Forever and Always (23 page)

She quickly picked them up and returned them to their rightful place, pushing all memories of last night out of her head. Her appetite was none existent. She grabbed her jacket and her handbag from the hall floor where she had dropped them the night before and walked out the door unsure of where she was going.

An hour later she found herself at her Dad’s front door. She had her own key but since she had stopped spending weekends there she felt less comfortable using it. She rang the bell and waited for an answer.

“This is a surprise” Grace greeted Melanie happily when she opened the door. “Your Dad and Jamie are out the back repairing a puncture, one week of the summer holidays and already he has crashed his bike”.

“Was he hurt” Melanie asked as she followed Grace into the kitchen.

“He has a bump on his head and a shiner” Grace replied and sighed. “Of which he is very proud”. Melanie laughed.

She stuck her head out the back door and saw her Dad and Jamie crouched with their heads together over Jamie’s BMX.

“Hey kid your chain is flat” Melanie called with a giggle. Jamie looked up and his eyes lit up when he saw Melanie.

“Mel” he yelled happily and ran to Melanie throwing his arms around her. “Check out my black eye”.

“Very impressive” Melanie nodded and smiled. “Is it your first one?”

“Yep” he replied with pride. “Isn’t it cool?”

“Very cool” she laughed.

“Hey kiddo” Alex said, finally getting a chance to hug Melanie once Jamie had released her. “I wasn’t expecting to see you today. Thought you would have been painting the town with the girls seems as the lads are out of town”.

“Thought I would spend the day with my other two favourite boys” Melanie replied and kissed her Dad on the cheek.

“You ok sweetheart?” Alex asked instantly sensing all was not good with his daughter.

“Of course” Melanie lied. How did Dad do that? He could always tell when something wasn’t quite right with her and sometimes it would freak her out. “I just had a late night last night at Simon’s. So I am feeling a little worse for wear today”.

“Ok” Alex replied, but somehow he wasn’t convinced but decided to let it go for now. He noticed the bandage on her finger. “What happened to your finger?”

“Oh I had a bit on an accident myself last night” she replied and laughed.
“Although not quite as dramatic as Jamie’s”.
Alex laughed loudly.

Grace made everyone a lunch of chicken pasta salad. Normally this would have been one of Melanie’s favourite dishes. But today she just wasn’t in the mood.

Alex watched as she pushed the food around her plate and glanced at Grace who had noticed too. After lunch Grace took Jamie to the shops to buy his a new video game giving Alex and Melanie some time alone.

“So have you heard from your Mom?” Alex asked as they sat down out on the back patio.

“Yeah” Melanie replied and sipped a glass of orange juice. “She said her and Tom are having a great time. They will be back next Thursday so she will be back in plenty of time for the hen’s night next week”. Sarah married Tom four years earlier. Tom was very sweet and romantic and was crazy about Sarah. He was a little older than Sarah but he made her happy and Melanie liked him.

“Oh god” Alex laughed. “I don’t know if the world is ready for you lot out for a hen’s night”.

Melanie laughed and finally she could feel her humour improve a little. They sat in silence for a while comfortable in each other’s company.

Alex knew Melanie had something on her mind, but he also knew not to push her; that she would talk when she was ready.

“Dad can I ask you something” Melanie finally said and Alex smiled knowing he was right to wait. “When you and Mom broke up, how did you know that it just wasn’t right and that it would be right with Grace?”

“Wow” he replied simply. That was a question he hadn’t been prepared for. “I honestly don’t know Mel. I loved Sarah so much, she was my best friend. I loved spending time with her. It felt comfortable. But it should have felt more. When I met Grace it was so different. It felt like she was my other half. Like she knew what I was thinking before I did. She knew me better than I did. When I wasn’t with her I felt lost. The only time I was happy without Grace was when I spent time with you. She was in my mind when I woke up and there when I went to sleep. It just felt right. I guess you could say I loved Sarah but I am in love with Grace. She completes me”.

“Oh” Melanie replied. She wasn’t sure how she expected his answer to help, but it hadn’t. In fact she just felt so much worse. She thought about Simon, there was no question whether or not she loved him. But was she in love with him. With him she felt safe and comfortable. But he just didn’t set her blood on fire like Sam did. Sam set her heart and her head into a spin. He made her feel alive. But she didn’t know if they could ever have a real future together. Sam had hurt her and she had hurt him. She didn’t think Simon could ever hurt her.

“Is there something you want to tell me Melanie” Alex asked. “Are you having doubts about the wedding? Because if you are that’s ok. I don’t want you to go ahead with something that might make you unhappy. I am sure if you need more time, Simon would understand”.

“I am just being silly” she replied and gave him a reassuring smile. “You know me. I get the most random of thoughts and let my imagination work over time”.

“Mel you know if there is anything at all you want to talk about” Alex said leaning forward. “I am here and I will never judge you. I can just listen if that’s what you need”.

“I know Dad” Melanie said and stood up and bent down to Alex and hugged him tightly. “You know I love you”.

“I love you too sweetheart” Alex replied and hugged her back.

Two hours later Melanie pulled into her parking space outside her apartment. Alex had dropped her back to Simon’s place to collect her car and she headed straight back to her own apartment.

She pressed the call button for the lift. As she rode up in the lift she decided she was going to have a bath, order a takeaway and watch some TV before she turned in for an early night.

She stepped off the lift and headed down towards her apartment, searching her bag for her keys. Half way down the hallway she found them, she pulled them from her bag then looked up and stopped dead in her tracks.

“Melanie” Sam said when she came closer to him. He was sitting on the floor outside her apartment door waiting on her. She wondered how long he had been sitting there.

“What are you doing here Sam” she asked as she nervously played with the keys in her hand.

“I had to talk to you” He said getting up from the floor and standing in front of her. “I had to see you were ok after last night. I don’t know what I did that upset you but I am sorry. Upsetting you is the last thing I want to do”.

“You have nothing to be sorry for” she sighed, her voice barely a whisper. Her heart felt a pang of regret that she had been so harsh with him the night before. She stared at the floor unable to meet his gaze. “But you really shouldn’t be here”.

“Please Melanie” Sam says as he reaches for her hand. “I just want to talk. Please don’t push me away. We can be friends can’t we? If that’s all you can offer me then that’s what I will take”.

“Friends then” Melanie said finally letting her eyes meet his. “How long have you been here?”

“Oh just a while” he said and smiled but something told her it was definitely more than a while.

“Come on I will make you a coffee” she said as she slid her key into the lock and opened her apartment door. “Isn’t that what friends do”.

Sam followed Melanie into her apartment and stood nervously at the door for a moment. He looked around her apartment and he smiled. This apartment was very Melanie. It was painted in soft cream with a feature wall of Teal. There was a cream sofa with teal and cream scatter cushions and a big comfy cream armchair with matching foot stool. The curtains matched the scatter cushions. There was a bookcase in the corner filled with books and about a dozen assorted picture frames.

There was photos ever where, pictures of people who were obviously very important to her. There was a photo on the wall of Melanie in her cap and gown on her graduation with a man and a woman. They were obviously her Mom and Dad. Sam could instantly see the resemblance between her and her Dad. Next to it was a photo of her and a young boy, Sam guessed about six or seven. There was a strong similarity between Melanie and the boy. Sam guessed that it must be her little brother Jamie.

He followed her to the galley kitchen and there were more photos stuck loosely to her fridge door. He looked closely at the photos. Some made him giggle. There were some obviously taken on nights out with her friends.
One on a hen’s weekend.
They were all dressed up in eighties style clothes and were laughing at something off camera. He recognised Lucy in it too. Then he spotted one of Melanie and Simon taking at some party. Melanie was smiling and she looked happy. Sam could feel his stomach turn a little. It hurt that someone else had made her happy when he had broken her heart.

“I like your apartment” he said as he leaned up against the counter as she filled the kettle with water.
“It very.....very you”.

“Thanks” she replied and laughed. “I think”.

It was just then Sam spotted the framed photo that was hanging on the wall facing the opening for the galley kitchen. He walked over to it to have a closer look. He needed to be sure he was right. He was. It was a picture of their beach. The place he took her the first day they met. 

“This is our beach” he said turning back to Melanie.

“I took that photo on one of our visits there and I liked it” Melanie replied, but she blushed. “It’s still the most beautiful place I have ever been”.

“I could bring you back there” Sam replied softly, his piercing eyes holding hers.

“Sam please
don’t
” Melanie begged.

“Melanie” he said moving closer to her. “It’s killing me to be so close to you and not being allowed to touch you. I know things got messed up before. There hasn’t been a day I haven’t cursed myself for letting you walk away from me on the beach that day. I should have made you stay and listen. And I don’t know what you think you saw after that but I swear on my life I was never with Carolyn after you left the Cape. There has been no one else. No one could ever compare to you Melanie. I loved you the minute I saw you and I could never love someone else this way”.

“Sam so much has changed since back then” Melanie cried. “There are things you don’t know about me. Things that could change how you feel about me”.

“There is nothing you could possibly tell me that could ever change how I feel about you” Sam said pulling her into his arms. “Melanie, I love you. Tell me you don’t feel the same”.

“Sam you don’t know what you are saying” Melanie replied wishing for the courage to tell him everything. “If you knew what I have been through, I am not the girl I was back then, the truth is I am just a shell and I don’t know if I can be enough for you”.

“But you’re enough for Simon” he said his voice suddenly colder.

“Simon loves who I am now” Melanie said pulling away from him. “Not some idealized version of someone who no longer exists”.

“Then tell me who you are now” he pleads grabbing her arm and pulling her back to him. “Let me in, stop pushing me away”.

Before she could answer him her mobile phone began to ring. She didn’t move for a moment. She just stood and stared into his eyes. She wanted to tell him, but she was afraid.

“I should get that” she said when she didn’t know what else to say. She slipped from his grasp and picked up her mobile and pressed answer without even looking at it.

“Hello” she said her eyes still fixed on Sam.

“Hi baby” Simon said cheerfully from the other end of the line. Melanie stomach flipped, feeling like she had been caught in the act. She turned away from Sam. “The lads will freak out if they know I called you but I missed your voice too much”.

“Are you having fun?” she asked aware Sam could hear whatever she was saying.

“Well the hotel is great” he replied. “We are booked for the golf course in the morning; tonight we are just going to have a quiet one. Are you feeling better?”

“Better?” she asked feeling a little confused.

“Last night you said you were feeling unwell” he explained.

“Oh yeah” she replied. “I feel a little better today, probably just a bug or something. Don’t think it’s anything too serious”. She turned and looked back over at Sam who was watching her closely. She could feel her cheeks burn with embarrassment.

“I am glad” Simon replied. “I love you Mel”. The sudden change in his voice made her feel guilty. She knew he sensed something was wrong but he really had no idea just how bad things were.

“I love you too Simon” she replied as the tears pooled in her eyes. How could she do this to him? He loved her. Why couldn’t she just be happy with that?

“Enjoy the rest of your weekend” she said as the tears trickled down her face. “See you when you get back”.

“Ok” he replied quietly. “Bye”.

Melanie hung up and turned away from Sam again. She needed to do the right thing and if she looked at him, she knew she wouldn’t be able to.