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“Sorry, you want me to lie and tell you that you’re the first man to show an interest in her?”

“We’re getting off topic,” Lee said, hoping Drake would heed the warning in his voice. “I was telling you about Donato. He came to me a while back asking if I could put in a good word for him with Indie.”

“And?”

“I didn’t think he was her type.” He knew his brother would see right through his lie with their twin telepathy thing. Lee often found it eerie how easily Drake could read his mind.

“But you thought you were?” Drake asked, smirking.

“No, hell no! I tried to tell her that I was no good for her, that she deserved better, but—”

“Hold on a minute.” Drake raised his hand. “What makes you think you’re not good enough for Indie?” When Lee remained silent, Drake said, “Look, man, if I ever gave you that impression, I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant at all. I was just concerned about both of you. I didn’t want to see you crash and burn.”

“Yet here we are.” Lee tried to smile, but he felt as if his mouth would crack with the effort. “This is the part where you get to tell me you told me so. So come on, let’s hear it.”

Drake looked confused. “I’m not taking any pleasure in this. You’re my brother. I love you. I want you to be happy.”

That only made Lee feel worse. Hanging his head, he continued with his story. “I kept telling Donato to forget about Indie, maybe because I was developing feelings for her and didn’t want to think about her with anyone else.”

“Makes sense.”

Lee knew Drake was going easy on him because he was close to imploding, but Lee would have preferred the hostile reaction he’d been expecting. That was what he deserved. “If I’d just told him the truth, none of this would have happened. Once again, I took the easy way out.”

Drake shook his head. “Man, you know you’re your own worst critic, don’t you? You’ve gotta cut yourself some slack sometimes. You’re not perfect. None of us are.”

Lee looked at his brother and considered his words carefully. “I appreciate you saying that, but—”

“But nothing. It’s the truth. I’ve been watching you beat up on yourself for years. At first, I got it. But now? It doesn’t make any sense. You’re a different man than you were back then. You’re a father your little girl can be proud of, and I don’t say that lightly.”

Lee looked away at the mention of his daughter. He wanted nothing more than to be a good daddy.

“The only person who’s still living in the past and punishing you for the things you did back then is you. You need to let go. There’s not a damn thing you can do about the mistakes you made. I know you would if you could, but you can’t, so move on already.”

Drake was giving him forgiveness and freedom. “Thank you.” That was all Lee could say, but it seemed to be enough. When their eyes met, Lee knew his brother understood how much his words meant to him.

“Now tell me about what happened with Donato and Indie.”

“Like I said, Donato told me he was interested in Indie. I discouraged him because the first year of recovery is rough. Getting involved in a new relationship is a bad idea.” Lee wished he could claim he had only been thinking of what was best for Donato. “Besides, I didn’t think they’d be a good fit.”

Drake said, “You told Donato this?”

“Yeah, but apparently he didn’t hear it. They went out to lunch together yesterday.”

“How’d that happen?”

Lee shrugged. “I didn’t get the whole story, but I think he just showed up at work and asked her out. She thought he was asking as a friend. I don’t think she knew he was interested in her.”

Drake sat back and folded one leg over the other. “This is a bit of a mess. I get that you’re interested in Indie and so is Donato. The question is what are you gonna do about it?”

Lee dreaded coming clean about what had happened last night, but he and Drake couldn’t afford to have any more secrets between them. “Donato showed up here last night. I forgot he was coming over.”

“Okaaay…”

“He walked in on me and Indie…” There was no easy way to say it, so Lee just spit it out. “In bed.”

“Jesus,” Drake said, closing his eyes. “You slept with her?”

“Yeah. I didn’t mean for it to happen. I mean, that’s not why I brought her here, but—”

“But what? Don’t tell me it just happened.” Blowing out a frustrated breath, he asked, “Man, why did it have to be Indie?

So much for patience and understanding. Evidently Lee had pushed his brother to the limit. “We’ve been getting closer since the party at your place. I drove her home that night, and she told me some things about her past.” Lee wasn’t going to get in to that. He didn’t know how much Indie had told Drake and Cassidy about her past, and the story was hers to tell, not his.

“She’s young and innocent,” Drake said between clenched teeth. “I thought you were interested in dating her, but you blew right past that, didn’t you? Was that your goal all along, to get her into bed?”

“What? No!”

“Do you even give a shit about her? Don’t lie to me. I want the truth.”

Lee took a deep breath, trying to control his temper. He resented anyone implying that he was just using Indie for sex. He’d never felt that way about anyone, and for his brother to suggest it was meaningless incensed Lee. “The truth is I care about her a lot. She’s an amazing woman. I’ve never met anyone like her.”

“I know she’s amazing.” Drake sighed. “We hoped she’d find someone. She always seemed so detached, you know, like she’s afraid to let a man get too close. I can’t believe things escalated between you two so quickly.”

“Neither can I,” Lee said. “It took me by surprise too.” He thought about how Indie had initiated their intimacy. Given her history with men, he could imagine how scary it must have been for her. And instead of lying with her afterward, holding her and talking about how she felt, he’d jumped up and run out.

“So how did Donato react when he found you and Indie together?”

“He took off, mad as hell. I’ve been out looking for him all night.”

“No luck finding him?”

“No.” Lee pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. Fatigue was closing in on him, but he couldn’t rest until he’d talked to Donato and Indie. He had to apologize and make things right.

“I get that he’s pissed at you, but from what you’ve told me, you didn’t lie to him or betray him.”

“That’s not the way he sees it.” Lee knew he would have felt the same way if he was in Donato’s position. His relationship with his sponsor had changed his life, and he’d hoped to pay it forward by having the same impact on Donato’s life. “He thought he could trust me, and just like everyone else, I let him down.”

“You’re worried he’ll start using again?”

That was Lee’s biggest fear. As he drove around all night, checking every crack house and back alley, his mind had played out one frightening scenario after another. “Yeah. If that happened, I’d never forgive myself.”

“You’re not responsible for his recovery, Lee. That’s all him.”

“I kind of am. When I think of all the times I swore to him he could beat this thing, that I’d be there to help him…” Lee wished he could make his brother understand what it meant to be a sponsor. He hated himself for letting Donato down. “I should have told him the truth, that I had feelings for Indie. I could have made him understand. But when he walked in on us like that…” He covered his eyes with his hand. “It was too late for talking.”

“Maybe it’s not,” Drake said, nudging Lee’s knee. “You’ll track him down. The good news is he didn’t go to any of his old haunts last night, which means he’s probably not using again. Go to his work, school, apartment… Just keep looking until you find him.”

“I will.” That was the only option. “And when I do, I’ll make him listen to me. I’m not gonna let this mistake mess up all the progress we’ve made.”

“So Indie was a mistake?” Drake asked. “That’s how you see it?”

He’d said it again. Lee couldn’t help but think his subconscious was trying to send him a message. “Indie should have waited for the right man. I tried to tell her that, but she wasn’t hearing it.”

“Wait a minute,” Drake said, raising a hand. “Are you telling me Indie was a virgin?”

Clearly Drake didn’t know the whole story. “It’s complicated, man,” Lee said. “I don’t want to get into it. Let’s just say Indie made a mistake trusting me.”

“Why?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Lee asked, rolling his eyes.

“Not to me.”

“I screwed up… again. She should have held out for a guy who had his shit together, someone who was ready for the kind of relationship she wants.”

“So she’s looking for a commitment?” Drake asked. “That’s what you’re telling me?”

“That’s the impression I got.”

“And you’re stupid enough to let a girl like that get away?” Drake shook his head. “Buddy, you wanna talk mistakes? That would be your biggest one yet.”

“I’m not ready for that kind of relationship. I just got out of a marriage.”

“Yeah, so did Katie, and she’s getting ready to marry your best friend.”

“What’s your point?” Lee tried to ignore the pang he felt. Other people were getting their happily ever after, and he couldn’t seem to move beyond the past.

“If Katie had thought the way you do, she would have lost her chance at happiness. You could lose the best thing that ever happened to you if you let Indie walk out of your life.”

“I thought you didn’t approve of me and Indie hooking up?”

“I don’t approve of you
hooking up
,” Drake said with a wry smile. “But building a real relationship? That’s something different.”

Lee thought about what his brother was saying. He was offering his blessing. Lee just had to decide whether he was ready to take a risk.

***

“Thanks for letting me stay here last night,” Indie said, pulling her knees up to her chin. “I didn’t feel like going home.”

“It’s no problem,” Penny said. “It was nice to have some company.”

Penny’s fiancé, Jimmy, was a salesman, and he was on the road more than he was home. Indie couldn’t imagine being involved in a relationship like that, but it seemed to work for them. According to Penny, it gave her plenty of
me
time.

Indie glanced at a bird on the windowsill. “I called work while you were in the shower. I told them I wouldn’t be in today.”

“You can’t avoid going to work forever.”

“I know.”

“You want to tell me what happened last night?”

When Indie had shown up on Penny’s doorstep, she’d promised to fill in the blanks in the morning. “Lee and I slept together last night.”

Penny’s jaw dropped. She knew how significant that was. “Seriously? Y’all haven’t known each other that long. I mean, you’ve known him a while, but you hated him.”

“That’s because I was making assumptions about the kind of man he was, drawing conclusions when I didn’t have all the facts.” Indie rested her chin on her knees as she watched her cousin pet her Himalayan cat, Smoky. “I know what kind of man Lee is now.”

“And?” Penny rolled her hand. “What kind of man do you think he is?”

Indie couldn’t help but smile. “He’s kind and gentle, understanding, compassionate—”

“But his past—”

“Is just that,” Indie said. “The past. He’s changed. He’s made mistakes—we all have—but he’s learned from his. He’s a good dad, and he works hard to make his little girl proud of him. That tells me all I need to know.”

“If he’s so great, why did you end up here after y’all”—Penny grinned—“you know.”

“He sponsors this kid…” Indie grimaced when she thought of the scene in Lee’s bedroom. “Apparently he had a bit of a thing for me, which I didn’t know. Long story short, the kid walked in on us.”

“During?” Penny looked appalled.

Indie laughed. “No, not during. After. Still, it was a pretty ugly scene. He got pissed at Lee because apparently Lee knew how Donato felt, and he slept with me anyway. Donato saw that as a betrayal and took off. Lee went after him because he was concerned he was going to buy drugs, I guess.”

“He was right to go after him, don’t you think? Isn’t that what a sponsor is supposed to do?”

“That’s not what I’m upset about.” Indie sighed. “It’s what Lee said before he left.”

“What did he say?” Penny asked, frowning.

“He said that what happened between us was a mistake. Well, he said it never should have happened, which I guess is the same thing.” Indie twisted her mouth, trying to focus on something other than the tears building in her eyes.

Penny leaned forward to touch Indie’s knee. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I know how hard it’s been for you to even think about being intimate with anyone after what happened. But just because the guy you chose turned out to be a jerk, that doesn’t mean all—”

“He’s not a jerk,” Indie said, raising her head. “Lee may think it was a mistake, but I don’t. He may not see a future with me, but I don’t have any regrets about what happened. I love him.”

“You
love
him?” Penny asked, her eyes wide. “I’ve never heard you say that about a man.”

“That’s because I’ve never felt this way before.” Indie lowered her eyes to her bright pink toenails. “I can tell him anything, and I know he won’t judge me. He wants to protect me, yet he gives me freedom to be who I am. He was the one who encouraged me to go home and see my family, and he was the first person I wanted to call when I did.”

“Sounds like love to me. The question is, what are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know.” Indie had been awake most of the night thinking about what her next move should be. “I think I should give him a little time and space. You know what they say about absence making the heart grow fonder.” Indie forced a smile when her cousin rolled her eyes. “I’m not sure I believe that either, but it seems to be all I’ve got.”

“What are you gonna do while you wait?”

“I’ve got some vacation time. I think now would be a good time to take it.”

“Okay, but you know he’s probably going to come looking for you. If he’s not a jerk, he’s not going to just ignore what happened. He’ll want to talk about it, even if it’s just to explain…”