Forbidden (Addicted to You Book 2) (6 page)

I watched her talk, joining in where needed, and I understood her. Not just the words that she was speaking. I understood the things that she wasn’t saying. I knew what she wanted to tell me even though she was trying hard not to tell me. It was an almost surreal experience. I wanted to be direct. Answer her questions and alleviate her doubts. But I knew I couldn’t. I shouldn’t.

So I would reply with my own. I would tell her things, using words she could handle, and watch as the realization of what was underneath began to set in. And I wondered in that moment if our conversations would always be this way. Would we always have to dance around the truth simply because she couldn’t handle speaking it directly?

What struck me the most was knowing that I wanted there to be more conversations. I wanted to know that when I took Avery home that night, she would not be gone. I would have the chance to learn more. Talk more. Share more. I needed to know that Avery would remain in my life and I was willing to risk whatever I had to risk to ensure that.

But even that knowledge didn’t stop it. I told myself all night that I was there for her— I was doing this for her— and when it was done I’d walk away. I had to. It was for the best.

By the time we were sitting at the movies, close enough that I could smell the scent of her body wash, I had quit even trying to pretend that I was simply honoring my word. In that moment I knew that I’d found what was missing— whatever it was that I had never known before—and it was now sitting right beside me. And the only thing I could think of throughout the entire movie was that I wanted to reach over and touch her hand. Hold her. Ask her to please never leave me.

That date had turned into more. We’d explored the zoo, the shopping, museums, even the tourist attractions we’d always had around. Each experience with her was like watching a child discover something new. She’d been there before. She’d seen them and done them all. But she’d never done them by the side of a man that wanted nothing more than be there beside her. I didn’t care where we were or what we were doing. As long as Avery was there with me, looking at me the way she did and wanting to be nowhere else, I was happy.

Eventually we began to have evenings at her place. I was still staying with Kevin and that’s the last place I wanted her to be. So until I found somewhere of my own, I stuck to going there. We’d watch movies or talk. Mostly both. I’d notice that time seemed irrelevant when I was with her. One minute we were saying hello and hours later I’d realize the movie was over and I had no clue what had happened.

I didn’t care. I wanted to absorb all of her. Every moment that I had available I wanted to be with her and taking in the entire essence of who she was. When I couldn’t be there, I’d text. Sometimes we’d call and neither of us would hang up until one of us fell asleep. And somehow in the process of this, she became my girl.

‘

There was no defining moment. We didn’t plan a romantic evening. I didn’t ask her to be my girlfriend. I’m not even sure I really called her one. She just was. It fell into place and we went from two strangers walking outside of a party to two people who couldn’t seem to get enough of each other. I was consumed with her and I was pretty sure she felt the same. I couldn’t get enough.

Stu and Trev didn’t say much. Small comments about how I’d quit hanging out with them. But they understood. When a man has a girl, he has a girl. Buddies back the fuck off.

Kev wanted to meet her. No way in hell would that happen. She was mine and I was going to protect her. She was my girl. She didn’t need to see him. Know him. Understand what was going on and what had happened in life. At least not then.

The problem was that I knew deep inside she would meet him. She would meet all of them. As much as I’d wanted to get my parents out of my life— I still kept in minor contact with them. If things stayed serious with Avery, she would meet them. That was the part that could ruin us. If I managed to stay— if I could avoid the urge to run away or back to drugs— as soon as my family became involved, it would die.

I tried not to think about that as I carried on with the relationship. Focusing on what could happen would make it happen faster. Instead, I put my attention into the girl that had accidentally stolen my heart. I didn’t want to miss a single moment. Something told me I’d need those memories someday.

Logically it didn’t make sense that I was standing in the bedroom yelling at the mirror. I mean I’d seen Avery numerous times. I’d gotten dressed to see Avery numerous times. It was the same routine.

But that night wasn’t the same. It was special. Different. We’d always planned our nights. That night, I was going to surprise her. I’d never done that. I was going to show up with dinner, beer and a movie and surprise her. It made me nervous.

What if she didn’t like it? I mean I knew she’d like the beer and I had no doubt what Chinese to get her and what movie she wanted to see. I paid very close attention when she talked and when we did things. I remembered every detail about her. I wanted to know everything.

And that night, I was hoping I’d find the courage. I was hoping that I’d finally be able to do more than give her a quick kiss. Every moment I spent sitting next to her, looking at her and seeing the sparkle in her eyes, I wanted her. I needed her. But every time I thought it’d be the one time that I’d pull her into my arms, I chickened out.

I was afraid I’d disappoint her. I wanted to give her everything she fantasized about when she watched those chick flicks and read her sappy books. I wanted to make her feel as loved and beautiful as I thought she was. And hopefully, that night I’d get a chance to try. If that annoying friend of hers wasn’t there.

She didn’t like me. I knew that every time she looked at me. I just wasn’t sure why. Sometimes I thought she was mad. Perhaps she was jealous that I’d picked Avery at that party and not her. Sometimes I thought she was the reason my girl felt so bad about herself. That was my problem with her. She made Avery feel bad and I didn’t like anything or anyone that made Avery feel bad.

I just never said anything. I never wanted to be the reason that she lost a friend. I could deal. I’d just undo whatever damage her conceited ass tried to do. Because my gut told me that she was on a mission to ruin our relationship. And I’d be damned if I let her.

Once I finally decided what to put on, I ventured out and headed towards her apartment. This was going to be the night that I changed everything. As I stood outside her door, knocking and waiting on an answer I only hoped that she’d be there. I hoped she’d be happy to see me. Most of all, I hoped that I could show her that she was the perfect one. Not her snotty little friend.

I’d known Avery for a very short time at that point and suddenly her happiness had become my number one priority. I would live to see her smile. I would do anything in my power to make sure that she never had to know the sadness and heartache of the world. And I would destroy damn near anything or anyone that tried to show her. Even if that someone was me.

Chapter 5

“Why does this not surprise me?” she rolled her bitchy blue eyes and glared at me. “You are beginning to get predictable.”

I had never been a person that hated others. So I wouldn’t say that I hated Colby. It wasn’t that intense of an emotion. But I passionately disliked her. It wasn’t even really her. It was her damned attitude.

The way she looked at me might be understandable if it hadn’t always been that way. As Avery’s friend, I could see her being protective when she was hurt. But Colby had always looked at me with the same contempt. If I really thought about it, she’d done it the day we met. She was simply a hateful and condescending person. At least that’s how she came across. Of course, it could just be me that she was hateful and condescending to.

“Is being a bitch a choice you make every day, or just a part of your genetic makeup?” I wondered if this had been a mistake. Perhaps I should have found a different way to get an answer to the questions that I had. Anything that didn’t involve her.

For the second week in a row I’d tried to go by the old apartment. Our apartment. The one I’d left. The home we were supposed to share.There was still no sign of life. In fact, there was no sign anyone had been there at any point. Avery had never gone home.

I was beginning to feel crazy. Where in the hell was Avery? I had thought their trip to the beach was only supposed to last a week or so. I wasn’t sure how long she’d been gone, but I had been trying to find her for well over a week. So something had happened. That scared me. Avery didn’t just vanish like that. She was a homebody.

The hard part was that there were so many ways this could have gone badly. Something could have happened to her. She might be somewhere sick or hurt and I had no idea. She may need me and I couldn’t be there because no one told me I needed to be.

Not entirely true.I knew that. I just didn’t want to admit it. It was because I was dumb and I’d left her. I’d walked away. It was me that sent her to the great unknown of South Carolina with a broken heart and no one to love. At least I would have assumed she had a broken heart. Hoped almost. The alternative was unbearable to think about.

“With you,” she nodded her head, causing her hair to bounce against her shoulders. “It is definitely a choice.”

I kept reminding myself that I was there for a reason. I needed answers. I had to know that everything was okay. I hoped to find out that maybe she’d been staying with Colby while she deals with her own feelings. Anything except the two worst possible scenarios.

That she was hurt or that she was with someone else.

Those were my biggest fears and the things that kept me up at night. Lying in the bed, on the verge of tears, praying to a God I had never believed existed, that she wasn’t somewhere hurting without me and praying even harder that she wasn’t somewhere lying with someone else.

I wasn’t sure I could survive either one. In fact, I was pretty damned positive that I couldn’t. Which was why I had turned to the last person I wanted to talk to. Colby. The thought had been that her best friend would know what was going on. Her best friend would know where she was and how I could find her. The question was whether her best friend would tell me. Given that she hated me and all.

“You really know how to boost a man’s self-esteem Colby,” I shot at her, unable to contain my annoyance even though I knew I needed to. If I wanted answers, I couldn’t piss off Colby. At least not any more than she was pissed off on a normal day.

“Oh! Is there a man here?” her smirk and giggle were supposed to enhance the power of her remark, but I only found it childish and immature. She was showing the exact reason I didn’t date girls like her when I did choose to date. “I didn’t realize.”

Everything in me wanted to turn and walk away. I wanted to get as far from her and the condescending comments as I could be. But at that moment she was my only potential connection to Avery. She was my only hope. The only resource I had to know that everything was okay. Without that knowledge, I was pretty damned sure I’d die.

“Can we be serious for moment?” I teetered with a smart-ass comment of my own and decided that it was in my best interest to get right to the subject. Colby wasn’t just rude— she was vindictive. Even if she could help me, pissing her off would ensure she refused to.

There was no love lost between the two of us. There never had been. Truth be known, we could stand outside her apartment and argue all fucking day. We could insult each other. We could swear, yell or laugh. It wouldn’t matter. Neither of us was going to change our minds.

The point was to get to the truth. I had to get to Avery. I had to know that she was okay. And stopping the banter with Colby was the first step.

“Funny,” she twisted her mouth. “I don’t recall you ever being serious about anything Spencer.” I saw the daggers in her eyes. Had they been real, I would have been dead in the hallway.

“I know you don’t like me,” I had rehearsed this. Her reaction wasn’t a surprise. I’d expected it. So for two hours I’d sat in my car, outside my old apartment, rehearsing what I’d say to the bitch and forcing myself to go and face her.

“That’s an understatement,” she rolled her eyes. “I don’t like mushrooms. I don’t like country music. I don’t like women who wear leggings as pants. But you Spencer,” she paused, as if she had to really think about what she was going to say. “I despise you.”

“Well, as much as I’d love to stand here and get the long list of illogical reasons why you feel that way,” I shook my head, trying to clear the hateful words that wanted so badly to be spewed in her direction. “That isn’t why I am here.”

“I didn’t assume it was,” she clenched her mouth tightly and her jawline hardened. “I assume this is yet another worthless attempt to convince Avery you were wrong and are a decent guy that will love her the way she deserves.”

Her words stung. For the first time since she’d opened the door she managed to hurt me. She was right. I had been worthless. I had been the guy that’d hurt Avery repeatedly. But I didn’t have time to think of that, because she spat out the rest of her comment.