For the Save (Playing for Keeps #4) (7 page)

Chloe

It was the most alive I’d felt in months. Running through the grass, the wind in my hair, the sun on my back, Sawyer at my heels.
Magical.
That’s what it was. Who would have known something so simple would make me feel this good? I hadn’t thought about my family troubles at all since we’d started playing.

The end zone was within my reach when Sawyer’s fingers swiped across my middle. My shirt lifted slightly, and his fingertips brushed over my bare flesh. It caused a chill to run up my spine. Goosebumps rose on my skin. Pretty soon his strong arms had engulfed me, and the ground was coming closer. I grunted in frustration as we tumbled into the grass, but the truth was that I wasn’t really upset. I kind of liked being tackled by Sawyer. Besides, I wasn’t ready for the game to be over.

We were both breathing hard as we rolled over, green reeds of grass stuck to our clothes. I picked a couple of them out of Sawyer’s hair. When I drew my hand back, the pads of my fingers slid over his cheek. He lifted his arm and captured my hand in his. It felt good when he folded his large hand over my small one. He had this way of making me feel safe and comforted. His body was large and muscular, and when he crushed my petite frame up against him it was like I was wearing a shield. Like nothing could penetrate me. Nothing could get to me.

The way Sawyer made me feel was weird. It took me by surprise. I had been all set to keep him at arm’s length. But somehow he’d snaked his way into my life and my heart. And now that he was here, I wasn’t sure how to let him go.

“Have you had enough, yet?” he asked.

My stomach dropped, my mind drifting to my lonely, dark house. The thought of Sawyer taking me back there caused desperation to bloom inside of me. I had to keep him here with me. “Hell, no. I’m just getting started.”

“If you’re sure.” He helped me stand up.

“I’m positive.”

“We can do something else if you want.”

“Sawyer.” I stopped him. “This is perfect.” Everything about this day was perfect.

And I never wanted it to end.

Sawyer and I had been together every day, but this was the first time he was at my house. Mom was out running errands. She’d been letting up a little lately. I think she believed I was getting better. Perhaps I was. Sawyer was definitely helping. I hadn’t had anyone over since Ben died. But it felt right having Sawyer here. For the first time in months the house didn’t feel so empty and lonely.

“So this is your room, huh?” Sawyer raised his brows as he glanced around.

“Yep.” I bit my lip. My heart thumped way too fast beneath my chest, and my palms clammed up. I’d never had a boy in here. When Dad was still here he would never let me have a boy in my room. But I trusted Sawyer.

“It’s not at all what I expected.”

“It’s not?” My gaze swept back and forth, and I tried to see my room from Sawyer’s perspective. My bedspread was pink with lace around the edges, the walls were filled with pictures of friends and posters of my favorite bands. I guess it was a little girly. Using my room as a reference, you’d probably guess I was a social butterfly.

“Not at all.” He stepped toward me, wrapping his arms around my waist. “But that’s one of the things I like about you.”

“That my room isn’t what you expected?” I asked, resting my hands on his waist. Sawyer was always confusing me. I’d always thought guys were pretty easy to read, but apparently I’d been wrong.

“That you’re unpredictable. You’re always surprising me.”

I smiled, liking his statement. Lately I’d felt predictable. Like a cliché, really. The girl who’d lost her shit when her brother died and changed her appearance and hair color. The brooding girl who wrote poetry and sat alone. It all seemed like the premise of a bad after school special. But that’s not how Sawyer saw me. And that alone gave me hope.

Lowering his head, his lips collided with mine. Our mouths fused, our tongues playing together. It all happened so easily, so comfortably. Sometimes it was surprising that we’d only known each other for a short time. Often it felt like he’d always been here. Like he’d always been in my life. However, other times the entire thing made my head spin. A year ago if anyone would have told me I’d be kissing Sawyer Ridley in my bedroom, I’d have laughed at them. Not because he was ugly or anything. No, quite the opposite, in fact. He kind of seemed out of my league. It was funny because I think a lot of people at our school thought of me as popular. I mean, not anymore, but before Ben’s death. Before I’d dyed my hair and retreated into myself. But I’d never thought of myself that way. I kind of saw myself as in between – not quite popular, not quite a nerd. Almost like a social purgatory. In a lot of ways I thought it was probably harder to be there than to be a nerd. At least then you knew where you belonged. At least then you didn’t yearn for more. You didn’t think it was a possibility.

In Sawyer’s arms, I felt special. It’s not like I’d suddenly become popular or something. But honestly, being with him made things like popularity and social status fly out the window. Nothing mattered except this moment. This moment in time with his lips on mine, his fingers feathering over my back, his arms encasing me and keeping me safe. At times I almost felt like he could protect me from the demons that tormented me day and night. Like his strength could erase what Ben and my dad had done. And I knew it was stupid. Of course he couldn’t take those things away. But at least he could make them disappear for a little while.

When we disentangled, I smiled at him. “Well, I’d like to say that you’re not predictable, but then I’d be lying.” I threw him a wink.

“You did say that guys only have a one-track mind, remember?”

“Called it, huh?” Grinning, I pushed away from him and sat on the edge of my bed.

He plunked down beside me, threading our fingers together. “It’s not really my fault, you know?”

“It’s not?”
This ought to be good.

“Nope.” Reaching out with his free hand, he touched the pad of his index finger to my lips. “It’s those famous, heart-shaped lips of yours.”

My pulse pounded beneath my skin. “They’re famous, huh?”

“You have no idea.” He drew his hand back. “So famous they were on a list and everything.”

My stomach knotted, my face draining of color. “A list?”

Clearly sensing my agitation, Sawyer turned his face toward me. “It wasn’t anything bad, trust me. It was a stupid list a bunch of the guys made freshman year. You were down as most kissable lips.”

I wanted to be angry at this. It was totally sick, right? Not at all what a self-respecting girl would want. It was sexist and rude. But a part of me felt flattered. I’d always thought I was invisible to most guys at our school. Sure, I’d dated a few of them, but no one from Sawyer’s group. And definitely not anyone as hot as him. When my eyes bounced up to Sawyer’s, the genuine look on his face cut off the smart remark that was lodged in my throat. I wouldn’t bite his head off for this. Instead, I’d speak his language – sarcasm. “So, you mean to tell me you’ve had this planned since freshman year?”

“Not all of it.” Darkness flashed in his eyes, and I wished I hadn’t made this into a joke. He lifted my hand and brushed his lips over my knuckles. “In all honesty, I’ve dreamt of kissing those perfect lips since freshman year. And I have to admit, I’m happy that we’ve connected this year.” Pausing, he searched my eyes. His thumb caressed the skin on my fingers. “But this wasn’t how I wanted it to happen. I would never wish this kind of sadness on you, Addison. I’d give up every kiss, every moment with you, if it meant you’d be happy always. If it meant you could have your family back.”

I held my breath. Heat crept up my face and moisture filled my eyes. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. Pulling my hand away from his, I slid off the bed to stand in front of Sawyer. Framing his face with both hands, I drew his face forward. His gaze crashed into mine, and I didn’t stop the tears from flowing. “I don’t want that. I don’t want to give this up. I don’t want to give you up, Sawyer.”

“You don’t have to,” he said simply, his eyes never leaving mine.

“I’ve lost almost everyone who meant anything to me,” I whispered. “I’m afraid.”

“Of what?”

I faltered, my gaze lowering to the floor.

“I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere” His finger tucked under my chin. “Tell me.”

Taking a deep breath, I looked at him again. “I’m afraid of you. Of this. Of getting hurt again.”

He nodded slowly. “I am too.”

It’s not what I expected. I thought he would make me promises. The fact that he didn’t, made me want him even more. “But you aren’t running away.”

“No. I’m not.” He touched my face gently. “And I won’t. I’m in this. No matter what happens.”

I moved forward. His legs were spread apart, his knees caging me in. I trailed my fingers over his face, touching his skin, memorizing his features. Tilting my head, I brought my face closer to his. “I’m in too.” My lips found his as if they were reading a map and he was the destination. When his mouth clamped over mine, it was like coming home. The kiss was tender and light, and ended much too quickly. But it was probably for the best. My face was flushed, my heart beating a little too fast. Who knew where this would lead if I didn’t maintain some self-control. I liked Sawyer, but I didn’t know if I was ready for us to go any further than kissing at this point.

Pulling away from him, I sighed. “Um…can I get you something to drink?”

“That might be good.” The playful look on his face caused my cheeks to flush.

“Okay. I’ll be right back.” By the time I reached the kitchen my heart was hammering so loudly I feared the entire neighborhood could hear it. I wasn’t sure what happened in there, but if I had to take a wild guess, I’d assume that Sawyer and I were in a relationship. I mean, wasn’t that what we agreed to by saying we were in? I wasn’t sure. And I didn’t want to ask him. How would I even bring it up?

Hey, so, Sawyer, are we boyfriend/girlfriend?

Seriously, how lame would that sound?

Breathing in deeply, I grabbed a couple of bottled waters out of the fridge and headed back to my room. There was no way I could ask him to define our relationship. I’d have to trust that we were a couple. And it’s not like he was with anyone else. We were together all the time. My hands were shaking by the time I returned.

Sawyer looked up, a smile leaping to his face. “There’s my girl.”

My heart soared.
Yep. I knew.
I didn’t need to ask.

Thrusting out my hand, I gave him one of the waters.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, unscrewing the cap.

I sat next to him, the bed sloping under my butt. Then I opened my water and took a large gulp. The water was freezing as it slid down my throat. My leg shook until I noticed and steadied it. I was seriously amped up today.

“You have a lot of pictures of you and your friends,” Sawyer mused, glancing around.

“Ex-friends,” the words burst out before I could stop them.

Sawyer raised an eyebrow. I could tell he wanted to ask me about it, but I knew he wouldn’t. Not after I got on him about it the other day. It made me feel like shit. He’d been open with me. Not only that, but he’d been so kind and patient. There was no reason not to be open with him back.

I shrugged, my gaze landing on some of the pictures. “I guess it’s my fault we’re not friends anymore. After Ben died, I sort of pushed them away. I do that sometimes.”

“Yes, I’m aware.”

When I turned toward Sawyer, he smiled. I returned the smile. “Sorry about that.”

“Hey, I get it. You’ve been through a lot. You needed some time.”

His answer fueled me. “That’s just it. They couldn’t give me time. They wanted me to bounce right back, to be myself again. And I just couldn’t. I couldn’t be that girl. And this new girl…” I stared at the pictures again. “They didn’t like her.”

His hand covered mine. “Their loss.”

“It wasn’t just that.” I closed my eyes against the memory. This was the part I didn’t want to share. “I overheard them talking about Ben. They were saying mean things about him and what he did. And it’s not like I disagreed. What he did was selfish and awful, and I’ve been pretty pissed about it, you know?” My voice rose, anger surfacing.

“I know,” Sawyer said so quietly I could barely hear him. His hand squeezed mine, and I was grateful. It calmed me a little.

“But, still. They were my friends, and the way they spoke about him.” I shook my head. “It made me mad.”

“Most people didn’t like Ryan,” Sawyer said. “But he was my friend. I know he could be a jerk, but he could be nice too. And he was funny. A great football player. He always had my back.” A wistful smile passed over his face. “Some people thought he deserved what he got. They even said it to me.” He bit his bottom lip. “But I saw him get shot. It wasn’t something I’d wish on my worst enemy.”

“I’m sorry,” I breathed out.

His head swiveled, his eyes catching mine. “I’m sorry too.”

“Stay,” the word spilled from my lips.

“I already told you that I’m not going anywhere, Addie.”