For the Game (5 page)

“Crazy about you.”

“Wow. That was probably the most clichéd thing you’ve ever said. Like I think that line has been in every single romance novel I’ve ever read.”

“Then I take it back,” I said.

“You do?” She flashed an amused grin.

“Yeah, because what we have isn’t a cliché, and it sure as hell isn’t fiction. You and me. We’re as real as it gets.”

London

This couldn’t be happening again.

It just couldn’t. There was no way.

A few days ago I’d been on top of the world. Things were going well with the paper. Our first edition had already come out, and we were all pleased with how it turned out. In fact, Mr. Smith even complimented me, stating that it was one of the best issues the school had published. That was huge coming from Mr. Smith, being that he gave out compliments sparingly, and he rarely involved himself in the paper at all. My classes were going well, and even though some of the students still harassed me a little, most of them left me alone. But the main reason I’d been happy was because it was nearing Thanksgiving, which meant I’d get to see Cooper. We’d have an entire week together. Already we’d been discussing all the things we would do. Although Cooper didn’t seem to care about any of the activities I had planned. It seemed he had a one-track mind about what we would do when he visited.

But two days ago I woke up feeling sick. It was reminiscent of when my illness began – exhaustion, achy, lack of energy. But I convinced myself it was just a cold or flu bug, and I ignored it, certain it would improve. Only it wasn’t. It was getting worse. And this morning Dad called me on it. Apparently, despite my best efforts to pretend everything was fine, Dad had still picked up on the fact that I wasn’t feeling well. And that furthered my worry. If it was so bad that I couldn’t even hide it, then maybe it was serious.

“I’m taking you to the doctor,” Dad said adamantly.

“But I’m not due for a checkup, and at my last one everything was fine,” I argued back, as I attempted to get ready for school. Staring at my reflection, I squinted as a headache pricked behind my eyes.

“And it still might be fine, pumpkin. But it’s better to be safe than sorry.” His tone was firm and held a finality to it that told me I wasn’t getting out of this.

Looks like I was making a trip to the doctor’s.
Yippee.
If I never went to the doctor again it would be too soon. I felt like I practically lived there for a year of my life. When I fully recovered from surgery, it was one of the happiest days of my life. I thought I was free of waiting rooms and doctors’ visits. Free of being poked and prodded. But that hadn’t really been the case since I still had to be monitored closely. However, that I could deal with. Those visits were scheduled. I could plan for them, gear up and get myself in the right mindset. This was different. This was unexpected. A curve ball thrown at me when I wasn’t looking. A cheap shot. It was underhanded and unfair. The bratty girl inside of me rose up, causing self-pity to gain hold of me. I shook it off, mentally chastising myself. We didn’t even know anything yet.

Before getting cancer there wasn’t much that threw Dad and I. When I woke up feeling ill we always assumed it was just a virus and would run its course. Dad would instruct me to lie in bed and drink plenty of liquids. He’d buy me popsicles and Gatorade, and I’d nestle in bed, grateful for a few days of reprieve from school. Days where I had an excuse to do nothing more than read my books and get lost in fictional worlds. A few times over the years the sickness would get worse instead of better, so Dad would take me in. I would be diagnosed with strep or an ear infection or something – nothing a round of antibiotics couldn’t fix. And within days of feeling better, the illness would be nothing but a distant memory. Certainly not something I would worry about. But cancer had changed us. Now every symptom caused panic. Every off-day a reason for concern. Quite simply, we’d become paranoid. And not just us. It had rubbed off on Cooper and Skyler too. It was like an infectious disease that way.

Speaking of which, I glanced at Dad who was leaning against the wall near the doorway of my room. “Fine. I’ll go to the doctor, but you have to promise me one thing.”

“Okay.” He looked a little wary, but I knew he’d agree.

“We’re keeping this between us for now.” I pushed off the dresser, whirling away from my reflection. “I mean, I’ll have to tell Skyler I’m not going to school, but I can lie and say I have the flu or something. But Cooper never has to know anything.” I bit my lip. “You know, unless….” I didn’t need to finish. Dad understood.

He nodded. “Yeah. I think that’s for the best. He worries so much already.”

His words stopped me cold. He was right. Cooper did worry. But how did he know that? I spun toward him, my eyes narrowed. “What makes you say that?”

Dad’s eyes flashed. His hand flew up to his neck, his hand wrapping it around as he scratched the skin. It was what he did when he was nervous. “Um…well, I just know the guy. Plus, you’ve told me that he worries.”

“Dad?” I pressed. “Have you talked to Cooper lately?”

The flicker over his features betrayed the truth. Dropping his hand, he sighed like he’d been caught. “He called me one night. It was the night that Mr. Smith asked you to be the newspaper editor. Apparently he’d been trying to get ahold of you, but you weren’t answering your phone.”

I nodded, remembering. “Yeah, he did call multiple times, and I did sense something was off when we spoke.”

“He forgot you had a meeting at the paper, and so he started thinking the worst and sorta panicked, I guess,” Dad explained. “He felt embarrassed, so he asked me not to say anything. He meant well, pumpkin.”

“I know. I’m not upset or anything.” I ran a hand over my head. “It just confirms my decision to not tell him anything yet.”

“Agreed.” Dad stood tall. “I’m going to call the doctor. Why don’t you lie down and rest?”

“Gladly.” There was nothing I wanted more than to crawl into bed, covers up to my chin. A chill ran through me as I lowered my body down onto my clean sheets. After snuggling in, I pulled out my cell phone and shot off a text to Skyler letting her know that I was staying home today.

Her reply came almost immediately.

Skyler: R u ok?

Me: Yes. Just a virus. No big deal.

Skyler: U sure?

Me: Positive.

I felt bad for lying, but there was no reason to worry her.

Skyler: Ok. Let me know if you need anything. I can bring by soup later.

Me: No, it’s ok.

Realizing that was probably suspicious, I typed quickly.

Me: I don’t want you catching it.

Skyler: Ok. Keep me posted.

Me: I will.

Exhaling, I tossed the phone next to me on the bed. God, I couldn’t even imagine how my conversation would go with Cooper if I texted him. He’d probably jump on a plane today. A part of me was tempted by that. It would be nice to have him by side. The truth was that fear had snaked around my heart and was squeezing pretty damn hard. As much as I wanted to believe the doctors wouldn’t find anything, I wasn’t entirely confident. The symptoms were too similar. I closed my eyes, feeling overwhelmed.

I considered myself fortunate to have beaten the cancer twice already. But it wasn’t easy. Every day I had felt like I was faced with this giant, insurmountable mountain. And each morning I had to choose to climb it. Some days I took it on with strength and vigor, but other days I crumpled at the bottom, knowing that the only way up was to be carried. On those days I relied heavily on Cooper and my dad.

I’ll never forget the first time I relapsed. How disappointed I was. How I felt like a failure.

I didn’t want to feel that way again. And more importantly, I didn’t want Cooper to feel that way. He’d given me his bone marrow, and he was away at college thinking it worked. Thinking I was getting better; that a part of his body had healed me. If we find out that it didn’t, what would he do? How would he feel?

Feeling sick, I rolled over and pressed my face into the pillow. Desperate prayers tumbled from my lips. I just hoped it was enough.

Cooper

I totally choked at practice tonight.

I played like shit, and it was all London’s fault.

She hadn’t been acting like herself lately. Something wasn’t right, and it scared the shit out of me. She’d been distant and standoffish. When we spoke, she always seemed in a hurry to get off the phone. And we hadn’t skyped in a week. She kept saying that her internet was having issues, but I could tell she was lying. It was clear in her inflections, the way her voice rose slightly at the end of her sentences. Clearly she was underestimating how well I’d paid attention to her. I knew her better than she thought. I could read her like a book. Like those damn books her nose was always pressed in. I’d studied her just as carefully, and I sure as hell knew when she was lying.

There was one other time when she behaved like this, and that knowledge sickened me. It had been both times she’d gotten sick. Twice when she found out she had cancer she’d pulled away from me. Even though she promised she would keep me in the loop when it came to her health, I had the sneaking suspicion she wasn’t. It would be just like her to hide this information from me. She was like that, always trying to protect everyone else, to shield them from her illness. As if it only needed to affect her. As if she could shoulder it alone.

God, she was so damn stubborn.

Sometimes I found it endearing, but not right now. Right now I wanted to know the goddamn truth.

And frankly, I deserved it. This didn’t only affect her, it affected me too. Hell, it was my bone marrow that saved her. And I was her boyfriend, the guy who loved her more than anything. I shouldn’t be kept in the dark. It wasn’t fair.

For the millionth time I wished I was back home. Wished I wasn’t so far away. It didn’t help that Ace was still giving me shit and Justin was still kicking me out of my own dorm room several nights a week. Sometimes I felt like an intruder here. And what London was doing sure as hell didn’t help matters.

Angry, I groaned, slamming my hand into the wall. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure who I was upset with anymore. There were so many suspects – the cancer, London, Ace, Justin, myself, this college, my circumstances.

“Whoa. What’s up with you?”

I stiffened, not having heard Justin come in.

When I spun around, I saw that he wasn’t alone.

Charlotte’s eyebrows shot up. “You okay?”

Nodding, I ran a hand over my head. When Justin’s arm looped around Charlotte’s shoulders, jealousy filled me. If only London were here. I was convinced if she were, everything would be right in my world again. “Yeah,” I breathed out. “Fine.”

“You don’t seem fine, bro,” Justin said. “You look like you’re ready to burst a blood vessel.”

Yeah, right in the middle of Justin’s forehead.
Looking at Justin’s smug expression, I thought I might just lose it if I stayed in here with him. “I just need some fresh air.” Snatching up my jacket, I headed out the front door.

Once I was out in the hallway, I exhaled, allowing my breath to expand. After throwing on my jacket, I started heading toward the exit while simultaneously dialing London’s number. It was time to get to the bottom of this. Tonight I wouldn’t let her skirt my questions. Irritation bubbled inside of me with each ring. If I was back home, I’d just show up at her house and make her talk. That was the thing about London. Her expressions gave everything away, so there was no way she could lie when we were face to face.

As I stepped outside, I recalled the first time I declared my feelings for London. I had a shitty practice that night too, and just like tonight, it had been London’s fault. Of course, the circumstances were completely different. I had been trying to deny my feelings for London.
A lot of good it did.
Once I’d looked into that girl’s eyes she’d cast a spell on me. I didn’t have a chance. She’d gotten a hold of my heart. It was hers.

“Hey, Cooper,” London answered, interrupting my thoughts. 

“Hey.” My tone was softer than I had anticipated. Her voice alone had tempered my anger a bit. I left the cement walkway, my feet sinking into the newly-watered grass as I inhaled the scent of damp earth. “How’s it going?” Finding a nearby tree, I leaned against it, shoving my left hand deep into the pocket of my jeans. My hair was still a little wet from the shower I’d taken after practice, and a chill ran down my spine.

“Good. What about you? How was practice tonight?”

“Not great,” I answered honestly.

“Why? Ace still being an ass?”

“Yeah, but that wasn’t why.” I sucked in a breath. “I played poorly. My pitches were off, and I couldn’t stay focused.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Coop.”

“Yeah, it really sucked. I can’t afford to have an off day. Not here. And especially not with Ace vying for my spot. You should’ve seen the smug look on the sick bastard’s face.” Anger boiled inside me at the memory.

“It’s just one practice. I’m sure you’ll pull it together before the next one.”

“I guess that all depends on you, London.”

“What?” There was shock in her tone. “Why me?”

“Tell me what’s going on,” I demanded, yanking my hand out of my pocket. The rough fabric chafed my skin.

“What are you talking about?”

“I know you’re hiding something.”

Silence filled the line, and for a second I worried that she’d hung up on me.

“London?” A breeze kicked up, cool air brushing over me. I shivered.

“Yeah, I’m here,” she spoke softly, slowly.

“C’mon, baby, talk to me.”

An exasperated sigh filled the line. “I’ve been sick.”

Even though it was what I’d expected, it still bowled me over. My knees softened, and I had to use the tree as support to keep myself upright. “Oh, my god. Why did you keep this from me?”

“This is exactly why. I knew you’d think the worst. I knew you’d jump to the wrong conclusion. But it’s not cancer. It’s nothing. Just a virus.”

The relief I felt was palpable, so thick I could almost hold it in my hand, feel it against my flesh. However, it was quickly replaced with confusion. “I don’t get it. Why the secrecy then?”

“I wasn’t sure what was wrong. I didn’t know until I got the results from my doctor today.”

Confusion was ramping up to full-blown anger. “You went to the doctor without telling me?”

“I didn’t want you to worry.”

“Did you think the cancer was back? Is that why you went to the doctor?”

“The symptoms were similar, but I wasn’t sure.”

“And you didn’t think I had a right to know?” I pushed off the tree and started pacing. A couple walked past me, glancing over curiously. But I was too amped up to care if I was making a scene.

“I didn’t think there was any point in telling you until I knew something concrete.”

“So that’s how it’s going to be, huh? You’re going to pick and choose the things you think are important enough to tell me? What other things have you kept from me?”

“Nothing.”

“Funny, I don’t believe you,” I said through gritted teeth. Frustrated, I ran a hand through my hair. It was dry now, but the strands were still icy. However, I no longer felt cold. The adrenaline pumping through my veins had warmed me up.

“This is the only thing I haven’t told you. I promise.”

“You promise, huh?” I snorted. “I seem to remember another promise you made me. Remember that, London? When you promised to always keep me in the loop when it came to your health?”

“Coop,” she whispered my name so sweetly that some of the fight in me withered like a deflated balloon. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I should have told you.”

“I still don’t understand why you didn’t.”

“You have enough on your plate with college classes, roommate issues and baseball. I didn’t want to add to that. I would have told you if the results were different, Coop. But I didn’t see a reason to get you all worked up if it ended up being nothing.” She paused. “And it did end up being nothing. I’m perfectly healthy. No harm, no foul.”

She did have a point, but she was also missing mine. “I get that, London. I do. But it’s still not fair. Not to you or me,” I said. “Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to be so far away from you?”

“Of course, because it’s equally hard on me.”

“Right. Now imagine if you found out I was keeping something really important from you. Wouldn’t it make you feel even more disconnected from me?”

“You did keep something from me, Coop.” Her words pierced my heart. “You’re mad at me, but you did the exact same thing when you kept the whole Ace thing from me.”

I wanted to argue, to tell her that this was completely different. But it wasn’t, was it? They were both secrets. Both of us had hidden things in an attempt to shield the other. “God, baby, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. This is difficult for both of us.”

“You can say that again,” I said miserably.

“But we’re gonna get through it, right?”

“Of course.” The alternative was too difficult for me to even entertain. “But for the record, there’s always room on my plate for you. It doesn’t matter what else is going on in my life, you come first. You got that?”

“Yeah, I get it.”

“How are you feeling now?”

“A lot better, actually.”

“So you’re all ready for my visit then?”

“I’m counting down the days.”

“Me too, baby. Me too.”