Forever: A Lobster Kind Of Love (11 page)

Ethel gave me the full tour of Eastport from the diner, to the coffee shop named Dastardly Dicks, which sounded more like a bar than a coffee shop, ending up back at the pier.

Ethel pointed out the docked ships, told me who owned each one, and how the Navy brought some of their ships here as well. Cruise lines passed through Eastport on their way up to Canadian ports, but the highlight of this town was the lobster boats.

The hard working lobster fishermen left before dawn and were gone until their storage galleys and tanks were full of lobsters.

It was peaceful here, and I enjoyed it immensely. “Thank you for today. I needed it. Well, actually thank you for everything. This is the first time since losing my husband and son, I’m actually relaxed.”

“Lydia, I know about loss, honey. It takes time, but don’t get lost in the darkness. Trust me; I know loneliness. You are too young and beautiful to be by yourself. Leaving Pennsylvania was hard and you are much stronger than you think.”

I clutched my necklace. “The woman deep inside me is lost. I’m trying to be me again and mend my broken heart. I’m trying to create a new life and fill the empty space again. I don’t want to forget Mason and Braxton. My husband was my life and my baby boy is an angel now. I’m afraid I am going forget them as I get older. I feel like they left me behind. I just want to smile again, to laugh, to live. I feel like I’m just shuffling through time.”

Ethel took my hands and squeezed them gently. “Look up in the sky. You are blessed with two amazing angels watching you every moment; every breath you take, your boys will be protecting you. You will never forget them, they will always be in your heart, but please darling, if love comes your way again, open your heart and allow it in. Just remember, I told you that. Now let’s go home and you can tell me about these amazing angel boys of yours, but before you do, I am grabbing a bottle of wine and a blanket. It gets a bit chilly outside and the Maine air is refreshing for the soul.”

Arriving back at the house, Ethel went inside and I rested my face in my hands thinking I should probably grab a Xanax. No one, ever since the accident, had made me feel this way. I started to feel a new sense of hope for the future.

Getting to my feet, I went inside to my bedroom closet and pulled out the box that contained their memories. I grabbed a couple photo albums and decided tonight would be the night.

We sat on the deck for the next two hours sipping wine as we laughed, cried, and recalled anecdotes of our deceased spouses. We went through the photo albums from beginning to end. Ethel shared stories of her and her husband Harry, and I told her about Mason and Braxton.

We sat on the back deck and sipped our wine until the bottle was empty, and Ethel broke the silence. “Three glasses of wine and a long day of walking, this old lady is ready to hit the hay.” She smiled and squeezed my hand again.

“Ethel, thank you. You don’t know how you’ve helped me so much in the last couple days; I owe you.”

“Oh stop. Don’t get all mushy on me now. Let’s clean this up and get to bed. You have a big day tomorrow, young lady.”

I had a few crackers left and a bellyache from yesterday. I really overdid it. I had been dehydrated, and that had my bowels backed up, and for once in my life, I hoped it stayed that way.

I sat for an hour last night in the doorway of the half bath, after I dumped my urine down the sink, trying to figure out how I could get my ass on the toilet. There was just nothing to hold onto. The half bath was a narrow small closet-like bathroom with just a pedestal sink nearest to the door, and a toilet against the back wall. If I tried to pull myself up on that pedestal sink, I would tear it right down. It was wobbly to begin with.

Deciding to do something, I pulled myself out of my chair and onto the floor of the bathroom, just to see if I could do it. I nearly ripped the sink down and my hands took a wash in the bowl’s basin as I slipped on the toilet seat.

I crawled back to my chair and hoisted by dead weight back into it. By the time I rolled over to the couch, I was ready for a nap. If nature called, guess what, I was going in nature, right off the back deck.

I amused myself as I thought: If Ryan shits in the woods, is he a bear? Maybe.
Only if the neighbors see my white ass
.

This was ridiculous. I couldn’t call anyone, couldn’t use my own bathroom, and couldn’t order food because my bankcards and wallet were in my luggage in my bedroom. I ate my crackers sparingly and hydrated as much as possible and prayed I didn’t soil my pants.

The television was my companion.

The alarm blared, and as much as I wanted to stay in the comfort of my bed, it was time to go to work and meet my new patient. I purposely put my phone on the dresser to charge overnight so I would have to get up and go get it to shut it off. I pulled a bright set of scrubs out of my dresser and headed to the bathroom to shower.

I washed my hair twice and slathered the deep conditioner into it while I gave a quick shave to my legs. I couldn’t help but think about my stylist back home every time I gave my hair extra attention. Jami’s voice rang through my head: The first wash is just to get clean; the second wash is what really makes the difference.
Wash twice, you will thank me later.

Happy memories of hours at the salon playing with hair color brought a smile to my face as I tapped out my razor then rinsed the conditioner out of my hair.

After getting out of the shower, I pulled my red scrub pants on with a matching red tank top and left my scrub top off for now until after I’d dried my hair.

I grabbed the hair dryer and flipped my head over and blow-dried my hair. My hair was naturally wavy, so I ran my fingers through the waves instead of a brush so I wouldn’t be all frizzy and one big poof by the time I was done. Satisfied, I grabbed a hair tie for later, just in case, and pulled my American flag scrub top over my head.

I poured myself some cold coffee from the fridge into my travel cup and dressed it light and sweet, just the way I liked it. Cell phone, coffee, car keys, patient file…I started doing my mental checklist, and I grabbed all I needed and stuffed it all in my nursing bag then headed out the door.

As I descended the steps, Ethel popped her head out the mudroom passage.

“Lydia?”

“Good morning, Ethel. It’s just me.”

“Have a good first day!”

“Yup, first day and I don’t want to be late!” I shouted from the car as I loaded my stuff in the backseat.

“I will make something nice for dinner to celebrate your first day!”

She scurried back into the house before I could protest. I climbed into the driver’s seat, and headed to meet my new patient.

I hoped the new nurse could cook. It was not exactly in their job description but it sure would be helpful. The Meals On Wheels food was good, but it had only been good the first day. Those trays were like little TV dinners, but they kept me going since I had returned home. I'm sure they would taste even better if they were warm.

I had always been an early riser. Up with the sun, everyday on the boat I was first to drop traps and pull deck duty. Even as the captain, I still pulled my weight. I would never ask one of my guys to do something I wasn’t willing to do myself. Even the shit I hated to do like cut bait, I did. I was not scared to get my hands dirty. Funny, how the tables turned. Now, I just wanted to eat.

My days in rehab were so regimented as the staff pushed me to get better. I supposed I was better. I was alive, but now what? I didn’t have anything to do. My life had been reduced to reality TV and Meals on Wheels deliveries. Hopefully, this nurse would have a game plan.

I rolled over to the half bath and opened the door wide. I stretched far enough into the doorway to reach the pedestal sink so I could brush my teeth. I washed the rest of my body with the big tub of baby wipes. I scrubbed under my armpits, my face, my neck, and under my junk. I smelled like a damn baby, but it was better than funk.

The simple things in life we took for granted became huge tasks when you were in a chair. I didn’t want to rip apart my house; I didn’t have the finances to do it anyway. So I needed a game plan and soon.

I grabbed a bottle of water from the open case by the door, sat by the deck doors, and waited for my nurse. I tried not to think about yesterday’s late night excursion that included crawling out to the deck and my ass hanging over the edge of the deck. We will just blame that on the neighbor’s dog.
Meals on Wheels, baby wipes, Oreos, and bottled water.
Way to go Ryan, you’re an adult now
.

Promptly at 8:00 am, I heard the crunch of the gravel in my driveway as the new nurse pulled in. At least she was on time.

I headed over to the front door and opened it to meet my new nurse. Pushing myself to the threshold at the top of the ramp, I saw a slender woman carrying more packages than she probably weighed.

She was a beautiful hot mess with her burgundy streaked red hair blowing all in her face as she’d tried to extricate her stuff out of her vehicle. She had a backpack slung over one shoulder, a Home Angels Alliance work bag over the other, and in her arms were three plastic shoe size storage bins filled with lord knew what.

Under one arm was a travel cup that was dripping what I could only assume was iced coffee since she wasn’t squealing as her sleeve dampened with its leaking contents. I rolled halfway down the ramp to meet her.

“You must be Ryan,” she said from behind the stack of totes.

“Nah, I’m the concierge. It’s part of the put-the-cripples-to-work-program around here.”

She stopped and stared at me for a moment. “Um, Hi…I’m Lydia.”

She completely ignored my attempt at breaking the ice and I outstretched my arms.

“Here let me grab some of that from you,” I said as I grabbed the items from her arms.

“It’s okay; I got it.”

“Don’t be silly. I have a perfectly good lap sitting around doing nothing. Might as well be put to some use.”

She tried not to smile, “Thanks. I have more in the car.”

There’s more?
“I thought you were here for the day shift. I didn’t realize they ordered me a live-in nurse?” I questioned, not really joking.

She giggled, and it was music to my ears.

Okay, so she does have a sense of humor. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

“I just like to be prepared. I wasn’t sure what supplies you did or didn’t have, so I brought a little bit of everything.”

“Does the hospital know they have competition?” I said with a raised brow and a smirk.

“Eh, nothing they will miss.” And with that, she handed me her coffee mug and pushed me up the ramp to the door.

I couldn’t believe how much stuff this woman had brought with her. She asked for “office space” and she proceeded to set up shop at the dining room table then stowed her load under the adjacent hutch.

As I watched her organize and take account of her haul, I noticed the catheters. “Whoa, Nurse Ratchet what do you plan on doing with these?” I held one of the sterile wrapped packages of tubing up behind her.