Flirting with Disaster (13 page)

“Of course.”

“Then I’d say you’re as good as in the air.”

She searched his face for any indication that he was patronizing her. Teasing her. Lying to her. But he just continued to look back at her with a matter-of-fact expression, as if achieving her dream was a foregone conclusion if she wanted it badly enough.

“I know it costs a lot of money,” she said. “It’s almost five thousand dollars to get a pilot’s license. But I figure if I can save two hundred dollars a month, in two years I’ll have it. That’s not such a long time. Not really. I swear I’ll quit eating and live on a park bench if that’s what it takes.”

And because he just stood there listening to her, she kept talking. She told him that she was going to become a charter pilot and that someday she was going to buy a plane of her own. Maybe even start her own aviation company. She remembered a tiny smile crossing his lips at that point, and she knew she’d said too much.

“I know you think I’m dreaming,” she said. “But I can do it. Every bit of it. You just stand back and watch me.”

“Of course you can do it,” he said, his smile growing. “I’d just hate to be the person who got in your way. Bruises, bloody nose, broken bones. It wouldn’t be pretty.”

Slowly she smiled back at him, the most wonderful glow of warmth spreading through her. She could do it. She knew she could.

And Dave thought so, too.

Suddenly that meant everything to her. His approving gaze exhilarated her beyond words, making her feel strong and capable and in control of her life. Making her feel as if she was only one step away from taking right off into the clouds.

Then his smile faded. “I don’t think you’re crazy. But somebody does. Who told you that you’d never have the money or the brains to fly?”

She turned away. “Nobody.”

“No. There was somebody. Who?”

Her stomach clenched with the memory, but she managed an indifferent shrug. “My father.”

“Your father?”

“He saw a copy of
Plane & Pilot
magazine in my room a few months ago. He asked me why I had it. I told him I wanted to learn to fly.”

“What did he say?”

“He told me that flying was expensive and I sure wasn’t going to be able to count on him for any financial help. He told me that it took somebody really smart to fly a plane, so that left me out, too. Then he told me to get my head out of the clouds and go buy him a couple of six-packs and a carton of cigarettes.”

“What about your mother?” Dave asked. “How does she feel about it?”

“She’d have to stay sober long enough to give me an opinion. But you know what? If I were married to my father, I’d stay drunk most of the time, too.”

“Yeah. I know what you mean. My father’s not the easiest guy in the world to live with, either.”

“I’ll trade you any day.”

“You haven’t met my father. You might think twice about that.”

“Oh, yeah? Look at you. Your brothers. You’ve got it all.

Just how bad could things be around your house? Does your father live on unemployment because he keeps getting fired? Leave for days at a time and not tell you where he’s been? Wave a gun around and threaten anyone who pisses him off?”

“No.”

“Then I’ll trade you. Just say the word.”

Dave sighed. “Yeah, my old man can be pretty demanding. But I’ve got other relatives. Aunts and uncles and grandparents who live nearby. If things get bad around the house, there’s always somewhere else to go.”

He might as well have been speaking a foreign language. She had no sense at all of what it would be like to have other people she could depend on when things got tough.

“Don’t you have an older brother?” Dave asked. “What about him? Will he help you?”

“Lenny?” She shook her head. “He moved to San Antonio. I haven’t talked to him in years. With luck, he’s quit dealing drugs and actually made something of himself. But I really wouldn’t know.”

“So you have to deal with your parents all by yourself.”

She shrugged. “No big deal. I’m used to it.”

“Are you really?”

She started to say that of course she was. After all, she’d lived with it for the last eighteen years, hadn’t she?

Then those years raced through her mind like a horror movie flashback, reminding her of the desolation, the desperation, the feeling that she was alone in the world with nobody to turn to. She was so ashamed of where she came from that she’d never told anyone what her life was really like, but Dave kept staring at her as if he actually gave a damn, and suddenly she couldn’t do anything but tell the truth.

“No,” she said, her voice a harsh whisper. “I’m not used to it. I’ll never get used to it. I never know what I’m going to find when I go home.”

“Like what?”

She let out a shaky breath. “My parents screaming at each other. My mother bruised and bloody because my father can’t keep his fists to himself and she doesn’t have the guts to leave him. My mother sitting in the kitchen, emptying a fifth of bourbon and passing out.”

“That’s terrible,” Dave said.

It was. And it seemed even worse when she said it out loud. Her hands started to shake. God, why were her hands shaking?

“The trailer where we live is small,” she went on. “There’s no place to go to get away from it. Sometimes I feel as if the walls are closing in on me, like I’m sealed inside a coffin, screaming to get out, but nobody’s listening.” She paused, taking a deep, unsteady breath. “On the north shore of Still-man Creek, there’s this little clearing surrounded by pine trees. Sometimes I go there and lie on my back in the grass. I stare up at the sky and take deep breaths of fresh air that I’m not sharing with anyone else. And I can watch the planes fly over. I just lie there and imagine taking off and soaring into the clouds and never coming back again.”

“You don’t ever want to come back here?”

“That’s right. My parents can go to hell for all I care.”

Dave shook his head slowly. “That’s too bad.”

“It’s just the way it is. I just wish I could have left sooner.”

“What?”

“From the time I was about thirteen, I’ve thought about running away. About a thousand times. But I was just a kid. . . .” She shrugged helplessly, her eyes filling with tears. “I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

She felt Dave staring at her, but she couldn’t look at him. Not after she’d just given him a perfect picture of just how horrible her life really was.

“Lisa? Does your father ever hurt you?”

“Mostly I just stay out of his way.”

“You can’t possibly do that all the time.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can,” he said gently. “You just shouldn’t have to.”

She turned to look at Dave, and the compassion in his eyes was like a beacon drawing her to him. All at once she realized how close he was standing and that he showed no inclination to back away.

“You can’t help how you grew up,” he told her. “It doesn’t mean you’re like them.”

“Everybody assumes I am.”

“You don’t go out of your way to convince them otherwise.”

He was right. She thought about the way she dressed most of the time, the way she acted, and she felt sick to her stomach. It had been her way of saying to hell with everybody who assumed she was trash just because of where she came from. Then she’d looked at herself through Dave’s eyes, and it had opened hers in a way she’d never expected.

“Why do you date guys like Derek?” Dave asked.

She shrugged weakly. “You said it yourself. A decent guy wouldn’t have me.”

He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, Lisa. It’s not true. I mean it. It’s not.”

When he opened his eyes again, he stared at her with such empathy that she couldn’t look away. She blinked, and a tear slid down her cheek.

“Please forget I said that,” he murmured.

“It was no big deal.”

“Yes, it was.” He eased closer to her. “I’m sorry about that. And I’m sorry about your parents, too. About how you’ve had to live. What you’ve had to deal with. I’m sorry about . . . everything.”

The regret she heard in his voice made it even harder to fight the tears. She opened her mouth to say something, but suddenly she couldn’t talk anymore. A silent sob choked her, and she put her hand over her mouth.

“God, Lisa. . . .”

She squeezed her eyes closed, and a moment later she bowed her head and began to cry. Before she knew what was happening, Dave had taken a step forward and pulled her into his arms.

For a moment she felt disoriented, unable to comprehend what he was doing. But when he slid his hand to the back of her neck she leaned into him and rested her head against his shoulder. He felt so strong and steady, sustaining her when she couldn’t bear one more thought about the sordid life she lived, filling her with a sense of warmth and security unlike anything she’d felt before. As close as they’d become in recent weeks, she would never have imagined him touching her like this, acting as if he would hold on to her forever if that was what she needed. She wrapped her arms around him, tears streaming down her face, and the wall of invincibility she’d spent her whole life trying so hard to maintain crumbled into dust.

“I hate them,” she said, clinging to him, sobs filling her voice. “I hate them both. But I’m not going to be like them. I swear to God I’m going to be better than that. I’m going to take control of my life. I’m going to fly. You’ll see.”

“I know,” he said, stroking her hair. “I know.”

He held her for a long time, whispering calming words to her, letting all her tears come out. When her sobs finally faded, he eased away from her, still cradling her in his arms. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, then slowly turned her gaze up to meet his. He brushed a strand of hair away from her temple, his eyes never leaving hers. A second passed, then two. Lisa saw his intent, but it wasn’t until he lowered his head and dropped his lips against hers that she allowed herself to believe that it was happening.

Dave was kissing her.

He splayed his fingers against the back of her neck, urging her closer, and suddenly blood was pumping wildly through her veins even as her muscles went weak. When he slipped his tongue into her mouth and stroked it against hers, it felt so warm and sweet and intimate that she almost collapsed in ecstasy. She loved the clean, masculine smell of him, the smooth skin of his neck beneath her hands, the soft groan that rose in his throat as she shifted slightly and deepened their kiss even more. She clung to him desperately, kissing him back with all her heart, feeling as if thunderclouds had parted and sun was shining through. He was the light in all her darkness, the one person who could make her forget the terrible place she’d come from and believe that tomorrow could be better than today.

She hadn’t dared even to think it before, but now she wanted to shout it. She loved him. Loved him with an intensity that bordered on insanity, and for the first time, she allowed herself to hope that maybe he felt it, too. Other guys might kiss a girl and have it mean nothing, but not Dave. Not him. Not when he was engaged to somebody else.

“You’re not going to marry Carla,” she whispered against his lips. “Tell me you’re not going to marry her.”

He slowly eased away, looking a little dazed, as if he was waking from a dream and hadn’t fully regained consciousness.

“Oh, God,” he said on a harsh breath. “What am I doing?”

“No,” she said, holding him tightly. “Don’t stop.
Please
don’t stop.”

He pulled away again, disengaging her hands. “No. I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be—”

“Don’t say that! You want it. Just as much as I do. We’ve both wanted it for a long time.”

“But Carla—”

“Forget Carla! She’s nothing but a pampered little rich girl who’s going to make your life miserable. You can’t possibly love somebody like her. You can’t!”

“Of course I love her! I’m
marrying
her, for God’s sake!”

His words struck Lisa like a hammer blow. This had meant nothing to him. Nothing. All he could think about right now was his precious Carla and how she’d perish at the very thought of him kissing another girl.

Especially another girl like her.

“I mean it, Lisa,” he warned. “I don’t want Carla knowing about this. She can’t know. She
can’t
.”

Lisa felt as if she was being swallowed in darkness when only seconds ago nothing but light had filled her mind. For those few moments when he was kissing her, she’d held out hope that maybe . . .

Maybe what? That maybe he’d actually want her? When she’d just stood there and told him just how shitty her life really was? The kind of family she came from? How was he supposed to look at her now as if she was a decent girl, one a decent guy might actually want?

A decent guy like him.

Stop it. Who the hell are you kidding? Like there was ever a
chance of that? Ever?

“Don’t worry,” Lisa said, swiping the tears off her face. “Your secret is safe with me. I wouldn’t think of breaking up such a perfect couple.”