For Nick (29 page)

Zach’s eyes rested upon her daughter. While her head was completely bald, she had Andie’s ice blue eyes. They stood out on her face in contrast to her perfect white skin. It made her look unearthly, almost ethereal. Even with her bald head, she was the most beautiful child he’d ever seen. She was soft and delicate with striking features reminding him of a perfect porcelain doll. She was tiny and frail as she lay in her bed, obviously thrilled to see her mother and yet unable to do much about it. Tubes seemed to be attached to everywhere they could possibly put them. His heart went out to her as he immediately deduced that Andie’s daughter was a very sick little girl. The medical field was torturing her in the name of making her well. He swallowed his fear. All of this explained the haunted look in Andie’s eyes, the sadness, the impenetrable wall that had surrounded her emotions, keeping her from crying. She’d simply been trying her best to hold herself together.

“I missed you, Mommy. Are you okay?”

“Yes, sweetheart. I’m okay now. I’m not leaving you again. I missed you so much.” Andie hugged her daughter tightly.

Suddenly, the little girl’s eyes met Zach’s as he stood in the doorway.

“Oh…hello. Are you my new Daddy?”

Her voice was soft and sweet. She was undeniably precious. Zach didn’t hesitate as he answered, “Yes, I am.” His eyes moved to Andie. Her head jerked up abruptly and when she saw him, her smile slowly faded, the action not lost on him. She was not pleased to see him. Their eyes held each other’s for several moments, exchanging silent communication. Then her eyes closed as if she was in pain as she exhaled slowly while lowering her head.

Zach approached the little girl’s bedside. He knelt down beside her and took her little hand in his. “It’s so nice to finally meet you, Nicole.”

She giggled and it was the most endearing sound he’d ever heard. “Nobody calls me Nicole. Everyone calls me Nick.”

“You are the most beautiful little girl I’ve ever seen, Nick.”

“Thank you, Mr. Drake.”

Zach was shocked to know that she knew who he was. It would seem he was the only one in the dark.

“Mommy, you’re right, he looks just like Prince Charming,” Nick said to Andie with her eyes still on him. When she smiled, she had the same dimples as Andie and he was immediately taken with her. Who wouldn’t be? She was fragile and almost wraith-like as she lay in her bed. But the personality that emanated from her was animated and filled with life. Zach glanced at Andie for just a second. She was embarrassed at Nick’s words, but he found he quite liked knowing that was how Andie thought of him. Prince Charming, huh? Who’d of thought? Too bad he hadn’t been very charming to her of late. It was time to make amends.
Look out, Andie. I’m about to turn on the charm. I want heeerrrr.

Nick’s little hand reached up and cupped his cheek. Her eyes looked deeply into his. “You make my Mommy happy.” Zach wasn’t sure if it was a statement or a command, but either way he was touched. “Can I ask you a question, Mr. Drake?

“Call me Zach.”

“Can I call you Daddy?”

Zach wasn’t sure how to respond. Would Andie approve? He looked up and she nodded in the affirmative, telling him the only thing that mattered to her was that her daughter was happy.

“Yes, I would be honored.”

Okay, Dad,” she said proudly. Zach made a funny face at her and Nick giggled.

“Mommy told me you were funny.”

“Really? Funny as in ha-ha or funny looking?”

This made her laugh even harder. Zach then asked about the many tubes attached to her and Nick explained what each one was doing for her. Again, he had to swallow his aversion to anything medical. If this little girl could bear it, then so could he.

As Nick quickly became tired, Andie climbed onto the bed next to her baby and held her in her arms, all the while speaking to her. Soon Nick was asleep, her little body at rest. Andie’s soulful eyes rested on him, the agony there unmistakable.

Zach pulled up a chair and sat with them. He wasn’t about to abandon Andie to deal with this herself, in spite of his natural yearnings to turn and run. He couldn’t believe this was how she’d been spending her time. She was right, due to uncontrollable circumstances, her life was already hell and he’d only added to her pain. He’d never felt so low in all of his life.

“How old is she?” Zach asked, whispering so as not to awaken Nick.

“Eight.”

“How long has she been sick?”

“Five years.”

Zach was stunned. Five years? No wonder both Andie and Charles lived like paupers. Their money had probably been drained after the first year. From then on, the bills had probably become more than anyone could possibly pay in their lifetime.

“They didn’t expect her to live more than one to two years at most. She’s defied all the odds. A doctor here in Portland is trying an experimental drug on her.”

“Is it working?”

There was a long pause and he knew the answer before she answered him with a slight shake of her head in the negative. She looked defeated and yet determined all at once.

Zach remembered Andie saying that she and her husband had issues that probably would have ended their marriage. Zach now knew what those issues were. Jack had been unable to face their daughter’s illness and left her alone. How could he do that to her? To his daughter? Zach vowed, then and there, to stand at Andie’s side no matter what happened. He wouldn’t leave her to deal with this by herself—in spite of the fact that the hospital made him feel as though he was about to be sick at any minute.

“Why did you follow me?”

“I wanted to know where you go every day.”

“All you had to do was ask.”

“I wasn’t sure you would tell me after everything that’s happened.”

“I don’t want her to become attached to you, just to be heartbroken when you leave her life.”

“I’m not leaving, Andie. That’s a promise.”

Andie said nothing in response.

-24-

Once Nick woke up, Andie read her storybook after storybook, never leaving her daughter’s side. Nick seemed to soak up information like a sponge. Zach found her quite intelligent given that she’d never had a formal education. Andie had taught her how to read and write while at her bedside. All the individual tutoring had left her smarter than the average eight year old.

Nick had moments of lucidity where her adorable personality manifested itself. Then she had dark moments where she was visibly in pain and cried softly. She had two seizures during the course of the afternoon and it was enough to make Zach turn and run. He couldn’t imagine how terrifying it must be to a child. It scared the hell out of him. Then she had moments of nausea where she retched, almost uncontrollably as Andie talked her through it, rubbed her back, and told her how much she loved her.

By the end of the day, Zach felt mentally drained and downright flu-like. He did his best to hide his physical reaction to all things medical, but Andie noticed.

“Zach, are you feeling okay?”

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me,” he answered, swallowing his fears. He wasn’t even the one doing much of anything. He didn’t know how Andie handled this day after day.

“If you’re not feeling well then…”

“I’d like to stay. Please.”

Andie nodded, looking at him strangely. He was positive she didn’t remember anything about his phobia. At least until she said, “This is getting to you, isn’t it?”

“You remember?” he queried, hoping she’d change the subject. No such luck.

“You’re scared of blood and doctors and hospitals. It’s not something a girl forgets.”

“Does it show?”

“You’re a little green and you haven’t stood up all day.”

Andie remembered his admission nearly word for word. That’ll teach him to admit to his phobia. Andie was a good listener, proven by her ability to recall past conversations between them.

“Is it like you’re surrounded by creepy clowns?” she asked.

Ah, the perfect comparison. “Millions of them.”

Andie smiled. “Don’t worry, you’ll adjust.”

He doubted that very much.

That evening Zach insisted on being the one to read Nick several bedtime stories. He spiced up the stories a bit, making Nick giggle uncontrollably. Hearing her laughter was the highlight of the day. Finally she began to doze by about nine PM. By that time, he felt positively done in.

“She’s asleep, Zach. We can go home now. With the pain medicine, she’ll sleep through the night.” Andie kissed her forehead, and whispered, “I love you.”

Zach was impressed with both Andie and Charles. Between them, Nick was never alone, other than while she was sleeping at night. With Andie down, Charles had been pulling double duty and he was exhausted. Andie told him that Charles was at home, catching up on some much needed sleep.

Zach escorted Andie to the car, his heart feeling heavy. Once they were both seated, he made no move to start the engine.

“How do you do that every day?” Zach asked.

“I don’t have a choice in the matter. I can’t abandon her.”

“Is that what Jack did?”

“Yes.”

“You were a young mother.”

“Yes. I married Jack when I was eighteen. Nick became ill when she was only three years old. Jack only stuck around for six months. He couldn’t take it. He left and I didn’t hear from him for five months, then he died in a car accident. Our medical insurance informed me we’d reached our maximum lifetime benefit not long thereafter. I went through Jack’s life insurance money in less than a year. Charles went through his retirement investments by the end of two years. A specialist here in Portland learned of our case and contacted me about an experimental drug. He’s not charging me anything for his services, but the hospital bill is astronomical. She’s been in and out of the hospital since she was three. I’ve hardly had time with her at home. Most doctors won’t touch our case because she’s been diagnosed as terminal from the very beginning…yes, even the places that say no child is turned away. Most advised me to simply medicate her for pain and watch her die. I couldn’t do that. I had to fight if there was even a remote chance she could live.”

Zach expelled his breath. “I had no idea what you were going through. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m glad you know. It’s a relief to be able to speak of it with you. I wanted to tell you from the beginning. I wanted you to understand why I was willing to marry you for money. I didn’t want you to think I was a gold digger or…or some kind of ruthless woman willing to do anything for a buck.”

“I never thought such a thing.” Okay, maybe he had just a little. Maybe a lot, he thought with a grimace. But now that he knew the truth, he was impressed with Andie’s tenacity. He was in awe of her strength and her unending resolve to help her child, with no thought whatsoever as to the consequences to herself. She was the most selfless person he knew. They were both silent for several minutes in the dark, close confines of the car. “Do you mind if I come with you to care for her?”

A tear slipped down Andie’s cheek. “No, I don’t mind.”

“Can I ask you something?” Zach asked.

“Anything,” Andie replied, an open book, making Zach realize the only person holding back secrets had been him.

“You spend every day at the hospital with Nick?”

“Yes.”

“The day I followed you…you went to Charles’ home and you stayed for several hours. May I ask why? Do you remember? I don’t mean to sound suspicious, I’m just curious.”

“I rarely go to Charles’ house, so I remember that day perfectly. Nick was having some tests done that day. I couldn’t be with her during the tests. Charles insisted on cooking for me that afternoon, even though I’d already eaten with you. He made me sit with my feet up and linger over a decent meal. It was nice, relaxing. Test days can be a bit stressful.”

“Of all the days…” Zach muttered.

“Don’t think about regrets, Zach. It’s useless.”

“I’m sorry, Andie. I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions.”

Andie said nothing in response.

They drove home in silence. Zach made omelets and they quickly ate. They leaned back in their chairs, observing each other.

“Thank you, Zach. That was delicious.”

“I shouldn’t have let you stay so long today. It’s too much for you, too soon.”

“I couldn’t leave her.”

A short pause ensued. “Do you realize that, as my wife, you and your daughter are covered under my medical insurance?”

Andie shook her head in the negative. “Pre-existing condition.”

“There’s no such clause under my medical plan.”

“They’ll fight you on it. Insurance companies seem to find any excuse they possibly can for not paying. I sold our home, our furniture, our cars, even my wedding ring. Charles has sold everything also. I worry about him. I can work, but he has no investments left whatsoever. I give him what I can and he takes the occasional odd job as a handyman just to make ends meet. He’s getting tired though, starting to slow down. He should be out playing golf with his buddies, not working to help me. But he does it for Nick. I can’t argue with that.”

Zach thought of her living conditions when he’d met her. It was true, she and Charles had given up everything for Nick. “She’s a lucky little girl to have you for a mother.”

“Thank you, Zach.”

“What is her diagnosis?”

“A rare form of leukemia.” She exhaled sharply. “Did you know that ninety-percent of childhood leukemia cases are completely curable? Ninety-percent! We happen to be one of those rare members of the ten-percent group. Nick’s been through it all: chemo, radiation therapy, bone marrow transplants, biological therapy, and blood transfusions. ”

“Is every day like today?”

“No, some are much worse.”

Zach swallowed. Today had been nightmarish.

“This new drug has made her very ill. The doctor isn’t pleased with her progress of late. Neither am I. I’m not sure if we should continue, to be honest.”

“But there’s a chance?”

“Yes. And it’s our last one.”

“I’m sorry, Andie.”

“Don’t feel sorry for me. I’m so lucky to have that little girl in my life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I just don’t want to see her suffer. Thank you for making her laugh today. You have no idea what that meant to her, and to me.” Andie wiped away a stray tear. “Sorry, the floodgates seemed to have opened. I knew if I let myself cry I’d never stop.”