Forever Altered (24 page)

“She’s
not?”  How can she not be?  I foolishly destroyed the greatest
relationship of my life with a girl I didn’t even know I was dreaming about
until she walked into my life.  “Are you sure?”

“Rocco
Matthews, did you just imply that I could possibly be wrong?”  Carla asks
whipping around in her seat undoubtedly insulted.

“Stupid
ass,” Tony mumbles to himself.

“No
ma’am,” I blurt out quickly.  “How do I fix this?”

“I
can’t tell you that,” she says when Tony pulls into the double driveway next to
Alyssa’s snow covered car.

“Anything
else you want to say to him before I let him out?”  He’s looking to
Carla. 

“I
think you said enough for the both of us.”

The
three of us scurry into the house shaking the snow off all over the
foyer.  As Carla is punching her code into the alarm system, I notice the
kids haven’t come to greet us at the door like they usually do whenever someone
comes in. 

“Where
are the kids?” I ask concerned.  We all stop moving to listen for them,
but the house is completely silent.

“My
kids are never this quiet,” Carla says hanging her coat over the banister and
walking through the foyer.  She glances in the living room and dining room
as she passes them.  We follow behind her into the kitchen.  The
television is on with the volume turned down pretty low in the family room off
the side of the kitchen.  It’s stuck on the menu screen of a DVD. 
Carla stops suddenly and smiles.  When I reach the room myself, I can see
why.  Alyssa is curled up in the corner of the couch with one twin laying
up against her side and the other one laying in her lap.  She has an arm
around each of them and they are all fast asleep.  “Neither one of them
has fallen asleep without me holding them since the day their dad died,” Carla
announces.  She is still smiling, but a tear is falling down her
cheek.  Tony comes over to put his arm around her.  “She really is
something special if my kids like her this much, Rocco.”

“I
know she is,” I whisper staring at my Sunshine.  Her hair is pulled back,
but a curl has fallen in her face.  I sit down on the coffee table in
front of her and push the stray piece of hair back behind her ear.  She
doesn’t like her hair touching her face that way.  She shifts slightly,
but she doesn’t wake up.  Her grip on both of the kids gets a little
tighter.  She knows they are next to her even in her sleep.  “Will
they wake up if we carry them upstairs?” I ask never looking away from Alyssa’s
face. 

“I’m
not sure,” she confesses.  “I’ve never had to do it.  Let me get
their beds ready before we move them.”  Carla and Tony go upstairs.

I
don’t want Alyssa to be startled when we move the kids, so I gently rub her leg
to try and wake her up.  Eventually she opens her eyes, but she’s
disoriented.  “
Shhh
,” I tell her holding my
finger up to my lips.  “Don’t wake them up.”  She nods that she
understands.  Tony comes back downstairs to grab one of them.  Before
he takes Collin, Alyssa reaches down to kiss him on the head.  Then she
does the same to Callie when I take her.  I knew she was full of shit when
she said she was afraid of kids.  Alyssa follows us up the steps, but
stays in the hallway outside of the door.  Collin never even stirs, but
Callie does when I lower her to her pillow.

“Alyssa?”
she asks sleepily.  Alyssa comes into the room from behind us and sits
down next to her on the bed.

“
It’s
okay, Callie.  Your mom is home.  Go back to
sleep,” she tells her stroking her hair.

“Will
you come back to play with us again?”  Callie can barely keep her eyes
open.

“I
sure will.  Sweet dreams, Munchkin,” Alyssa whispers tucking her in.

“Sweet
dreams, Alyssa,” she says falling back to sleep.

We
file out of the bedroom and head back down the stairs.  A couple minutes
later, Carla joins us in the kitchen. 

“Carla,
I am so sorry.  You must think I’m the worst babysitter ever,” Alyssa says
from out of nowhere.

“Why
would I think that?”  Carla looks between me and Tony curiously.  I
shrug my shoulders and look back to Alyssa waiting for her to explain.

“I fell
asleep when I was supposed to be watching your kids.  I feel terrible.”
Alyssa is starting to panic.  Tony pulls out the barstool in front of the
counter and tells her to sit down.  “They both fell asleep halfway through
the movie and I was trying so hard not to move that I dozed off.  What
time is it, anyway?”  She’s looking around for a clock. 

“Eleven
thirty,” I say.  I can tell she’s wondering why I’m here.

“You
do realize that parents sleep right?” Tony teases her.

“I’m
not their parent.  I shouldn’t have fallen asleep.  This is why I
never babysit.”  She’s upset and I feel bad.

“I
thought the reason was because you were afraid of anyone shorter than you,” I
remind her. 

Tony
laughs.  “There are people shorter than you?”

“Knock
it off, you two,” Carla scolds us.  “Alyssa, you didn’t do anything
wrong.  Do you know how many times I’ve fallen asleep while they were
still awake?  That’s happened more times than I care to mention.  You
have no idea the trouble those monsters were able to get into in those few
minutes.”  She smiles and Alyssa lightens up a little bit.  “They
were perfectly safe.”

“Still,
I guess you won’t be calling me to babysit again,” she states.  I grab two
Cokes out of the refrigerator and slide one over to her.  “Thank
you.”  She finally speaks directly to me for the first time in way too
long.  She opens the can and takes a sip of it.

“On
the contrary, my dear.  They love you.  I may never be allowed to
have the old babysitter back again.”  This makes her smile.  “I just want
to let you know, they haven’t fallen asleep with anyone other than me since
their dad died.”  Alyssa looks up at her speechless.  “Every single
night I’ve had to lay with both of them until they are sound asleep. 
That’s why they are still in the same room.  Hell, I may invite you over
just so I can take a shower before midnight once in a while,” Carla says.

“I’d
actually like that,” Alyssa tells her.  “How was dinner and the
movie?”  She changes the subject because she doesn’t like the attention on
her. 

“It
was nice.  Thank you so much again for coming on such short notice.” 

“I’m
glad I could help.  Let me know if you ever need me again.  I’m
usually around and normally, I don’t have a problem staying awake,” Alyssa
tells her.  “I’m going to get going.”

“I’m
driving you back,” I inform her.

“No. 
I’m fine,” Alyssa says walking to the closet to get her coat.  I see Carla
and Tony exchange a look before I follow her down the hallway. 

“I
ran into Tony and Carla at the movies and they told me you were here.  I
hitched a ride with them because I know you don’t like to drive at night,” I
try to explain to her.

“You
didn’t have to do that,” she sighs.  “Just because I don’t like it doesn’t
mean I can’t do it.”

“It’s
also snowing.” 

“I
didn’t know it was supposed to snow.”  She runs over to the window. 
“Damn it.”  I watch as she pulls her phone out of her coat pocket. 
She is scrolling through text messages when her phone rings.  “Hey Leah,”
she answers unenthusiastically.  “No thanks.  I’ll be okay.”  She
listens a little longer then closes her eyes.  “Rocco is here.  He’s
going to drive me back.”  If I could have done a victory dance right here,
I totally would have.  “Yeah, tell me about it.  I’ll see you soon.”

I
reach out for her keys and she grudgingly places them in my hand.  “I’m
going to start your car and clean the snow off.  I’ll be right
back.”  While cleaning off the car, I’m trying to think of things to say
to her on our drive back.  Do I tell her what is going on with Tony doing
his part and my mom hiring the PI?  Do I tell her how much I still love
her?  Do I just keep it simple? 

The
sound of voices coming from the front porch disrupts my thoughts.  Alyssa
is saying goodbye to Carla and Tony, so I walk over to do the same.  She
walks right by me and gets in the passenger side of her car without waiting for
me. 

“Good
luck, Rocco,” Carla calls going back inside.

“I’m
going to need more than luck,” I say watching the car.

“I’m
sure you’ll figure it out,” Tony says shaking my hand.  “I’ll be in touch
if I hear anything new.”

“I
appreciate it.” 

I
climb in Alyssa’s car and adjust the seat and mirrors.  She is already
buckled up and staring out the window.   I ask her if she wants the
radio on, but she ignores me.

“Alyssa,
I’m so…” I begin to apologize.

“Rocco,”
she inhales and exhales forcefully.  “I only agreed to let you drive
because I didn’t want to start an argument with you in front of Carla and I
would have felt bad if Tony had to leave to drive you home.  Can we please
just not speak the rest of the way?”

“Whatever
you want,” I say dejected.  For the rest of the ride, we are completely
silent.  How the hell am I supposed to get her back if she won’t even talk
to me?

Alyssa

Everyone
says that getting a manicure and pedicure always helps them feel better when
things are going wrong.  Either they are a bunch of liars or they have
never had their hearts ripped from their chests, torn to shreds, then thrown on
the streets of New York City for the world to trample on.  Yes, I get that
perhaps that might sound a
little
dramatic, but seriously?  Getting
someone to paint my nails does not help me feel better about not being Rocco
Matthews’ girlfriend anymore in the slightest.  Not only am I not his
girlfriend anymore, but some of our friends have been making him feel guilty
about the two of us not being together.  He’s trying to be nice to me in
order to get them off of his back.  Talk about rubbing salt in the
wound.  I honestly wish they would leave him the hell alone about it.
 This way, he’ll forget about me and move on to his next victim.

As
I’m sitting here half listening to the manicurist talk about the weather of all
things with the woman sitting in the chair next to me, I can barely hold back
the tears while everything that has been happening over the last few weeks is
racing through my mind.  First of all, who the hell did he think he was
showing up at the Halloween party?  I’m very well aware it was open to the
whole school, but he knew I had no choice except to be there.  Just
because he is The Great Rocco Matthews who can apparently do whatever, whoever
he feels like, he asked me to dance and had the balls to get pissed off because
I declined.  Who does that?  Then there was the time he was sitting
at my lab table when I walked in one morning.  If he wasn’t so incredibly
handsome, I would have probably slapped him across the face when he suggested
we still work together on the labs.  The thought of him being that close
to me and not being able to touch him was downright dreadful.  The worst
part of all of this was his constant texting.  I stopped reading them the
night of the stupid party.  Every damn time his name would appear on the
screen of my phone, the amount of willpower it took to not read what it said
was immense.  They finally stopped last week, which sucked just as much as
getting them.

All
of the pain and sadness I felt over Rocco was really starting to get to
me.  Last Friday, I got into an argument with Leah.  She was only
trying to help me and watch out for me, but when she attempted to keep me from
going to the mall by myself, I lost it. 

“Where
are you going?” Leah asked when I was getting my wallet and keys out of my
backpack.  She was just getting back from running errands with
Tyler.  Had I left a few minutes earlier, this whole mess would have all
been avoided.

“The
mall,” I told her as I shoved my phone into the pocket of my jeans.

“With?”
she questioned me.  My irritation was growing at this point because of the
way she was speaking to me. 

“Me,”
I answered a little too sharply.

“Hold
on,” she said looking at Tyler.  He nodded to her.  “Give me a few
minutes and I’ll come with you.” 

“No,
I’m fine.  I’ll see you later.”  I started walking out of our room.

“Alyssa,
you aren’t going to the mall by yourself,” she snapped.  “You know it’s
not safe.  Besides, it’s going to get dark soon.”  That was it. 
I was done being treated like a child. 

“Leah,
you aren’t my mother.  I’ve never had one of those, remember?  I think
I’ve managed pretty well so far.  If I want to go to the mall by myself, I
don’t need your permission!” I yelled at her even though I would definitely
regret it later.  Her face let me know she was pissed.  I had to get
out of there before anything else came flying out of my mouth.  I stormed
out of the apartment and let the door slam behind me.

“
Lyss
, wait up,” Tyler called from behind me as I rounded
the corner of the hallway.  “Leah didn’t mean for it to sound that
way.  She’s just worried about you.”

“I’m
so sick of everybody worrying about me and thinking they know what’s best for
me,” I said.  “They’re suffocating me.  That’s why I went home those
few weekends.  I needed to get away from all of them.  If
Thanksgiving wasn’t next week, I would have gone home today, too.  At
least no one bothers me there.” 

His
compassionate look had me starting to settle down.  He came over and gave
me a hug.  “I’ll talk to her,” I nodded.  “How about if you text her
every half hour or something?  Or me?  Just so she knows you weren’t
kidnapped by some lunatic.  More importantly, so I don’t have to listen to
her bitch and complain for the next few hours,” he added quickly so I wouldn’t
lash out at him, too.  I sighed, but agreed.  “Thank you.”

“I’ll
see you later.”  I went to walk away, but Tyler stopped me again.

“Are
you sure you don’t want to come out with us tonight?  We are only getting
something to eat and then catching a movie.  No one will even be able to
talk to you once the movie starts.  We miss you.  Logan even promised
not to tease you.”

I
didn’t think Rocco’s roommates were going when Paige asked me about going out
yesterday in class.  Why wouldn’t they be going?  Is Rocco going
too?  Somehow, my heart seemed to tear a little more at hearing the
news.  “It’s better if I don’t.  Thank you, though.”  I left
without saying another word.  Since I knew Tyler was right about Leah
torturing him, I made sure to text her a few times while I was shopping. 
There was even an apology for yelling at her mixed in somewhere. 

One
way or another, I’ve got to get myself over him.  My emotions were
constantly all over the place.  Just a simple thought of Rocco could make
my eyes tear up or bring me crashing to my knees.  Then there were the
times my mind starts to wonder why he would do this to me.  The first
night Rocco was in my apartment and Jeff showed up, he witnessed how upset I
was.  Did that make me an easy target for him?  Why would he bother
with me when other girls were constantly throwing themselves at him? 

My thoughts
were cut short when my phone started ringing.  No one besides my dad ever
called.  My friends usually just texted.  The number on my phone was
not one I recognized, especially with a North Jersey area code.  Normally,
I would have let the call go directly to voicemail, but for some reason I
didn’t. 

“Hello?”
I answered.

“Hi,
Alyssa.  It’s Carla,” the caller announced.  I remembered giving her
my number at the charity dinner last month and telling her to call if she ever
needed any help with the kids. 

“Hey. 
How are you?”  It was nice to hear her voice, despite the memories
thinking of the night we met would no doubt trigger. 

“I’m
good.  Thank you.  I’m sorry to bother you, but by any chance, is
Rocco with you?  I tried to call his phone, but there was no answer. 
I thought maybe he would be with you.”  The mention of his name froze me
right in the middle of the mall.  Good thing there wasn’t anyone walking
too closely behind me.  I couldn’t help but wonder where he was.  He
always had his phone on him.  Was he with a girl?    

“Um,
no he’s not,” I told her.  “I don’t know where he is.”

“Oh. 
I just thought I’d give it a shot,” she said sounding a little
disappointed.  “Thank you, anyway.” 

“Is
everything okay?”  I pulled myself together to get the words out.

“Everything’s
fine.  I was just getting ready to go out with a friend when my babysitter
called and canceled on me.  When I told the kids I wouldn’t be going out
after all, they asked if Rocco could watch them.  It’s really not a big
deal.  I will just reschedule for another time,” she replied.

“I
could watch them for you,” I volunteered.  “I’m not doing anything
tonight.”

She
was quiet for a few moments.  “Are you sure?  I feel terrible taking
away your Friday night.”

“I
would love to,” I told her honestly.  Even though they would probably
mention Rocco’s name all night, I would love to see Callie and Collin
again.  “As long as the kids don’t mind it’s me coming instead
of...”  I couldn’t even get his name to come out of my mouth.

“Hey
guys,” I heard her talking to the kids in the background.  “Would you like
if Alyssa came over to sit with you for a few hours?”  The eruption of
cheers and screams made me smile.  “I think you were given approval,” she
chuckled into the phone. 

“How
far are you from the mall?  I am walking out right now,” I told her
looking around for the exit.

“About
five minutes,” she said.  “Call me back when you are in your car and I’ll
get you here.  Thank you so much, Alyssa.”

“No
problem,” I said feeling a little excited. 

Less
than ten minutes later, I was pulling into their driveway.  The house was
a normal two story home with a two car garage in a quiet neighborhood.  I
was reminded how Carla and her husband probably bought this place thinking
they’d spend a lifetime here together.  It was definitely the right house
because there were these absolutely adorable twins bouncing up and down on the
front porch.  They had me shaking the sad thoughts away and giggling
before I could even get out of my car.

“Alyssa!” 
They were both calling my name as I walked up the steps toward them.  Once
I hit the top step, Callie jumped into my arms.  I had to almost catch
her.    

Carla
was standing behind her smiling.  “Sorry about her.  There wasn’t
enough time between our phone call and you getting here for her to calm down,”
she explained looking over at my car.  “Were you at the mall by yourself?”

“I
was,” I answered knowing what was coming next.

“Alyssa,
are you crazy?  I don’t even go there alone, especially on a Friday
night.  The people who show up there are nuts.”  She was ushering us
inside.

“It’s
not that late, yet.  I just needed to get out,” I explained.  Carla
took my coat and hung it in the hall closet. 

“Is
everything okay?” she asked concerned after she closed the closet door.

“Everything’s
fine,” I lied.

“I
may not be your mother, but I’m still a mom and a mother always knows when
something is wrong.  Spill it.  What’s up?” she insisted.  I
followed her into the kitchen.  “Something to drink?” Carla asked opening
the refrigerator. 

“Sure. 
Whatever you have is fine,” I said.  Maybe coming here was a bad
idea. 

Collin
came running up behind me.  “Alyssa, you have to come see our room and our
playroom downstairs,” he said excitedly. 

“I
want you both to run down and pick up those blocks you left on the floor. 
Alyssa will be there in a second.  Mommy needs to talk to her for a
minute,” Carla instructed them.

“Okay,
Mommy.  Hurry up and talk, Alyssa,” Callie told me as they ran over to the
basement stairs.  I couldn’t help but laugh at the two of them.

“Alyssa,”
Carla glared at me.

I
took a deep breath before telling her.  “Rocco broke up with me a few
weeks ago,” I admitted. 

“What
the hell?”  The surprised expression on her face told me she was not
expecting to hear that.  “Why would he do that?” she asked annoyed. 
The tears were forming in my eyes again, so I could only shrug my
shoulders.  Carla walked around the counter to put her arm around
me.  “Alyssa, I am so sorry.  It was obvious at the dinner how in
love he was with you.  His mom even told me how he was so excited to
introduce you to her.  I shouldn’t have called you.  I am probably
making things worse for you.  Wait until I get my hands on him.  What
did he say to you?”  She rambled on and on. 

Carla
handed me a box of tissues from under the counter.  I took a few. 
“Something about an ex-girlfriend,” I started to explain shaking my head. 
“It doesn’t matter.  He isn’t the type to date anyway.  I knew that
and still put myself out there to be hurt.  It was my own fault,” I paused
long enough to sniff and wipe my face.  “I just wish he would leave me
alone and let me get over him the way he’s over me,” I added. 

“Sweetheart,
I know for a fact Rocco became the dating type as soon as he met you.  I’m
not sure what happened, but I sincerely doubt he is over you the way you think
he is.  I’m going to talk to him.”  She was trying to be reassuring.

“Carla,
it’s very sweet of you to try and make me feel better, but it’s been a
month.  There really is nothing left to say.  All I really want is to
be able to move on.”  Thankfully someone walked in the front door ending
our conversation.

“Hey,
anyone home?” a voice called from the front of the house.  The kids were
already running up the stairs, then headed down the hallway in the direction of
the newcomer.

“Tony!”
they screamed.  Tony?  Rocco’s dad’s old partner?  I vaguely
remembered Rose talking about Tony and Carla. 

I
glanced over at her and smiled.  “Just a friend, huh?”  I asked raising
my eyebrows.

She
smiled back at me.  “Be quiet, you,” she said swatting me with the towel
she was holding. 

The
sound of the kids laughing uncontrollably coming into the kitchen distracted
the both of us.  “Can someone call off the guard dogs, please?” Tony
teased carrying the twins.  He stopped when he saw me standing next to
Carla.  “Hey, Alyssa.  Good to see you again.”