For the Love of a Goblin Warrior (Shadowlands) (26 page)

When his hand slid lower, over her belly and between her thighs she eased her legs apart to allow him access. He didn’t want to rush, but every time he moved forward she was ready and waiting. His fingers slid over her slick sex and dipped into her core. She moved her hips as if seeking more. Then she angled his shaft, wanting to replace his fingers.

He resisted the temptation, distracting himself with her lips. But her hand around his shaft was insistent. Her nails pressed into his shoulder. Meryn lifted her against the tiles, and she wrapped her legs around his hips. Her gaze locked on him, dark with lust and wild with need. Her breathing came in heavy pants.

He paused even though he wanted to lower her onto him and possess her. She wiggled in his hold, using her heels to force him closer, the head of his shaft already nudging against the heat of her core.

But he wouldn’t be rushed.

For the first time in two thousand years, he was human and in the arms of a woman he was falling for. He wanted to savor every moment. The little rush that accompanied every glance, and the swoop and fall of the first kiss. The rising of his heart as he looked into her eyes.

He eased into her slowly, enjoying the sensation and intending to hold on to it for as long as possible. Her hands traced over his skin, leaving heated trails in their wake. She cupped his cheek as she kissed him, stealing his breath as he thrust into her. He reveled in the sensation of having her arms and legs wrapped around him as he buried himself deeper. Slick and hot. It was almost too much after living with so little for so long. He slid his fingers between them and teased her clit, wanting her to find release first. Her head tipped back and her lips parted. She rolled her hips, wanting more. And he moved with her, giving her what she wanted. She gasped and tightened around his shaft, tempting him to let go.

Meryn held back, not wanting it to be over, not yet, but it had been too long. He withdrew from her heat and let his seed be washed down the drain with the water. He didn’t want to get her pregnant. He wasn’t ready for that. He wasn’t sure he was ready for this. Being with Nadine, while amazing…was different. She was changing him, or maybe he was changing to fit the time.

The water drummed on his back and reality returned. The moment where desire replaced thought was over. If he let go of Nadine, would she leave now that she’d gotten what she wanted? They couldn’t stay in the shower forever, yet moving was too hard.

She sighed and rested her forehead against his. “I think I made a mistake.”

Chapter 17

Beneath her hands his muscles tensed as if bracing for a hit. She traced her fingers over his shoulders; even now she couldn’t stop touching him. “We should’ve used a condom.”

How had she let that happen? She was usually so careful, but her brain had stopped working once his fingers had started moving. She knew exactly what he meant when he said he thought only of the moment when he was with her, because she felt the same.

“I withdrew,” he said, but his words were uncertain.

Nadine drew her head back to look him in the eye. “I’m not worried about babies. I’m on the pill. Who have you been with since your…” She left the sentence hanging, unable to finish it.

This was not a conversation they should be having while her legs were still around his waist and he was holding her against the wall. Still, they would have to have it sometime.

“No one.” He lowered his gaze as if he were watching the water swirl down the plug. “I’d been with her since I was sixteen.”

She hugged him tighter but the distance was already there. Her words had forced a wedge between them. “I’m sorry. Oh God, I’ve made a mess of this.”

He’d been with his wife since he was a teenager. Venereal diseases weren’t really going to be an issue. Plus he would’ve been tested in the army.

“No you haven’t. There was always going to be someone after Idella eventually. I’m glad it was you.” He kissed her and eased her legs to the ground.

She kept her arms around his neck, needing to hold on to him in case he changed his mind and walked away. In his arms she hadn’t had to pretend; he’d given her exactly what she needed without her hinting or asking. Unlike other men she’d dated he wasn’t trying to be something other than who he was. He was Meryn, recovering from the loss of his wife, unemployed, and none of the things she’d thought important and everything that was. He had true heart. One that had been broken.

He’d become a part of her life by accident, yet she struggled to imagine a life without him. “I’m glad it was me too.”

She shivered as her skin cooled and the heat that had burned in her blood melted away. She would always be the woman who came after his first love. What did that even mean? Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

She had no history to compare with. Her own boyfriends had come and gone more out of convenience than any real feeling. Love brought pain and the man in her arms was living proof. She wasn’t that brave or that strong, but it was already too late. The moment she’d kissed him it had been too late.

Like a princess in a fairy tale she’d fallen into his arms even though she knew happily-ever-afters weren’t real.

Meryn reached out and turned off the tap. “Come and rest.”

She nodded. “Will you stay with me?”

He smiled and the dimple appeared. “Where else would I go?”

Nadine glanced way. Of course, this was his house. She finally knew where he lived.

He drew away, leaving her wet and naked and cold without his body next to her, then handed her a towel.

She dried off with one eye on him as he toweled dry. He had scars on his fair skin, the pale-pink shiny lines of old wounds. Beneath the marks marring his flesh, muscles moved. Hard and lean. While she’d seen him fight with dangerous efficiency, she couldn’t put him in uniform. He didn’t seem the type. He was too…pretty. Gray eyes, the dimple, those lovely lips, and the casually unshaved look.

“Why did you join the army?”

He turned, completely at ease being naked. His gaze remained on her face, not sneaking a peek while she finished drying.

“To defend my home and protect my family.”

“That’s very noble.”

Meryn shrugged and his gaze traveled to take in her half-covered body. No, he didn’t sneak a look; he did it without hiding. And she didn’t feel the need to hide.

“Being a nurse is no less noble.”

“It’s hardly frontline combat.”

“Saving lives is always frontline combat.” He hung up his towel and walked into the bedroom, leaving her to follow.

This time she took in the details she’d missed in her hurry to get to the shower and try and put the morning back on track. She hadn’t intended on being in the shower for their first time. The bed seemed much more appropriate, and yet she wouldn’t change it. It had happened in a rush of pent-up lust.

“How long have you lived here?” The bedroom was neat and practical but without a real personal touch. A house but not a home.

“Since my cousin arranged the purchase.” He shook the sheets to straighten them, and she tried not to smile. He was making the bed just to get back in and make a mess.

“You came over to be with family?”

“They insisted.” He sat on the edge and glanced over his shoulder at her. “I was lost for a long time.”

Nadine slid into bed next to him. He put his arm over her and she turned to snuggle into him. In her mind she saw him as he’d first appeared in the emergency room—wild, disheveled, and weighed down with pain.

“You never did tell me why the police brought you into the hospital.”

His sigh slid down her spine. “I wasn’t coping. I was living rough for a while, hoping to numb the pain. I’d fallen when they picked me up. I guess I looked worse than I was.”

“Will it happen again?” She twisted to look at him.

“If I block out my family, they cease to exist. If I remember and hold on to the good parts, they still live. It took me a while to realize that was what I had to do.”

Nadine eased back onto the pillow. “Will you ever love again?”

“Yes. What is the point of living without loving?” He placed a kiss on the back of her neck, his touch sending shivers down her spine to her belly.

“I don’t know.” She didn’t want to be alone. She wanted someone to share her life with, but she’d only seen love destroy and wound. Yet, despite the murder of his family, Meryn still thought love was worth the hurt.

Either his heart was stronger than hers or the love he’d had with his wife had been something great. Something bigger than she’d ever seen or experienced.

“You’ve never been in love.” It wasn’t a question. He knew that if she’d truly ever been in love then she would know its value.

Nadine worked her lips between her teeth. “Maybe I have.”

“You would know if you had. You would carry the memory with you long after it ended.”

“Love always ends. Why would I want to risk my heart on a fantasy?” Even as she spoke she knew she’d already crossed that line. She’d let Meryn get under her skin and lodge in her heart. An arrow so fine she’d never felt its sting.

Meryn was quiet; his breath tickled her skin. She closed her eyes as exhaustion crept through her body.

After a minute he whispered, “How do you judge the highest mountain if you’ve never stood at the bottom? An endless flat plain gets dull.”

The dull plain followed her into sleep.

Beyond
the
wall
of
the
castle, the world was flat and barren. The land and sky merged in the distance to form a solid gray that was mirrored in the man’s eyes.

Meryn
smiled
at
her. His hair was roughly cut and hanging in his eyes, but his beard was neat and full. She touched his arm to make sure he was real. He was, like the last time she’d dreamed he was here. She wasn’t alone in her castle anymore.

Now
she
had
company, a knight to protect her even though the dream world was breaking apart. Like all fairy-tale knights, he wore a cloak and sword. And like all princesses, she wore a beautiful gown that swept the stone floor.

Once
she’d been safe here, but like the last few times, her castle was slowly deconstructing. The gardens and fountain that had filled the gap between castle and wall were gone. Pieces of path showed through the dust where Meryn had followed it to the door. She’d hoped the castle would begin to fix itself, but every time she imagined it whole, nothing changed. The maze was gone, and the forest that should’ve been on the other side of the wall hadn’t come back.

She
pressed
her
hands
to
the
glass
and
stared
into
the
endless
gray
twilight, trying to bring back the sky and grass. “Where has it all gone?” Why had the Shadowlands invaded her dream after all this time?

“Come away. It’s not safe.” Meryn took her hand and drew her back.

“This is my dream. Why can’t I fix it?” She pulled free to scan the desolate landscape again. Everything she’d built was gone. Tiny cracks formed around the window in the brickwork. Her castle was decaying as she watched. Soon there would be nothing left.

“I don’t know, but the goblins are coming.”

As
she
watched, a half dozen goblins climbed over the wall and dropped into what should’ve been garden. She stepped back as fear made her blood run cold. “They shouldn’t be here.”

“We need to hide, let them take the gold, and we’ll be safe.”

Then
she
noticed
the
gold
coin
on
the
windowsill. Who had put it there? She hadn’t. She would never do something so dangerous. The goblins were being drawn to her castle because of the gold. Meryn was right; they weren’t safe here. “Hide where?”

Glass
shattered. She spun as the shards fell to the floor like rain, breaking into ever smaller pieces on the stone. A hideous gray face with a hooked nose and long, pointed ears peered through. Long-fingered hands reached for her, yellowed nails scraping her skin.

Too
late
she
reacted, reaching for Meryn, but he didn’t move. He couldn’t move. His arms remained locked by his sides even as he struggled.

“No!” she screamed as the goblin seized her around the waist to pull her through the window. Her dress tangled around her legs, preventing her from fighting back.