Fool Me Once (16 page)

She tensed when a sharp pain went through her, and she felt Jake tense and slowly pull away. She opened her eyes to meet his, and lifted her hips to take him all in again. Powerless to stop, he plunged into her once again and again, every trust harder and faster then the last, until he cried out her name and she once again got lost on the highest peak ever climbed.

She fell asleep in his arms; he didn’t. He just looked at her; she was so peaceful, looked so happily curled up in sleep. He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t stop thinking about what she had just discovered. She had been a virgin, he had, even when making love to her, always believed she had gone to Ben after telling him she loved him. He had always thought she had scores of lovers. He had been proven wrong, and he had trouble accepting this discovery. Couldn’t think about what it might mean, that maybe his father had been wrong and that he had missed out on so much because of it. He was also terrified that with that knowledge he might have to take a chance on love, that he no longer had a reason not to. Gently, he retrieved his arm from under her. He got dressed silently in the dark, and left without a word. He had to think about it all, and he was too distracted by her soft body near against him to do it here.

“Hello?”

“James? Please do you have a couple of minutes?” She asked tearfully

“Eva? What’s wrong darling? Don’t cry.”

“Please come over.”

When James walked in he found Eva sitting on the floor, her legs crossed wearing nothing but a robe. Her face was streaked with tears, her hands wound tight against her middle, as she rocked back and forth. She was a mess, her hair had lost its shine, her shoulders had lost their pride, and they now slumped defeated. He hurriedly went to her and sat down.

“Eva?” he whispered softly. He pushed her tangled hair away from her face.

“Oh James.” She started sobbing and buried her face on his chest. “What have I done?”

He massaged her neck, coaxing the story out of her. She told him all about making love with Jake for the first time 2 days ago, she sobbed harder as she explained that when she had woken up he had been gone and that she hadn’t heard from him since.

“What’s wrong with me?” She asked in between hiccups.

James was at a lost. He had never seen Eva in that state before. He wished he could beat the hell out of the unfeeling bastard that did this to her.

“Nothing’s wrong with you sweetie. Nothing!”

“How can I misjudge someone so badly? How can I love someone like that so much? He hadn’t even the decency to call, to tell me why. I know I should have told him he was my first. But I didn’t think it mattered. I wanted him so much.”

James stayed with her all day, trying to cheer her up, forcing her to eat insane amounts of chocolate ice cream. At the end of the afternoon, he even got a few smiles in between her tears. She fell asleep her head on his lap as they were watching some inane horror movie, one that had no love scene whatsoever.

Jake knew he was a jerk for not calling her. He knew that his soul searching was not an excuse, but he couldn’t face her until he knew for sure either way. Whether he could chance love, because he did love her, or whether he was just going to have to move away and forget. Of course, as terrified as he as, he didn’t think he could ever stay away from
his
Eva. He was going to try and explain all of this to her when he walked in on her and James. Her head softly on the other man’s lap, the other man’s arms around her. He stared, shocked. He knew it. Women betrayed! Finding her in another man’s arms after he had come to the most difficult decision of his life was hellish. The pain that came rushing through him was so intense he could barely breath. He looked at them for a moment longer, burning in his memories the picture of deception and then walked out without a word.

Jake looked at the bottle of scotch, it was only half full, was it going to be enough to kill the pain? He had known opening up to her would be the death of him, not literally but then again, he wasn’t sure of anything anymore. It sure had been the death of any hope he may have had that his father’s experience with love may not have been a good representation of what love made people do. He had dared to believe for a couple of days, but because of it, his disappointment, his feelings of betrayal had been even greater. How could she have done it? Even after seeing it with his own eyes, he could scarcely believe it. Mournfully, he once again looked at the bottle and took a long swig from it. It wasn’t going to kill the pain but at least it was going to dim it for a little while. He drunkenly sang along with the song playing on the radio. A very fitting song if he thought so himself. A song to which he had an answer. Meat Loaf’s “it just won’t quit” summed it all.

And I always have those dangerous dreams

And I never get a minute of peace

And I gotta wonder what it means

And I gotta wonder what it means

Maybe its nothing and I’m under the weather

Maybe its just one of those bugs going round

Maybe I’m under a spell and its magic

Maybe there’s witch doctor with an office in town

It is a blessing? Or is it a curse?

Does it get any better? Can it get any worse?

Will it go on forever? Or is it over tonight?

Does it come with the darkness? Does it bring out the light?

Is it richer then diamond?

Or just a little cheaper then spit?

I don’t know what it is but it just won’t quit.

He knew the answer. It was a curse, it only got worse, it was never going to end, and he damn well knew what it was, this thing they called love. He was ready to once again bring the bottle to his lips for another long swig when the doorbell rang. He jumped in surprise, a flicker of hope, quickly quelled, and dared show in his eyes. For a second, a short second, he had thought that maybe it was Eva at the door. Coming to explain to him why she had been found in the arms of another man last time he saw her. That thought was dismissed almost as soon as it popped up in his head. It was merely wishful thinking. First, because there was no such thing as an explanation, he knew what he saw, and it hadn’t been the first time he had seen it. Second, it wasn’t likely she would make the mistake of ever coming here again. He decided to stay on his chair and ignore the bell. Whoever was at the door would take the hint and go away. Unfortunately, the person on the other side of the door wasn’t taking the hint. After he pointedly ignored the bell for a good 3 minutes, the person outside started banging on the door. Grumbling, Jake threw the door open. He didn’t have time to see or say anything before a fist, out of nowhere connected with his nose. Pain flared through his head and anger seized him.

“Damn it! What the hell is wrong with this place? People keep punching me without warning. It wasn’t amusing the first time, and it isn’t any more now.”

His hand cupped under his nose to prevent blood from pouring on the floor. Shock registered when he saw the offender.

“Josh? What the hell is your problem?” His friend handed him a tissue which he accepted grudgingly.

“MY problem? This is something I should have done ages ago. I didn’t know the story, couldn’t place a blame then, but I still should have done it for my sister. Today, I still don’t know the whole story; all I know is that she is miserable again, and that again it’s your fault. This time I didn’t need a reason or an explanation that I know will never come. Eva has too much integrity to go complain to me about her problems. So I just came to the source itself. I know where the blame belongs, and it lies here with you.” Josh answered tightly, ready to strike again at any sign of provocation.

“The blame… with me? AH! If you only knew!” He felt very defensive. Why was everyone looking as him as if he was the guilty party. Why couldn’t they see he was the victim here, he thought drunkenly.

“Then why don’t you tell me? Why don’t you try and enlighten me? Because the way I see it my little sister is unable to hurt a fly, let alone a human being, even one as undeserving as you! She is miserable, she tries to hide it, but I know her to be a cheerful young woman, not one that hides in her apartment. She never smiles anymore, she has lost weight and her eyes have lost their brightness. One asshole hurt her, I’m sure she wasn’t responsible for that. My guess is that asshole was you.” Josh said looking pointedly at Jake.

Dejectedly Jake sat on his couch, the tissue held to his nose.

“it’s along story. It actually started when I was 12.”

Confused Josh looked at him

“12, but we didn’t know you back then and Eva would only have been 4.”

“I know. When I was 12, my dad found my mom in their bedroom with another man. When he confronted her about it, she just laughed and told him it was about time for him to figure out something was going on. She had been having affairs for over 10 years. My dad loved my mother above everything else, and when she betrayed him, and never showed an ounce of remorse, he was devastated. He never got over it. He went through the motion of living, but he never smiled or laughed again. One day, when I was sixteen, I came home and found a letter on the table. It was from my dad. I have it here with me; it’s always in my wallet to make sure I never forget.

Jake,

I know you may never forgive me for this, but you have to understand. I cannot go on. When your mother left me, she might as well as killed me herself. My heart broken then and I never was able to piece it together. Her betrayal was too much for me to handle. Not even my love for you can keep me strong enough to want to keep on living. I know you may not understand, and even call me a coward. I truly wish you will never be faced with a situation that would make you understand my actions. My heart is dead; I choose to stop suffering. NEVER, NEVER believe you are in any way responsible for what I did, because you aren’t. You are the only reason why I kept on living this long. I didn’t want to live you alone while you were growing up, but as from today, you are on your own. You are a bright man you don’t need me anymore. There is no reason for me to stay.

Remember I will always love you son. Forgive me.

Dad

“You have no idea what a letter like that can do to you, nor can you imagine how finding your father with a bullet hole in his head still clutching a picture of your mother can change you. Even in his death, he still loved the woman that caused him to kill himself.” Jake tried to ignore the scene that played in his mind. Almost a live feed, images that plague him day after day. His father’s empty eyes, the photograph covered in blood, the gun on the floor beside him. The stains on the wall, the smell forever attached to it all. He could never get away from the horror. He had never forgiven either of his parents, but now he understood a little better what his father went through. Not that he would ever consider ending his life because of a cold-hearted woman, but he could imagine the pain of the betrayal. In fact, he didn’t even have to imagine. It was right there with him, it had stayed hidden for eight years, and then resurface against his will. Now he only had to hope it would go away again. Sighing, he continued the story. “I swore to myself that day that I would never let myself for any woman. Unfortunately, that was a promise to myself that was harder to keep then I thought it would be. Eight years ago, I fell for your sister, and stupidly, I thought she loved me back. She said she did but five minutes later I found her kissing her supposed ex-boyfriend. I cursed myself for being so weak. I had had warning, the worst kind of red flags anyone could ever have, about love and its power to destroy. Yet, I ignored it. So I got hurt and again swore to myself I would never let it happen again, and this time it was easy. At least it was until I got back. Eva and I fought, we decided we couldn’t stand each other, yet we couldn’t seem to be able to stay away from each other either. So eventually we came to a truce and I was reckless enough to fall in love with her all over again. She acted like she felt the same way. Anyway something happened that I am not comfortable discussing with you and I left confused. When I went back to talk to her, I found her in the arm of the man she says she works with. That’s twice now she got me fooled. The worst of it is, if she came to me with some lame excuse, I would believe her. I love her that much. I am ready to believe anything just so I can be with her. Cursed with my father’s weakness. But she hasn’t come, she didn’t try to tell me any excuses.” Jake reached for the only thing that could help him now, his bottle of scotch but Josh snapped it away before he could get to it.

“You are a worse idiot than I thought. I understand where you are coming from, what with your history and everything, but Jake; it is not because something happened to your father that it will automatically happen to you. You make it happen. You refuse to look at things objectively. Have you ever thought that what you think you see isn’t always what you make it to be? Have you ever thought that maybe there is two sides to a story?

“Yes!” Jake sprung up from his chair, dropped the bloody tissue on the table and started pacing around. “Damn it Josh, why do you think I decided to give it another shot? I thought maybe I should have listened when she told me Ben forced her to kiss him. But now? What was I supposed to say when I found her in another man’s arms? It totally negates everything she ever said to me.”