For the First Time: Twenty-One Brand New Stories of First Love (28 page)

She made a frustrated noise she hoped Astrid wouldn’t take as protest. As Astrid’s hands slid from her shoulders and down her arms and then wove their fingers together, Kinsey sighed.

Astrid drew back and Kinsey squeaked in protest, chasing the other girl’s mouth with her own. But Astrid had a question instead of more knee-weakening kisses. “Okay?”

“Kiss me more!”

“Can do.” And then she did, her mouth meeting Kinsey’s with a sweet pressure that matched the push of the back of Kinsey’s hands into the brick. The scraping sent a zing of something vaguely dangerous through her. Something she liked, very much. She pressed her palms against Astrid’s to feel the resistance, and when Astrid stopped kissing her again, Kinsey blew out an exasperated sigh.

“Don’t. Stop.”

Instead of another kiss, she got Astrid’s black eyebrow kicking up in a reprimanding glare.

“Please,” she amended, as she met Astrid’s gaze with what she hoped was an inflaming pout. Either she’d managed, or Astrid had a thing for girls with fishlips. Whatever it was, she didn’t care because Astrid kissed her again and pressed her hands into the wall.

“So that’s how you like to play?” Astrid murmured against her lips.

Kinsey’s answer was a desperate sigh that made her breath mingle with the other girl’s. “Yes. Please, yes.”

Their hips ground together too, the head-to-toe pressure making it hard for Kinsey to breathe. She didn’t mind.

Astrid pried her fingers from between Kinsey’s and Kinsey made a frustrated sound. When she went to reach for the other girl, Astrid’s face was stony. “Hands on the wall, girl.”

Why did Astrid calling her “girl” send a lightning bolt of desire straight to her sex? But it did. She could feel herself getting swollen and wet, blood pulsing to below her waist to get her ready for whatever was coming. What she hoped was coming. Kinsey did as she was told, turning her hands to press the palms into the brick to give the scraped backs a break.

“Are you a little kinky, Kins? You like being told what to do? You liked it when I called you girl?”

She nodded, her forehead brushing Astrid’s. It’s not like she had a ton of experience with kink, but from what little she did have, she thought she’d like to have more. She nearly swooned when Astrid took her face in her hands, cupping her jaw with a firm grip and pushing errant strands of hair out of her face with rough-padded thumbs.

“Good, because I like telling you what to do.”

Kinsey whimpered and fought to keep her hands against the wall as she’d been told. Her obedience was rewarded by another bruising kiss.

“I like how you look with your mouth swollen and your eyes bright. You look a little drunk and I don’t think it’s the bourbon.”

“Me either.”

“Are you feeling reckless?”

“Maybe.”

“Unbutton your dress.”

The suggestion shocked and aroused her at the same time. She looked to her sides, down the dark alleyway, but all she could see was the silhouette of passing people as they crossed the narrow space.

Her lips parted but her fingers reached for the top button, pausing when they got there, begging Astrid with her eyes to take it back. Because she’d do it, but her unsteady legs indicated she might not survive.

“Go on, girl. I won’t wait all night.”

And there was that tug, a pull, something drawing at her very core. That particular kind of turned on she got when her lovers had veered into toppiness.

She slipped a thumb below the button and pushed the fabric over it. The air that hit her chest wasn’t cool but somehow the feel of it on her exposed skin made her shiver.

“Another one.”

Astrid crossed her arms as she leaned against the opposite side of the alley, propping the bottom of one of her oxfords against the brick wall. She looked authoritative and officious, and because Kinsey wanted to give in to that entitled and haughty girl, she slipped another button free. This one would show some cleavage and Astrid’s narrow eyes were hungry as she looked. And looked. Drank Kinsey up like she was another tumbler of scotch. And oh, did Kinsey ever want to be consumed. Sip by slow sip.

So she undid button after button until she’d pried the last one open and her dress draped against her. It didn’t reveal much of anything, but she felt naked.

“I want to see you.” It wasn’t a question and Kinsey didn’t treat it as such, feeling almost feverish with desire for Astrid’s attention, her touch. She parted the pieces of her dress and drew them apart, exposing the matching set of lace and satin lingerie the color of blood oranges she had on underneath.

“Pretty girl,” Astrid crooned from what seemed way too far away.

Kinsey’s head was a jumble of humiliation and ecstasy, her hands trembling as they gripped the thin fabric of her dress, displaying herself for this woman: the swell of her breasts, the gentle roundness of her stomach all while Astrid was covered by layers of cotton and wool.

“Now button-up. Don’t do the first or the last.”

Kinsey’s brows drew together. Surely Astrid hadn’t had her disrobe just to have her dress again? But that was exactly what Astrid had in mind.

“Go on,” she said, with an upward tilt of her chin that dripped with conceit. As if she had no doubt Kinsey would do as she said. Arrogance wasn’t something Kinsey looked for in a partner but it looked good on Astrid. Almost as good as the clothes that fit her like they’d been tailored for her. Maybe they had been.

Her fingers shook as she threaded the mother-of-pearl discs back through their holes, obeying Astrid’s instructions not to fasten the first or the last. It wasn’t revealing, but it made her feel on display, reminding her of what Astrid had made her do.

When she was done, Astrid crooked an arm. “Shall we?”

Kinsey took it, threading her hand through the space and settling her fingers on the tweed of Astrid’s jacket. And when Astrid wrapped her other hand around Kinsey’s squeezing tight, it inflated Kinsey’s heart. It felt like a reward, the words that followed a blue ribbon: “Well done, girl.”

Her breath hitched and her pelvis felt tight and heavy with heat and desire. Astrid led her back to the subway and they sat side-by-side in the half-empty car. Astrid thrummed the pad of her thumb across Kinsey’s knuckles as the T rumbled down the underground tracks, the rhythmic motion both soothing and arousing.

“Was that okay?”

If by okay, did Astrid mean was that the hottest thing that had ever happened to her? Because the answer to both of those questions was “Yes.”

She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks and cursed being a redhead. Her skin gave everything away. But she didn’t mind so much when the corner of Astrid’s mouth tugged up, the picture of smugness. “Good.”

Kinsey liked making Astrid feel powerful. Not that Astrid needed her to, but she liked confirming it for the other girl.
You are as compelling as you think. I’d get on my knees for you
.

They rode the rest of the way in silence, their fingers entwined and their thighs pressed against each other from knee to hip. When they got to Kinsey’s stop, Astrid didn’t wave goodbye or say goodnight, but walked her to her apartment building. But when Kinsey would’ve continued up the stairs—because clearly, they weren’t done yet—Astrid ground to a halt.

“A
ren’t you going
to come up?”

Astrid hesitated. There was very little on this earth she wanted more than to drag Kinsey upstairs and have her way with the redhead—god, the way she’d looked at her in that alley. Practically drunk with submission, her mouth kiss-swollen and her eyes lust-glazed. And the worry, that nagging worry she’d had about Kinsey not liking girls, had melted away for a few minutes.

Maybe Kinsey was only experimenting, but she sure seemed high off Astrid. She’d noticed the way the other girl pressed her thighs together while they were on the T, maybe trying to squeeze some of the ache between her legs away or trying to make it more intense. Astrid didn’t know her well enough to say.

But faced with going up to Kinsey’s apartment and continuing what they’d started, fear ate at her. What would happen when she took her clothes off? Kinsey knew she was a girl but there was something about knowing it versus seeing it. And the seeing had been a problem before. Cold sat in the pit of her stomach and climbed up her esophagus.

“I don’t know if I should come up. I still have some work to do tonight.”

Which was true. She was in med school, there was always more to be done. More text books to be read, more cases to be studied, more vocabulary to drill into her head.

“Oh.” Kinsey’s lashes fluttered as she blinked. “Yeah, of course. I’ve heard med school is insane. You shouldn’t have let me keep you out.”

“You didn’t,” Astrid assured her. And because she couldn’t help herself where Kinsey was concerned, she took the girl’s hand in her own. “I had a good time. I’m glad you came with me.”

The words seemed to dull Kinsey’s uncertainty but her features tightened. Astrid dreaded the next words out of her mouth.

“Would you, maybe, like to do it again?”

The way her mouth twisted and one green eye squinted was adorable. Astrid wanted to kiss the insecurity off her face. Instead she let the dread wash over her and extracted her fingers from between Kinsey’s.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Why?” Kinsey’s eyes were wide and earnest as she asked and it hit Astrid in the center of her chest.
Because I like you a lot but I’m afraid. Afraid when I strip off my clothes you’ll reject me.

“School’s crazy. I don’t have a lot of time for dating.” The lie made her feel nauseated but was it worse than if Kinsey rejected her? Probably not.

Kinsey bit her lip and looked away. “Um, sure. Thanks for tonight, then, and good luck.”

Before Astrid could respond, Kinsey raced up the steps and shoved her key into the lock, wrestling the heavy door open. Fleeing. After Astrid heard the lock click back into place, she turned to go and pulled her phone from her pocket. It was late but Justin would be awake.

“What’s new, Zhao?”

“I’m a fucking idiot.”

“I asked what’s new?” That asshat. She loved him so.

“Trouble.”

“Is that where you are? Why are you calling me?”

“No,” Astrid said, pushing up her glasses so she could rub the bridge of her nose. “I just left.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s straight, Justin, and I can’t stand the idea—” She couldn’t even finish. It hurt that much.

“Don’t you people get a toaster for every new recruit?”

Annoyance surged through her at the ridiculous idea of her
recruiting
anyone. If anything, she wanted a blinking red light installed over straight girls’ heads so she knew not to get her hopes up. But Justin was teasing. It’s what he did. So she responded in kind.

“You’re such a dick.”

There was a rustle of clothing as if Justin were actually looking down his pants to check. “Yup. Got one of those. But the reason you’re a fucking idiot is that you’re not in that girl’s apartment having some hot hot lesbian sex at this very second. So what if it turns out to be a fling? She’ll have a notch on the flip side of her belt and you’ll get your toaster. Which, could I have that, by the way? Stu busted ours trying to make grilled cheese in it. Again.”

Even the antics of Justin’s roommate couldn’t get rid of the stomach-clenching lump of cold in her gut. “I think I might really like her.”

“Then never seeing her again is definitely the way to go.”

Astrid stopped before crossing the street. Justin was right. Rejection would suck, but the lingering prickle of not knowing would nag at her for longer. And what if…what if she didn’t get rejected? What if she and Kinsey followed the trajectory they’d been on before she cut their evening short and they ended up having all the, as Justin had so-charmingly put it, all the hot hot lesbian sex? Kinky lesbian sex in fact, because Kinsey was subby as hell and Astrid so wanted to take advantage of that.

“You’re an asshole.”

“You’re going back to her apartment, aren’t you?”

She rolled her eyes. “Maybe.”

“Could I get some video? As a thank you? It’s the least you could do.”

Astrid snort-laughed. “Hell no. There’s plenty of girl-on-girl action on the internet meant for you people. Go jerk off to that.”

“Good luck.”

“Gonna need it,” she said, clicking off her phone.

Five minutes later, she was back at Kinsey’s building. She didn’t let herself hesitate, just pushed the button next to the pink glittery name tag. It took a minute, but then Kinsey’s voice, crackly and distorted, came through the decrepit speaker. “Yeah?”

“Kinsey, it’s…it’s Astrid. Can I come up?”

There was a heart-stopping pause on the other end. “
Now
you want to come up?”

Ouch
. She deserved that but it felt like a punch to the face. “Yeah. I owe you an apology. I can deliver it through the intercom, but I sound like a robot, and I’d rather—”

The lock clicked open and the buzzer sounded. Astrid didn’t waste any time, yanking open the door before Kinsey could change her mind.

When she reached the third floor, Kinsey was standing in her doorway. Still wearing her dress, liner and mascara were smudged around her red-rimmed eyes, and her arms were crossed. Astrid couldn’t help but notice the buttons at the top and bottom were done. She pictured Kinsey’s eyes watering while she fastened them, probably muttering because she seemed like the kind of girl who would mutter to herself when she was upset.

“I suppose you want to come in.”

“Yes.”

“You’re awfully demanding, you know that?”

Astrid fought to keep the corner of her mouth from kicking up but she lost the battle. She was too damn cocky sometimes. “Yeah, but I think you like that. Don’t you?”

Kinsey huffed but stepped aside and gestured her in, closing the door after Astrid.

“So,” she said, crossing her freckled arms again, “you wanted to apologize?”

Right, that. “Yes. I did. I shouldn’t have left like that, and I’m sorry. It’s just… Can I ask you a personal question?”