Following Me (26 page)

He had violated her trust, the
one thing she had given over to him completely without him ever having to ask. 
He had taken everything they’d had and torn it down brick-by-brick for his own
deluded sense of control.  He had beaten the trust out of her. He had ruined
their sex life, ruined their relationship, and ruined
her
.

“When I woke up, he was gone.  A
couple days later, I was on the first train to Chicago.”

GARRETT DIDN’T MOVE for what felt
like forever.  Devon wanted to see his reaction.  She wanted to know that he
didn’t think any differently of her.  She wanted to know a lot of things, but
she wasn’t brave enough to look up at him.

She felt his heavy sigh and the
shift of his body toward her.  She breathed him in.  Her mind was still
wondering too many things.  She couldn’t believe she had told her story.  It
had been a secret for so long.  She hadn’t wanted to risk someone finding out. 
What would people think of her…of him?  What would they do?

Her mind closed off to that
thought.

“Devon,” he said finally.

He pulled her toward him and
circled his big, strong arms around her.  She tensed, unsure where this was
coming from. 
Was he pitying her?
  She didn’t need his pity.

“I hope you see your strength the
way I do.”

Strength?  I ran away. 
I
wanted to yell that at him.
  I’m not strong.  I’m weak.  I couldn’t face my
fears, so I ran.

She didn’t know what to say, and
he didn’t let her go, so she relaxed into his embrace, accepting it for what it
was.  They were both in a rough spot, separated from their lives.  Devon had
run, and Garrett had faced his problems head-on.  Either way, it had ended with
them sitting in the same room. 
So maybe facing her problems head-on would
have turned out the same way.  Or maybe she wouldn’t have ended up unconscious.
Instead, she would have ended up dead.

That thought made her break the
embrace.  She stared forward at Garrett.  She felt the tears on her cheeks, hot
and uncomfortable.  She hated crying, especially in front of people.

Garrett reached up and pushed her
hair off her face.  She sniffed as the tears fell faster from his affection. 
She didn’t need someone to care for her.  She could take care of herself.  That
thought made her cry harder.

“Don’t cry,” he whispered.

His thumbs brushed under her eyes
like he had done when she had woken up from her nightmare on the couch.  She
couldn’t stop her tears, and his help only made it worse.

She didn’t know how she had any
tears left. 
Hadn’t she cried enough?  Or were these tears of a different
nature?
  Her throat constricted, and she coughed.  She had never once
thought that running away was the right thing to do.  It was impulsive.  It was
something Hadley would do.  Devon was always the rational one who wanted to
work things out.  She had stayed with him well past the point she should have. 
And for what?  To be frightened and accused of things she hadn’t done?  To
be hit, burned, and left unconscious?

The whole time she had been in
Chicago, she had felt like a coward.  She felt like running away from her life
was the cheap way out, and the only reason she hadn’t returned was out of
fear.  Now looking at it from a flip side, she understood that running wasn’t
the right option.  It was the
only
option.

“How did you go through all of
that alone?”

Devon shook her head.  She really
didn’t know.  She never felt all alone until she left.  “I don’t know.”  She
hiccupped through tears.

“You shouldn’t be alone,” he
said, stroking her hair.  “Is this what your dreams were about?”

Devon closed her eyes.  She
couldn’t face those dreams.  He had been haunting them for months.  She
couldn’t escape him even when she had run away.

“Devon, you have to face him
eventually,” he said.

She thought he meant to sound
reassuring, but she wasn’t reassured.

“Yeah,” she said shakily.  “I
know…eventually.”

“You can’t hide out in Chicago
forever.  Doesn’t school start again in August?”

“Yeah, it does.”

Garrett squeezed her shoulder and
pulled her in closer.  “Don’t you think it would be better to get it over with
than to wait another month or two?”

“Did you not hear what happened?”
she whispered frantically.

“I heard, Dev.  I’m just saying
that you are so afraid of this, and sometimes, you need to face your fears.”

Devon shook her head.  “It’s not
about facing my fears.  Well, it kind of is.  Okay, it is, but you don’t
understand.  You don’t know what he’s like,” she said, her hands shaking
violently.

Garrett took her hands in his and
held them to keep them from trembling.

“If you knew…if you only knew…”

“Then, tell me.  Who is this
guy?  Who can have this much control over you?”

Devon stared down at their hands
intertwined in her lap.  She had told her story and left out the most important
detail.  It was the one detail she was sure people would find hard to believe.

Who would really believe that
the perfect couple would ever be entirely dysfunctional?

“Hard to believe,” she began,
preparing for his reaction.  “My boyfriend, Reid.”

“Wait,” he said, confused.
“Aren’t you guys still dating?”

“Uh…technically,” she whispered. 
“I did just leave.”

“No, leaving means that you guys
are done.”

Huh.
  She had never
thought about it that way.  When she had left, she hadn’t really thought of
anything.  But it made sense to her.  Leaving him, even if she hadn’t told him
what was going on, had made her see that it was over.  Still, she hadn’t told
him though.

“I didn’t tell him,” she finally
admitted.

“But isn’t he looking for you?”

Devon shook her head, ashamed. 
“My parents talked about going on this trip to Paris for months.  I told him
about it, but we never thought it would actually happen.  My parents are just
spontaneous enough that when I told him they decided to go last minute, he believed
me,” she said, looking up at Garrett.  “Otherwise, he wouldn’t have let me
leave, or he would’ve freaked out and tried to find me.  I didn’t want to be
found.”

“So, he thinks you’re in Paris
for the summer?”

Devon nodded.

“And you’ve gotten away with that
for this long?”

“I told my parents I was staying
in St. Louis for the summer to be with him.  I shut off my Facebook and Twitter
accounts.  I haven’t answered emails—”

“That’s why you didn’t want your
picture to be taken,” he said, piecing it together.

“Yeah, I didn’t know if they
might show up online or something.”

“When you go back to St. Louis
and he finds out that you weren’t in Paris, what do you think he’s going to
do?” Garrett asked quietly.

They both knew the answer to that
question.

Garrett moved away and poured
another shot, and Devon tossed it back.  As soon as it hit her stomach, she
knew it was one too many.  Maybe the one before had been too many.  She didn’t
know.  Her head was spinning, and she couldn’t feel her legs.  That made her giggle
despite the terrible thought that had just crossed their minds.  Her lips felt
heavy, her eyes felt heavy, everything felt heavy.  She sat back against
Garrett.  She was glad he was holding her.  Otherwise, she thought she might
topple over.

Just as suddenly as the giggle
left her mouth, she clamped it shut, and tears streamed down her face.  She was
royally fucked.  She pitched forward and threw her arms around Garrett, hugging
her body close to his.  His arms dropped to her lower back, pulling her flush
against him.  Her tears were falling on his shoulder, and she felt too weak and
vulnerable and drunk to do anything about it.

Garrett ran one hand through her
hair while the other rubbed up and down her back slowly.  She hiccupped and
then sighed into his embrace.  She wanted to just wash away all the pain and
all her memories of Reid.  She wanted to make it so it had never happened.

“Hey.”  Garrett slid his hand up
her side to her cheek and his other hand met the opposite side to cradle her
face in his hands.

When she looked up into his eyes
as he held her, the tears came streaming down heavier.  He tucked a lock of her
hair behind her ear and then trailed his fingers along her jawline.

His lips fell lightly on her
cheek, gently kissing away the tears.  Closing her eyes, she found the more he
tried to comfort her, the more tears continued to fall.  His mouth moved to her
other cheek, and he erased the tears from the path they had formed.  He trailed
kisses down to her jaw, and then lightly, almost hesitantly, his lips moved to
the corner of her mouth.  As she sat very still, Devon felt her breathing pick
up.

Then, his lips found hers.  He
tasted like scotch.  The kisses started out slow as Garrett willed a response
from her.  He threaded his fingers back up into her hair, pressing himself
against her.  He slid his tongue across her lip, and Devon gasped in surprise. 
He moved his tongue into her mouth, pushing them closer and closer together.

Then, everything seemed to happen
at once.  Garrett was leaning her back into the couch.  His body moved over
her, and she could feel his hips press into her.  His hand grazed her breast
through her nightshirt.  His other hand was still tangled into her hair.  His
kisses turned desperate and demanding.  Devon couldn’t breathe, couldn’t
think.  He ignored her unresponsive lips and fumbled with her clothing, pushing
as much of it out of the way as he could.

She felt her body sink further
and further into the couch as if she were disappearing.  She was sure that she
would surface on the other side and find this all to be another dream.

His lips traveled to her neck and
collarbone, reaching as much space as he could.  Devon had the terrible sense
of enjoying herself.  It had been months since anyone had wanted this from her. 
She was only human, and her body betrayed her by reacting favorably to him.

The alcohol coursed through her
veins, telling her to just enjoy it.  Her mind didn’t have a response. 
Had
she shut herself off this much?
  It felt so nice to be wanted, to be
kissed.  She hadn’t been kissed in so long.

Then, her mind did respond. 
Brennan.
 
Brennan had kissed her last, and she had pushed him away because she had a
boyfriend.  She had thought then that she had a boyfriend, but in reality, she
had walked out on Reid.  She had pushed Brennan away for nothing, and Brennan
was worth more than this.

When she felt Garrett’s hand
sliding down her shorts, she yelled, “Stop!  Stop!  I…I can’t do this!”

Devon pushed and shoved him away
from her.  She fell hard on the ground onto her knees, jarring her body and
snapping her teeth together painfully.  She grunted and crawled away from him. 
Her balance was wretched, and she fell twice when she had tried to stand up.