For You (The Shore Book 2) (21 page)

But Madison didn’t grow up in that environment, with that love.

“So that was why they kicked her out,” he said, seemingly out of nowhere.

Issy nodded.

“And why she went to live with Ellie.”

Issy nodded again.

They remained quiet for several minutes.

“You said she went to the store?”

“Yeh. That’s what the note said.”

“How long ago?”

“I’m not sure. I think I slept for a couple hours. I woke up just before you rang the doorbell.”

Declan reached for his phone and sent another text to Madison.

Declan
: I’m at your house with Issy. Please let us know you’re okay.

They heard a buzz and looked for the source. It was coming from Madison’s phone, which was stuck between the cushion and side of the chair.

“Well, I guess that’s why she never answered me.” Declan picked up the phone and saw his missed calls and text messages on the screen.

He got up and started pacing the room. “Should we go look for her?”

“Where?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed.

“Maybe she just needs some time. I kind of dropped a bomb on her today.” She looked at the table and saw the return address on the envelope. Handing it to Declan, she offered, “She may have gone here. That’s the address for Ellie’s cottage.”
 

Declan looked at her again, unsure what to do. He didn’t like it, but he didn’t know Madison well enough to guess how she would react to news like this. He could only imagine how he would feel – maybe time and space would be a good thing.

“How about this: we give her until the morning to contact one of us. Maybe you’re right. Maybe she just needs some time. But if we haven’t heard from her by daylight, we go to this address, okay?”

Issy nodded. “Okay.”

“I’m gonna sleep here tonight, on the couch, just in case she comes home. That alright with you?”

Issy responded with, “Sure,” just as her stomach rumbled. “Think we could order some pizza?”

“Pizza would be great.”

Chapter 18

The curtains that hung over the windows did little to shield the sun from beating inside. Madison slowly opened her eyes and had to squint or be blinded.

It took her a moment to realize where she was. The smell was familiar, albeit musty.

Ellie.

Slowly, she rolled from the bed and made her way to the bathroom. It was weird seeing Ellie’s things – her shampoos, lotions and soaps. Bottles of aspirin and other medications she had been taking. Madison read the labels and could no more understand what they were for as she could pronounce them.

It had been years since she’d been inside the cottage. Ellie left it to her in the will she’d written, but Madison couldn’t bring herself to visit, even to clean it so it could be sold. Instead she hired a management company to deal with the utilities, and a neighbor who had since moved away covered the furniture in plastic. Everything else was exactly as it was the last time Ellie was here.

She left the bathroom and returned to her room to put her shoes on. There was so much dust she could see her footprints on the floor.
 

As she reached the living room, she stopped to take it all in.
 

Ellie always called this place the cottage, but it really was a house. It was smaller than where they lived in Charlotte, but it had everything she needed – electricity, running water, cable. Ellie had made it her own. Actually, Ellie had made it a home.

The pictures of seashells and lighthouses she and Ellie had hung still peppered the walls. Plastic covered the beige couch and chair that still had the blue throw blankets laying on them they had looked high and low for. The fireplace still had wood in it.

She walked across the room, past the breakfast nook, to the bay window and sat on the cushion looking out to the beach. Madison had spent hours upon hours sitting in this very spot as she drew pictures of the water and sand. They came here often while Madison was still in high school, but she tended to stay in the city once she started college. Ellie had moved here permanently once Madison graduated.

Turning to look back into the cottage, the sunlight coming through the windows made the dust particles she had disturbed light up like a Christmas tree.

Everything looked so familiar, but it was different, too.

Her eyes went to the corner where a vase sat on a table. The floor beneath it was littered with dust covered tulip petals that had died and fallen off the stem.
 

It’s one of the most beautiful days I’ve ever seen. It’s mid-spring and there isn’t a cloud in the sky. Not one. The sun is shining down its warmth and every once in a while a breeze will blow just enough to move the curls of my hair. The soft sounds of a wind chime from a nearby house twinkle in the air.

The ceremony is grave-side in a cemetery not far from the cottage. When I close my eyes, I can hear the faint sound of waves crashing into the shore. It seems appropriate that Ellie would spend her eternity somewhere she can hear the water. It was one of her absolute favorite things.

Ellie married the love of her life when she was just eighteen. They had fourteen incredible years together, as she told the story, before he passed away. They never had any children, and Ellie never re-married. She said she was still married and she always would be. Her husband, although he was gone, still owned her heart. There wasn’t room for another.

During our time together, I like to think I became the daughter Ellie always wanted. She nurtured and cared for me, the way she would have her own blood. Most importantly, she loved me with all her heart. She showed me that love every day I was with her, and today was no exception.

Knowing the illness would take her life, Ellie made all the arrangements. I know she did it so I wouldn’t have to. She knew planning her funeral would be one of the hardest things I’d ever have to do. Even in her death she made sure I would be okay.
 

But I still don’t understand why she never told me.

I’m surprised by the number of people in attendance, although I’m not exactly sure why. Ellie was so kind and loving, and it seems every person she ever met is here paying their respects. Friends and neighbors I’ve never met. Nurses that cared for her while she fought her illness. They all seem to know who I am, but I haven’t got a clue who any of them are.

Laying on her casket is a bouquet of tulips. Her favorite. Red tulips, orange tulips, yellow tulips. Even purple ones. She told me the reason she loved them so much was because they were a sign of new things to come. They were the bulbs that fought their way through the cold ground to bloom first. And they were pretty.

Madison stood and walked past the bookcase that butted up to the couch then toward the mantle and stared at the pictures of she and Ellie during their time together. She really didn’t know how her life would have ended up had it not been for Ellie.

The plan was for Madison to stay until the baby was born. She hadn’t known where she’d go from there, but no one had planned on her staying longer than that.

“I know when Mrs. Erickson and I first talked about you staying here, we planned on it being only until you had the baby.”

“Right,” I acknowledge quietly. I have been thinking about my next move but don’t have any concrete plans. Going to stay with Jessa in Nashville seems the most likely option.

“Well, I’ve been thinking,” she pauses. “You still have a couple years of high school to go. I’d like it if you would stay here with me, in Charlotte.”

“You would?”

“I’ve kinda gotten used to you being around,” she teases. “And to be honest, I want to make sure you finish high school.”

“I would really like that,” I smile back at her.

“But,” she adds cautiously, “there will be some rules.”

Ellie has never laid down the law with me before, so I’m curious about what these rules will be. I narrow my eyes. “Okay, like what?”

“I haven’t given it a lot of thought, but there will be expectations regarding your schoolwork and curfews. Dating will be allowed, but I want to meet whatever boy you’re dating. And sex …”

“The last thing I want to do is get pregnant again, Ellie. No sex for me.”

“Well, alright then.”

“Are you sure about this? You’ve already done so much for me. I don’t want to be a bother.”

“Madison, sweetheart, you are a gift to me. I have grown to love you as if you were my own and will do what I can to help you succeed. You’ve had some bumps along the way – I just want to help.”

My eyes start to tear. I’m so unfamiliar with the sounds of love, they still tear at my heart when I hear them.

“And next year we get to start talking about colleges!” she grins excitedly.

I’m not so sure about my future, but Ellie has no doubts.

As Madison continued through the room, she came upon a small table next to the chair where Ellie always sat. On the table were several small pictures of a little girl ranging in age from infancy to eleven or twelve years old.

Madison picked up what looked to be the most recent picture and studied it. The girl had dark red hair and green eyes.

Just like Issy.

“Oh my god,” she said out loud to no one.

They were all pictures of Issy.
 

Pictures of her as an infant, as a toddler and every school picture she’d taken.
 

How did Ellie get these?

She picked up another frame and inside it was a family – a mom and dad, two young teenaged boys … It was Issy’s family. The family that adopted her.

She set the picture back on the table and quickly ran outside to the beach. She couldn’t breathe.

All this time.
 

All this time she knew and never told me.
 

When she reached the packed sand she dropped and brought her knees to her chest. Laying her forehead on her knees, the tears started to fall and she sobbed.

Why didn’t she tell me?

How could she not tell me?

Because every time the baby was brought up, I shut her down.

How did I never know?

Of all the people she had known and loved and trusted in this world, Ellie had been at the top of that list.

When no one else wanted her, Ellie did.

When she refused to talk or explain her feelings or share what was going through her mind, Ellie had waited patiently until she was ready.

When she was the most scared and unsure she was doing the right thing, Ellie had held her hand and listened.
 

Never, not once, did she tell Madison what to do.

And when she didn’t have faith in herself, Ellie always, always did.

She felt so betrayed by the person who had loved her the most. And she was gone. And she couldn’t ask her why.

Why didn’t you tell me about my daughter?

Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?

Why did you have to die?

“Madison?”

She jumped when she heard her name. Turning her head to see who the voice had come from, she saw Declan standing there, shielding his eyes from the sun.

Completely overwhelmed, Madison turned back toward the water, raised her hands to her face and cried even harder.

It was already too much, trying to reconcile everything with Issy. And then Ellie. And then Declan. She wasn’t sure she could handle anymore. Her plate was beyond full. Shit was running over the edges like it was Niagra Falls.

“Why don’t you give us a few minutes?” she heard him say to someone she assumed was probably Issy.

A moment later, Declan lowered himself to the sand and wrapped his arms around her. He was still upset she hadn’t told him about Issy and worried when they didn’t know where she was. At that moment, however, he knew she was safe, and he knew she was hurting much more than he was.

After several long minutes, her crying began to subside and she sniffled, wiping her eyes.

“How did you know I was here?” she asked, her hands covering her face.

“Issy noticed the return address on the envelope from Ellie. When you didn’t come home last night, we took a shot you’d come here.”

“Is Issy with you?”

“Yeh, she’s back at the car.”

Madison nodded, imaging the questions they both had.

She must think I left her. Again.

“I’m guessing she told you everything?”

“Most of it, I’d say. Her side, anyway.”

“I’m sorry, Declan,” Madison whispered.

“Hey,” he said softly. “Look at me.”

Madison slowly raised her head from her hands to look at him. His face was kind and understanding, and not at all mad like she had expected it to be.

“I can’t say I didn’t wish I heard what happened from you rather than Issy, but maybe that’s just how it was supposed to be.”

“But when you asked me about the tattoo – “

“You told me everything you were able to in that moment.”

Madison looked at him with wonder. No man was this understanding. She wanted him to get angry and yell at her. She could handle that better than this. She deserved his anger.

“Why are you being so calm about this? I had a baby when I was sixteen and I gave her away.”

The words startled her as they escaped her lips. She shook her head and didn’t give him a chance to respond. Instead she started aiming blows at him.

“Am I really the kind of person you want to be with? Someone who gives their child away? Can’t you see how horrible of a person I am? I gave my child away. To strangers. To people I didn’t know. I didn’t know if they would care for her or love her or if they were any better off than I was. They could have abused her or made her feel as unloved as my parents made me. I could have been sending her into hell. Why aren’t you mad I never told you? Why aren’t you mad I left out the biggest thing to ever happen in my life?”

“First of all,” Declan started, not letting her say anything more. “Issy is fine. We talked a little about her family on the drive over here. She was loved, Madison, not put in harm’s way. You didn’t send her into hell. And second, putting your child up for adoption doesn’t make you a bad person.”