For You (The Shore Book 2) (20 page)

The beeps surrounding me are annoying but I’m told they’re necessary to monitor me and the baby. I try to rest, to save the strength they tell me I’ll need, but every time I fall asleep another fucking contraction rips through my body.

I just wish she’d hurry up and get here … so all of this can be over.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Oh my God!” I scream.
 

It hurts. It hurts so fucking bad.

Ellie is on one side of me, giving me words of encouragement and telling me how proud she is of me. A mean looking nurse is on the other, making her disapproval of a sixteen-year-old girl giving birth painfully obvious.

I have been in labor for so many hours now I’ve lost track. We’re getting close, or so the nurses keep telling me.

“Okay, Madison. We need a big push.”

And then another. And then another.
 

Finally, when they tell me this next one should be it, I push with everything I have left. Ripping and burning seer through me as her body travels out of mine.

I am so tired.
 

I just want it over.
 

She isn’t my baby. I’m just the host that brought her into this world. Another hour and it’ll be like she was never even here.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ellie looks up at me with tears in her eyes. “Are you sure you don’t want to hold her?”

I turn to my side so my back faces her and shake my head. “I can’t.”

“Madison, she’s your d-“

“No,” I stop her. “She belongs to them. She’s not my … She’s not my anything.”

Ellie stands quietly, but I can hear the squeak of her shoes as she rocks back and forth with the baby in her arms.

“Just take her away. Please,” I beg.

I have never known such loneliness in my life. I am surrounded by my doctor and nurses and Ellie, but I can hear her breaths, her whimpers. She’s tearing my heart apart.

I am doing the right thing. It’s what’s right for her. For me.
 

When the social worker comes in with the paperwork, what feels like moments after I hear her first cries, I can’t sign it fast enough.

If she’s not here, she doesn’t exist.
 

The pain in my vagina and my back and my stomach and my heart – it’s all because of something else. Anything but her.

I hear Ellie say something softly, something about baby girl, as she walks away with my daughter.
 

The tears come then, and they won’t stop.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Madison shook her head as if coming out of a trance.
 

Where the hell am I?

She had been on her way to the store to pick up something for dinner, but as she looked down at the clock in her car, she realized that had been more than three hours ago.
 

She had gotten in the car and started to drive, and her body went into complete autopilot.

It was nearly dark now, the sun already past the horizon behind her. Without much effort she could tell where she was. Thirty minutes or so and she’d be in Wilmington. Another fifteen minutes after that, she’d be at the beach.

Rubbing her hand over her face, she felt exhausted. The talk with Issy and reliving all those memories had taken all of her energy. It had been a long time since she’d thought about that time in her life. She’d done everything she could to forget.

Chapter 17

Madison hadn’t expected to end up here. She had planned to go to the store, get something to fix for dinner, and continue the talk with Issy. Instead, she was sitting in her car with the headlights shining on the cottage she had visited with Ellie so many years ago.

She turned off the ignition and grabbed the flashlight she kept in the glove compartment. It was pitch black getting out of the car but she knew her way like she had walked it every day for the last year. Fumbling with her keys, she found the one that would open the front door.

As she pushed the door open, she felt the mail that had been put through the mail slot slide on the floor.
 

The smell of Ellie’s perfume invaded Madison’s nose and it immediately took her back to the last time she saw her.
 

“I’m calling for Madison Quinn. This is Rachel, one of the nurses from the hospital in Wilmington. It’s about Ellie. Please call me as soon as you can. Thank you.”

I had left my phone on my desk while I attended a meeting for work and that was the voicemail I listened to when I arrived back at my desk.

The sound of her voice, Rachel’s, makes me nervous. It’s been about a week since I last spoke to Ellie, and I’m curious as to why a nurse is calling. It can’t be good.

“Hello, Rachel? This is Madison Quinn. Is everything okay with Ellie?”

“I’m sorry to tell you this, but I’m afraid she’s very sick. You should get here as soon as possible.”

“I’m about four hours away.”

“Drive quickly.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“I’m looking for a nurse named Rachel. She called me about Elisabeth Hughes. Ellie,” I tell the receptionist when I finally arrive at the hospital.

“One moment.”

The receptionist dials a few numbers and quickly lets the person on the other end know I am waiting.

“Rachel will be here in just a moment.”

I nod a thank you and pace the floor. After what feels like several long minutes, a woman who appears to be in her mid-forties wearing scrubs with cartoon characters on them walks up to me.

“Madison?”
 

“Yes. Where’s Ellie?” I’ve had four hours of drive time to think of every possible scenario. None of them were good.

“I’ll take you to see her now.” Her voice is soft and understanding. As much as I want it to make me feel better, it doesn’t.

We walk down one corridor in silence then turn down another.

“From what Ellie has told me, you are unaware of her condition. Is that correct?”

“Condition? What condition? She never said anything was wrong.”

Rachel sighs. “That’s what I was afraid of. Ellie has been sick for about a year. Early this morning she had a heart attack.”

“I don’t under … a heart attack?”

When we approach a closed door with Ellie’s name on it, Rachel stops and turns to me.
 

“A few months ago, Ellie signed paperwork indicating she wanted no heroic measures taken if something should happen.”

“What … no heroic …” I try to ask.

“We’ve been keeping her as comfortable as we can, but she’s fading fast. We think, maybe, she’s waiting for you.”

Four hours ago I was sitting in a meeting, bored to tears, doodling on my notepad while I waited for the other attendees to finish hearing themselves talk. Now, here I am, about to see Ellie for what, the last time? Ever?

I walk into the room not sure what to expect. Ellie is laying on the bed, her eyes are closed and her skin is pale. Wires connected to the machines next to her bed create a sporadic design on her body. Tears fill my eyes as I think about her, how full of life and love she has been. How she took me in and loved me when no one else wanted me.

“Can she hear me?” I ask Rachel, unaware if she had entered the room.

“We believe so, yes.”

One of the machines in the room starts to beep, making me jump. Rachel walks to the other side of the room and presses a button that makes the horrific sound stop.

When she turns toward me, there is a deep sadness in her eyes. “It’s time, Madison. You’re going to want to hold her hand now.”

I look to Rachel, my eyes questioning. Time?

This can’t be happening.

Rachel looks back at me and I see tears filling her eyes.

I lower myself into the chair next to the bed and gently take Ellie’s hand in mine. Her hand is soft and warm as I gently wrap my fingers around it. I watch the rise and fall of her chest as I think of what to say.
 

In this moment, it doesn’t matter that I didn’t know she was sick, that she never told me. If this is the last time I get to see her, to talk to her, there is only one thing to say.

“I love you, Ellie. Thank you,” my lips tremble. “Thank you for loving me.”

I rest my head on our hands and listen to her breathe. She takes two more shallow breaths and exhales, and then there is silence.
 

It’s as though the air has been sucked out of the room.

I look up to see her face has relaxed. She looks like she has found peace.

Rachel begins turning off the machines. I glance at her and then to Ellie, raising her hand to my lips. I softly kiss her and whisper, “I love you,” one last time.

When Rachel turns around, I am gone.

Madison still didn’t understand why Ellie never told her she was sick. If she had known, she could have been there. She could have helped her, like Ellie had done for her.
 

The electricity to the cottage had been shut off so she turned on the flashlight and used it to guide her way to the room she used to sleep in.
 

She peeled back the plastic covering the bed and laid down. Too tired to care about the dust, or even critters that could have taken up residence in the cottage, Madison laid her head on the pillow and quickly fell asleep.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Declan:
Hey babe, you still up for dinner? Maybe watching a movie?

When he didn’t hear from Madison after an hour or so, Declan called her, but it went to voicemail.

“Hey Madison, it’s Declan. I wanted to check about dinner tonight. Give me a call.”

When the sun started to go down and he began to feel hungry, he called her again. And again, it went to voicemail.

“Hey, it’s me again. You’re making me worry. Call me back, okay?”

Madison typically responded to texts within minutes, seconds, sometimes, so her not responding after three messages was incredibly unusual.

Before his worry could get the better of him, he got into his car and drove to her house. What he hadn’t expected to see was Issy’s car parked outside.

Reaching the door, he rang the doorbell and waited impatiently. He was taken aback when Issy greeted him.

“Hey, Declan.” She had woken up just a minute before the doorbell went off.

“Hey. Is Madison here?” He pushed his way through the door as he asked the question.

“No. It looks like she ran to the store.” She handed him the note Madison had written.

Declan read it then looked at Issy questioningly.

“I guess I fell asleep. When I woke up, the note was here and she was gone.”

Declan nodded.

Why in the hell is she sleeping here?

“Issy, I don’t mean to be rude, but what are you doing here?”

Declan trusted Madison and Issy, but neither had ever mentioned anything about them spending time together. It seemed weird, her being at Madison’s house.

Issy wasn’t entirely sure what to tell him. Madison said only a couple people knew about the baby and she didn’t know if that included Declan or not.

“Issy …” Declan prodded when he saw her face contort like she was trying to decide what to tell him.

Sighing, she just spit it out. “Declan, Madison is my mom.”

“Umm … what?” he stammered as he took a seat on the couch.

“Shit,” she sighed. “I guess she didn’t tell you.”

“No,” he answered, shaking his head in disbelief. “I thought your parents were Tom and Hannah. You have brothers,” Declan said, but it came out more like a question.

“You’re right. They are my family.”

“I don’t understand …”

“I was adopted. Madison is my biological mother.”

In all the time they’d spent together, Madison never said a word. Never uttered a clue that she had a daughter – or that Issy was her daughter.

“Why didn’t she tell me?” he muttered under his breath.

“I don’t think she knew.”

“What? How does that make sense?” Declan was even more confused now.

Issy took in a deep breath and exhaled. She wasn’t sure it was her place to tell Declan all of this, but it was partially her story, too. She sat down beside him.

“Of course she knew she gave up her baby for adoption. She just didn’t know that baby was me until I came over this afternoon.”

“How’d you find out?”

“Her tattoo.” Issy reached for the drawing that lay on the table. “Ellie gave this to the social worker to give to my parents. She wanted me to have something from my biological parents if I was ever told I was adopted.”

Declan looked at the sketch that was the spitting image of the tattoo he had run his fingers over just a couple nights before. When he’d asked Madison about it, she’d blown it off, saying something about a favorite childhood book. But now, as he looked at it, he saw a name blended into the design.

“Elisabeth?” he asked.

Issy nodded. “Elisabeth. Ellie. She said it’s the name she would have given me if she’d kept me.”

Declan looked at Issy, still in disbelief. Quickly, he started doing the math in his head.

Issy has to be what, nineteen? Twenty? And Madison is thirty-six … she had her when she was sixteen?

“I saw her tattoo when I was in the locker room this morning. I wasn’t positive about what I saw, but when I went home and looked at the drawing from Ellie, I knew. Madison is my biological mom.”

Declan was trying to take it all in. The woman he was falling for, the woman he could see himself falling in love with, never mentioned she had given birth to a child. He couldn’t even begin to comprehend being in a position where giving away your child was the best option available.

He tried to picture what would have happened if he had gotten someone pregnant while still in high school. What would he have done? What would his parents have said? Without a doubt, he knew his family would have rallied behind him and supported him and the baby, and likely the mother, too. There would never have been a question.