Forever and Almost Always (24 page)

I reached down and pulled her up flush against my body. Before I could reach her legs to pull her up around my waist, she was turning around and bending over. Any guy would have been more than happy to do it this way with their girl, but I needed to make love to her. I didn’t want to fuck her, screw her, or have some kind of meaningless sex. I wanted her to know that I cherished her. Every part of her, and that I wasn’t just in this for the sex.

I reached for her waist, turning her around and then picking her up, and sliding her down my cock as I pushed her up against the shower wall. My name passed between her lips and I growled. Just hearing her say my name made me want her even more. I took my time with her in the shower, showing every bit of her, attention. When I was done with her, she would never question how much I still loved her.

My lips found hers and never left hers after that. I kissed her deeply and so passionately that I could feel my love for her pouring out of me. And just as we were about to finish together, I let those three words slip from my mouth.

“I love you.”

I pushed into her one last time, and then we both unraveled together. I didn’t expect to hear her say it in return, but a big part of me was hoping she would. I needed to hear her admit that, that was exactly how she still felt, so I knew I made the right decision. We both washed up and dried off. Charlee still hadn’t said a single word, and I was starting to get worried that what I said had hit her the wrong way. She started getting dressed across the room, and I just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Charlee, are you mad at me?”

She looked up, confusion written all over her face. “Why would I be mad?”

“Because of what I said.”

A smile quickly spread across her face, and my heart eased just a bit. “Dax, I love you too. You know I do.”

I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms securely around her shoulders. “I wasn’t sure if you still did. I guess I just needed to hear it.” She looked up at me with those adoring eyes, and my heart rate spiked. Every moment with her was something new, and my body never ceased to stop reacting to her. She was my soul mate, I knew it and I knew she did too. Now all that was left, was for us to find a way to make this work. I wasn’t about to go another ten years or even ten minutes without knowing that she was mine.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Charlee

Throughout the years, my feelings for Dax never wavered, and now that I knew he still loved me, I felt complete. My love for him had grown to exponential amounts over the last twenty-four hours, but as far as I knew, he was still happily married.

After we got dressed, Dax led me down to the outside of the restaurant and I was taken back by the amazing table that he had called down to have set up for us. There were two vases overflowing with peonies, my absolute favorite flower, in every shade of pink possible. And to top it all off, he had ordered everything on the menu, knowing that I could never decide on breakfast foods. I gripped his hand tight before we took our seats. Our table was right at the edge, overlooking the beach and the entire ocean. I glanced over at Dax in this perfect moment. Dax never ceased to amaze me. He was more romantic than any other man I had ever met, and he always looked at me as though nobody else in this world exist, but me. It was flattering how much he was willing to do to show me just how much he loved me.

“You okay over there?”

I tore my eyes away from the gorgeous view outside, and met his gaze. “I’m perfect. Seriously, there is nowhere else in this world I would rather be.” He smiled that panty-dropping smile, and I was overcome with happiness. “So, what do you want to do today?”

“Well I actually set us up for a couple’s massage.”

I smiled over my fork of eggs. “Really?”

“Yes, really. Today is a day for relaxing and that’s it.”

“But, I have an article I have to get done. That’s the whole reason I came here.”

“I said, a day for relaxing.” He winked. “No arguing either.”

I smiled and finished the remaining eggs on my plate. “Dax, I have to ask you something.”

He glanced up from his waffles with a distraught look on his face. “And what would that be?”

“I have to know, are you still married? I noticed you don’t have your ring on, but you could’ve just taken it off for my benefit. I just need to know.”

He let out a loud sigh as he set his fork down on the table. “It’s complicated, Charlee.”

“No. No, it’s not complicated. You’re either married or you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.”

My heart dropped and I felt faint. Deep down I knew what his answer would be. I didn’t assume that he would just up and leave his wife for me, but I also didn’t think that he was the cheating type. Which I guess, made me the other woman. My fork dropped from my hand, clattering against the plate.

“Charlee just let me explain.”

“What is there to explain, Dax? You’re married and you came to California to what, fuck me then leave me?”

“It’s not like that Charlee, and you know it. You know how I feel about you.”

“Do you still love your wife?”

He sat there with a stoic look on his face. After a few minutes, when he still hadn’t answered, I stood up and walked away from the table. I needed to get away from his intoxicating presence and clear my head. I took the stairway that led to the beach and headed towards the pier. The wind had picked up a bit and it was getting chilly, so I hugged my sweater tightly to my body to stay warm. When I got close to the pier, I stopped and dropped to my knees sobbing. I covered my face with my hands to muffle the sound of my crying, and just let it all go. The water crashed down around me, but I didn’t care. With every wave my body became wetter, as it slowly started seeping through to my clothing. My body was shivering and the tears just kept flowing. It was like I turned on a faucet and now it was stuck.

I wanted to get up and talk to him. To try and work this
thing
out, or whatever it was we were doing, but I just didn’t have the energy for it. After ten years of holding out hope that we would eventually be able to be together again, I had finally reached my breaking point. There was nothing left for me to do, and no way for me to fix this. He was right the day that we talked, when he said that it is what it is, he was right. There was never a future for us, but apparently I was the last one to realize this.

I felt his hands wrap around my shoulders, trying to force me to stand, but I didn’t want his help. I wanted to be alone. “Just leave, Dax. Please just go. I can’t take another heartbreak from you. From anybody else I would be fine, but not from you. I need you to leave me alone.”

He never said a word. His hands were suddenly gone, and he never said a word. I would have cried, but I had no more left in me. I was all out of hope, faith, and love, basically anything that took any effort on my part and my part only. I pulled myself together and started to head back to the hotel, a little while later. When I reached the top of the stairs, I saw Dax walk by the open entrance at the front of the hotel. I ran the rest of the way, just in time to see him getting into his car. I wanted to yell for him, tell him to stop and talk to me, but nothing came out. He was leaving me this time, and I didn’t get a say so. I told him to leave, and for once in his stubborn ass life, he actually listened to me.

The pain in my chest started to subside, after I watched his car disappear in the distance. I wasn’t sure if I would ever see him again, and that’s the part that killed me. I had finally had him back in my life, after ten long years and just like that, he was gone. I was starting to shiver from my wet clothing, when the valet attendant came up to me.

“Are you okay, miss?”

I nodded my head vigorously, not wanting to admit that I had finally been broken beyond repair. “Yes.” I answered through chattering teeth.

“Do you need help up to your room?”

“No. I can do it on my own.” And I knew I could.

I spent the rest of the day on a lounge chair, on the beach. I sat there, staring at the ocean, drink in hand, not being able to have one coherent thought. I was in a daze, and as long as I was drunk, it didn’t bother me. I grabbed my phone and called the one person I knew I could always count on.

“Charlee?”

“Hi, Mom. What are you doing?”

“I’m just at home, doing some housework. Where are you?”

“I’m in California, sitting on the beach with a drink in my hand. It’s amazing and absolutely beautiful. I wish you were here.” I was starting to get choked up talking to her.

“Honey, are you okay?”

“Maybe I was meant to be alone forever. You’ve been alone a long time, does it ever get any easier?”

She sighed. “Oh honey, it does, but it’s lonely sometimes. But you have your work, Charlee. You have an amazing job that you fought so hard to get and your amazing at it. I couldn’t be more proud of you. You’ll find somebody someday, I promise, baby girl.”

A stray tear rolled down my cheek and I quickly swiped it away. “Thanks Mom. That means a lot to me. I’ll call you when I get back from the awards show, maybe we can get together for dinner?”

“Sounds great. Now go enjoy your beach and I’ll talk to you soon. I love you, Charlee.”

“I love you too.”

I closed my eyes as I soaked up the remaining sun for the day. Tomorrow it was back to reality, and then two days after that, it was off to New York. I loved my life. What wasn’t there to love? I had an amazing job, a nice house and car, my family and basically everything I ever wanted, almost.

~ ~ ~ ~

New York was beautiful in the fall, and I was beyond excited to be back in this amazing city. The awards show went great, and I got my article done that night and sent it off to my editor. I now had two free days to do whatever I wanted to do, and in New York, that meant a million things. I went to every major landmark, and maxed out my credit cards at stores I never thought I would ever get the chance to shop at. I was finding my groove again and it felt great.

I hadn’t heard from Dax since that day in California, and I didn’t expect to be hearing from him anytime soon. Life was funny like that. Even when you thought you knew exactly what you wanted, someone comes along and changes your entire world. I regret choosing my family over him. I’ve regretted it everyday since I did it, and that was exactly what I was going to tell him, before he left. Missed opportunities. They were something I was all too familiar with.

I had just fallen asleep, when my hotel phone started ringing. I wasn’t sure who would be calling this late, but I picked it up anyway. “Hello?”

“Hi Charlee, it’s Renee.”

“Oh hi, Renee. Was there something wrong with my article?” Renee, my editor, rarely if ever called me, and now I was starting to worry that my work had been suffering given my current depression.

“Oh, no sweetie. The article was fabulous as always. I was just calling to give you the good news. We’ve decided to run your article as our cover story next month.”

I sat straight up in bed, shocked. My editor was hard to please, to say the least. “Oh my god. Renee, are you serious?”

“That’s not it, Charlee. We would like to offer you a senior editor job. You would still get to write some pieces as well, but you would also have the new title and the responsibilities of that position. So, what do you say?”

I was blown away. This is what I had been working towards since the day I graduated college. “Yes. Absolutely. I would love to take the job. Thank you, Renee.”

“Fantastic. That’s fantastic. Okay, well as soon as you get back home, start packing. We will need you in Phoenix by next Monday.”

“I’m sorry, what? Phoenix? But I live in Utah. I guess I just assumed the job was there.”

“Nope. Phoenix. You still in?”

I sat there in my pitch-black hotel room trying to think of a logical reason to say no. He was in Phoenix. My old life was back there, and I had no intentions on ever returning, ever.

“Charlee, you still there or did I lose you?”

“No, no I’m still here. Yes, Renee. I’m in.”

“Perfect. I’ll email you all the details, and have my assistant set you up with some realtors in Utah and Arizona. This is going to be great for you, Charlee. I can feel it. Now go back to sleep. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Thank you, Renee.”

I flung myself back on the mound of pillows behind me and stared blankly at the ceiling. My life was changing, and changing fast. I wasn’t exactly sure what I had just gotten myself into, but this was my dream job and I couldn’t say no.

After an hour of laying wide awake, I decided to call Taylor. She was the only one who would be able to talk me through this.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Taylor. I’m so sorry I’m calling so late, but I need to talk. Were you sleeping?”

“No, what’s up?”

I took in a deep breath. “Guess who’s moving back to Arizona.”

“NO WAY!”

“Ow Taylor. That’s my ear.”

“How did this happen?”

“My editor just called me. She said my article will be the cover story for the magazine next month, and then she offered me a senior editor job.”

“That’s amazing, on both counts. I’m so proud of you, Charlee. So proud. So, have you heard…”

“No.” I cut her off before she could even bring up his name. “Well, I’m going to go back to sleep. I have an early flight tomorrow. I guess I’ll be seeing you next week.”

“I can’t wait, Char.”

“Alright, I’ll talk to you later. Sleep good, hun.”

“Oh, hey Charlee?”

“Yeah?”

“Congratulations.”

I smiled through the phone line. “Thanks, Taylor.”

I hung up with Taylor and tried to go back to sleep. I tossed and turned for hours and by the time I was finally ready to fall asleep, it was time for me to get up. I took a quick shower, packed my bags and headed out. Time to get home and uproot my life. Hooray for me.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Dax

I regretted leaving her, every day since. As much as I didn’t want to walk away from her, I had to. I had to come home and deal with my life on my own terms. I wanted to tell her my plans, and that I was going to be leaving my wife anyway, but it wasn’t fair to her. I didn’t want her feeling as though she was the one to blame for the demise of my marriage. The truth was, my marriage was over a long time ago. I married her out of convenience; we both did. She was there when I was hurting and at my lowest point, and we both leaned on each other. We didn’t marry one another because we were in love. Well at least it wasn't love for me. We married each other because we were both so badly broken from our previous relationships, that it just made sense in the long run.