Following Me (35 page)

Brennan opened his eyes and
stared so intensely into her own that she blushed and looked away.  He grabbed
both of her shoulders and pulled her close to him.

“Devon, please,” he said, making
her look at him.  “I can already see it happening.  Don’t let the life drain
out of you again.  I can see you retreating.  I need you, and I think you need
me, too.  Please just stay here, stay in the present, in the future.  Stay with
me.”

“Brennan,” she whispered, tears
coming to her eyes this time.

“No, Devon, no tears,” he said,
wiping them away from her eyes.  “You’re too beautiful for that.”

She laughed through her tears and
sniffled.

“There’s that smile, that
beautiful smile.  I want to keep making you smile, but I can’t if you walk out
of this place.  We pulled each other out of the water once, Devon.  I can’t
bear to see you sink any deeper.  Please, please stay with me.  Just stay with
me,” he pleaded.

Devon closed her eyes and tried
to steady her breathing.  The tears were coming harder, and they weren’t
helping anything.  She wanted to stay so badly.  She wanted to run away with
Brennan and continue to forget all her problems.  She wanted to be with him,
but she couldn’t keep running.  She needed to do what was right even if it
wasn’t what she wanted.

“I can’t,” she said, sinking into
herself as she forced out the words.  “I have to go.”

She pushed the tears out of her
eyes and brushed past him toward the exit.  She had already been in here too
long.  Reid would notice, and she didn’t want him to associate Brennan with
her.

“Devon,” he said, grabbing her
wrist in his hand before she could go, “you’re making a big mistake.”

She swallowed back her tears.  “I
have to go,” she repeated, pulling her wrist free.

Before Brennan could say another
word, she rushed out of the break room and into the kitchen.  Pushing her hands
up into her hair, Devon doubled over like she had just been punched in the
stomach. 
No.  This was worse.

This felt like her heart was
breaking, shattering into a million pieces.

WHEN DEVON FINALLY composed herself,
she walked out of the back to find Reid fiddling with his empty drink while he
talked to an enamored Hannah.  This was going to go over well for her
reputation, not that it even mattered.  She didn’t know what she would even be
doing after today.

“Hey,” Reid said.  He watched her
as she walked toward him, like a predator tracking his prey.

“Hey,” Devon responded.

His eyes searched her face.  She
knew that he could tell she had been crying.  She never hid it well, but there
was nothing she could do about it now.

Seemingly without thinking, he
reached out and took her hand.  “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah,” she murmured.

“It was really nice meeting you,
Hannah,” Reid said with that same award-winning smile.  He placed two twenties
on the bar and stood.

“Nice meeting you, too,” Hannah
said sullenly as she watched Reid with Devon.

Devon didn’t
even have the strength to say anything else to Hannah.  She was ready to leave
or else she never would.  She had already left Brennan in the break room, and
that had been nearly impossible.

THE SILENCE THAT permeated the space
between Reid and Devon was suffocating.  There was so much left unsaid, so much
that she was waiting for, but she wasn’t going to be the one to break the
silence.  She didn’t even know where Reid was taking her.  She knew the area,
but she couldn’t tell where they were going.  She should have cared more or
been a little freaked out, but it was Reid.  He wouldn’t do anything to attract
attention to himself in public.  But if they were walking somewhere more
private…

She swallowed hard; a lump that
she couldn’t get down lodged in her throat.  The fact that they were here
together right now was so messed up.  She had thought that she had loved this
man, that he was her greatness.  True love had never felt so cheap than it had
in this moment.

She had deluded herself into
believing in it, in him.  Reid wasn’t her greatness.  He was just a guy who got
off on a little power.  She had been so blind to him that even when the worst
had come—she had still blamed herself. 
Why couldn’t she be better?  How
could she get him to see that she was trying harder?  She deserved what he was
doing to her because she wasn’t good enough for him.

The longer she had stayed away,
the more these thoughts had faded from her mind.  She wasn’t a coward.  She
hadn’t run because she thought it was easier than facing him.  She was brave,
and she had run because facing him wasn’t possible.

Two-and-a-half months wasn’t long
enough for her to forget what had happened.  It wasn’t long enough for her to
forgive if she ever would.  It was only long enough for the bruises to heal…but
not the emotional ones.  Those had scarred, and she didn’t know if they would
ever fully heal.

As Reid walked into a parking
garage, Devon’s heart fluttered.  Of course, he had driven here. 
How else
would he have gotten here so soon?
  The thought of getting into a car with
him and letting him control her course was terrifying. 
Where were they
going to go?  Would he drive them straight back to St. Louis and pick up where
they left off?

They found Reid’s sporty little
black BMW parked all by itself.  He had a habit of parking a floor above all
the other cars to avoid anyone messing with his baby. 
Ironic at best.

Still holding her hand, he guided
her to the passenger seat, opened the car door for her, and let her slide onto
the black leather seat.  As he shut the door tightly behind her, she tried not
to hyperventilate.

They were alone.  Completely
alone.  100 percent alone.

She felt like a caged animal,
desperate to be released from captivity.  Her hair stood on end, and she tried not
to fidget.  Without thinking, she reached into her purse and pulled out a pen. 
She absentmindedly flipped it between her fingers.  It didn’t calm her down,
but it helped.  It gave her something else to think about.  She wanted to write
then, to let out all the emotions coursing through her body.  She wanted to
write more than she had since the first couple weeks she had been in Chicago. 
But she didn’t dare pull out her notebook.  Reid didn’t like her lyrics, and he
certainly wouldn’t like the ones she had written about him.

Reid sat himself comfortably into
the driver’s seat and locked the doors.  Devon watched the lock click into
place, and she had the sudden urge to lift it and bolt. 
How far could she
get?
  She wasn’t a runner. 
Could she make it to the elevator?  Would
the stairs be a better option?  Would he chase her?  Were her dreams becoming
reality?

He revved the engine to life, and
Devon sank back into the seat.  She couldn’t outrun him.  Although he didn’t
work out like he had used to, he still had more than six inches on her in
height.  Not to mention, he was a natural athlete. 
And who was she kidding?
 
Her dreams were already her reality.

“Where have you been staying?” he
asked, reaching for her hand and taking it.

“With Hadley and her boyfriend,”
she told him with a sigh.

“Ah,” he said, putting the car
into reverse, “I forgot Hadley was in the city.”

Devon nodded, not knowing what
else to say. 
Now, he knew.  Great.

“Then, we’ll go there.”

“What?” she asked. 
Oh
God…Hadley!
  She had told Hadley that she and Reid had broken up and that
she was into Brennan.  If she showed up with Reid in tow, it could cause a
nuclear meltdown.  Garrett knew what had happened between them, and Garrett and
Hadley both knew that she had been out all night with Brennan.  If they said
one word about Brennan, it would set off Reid.  Reid could not go back to the
apartment.

“That’s where your stuff is,
right?” he asked, turning to face her.

“Uh, right.  But I don’t have
much,” she said.  She didn’t even know why she said that.  It wasn’t like she
wanted to hurry up and head back to St. Louis.  She had no escape there.

He smiled and squeezed her hand. 
She tried not to cringe.

“Didn’t you leave your phone
there?”

Her stomach dropped. 
Fuck! 
Of all the days…

“Oh yeah,” she whispered.

Reid pulled the car out of the
garage and exited smoothly into traffic on the one-way street.  “Where am I
headed?”

She bit her lip and stared out
the car window before directing him to their destination.  She didn’t want to
bring him back to the apartment. 
What choice did she have though?
  She
had taken the only choice she could to protect Brennan.  Now, she had to follow
through with it.  Once he was safe, she would try to work things out with
Reid.  He just couldn’t find out.  She wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if
Reid were to hurt Brennan.

Devon had never driven the
streets of Chicago, but she knew the blocks well enough.  Jenn’s wasn’t far
from Marina City, but she felt a bit disoriented since she always took the L. 
He grunted when she made another accidental wrong turn.

“I should have just used my GPS.”

“Sorry,” she squeaked.

It was the least angry he had
gotten with her for bad directions in a long time.  He had refused to let her
navigate anywhere they went because he hated all her mistakes.  This was
already starting out so well.

He pulled into the Marina City
complex and parked.  Devon pushed the door open and stood.  From her position,
she could see out of the building all the way to Lake Michigan.  It made her
think of Brennan’s boat, the boat his father had left him, sitting in the
harbor.  She pulled her eyes away from the horizon, not wanting her eyes to
show the loss of what could have been.  Reid might not be able to decipher what
it was immediately, but she didn’t want to give him cause to consider it.

They walked to the elevator
together, his arm locked around her shoulder.  He was using any excuse to touch
her.  She wanted to run far, far away.  Apparently, she hadn’t run far enough
to get away from him.

The elevator was as quick as ever
and deposited them on the forty-third floor of the building.  Devon was
dreading this with every ounce of her being.  She hated not knowing what would
happen when they walked through the door.

Devon slid her key into the hole
and turned the handle.  She took a deep breath for strength and pushed through
the door.  Reid walked in behind her.  Suddenly, the apartment felt very small,
much too small.  Two bedrooms, two baths, a kitchen, and a living room—it
wasn’t enough space.  She couldn’t get away from Reid in here unless she wanted
to jump off the balcony and drop forty-three floors.  And that wasn’t even an
option.

“So, this is the place,” she said
tentatively.

As they walked into the living
room, Reid seemed to be examining the apartment.  He was probably judging the
place.