Forever Baby (28 page)

Nolan and Cara know the key to abolishing the blues, and they kindly keep me adequately quenched. Consequently, after a few shots, I have embraced the evening, and I am having a great time. I love to dance. It is very freeing, and when I am tipsy, I am the best dancer in the universe. Swaying to the music with my best friends on the dance floor is really great therapy for my aching heart.

The three of us walk, arm in arm, home from the bar, a giggling trio of cheerfulness. After we chow down on some mac and cheese, Nolan heads home, and Cara and I head to bed.

When I get to my room, I decide that it is a great time to drunk FaceTime Andres. There is a six-hour time difference between Michigan and Spain, so it is eight thirty in the morning in Seville.

Andres picks up, and I see that he is still in bed. His bare chest is visible as his head rests on his pillow.

“Hey, baby! Good morning!” I am more than thrilled to talk to him.

He chuckles sleepily, rubbing his eyes. “Good morning, baby. Are you drunk-calling me?” He flashes his tired but beautiful smile.

“Maybe,” I say with a wink. “I miss you so much. I can hardly stand it.”

“I miss you, too. Tell me about your night.”

“I went dancing with Cara and Nolan. I didn’t want to go at first, but Cara talked me into it. It was fun after a while. I’m glad I went.”

“I’m glad you went, too. I know you miss me, baby, but you don’t have to prove it by being miserable, you know?”

Sighing, I say, “I know.” Then, a smile creeps onto my face. “I especially miss you now…like, really, really miss you.”

Andres smirks. “Oh yeah? Why do you really miss me now? Please explain.”

I can tell by the teasing tone in his voice that he knows exactly why I really miss him at the moment. “You know why I miss you,” I say sheepishly.

The hue of his eyes gets darker. “Tell me what we would be doing if I were there with you right now.”

I suddenly feel shy, not sure how to do this over the phone. “I don’t know,” I say timidly.

Andres’s voice sounds deeper, huskier as he says, “Touch yourself for me, Livi. I want to see you.”

I bite my lip, contemplating for a second.
Oh, what the hell?
I hesitantly lift up my dress and pull off my thong. Lying on the bed, I tilt the phone down, so Andres can watch as I stick my fingers between my wet flesh and rub the area throbbing with need. I hear Andres groan.

“Are you touching yourself, too, baby?” I ask between my heavy breaths.

“Yes, baby,” Andres answers. “I want to see you stick your fingers inside, like I would do if I were there right now.”

I continue to hold the phone down, giving him a clear view, as I insert my finger, feeling my warmth and wetness.

“Oh my God, baby,” Andres grunts. “Show me your beautiful tits. I want to see you pull on your nipples.”

I moan as I remove my finger from myself and use my hand to slip my dress off over my head. I pull my nipple between my thumb and index finger, achingly stretching it. “Ah…Andres,” I moan. “I want to see you.”

I peer at my phone as Andres points his toward his hand moving rhythmically over his smooth skin. The sight of him touching himself sends a deep-seated rush of desire and want through my body, and I shiver. I pull my nipple once more, and then I start rubbing my throbbing core between my legs. The desperate need to relieve this aching pressure is almost unbearable.

I whimper, “Andres, I need to come.”

His voice is shallow and breathy when he answers, “Come for me, baby. Point the phone toward your face. I want to watch your face when you come.”

His words are my unraveling, and I let out a gasp of pleasure as my body convulses with a much-needed orgasm. I hear a carnal groan and watch Andres’s face as he comes with me. We both lie there, panting. I watch Andres’s chest expand between his labored breaths.

A tear rolls down my cheek. “I miss you so much. I want you to be here with me.”

He sighs, “I know, baby. I miss you, too.”

We lie there for a few minutes, watching each other breathe.

“Get some sleep, baby. Call me later.” Andres blows a kiss toward the phone.

I let out a sad chuckle and blow a kiss back. “Okay, babe. Night.”

“Night, baby,” he says.

I hang up and hold the phone to my chest before my intoxicated, sated, and sad body falls quickly to sleep.

Life starts to slowly go back to my pre-Andres college life. I go back to waiting tables at La Fiesta, the Mexican restaurant where I have worked for two years. I pick up as many doubles as I can, anxious to pay off some of my Spain credit card debt.

Nolan, Cara, and I fall back into our old routines with midday study sessions, dinners together— usually consisting of cheap processed pasta—and regular visits to our favorite bars. All is as it was before Spain—that is, except for the constant, sad ache in my heart that I try desperately to ignore while I go about my day.

I text Andres every day. We also message each other, FaceTime, and chat on the phone every couple of days. Andres has gone back to school, and he is taking extra credit hours in an attempt to catch up. It is challenging, given the time difference and our busy schedules, to find the time to actually talk on the phone, but we always have some sort of daily contact.

Classes have started. It is a hot and humid beautiful September day—one of summer’s last hurrahs. Nolan meets me at my house, and we leave to walk to Spanish class.

“Hey, babycakes. Did you finish your homework?” I ask.

Nolan grins. “Yes. You know, I am capable of doing my homework without you…on occasion.” He winks.

I laugh. “Okay, just checking. I actually wasn’t sure.” I worked a double the day before, and I wasn’t able to get together with Nolan as we normally do. “So, what did you do yesterday during your entire day without me? Did you spend lots of time talking to Abby?” I peer up toward Nolan.

Nolan wears an expression that I can’t quite place. “Well…no. Actually, Liv…Abby and I broke up.” He looks down at me as he runs a hand through his hair.

“What? When? Why?” I am completely thrown off guard.

“Well, actually”—he takes a deep breath—“we broke up in Spain.”

“What?” I stare at him in complete shock, my mouth wide open.

“I ended it with her right before I took her to the airport. I know it was horrible timing, but I couldn’t do it anymore.”

“What do you mean, you couldn’t do it anymore? What happened?”

“I don’t know. When she came to visit me in Spain, I realized that we weren’t as compatible as I’d thought we were. I no longer saw a future with her, and I didn’t want to string her along anymore just because it would be shitty of me to break up with her after she’d flown across an ocean to see me. I wanted to do it in person, so I had to do it then.” Nolan shrugs.

“And you are just now telling me this crazy news? That was months ago, Nolan!” I try to hide the hurt in my voice.

“I’m sorry, love. It never came up.”

Thinking back, I realize that after Abby and Cara left Spain, I really haven’t brought Abby up, which sends a wave of guilt through me.
Am I really that self-absorbed?

“Nolan, this was a huge change in your life. You should have brought it up! How do you think I feel that you didn’t tell me, your best friend, that you’d ended a relationship with the girl you thought you would marry? I know I have been a little preoccupied with my own life drama this summer, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear about your life.” I stop and pull Nolan in for a hug. “I’m sorry.”

Looking down at me, Nolan smiles sweetly. “Don’t worry, babe. It’s fine. I am fine. I am really great actually. I think breaking up with Abby was the best thing for me.” He kisses me on the forehead and grabs my hand.

We continue walking to class.

“Any other major life-changing events happen to you this summer that you want to share with me now?” I ask in a sarcastic tone.

Nolan laughs. “Maybe, but I think we can wait to delve deeper into my life another time.”

“Nolan, I’m serious!”

“I’m joking, babe. All is good with me. Seriously, I will keep you informed. I promise. Okay?” He flashes me his pearly whites.

“Hmm…now my question is, why didn’t you date or at least go out on a date with anyone in Spain? You know the girls were all into you.”

“I wasn’t into any of them.”

“So? You could have just had some fun. You are a twenty-two-year-old guy. What is your deal, Nolan? Cara is more of a guy when it comes to that than you.”

My last comment incites a loud laugh from Nolan.

“Maybe she is. I just got out of a long relationship, Liv. My first thought wasn’t to jump into bed with someone else.”

“Okay, fine, I understand. So, what’s your timeline on that? When are you going to start dating again?”

“When the love of my life realizes that she loves me, too.”

“Well, you have to find her first.”

“Yeah, maybe I do,” Nolan answers quietly.

After classes, I enter our house and head straight to our living room. I let my backpack fall to the wood floor with a loud thud. Cara startles and turns her transfixed eyes from a reality TV show.

I walk over to Cara and shove my phone in her face as she is taking a bite of cereal with milk dribbling down her chin.

“Look! He was tagged in another slut’s photo!” I shriek.

Cara grabs my cell to study the photo that I have pulled up on Facebook.

“Livi, calm down. He is obviously not into that girl. It looks like she is mauling him into a hug while another half-brained groupie took the photo. You know he is going to have more of those girls all over him.”

“A groupie that he is friends with on Facebook?”

“Okay, so he might know her from high school or something. Who knows? You have about a thousand friends on Facebook. Can you name even one thing about all of your friends? You know how it is,” she says.

She obviously isn’t as remotely concerned over this most recent photo as I am. My freak-outs over Facebook photos of Andres with other girls have become an almost daily affair. Apparently, all the whores in Seville think they should take photos with my boyfriend and then tag him in them so that I can be tortured from afar. None of the photos have been incriminating. They usually consist of a girl wearing a giant cheesy grin with her arms wrapped around Andres. This whole long-distance relationship gig that I have going on here is driving me crazy. It has transformed me into an anxious, obsessed, jealous, moody girl, and I hate myself like this. I have never been this way before in my life, especially about a guy.

“Ugh, I know! I am just so sick of this shit. Stupid whores!” I know I’m completely overreacting as I plop down on the couch next to Cara.

Cara laughs. “Don’t worry, Liv. You know Andres loves you. As we have discussed and discussed…and discussed…posing with girls in photos is PR for their band. It’s not a big deal. Stop getting your panties in a wad, or you are going to go crazy. Chill already.”

Leaning my head against the back of the couch, I close my eyes and sigh. “I know. I just miss him. I still hate those bitches.”

“Absolutely! I hate those bitches, too. Just don’t let it stress you out so much.”

“Okay,” I say. “I’m going to go take a nap and do a little reading for my philosophy class. Nolan will be here at eight, so we can start the pre-party.”

Tonight is karaoke at the Wooden Nickel, which is always a great time.

Mentioning Nolan’s name reminds me of our previous conversation. “Oh, that reminds me. Did you know that Nolan broke up with Abby in Spain?”

“No! When did you find this out?” Cara sounds as surprised as I was.

“Today. I can’t believe he didn’t tell me when it happened. He tells me everything.”

“Well, good for him. I’m not surprised. They had zero chemistry. Good riddance, I say!” Cara waves her hand dramatically.

“Why do you think he didn’t tell me?”

“I have my guesses. But who really knows? Did you ask him? The important thing is that she is gone. Nolan deserves so much better.”

I nod in agreement. “I did. He said that it never came up. What are your guesses?”

Cara laughs. “Oh, Liv, you can be so clueless sometimes.”

“Uh…what does that mean?” I scrunch up my face in exasperation.

“It doesn’t surprise me that you held on to your college V-card for so long. You have no skills when it comes to reading guys, and you are always pushing them away.”

I groan. “Ugh, not this again. First of all, as I have stated before, I lost my V-card a long time ago. Second, you don’t know what you are talking about.”

She laughs again at my growing annoyance. “Okay, look, I don’t want to pick an argument. I’m just glad Andres broke through, that’s all.”

“Andres? Weren’t we just talking about Nolan? Are you speaking in some sort of code that I’m supposed to understand? Because I don’t.”

Giggling, she responds, “Love ya, Liv. Go take your nap. I have to run and pick up my paycheck.” She stands and half skips to her room before calling back, “Don’t worry about it. It will all work out.”

I head to my room, trying to translate Cara’s comments and innuendos. I have a history of misunderstanding guys and pushing them away before they can get too close, which is partly why I haven’t had a serious boyfriend in college. I know that some of my insecurities still dictate the way in which I interact with people, especially guys. However, I don’t see how that relates to Nolan’s reason for not telling me about Abby. I hope Cara knows that I will revisit that conversation later.