Forbidden Broadway: Behind the Mylar Curtain (127 page)

"Let Me Enter Naked"

BURLESQUE MALE ANNOUNCER VOICE

Wichita's one and only burlesque theatre presents Miss
Daniel Rose Radcliffe!

[Lights upon DANIELLE RADCLIFFE
in a Harry Potter warlock robe.)

DANIEL RADCLIFFE

OFFSTAGE VOICE

Give'em a scarf!

DANIEL RADCLIFFE

OFFSTAGE VOICE

Dip!

DANIEL RADCLIFFE

Hello, everybody! My name's Daniel, what's yours?
I used to be in Gryffindor, but recently I've been
Slytherin! Hello, (sir/madam). Yes, you in the third row.
Don't be shy! Are you a Quidditch fan? Did you come to
see my Golden Snitch?

Expeliamus!

"Patti LuPone in Gypsy'

OFFSTAGE VOICE

And now, this year's annual revival of Gypsy, starring
Patti LuPone.

PATTI

Anybody who misses my performance is dead! If I die,
it won't be from quittin', it'll be from killing myself to
get better parts!

[Interjection.]

Ibegtodifferwithyou, Arthur!

[BOYD GAINES enters.]

BOYD

It's great to see you again, Patti.

PATTI

Again? I'm sorry, but do we know each other?

BOYD

Well, sure. It's me, Boyd Gaines. We do eight shows a
week together.

PATTI

Oh, you're that funny little man they brought in to say
those other words that happen when I'm not speaking.

BOYD

That's right.

PATTI

I'm sorry I didn't recognize you. You used to be
someone called Mandy Patinkin.

BOYD

Well, I sure recognize you! I saw you in Evita.

PATTI

I Correcting him. I

As Evita. How was I?

BOYD

Who remembers? I was just a little boy at the time. I
can't believe I'm all grown up and sharing billing with
such a big Broadway star.

PATTI

Sharing? Funny.

BOYD

What?

PATTI