Following Trouble (8 page)

“I sure do.” He gave her a smile that would have melted any little girl’s heart. Mikhala was clearly crushing. “
I’ve written all the songs we’ve ever recorded.”

Of course, I knew that.
Rolling Stone
once said Rob Burns was the creative genius behind Trouble and the article author went on to postulate that he could probably have gone on to a long and fruitful solo career, like Sting or Eric Clapton. But Rob had never left Trouble, had never expressed an interest, as far as I knew, in leaving the band.

“I hope you’re all ready for a treat.” Rob looked directly at me. “I don’t usually play new songs for anyone until they’re recorded.”

“A treat?” Jeremy Brown piped up, his eyes widening even more behind his fish-eye lens glasses “Are we getting candy?”

“No, shhh.” I laughed. “Rob is going to play his guitar and sing a new song for you.”

“Oh, that kind of treat.” Jeremy frowned. “I was hoping for licorice.”

“Ewwww licorice.” Mikhala made a face. “My taste bugs hate that stuff.”

I snorted laughter and covered it with a cough and Rob grinned back at me. Then he started playing earnest, words replacing the humming melody I’d been listening to for weeks. It was the first time I’d heard them and I sat, enthralled.

You got me locked out, tripped up, and I don't know what to do—

Every breath since we met, girl,
I'm fallin' so hard for you—

I'm in a love so deep, can't sleep,
I hope I never hit bottom—

Those desires that light your eyes, girl,
just ask and you got 'em—

I can't stop sayin' your name...Sa-brina...and I don't wanna

The kids didn’t even look at me when he said my name, although my heart skipped in my chest like a little girl jumping rope. Of course, they didn’t.
To them I was just
Miss Taylor.

But I was Rob’s Sabrina.

My, my Sa-brina—

You know I love ya' and I need ya'—

You got me fallin' down the stairs, you got me starrin' at the stars—

My, my Sa-brina

On the road all the time, girl, I walk the white paint line for you—

Straight as the arrow through my heart I'll
keep on provin' that my love is true—

Gonna drive it till I drop, can't stop, cuz you got my engine runnin'—

Light the home fires in the kitchen cuz we're gonna do some cookin'—

I keep on sayin' your name...Sa-brina...I'm comin' for ya'

Any man mess our happy home you gonna see this man get evil rude—

Ain't nuthin' worth protectin' more than you, girl, and I know that's true—

Fight for ya' till I'm dyin', no lyin', I'll keep em runnin' with my gunnin'—

I'm the Dark Knight of your soul that guards the light that you keep shinin'—

I keep on callin'
your name...Sa-brina...I'm singin' for ya'

My, my Sa-brina—

You know I love ya' and I need ya'—

You got me fallin' down the stairs, you got me starrin' at the stars—

My, my Sa-brina

My, my Sa-brina

Rob’s Sabrina. The song ended, the last note of my name hanging in the air, hovering above us. Rob met my eyes and I instantly melted under the heat of his gaze. Everything I needed to know was in his eyes in that moment. He’d written a song for me, for
me
. I had goose bumps all over. I probably would have embarrassed the hell out of myself by running up and throwing my arms around him right in front of a room of stunned second graders, but the bell rang, startling all of us. I’d completely lost track of time. I saw the teacher’s aide peeking through the window. She would escort the kids back to their regular classroom.

“Okay kids, stay seated!” I instructed in my best teacher voice, hopping up and getting the happy notes box. “I still have happy notes to give out.”

They sat up straighter, folded their hands in their laps, eyes shining. It was hard, on good days like today, to choose just a few. On bad days, though, happy notes were my saving grace and it didn’t make sense to decrease their power.

Today, though, I didn’t care.

I handed a happy note out to every single shining face.

* * * *

“I’m either going to have to move here, or I’m going to just buy this restaurant and move it to California.” Rob ate his Pad Thai with chopsticks, a feat I had yet to master.

“One of the many things I’m going to miss.” I was still on my hot and sour soup, savoring it. I glanced up to see him paused, noodles halfway to his mouth, his eyebrows raised.

“I mean,
if
…” I flushed, wondering if I’d presumed too much. God, this was so complicated.

“There are no ifs.”
He smiled, putting the chopsticks on his plate and reaching for his water. He got his Pad Thai hot enough to make him sweat, something I could never understand. I wanted to taste my food, not just heat.

Although, heat wasn’t always bad, at least in some things. The way he looked at me made me warm all the way to my toes. I still couldn’t believe he’d written a song just for me—and I was sure the band wasn’t going to be so thrilled about it. But Rob was their songwriter. What choice did they have, in the end?

I’d heard it several times that morning already, before we’d taken a break and come to Bangkok Café for lunch while the kids stayed and ate spaghetti, salad and peaches—unless they’d brought a cold lunch, of course. Most of them ate “hot lunch,” though. Our entire school got lunch “free” through a state program for low-income kids.

“There are a million ifs.”
I sighed, sipping soup out of the bowl, watching as one of the oriental waitresses bussed a table, sliding the tip into her pocket.

“Surely not that many.”
Rob smirked, wiping away sweat with a napkin.

It reminded me of the way we’d both been dripping sweat yesterday afternoon, the heat of the day adding to our own as he pounded me to oblivion on the living room floor, making me come so many times I lost count.

I still had rug burn on my knees and elbows. I smiled to myself, rubbing my elbows with my fingers, shivering with the memory. All the windows had been open and I was sure all the neighbors had heard. Old Mr. Fisher had given us a strange look when Rob and I got into my car that morning to head off to school.

My God, if we could just stay cocooned together somewhere, lost in each other, everything would be perfect. Him and me and our baby. My hand dropped to my lap and I touched my lower belly, something I did often now, thinking about, dreaming about, who might be in there. It was becoming more real as my belly started to protrude. Not much, but enough that I could tell. Rob could tell too. His hand moved there, fingers drumming gently, whenever we spooned.

“There are a couple of ‘ifs’…” I glanced up at him, thinking about all of the possibilities.

“We’ll work it out.”
He sounded so confident as he lifted his chopsticks, digging back in to his Pad Thai.

“But you’re going
back on tour… again,” I reminded him.

I hated the thought of being separated again. When I’d gone to see him in April, I didn’t know what would happen. Now I knew what he wanted—I really knew, not just through words over a phone line or over the computer, but through his actions. He said he wanted to be with me, and he’d proved it, moving into my little yellow house instead of staying in his giant palace in L.A.
But now his work was going to take him away from me again and there was nothing I could do about that. It was the same dilemma I’d been faced with at the beginning, and I was struck with a weird sense of deja-vu.

“It’s just Europe for
three weeks.” He reached for his glass of water again, gulping. “Besides, it will be a great vacation for you.”

“For me?”
I looked, up surprised.

“Yeah, you. You didn’t think I was going to leave you here, did you?”
He cocked one eyebrow at me, shaking his head. “School will be out by then. No excuses.”

“The baby,” I replied, blinking at him. How had he not considered that? Maybe it just wasn’t as real to him yet as it was to me. Every night, I flipped through the pregnancy books I’d ordered from Amazon, looking at fetuses, checking the photos against my dates, seeing what the little bean looked like now. I’d tried to get him to look, be interested, and he’d humored me, but he didn’t seem as intrigued as I was. Maybe just because it wa
sn’t happening to him. It was happening
inside
me.

But I couldn’t be pregnant and touring with Trouble! That was insane. Wasn’t it? I mean, pregnant women weren’t even supposed to fly, let alone travel for hours on a bus.

“I’d at least have to clear it with my obstetrician.” Was I really considering this? I was. God help me, I was.

“I’m hiring a doctor to come with us.”
Rob waved away my concern, finishing up the rest of his Pad Thai. “But we can clear it with your guy.”

“Girl.”
I smirked.

“Oh.” Rob’s head came up, surprise in his eyes.
“Would you rather have a woman doctor?”

“If I have a choice, yeah.” I smiled, wondering if he’d already hired a doctor. He was clearly thinking ahead. But he hadn’t thought of everything. “
What about Katie?”

“Last time
I checked, she wasn’t pregnant.” He wiped his mouth with a napkin and sighed. “Thank God.”

“No, I mean—she’ll be out of rehab right
around the time the tour starts,” I reminded him. “I don’t want to leave her alone.”

“She won’t be alone.”
He sat back, stretching his arms out on the back of the booth, a pose I found incredibly sexy, especially when he had that smug smile on. He seemed to think he’d anticipated all of my objections and had already taken care of them.

“She can’t come on tour, Rob.
” I used my fork to twirl Pad Thai noodles, chewing thoughtfully. “No way. That’s what started this in the first place.”

“I know.” He nodded. “I don’t want her and Tyler together anyway. It’s a disaster waiting to happen.”

“Well, I don’t know if it’s a disaster…” I tried to imagine what I’d feel if someone said that about me and Rob being together. I probably would have gone ballistic. Of course, he and I didn’t do heroin together. But I wasn’t sure we were any less addicted. We were just high on each other.

“Oh, I don’t mean forever. Just for now,” he explained.

“But she’d still be home alone.” I didn’t want that. I knew Katie. She was far too impulsive for her own good, always had been. Katie addicted to heroin? That was an impulse issue I couldn’t even imagine.

“Nope.” Rob gave me that smug smile again.
“Sarah would come here to stay with her.”

Jeez, he
had
thought of everything.

“I don’t know…”
I picked through my Pad Thai, thinking about Katie. She didn’t even have any family here, and she’d lost her dental hygienist job before the tour. The only thing she had here was me, and if I went on tour with Rob, I wouldn’t be available for her.

“
Sabrina, I want you with me.” That smug smile faded and his eyes grew dark, serious. He leaned forward, taking one of my hands in his. The touch was electric, searing.

Every. Single. Time.

“I know, but…”

“
I’m weak, baby.” He gave me a rueful little smile. “I can’t live without you.”

“Oh stop.”
I laughed, nudging him under the table with my foot.

“I’m not really kidding.”
He met my eyes and I saw it was true. Was he really as addicted to me as I was to him? Was that even possible?

Rob was like my heroin—but did that mean I
should stay away from him? Were there things in the world you could be addicted to that were actually good for you? Because the way I felt about him, how I craved him, how I thought about him constantly when I wasn’t with him and couldn’t wait for that high of seeing him again, all of that felt far more to me like addiction than love.

But then again, I’d never really been in love before, not like this.

“Rob…” I turned his hand over in mine, tracing the lines on his palm, feeling the hard callouses his guitar had given him over the years.

“Sabrina, yo
u’re the mother of my child.” His voice was low, soft, as he closed his hand, swallowing mine whole. “And you’re going to be my wife as soon as I can arrange it. You belong with me. You’re mine.”

I tried to choke back the tears that came to my eyes at his words. I wanted to be his, I wanted to belong wholly to him, forever. It was a dream I could barely contain. But even though he said I was his, and I wanted to be, there were things standing in our way.

“And when do you think we’ll be able to make those… arrangements?” I looked up and met his eyes, thinking about his wife, Catherine, the biggest obstacle in our way.

“
When my soon-to-be ex can agree to settlement terms.” Rob sighed, sitting back in his seat, letting go of my hand.