She had to swallow hard before she whispered, “I'm sorry.”

              The pause stretched out, until Elise wasn't certain he hadn't hung up-- but no, she could still hear the faint sound of his breath. Finally, in a harsh voice she barely recognized as his, he hissed. “You don't know what sorry is-- but you will.”

              The line went dead.

              Elise stood stock-still, dizzy and numb, her heart pounding furiously in her ears, for a long time. When she noticed the streetlights come on outside her window, though, she forced herself to shake off  her terrified stupor and get herself together. She couldn't face her parents like this tonight, let alone Alex tomorrow-- and she couldn't tell him what was going on without revealing her meetings with Rashid.