Forever Checking (Checked Series Book 3) (23 page)

What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed?
Lamb chops.

What song is in your head right now? 
“Wishin’ and Hopin’.” Ani DiFran—

“CALLIE! Stop typing. I’m right here.”

He is right here. A few feet away. In my bed.

And he’s smiling. I wonder—

“I think I’ll sleep for a little bit while you do your routine, unless you want my company.”

I shake my head, cutting him off.
No, I don’t want your company while I do my routine.
Yes, please sleep.
Great idea. Very conven—

“Wake me up when you are done.” Face still smiling. Eyes burning.

{There is a new song in my head—a made-up song with these lyrics: If you didn’t have to complete this stupid routine every night, Callie, you wouldn’t have to wait an entire three hours to crawl into bed with him.} {Stupid Callie—I think that’s the name of the song. It should be.}

DAY 15 (SUNDAY)

Time medicine PLUS CRACKERS taken:
4:00 p.m.

Physical differences noticed today:
Didn’t notice anything.

Mental differences noticed today:
Didn’t notice anything.

I am getting increasingly tired of writing in this journal. I have been working on so much stuff tonight. Another poetry portfolio. Lesson plans for my TA class. Other papers. And now this.

Did you do your routines today?
Yes.

Are you still picking off your nail polish?
Yes.

How many calories did you consume today?
1400.

What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed?
Your turn to answer.

What song is in your head right now? 
“It’s the Same Old Song.” The Four Tops.

SEND.

DAY 16 (MONDAY)

Time medicine PLUS CRACKERS taken:
4:00 p.m.

Physical differences noticed today:
None.

Mental differences noticed today:
None.

Not none. I’m having PMS today.

I probably should go back on the pill soon. I think my PMS symptoms were better back when I was on it. Plus, if I go on the pill, I won’t have to worry so much about pregnancy…

I’ve taken three pregnancy tests so far this month. Three negative tests (Thank God).

I’m secretly kind of relieved to be having PMS.

Did you do your routines today?
Yes.

Are you still picking off your nail polish?
Yes.

How many calories did you consume today?
1400.

What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed?
Kielbasa.

What song is in your head right now? 
“Bitch.” Meredith Brooks.

SEND.

DAY 17 (TUESDAY)

Time medicine PLUS CRACKERS taken:
4:00 p.m.

Physical differences noticed today:
Haven’t noticed anything.

I’m bleeding and cramping. I have a period-related zit growing on the left side of my chin. Oh, and my skin is extra dry due to all of the extra showering today. That’s going to worsen as the week goes on…

I’m also retaining water, which is REALLY annoying.

Mental differences noticed today:
Haven’t noticed anything.

I’m thankful that I’m not pregnant.

I’m pissed that I’m bleeding.

I’m once again glad that Melanie isn’t bleeding anymore.

I’m thinking a lot about chocolate.

Did you do your routines today?
Yes.

Are you still picking off your nail polish?
Yes.

How many calories did you consume today?
1400.

Even though I thought about three thousand calories- worth of chocolate.

What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed?
Pasta primavera.

What song is in your head right now? 
“The Lady in Red.” Chris de Burgh.

SEND.

DAY 18 (WEDNESDAY)

Time medicine PLUS CRACKERS taken:
4:00 p.m.

Physical differences noticed today:
Haven’t noticed anything.

Bleeding. Bleeding. Bleeding. Bathing. Bathing. Bathing.

Mental differences noticed today:
Haven’t noticed anything.

I want chocolate. I want chocolate. I want chocolate.

Did you do your routines today?
Yes.

Are you still picking off your nail polish?
Yes.

How many calories did you consume today?
1400.

I should’ve thrown out my regular food and just eaten fourteen hundred calories of chocolate.

What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed?
Pasta primavera.

What song is in your head right now? 
“The Lady in Red” by Chris de Burgh.

Answers just copied and pasted from yesterday. Because I’m tired of writing these.

SEN—

WAIT! You have to change the food and the song, dumbass.

Delete. Delete. Delete.

What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed?
Cobb salad.

Which sounds like cod salad…but, apparently, they are two different things. Two different salads. That’s what the chef on TV said last night, anyway.

What song is in your head right now?

UGH. I just looked at my song from yesterday, and now it’s back in my head. Damn it. I’m going to need to lie. Here goes…

What song is in your head right now?
“I’m So Excited.” The Pointer Sisters. Also sung by Jessie Spano in a
Saved by the Bell
episode.

Good enough. Send.

DAY 19 (THURSDAY)

Time medicine PLUS CRACKERS taken:
4:00 p.m.

Physical differences noticed today:
Haven’t noticed anything.

More freaking blood. Stupid blood. Coming out of me. Also coming out of Dracula’s victims tonight as I read Bram Stoker’s novel.

I am still feeling pretty tired in general. I took a long nap after grocery shopping this morning.

Mental differences noticed today:
Haven’t noticed anything.

I’m thinking even more about chocolate today…because I ate a candy bar. I’m feeling guilty about it…even though I saved enough calories for it. It’ll probably still make me gain weight somehow. Or it will cause my entire face to break out in zits.

Oh, also, I’ve decided to stop feeling guilty about my napping. If this is a permanent side effect of the medication AND the medication ends up working, I guess it’s worth it.

Did you do your routines today?
Yes.

I actually finished my night routine a little early tonight…so I’m heading to bed a little early.

Are you still picking off your nail polish?
Yes.

Lots of nail picking after eating the candy bar. Picking and thinking about the candy bar. Picking and thinking about gaining weight. Picking and thinking about impending zits.

How many calories did you consume today?
1400.

Still shouldn’t have eaten the chocolate…

What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed?
Homemade soft pretzels.

These would probably also cause new zits. But only if I ate one of them. Hopefully I won’t get any zits just from listening to them being made.

What song is in your head right now? 
“The Monster.” Eminem. Oh—Rihanna sings too.

Send.

DAY 20 (FRIDAY)

Time medicine PLUS CRACKERS taken:
4:00 p.m.

Plus one margarita tonight around 9:00 p.m. But he knows that because I told him that I was going to have one. And he didn’t like it. So I’m certainly not going to bring it up here.

Physical differences noticed today:
Haven’t noticed anything.

That’s not true. One drink on medication is very different than one drink not on medication…just like he said it would be.

One drink felt like at least two—which is fine, but notable.

Also, my bleeding is winding down.

Mental differences noticed today:
Haven’t noticed anything.

Also not true. I’m starting to realize that he’s probably right that I should stick to only one drink (not that I really ever go over that anyway) and that I shouldn’t drive after even having just a tiny bit to drink while on meds—not that I’ve EVER driven after drinking anything since…

1.) I normally only drink at home on Girls’ Night.

2.) I’m too afraid that even one ounce of alcohol will somehow make me crash and kill someone.

3.) I’m not a big fan of the whole driving thing anyway.

I just don’t feel like telling him that he’s right. Because he’s always right. And he already knows that he’s always right. Why waste time typing to tell him?

Clearly, I’m irritable today.

My irritation about bleeding hasn’t tapered off yet. And I’m back to craving chocolate.

I’m also irritated with Dr. Gabriel. As always. That never tapers off. Especially on Fridays when I have to see him. He was pleased with my lesson today…and after, he tried to shake my hand again. I pretended to have a coughing fit. UGH. Oh—I think that woman from the conference, Kate, broke up with him…probably because she realized that he is a sleaze. But I’m irritated with her, too. She was doing the women of the world a favor by taking him off of the market, off of the prowl…

Did you do your routines today?
Yes.

Are you still picking off your nail polish?
Yes.

How many calories did you consume today?
1400.

What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed?
Gourmet hamburgers.

What song is in your head right now? 
“Let It Go.” Idina Menzel. From
Frozen.

Abby has a new obsession…

Send.

DAY 21 (SATURDAY)

Since I was reprimanded for using what he called “generic responses” for the last week (and for using, as he said, almost the exact same responses for the last four days), I will be writing longer responses tonight. I’m not as irritated about this as I thought I’d be. Perhaps because I have already finished all of my schoolwork for the weekend. OR because I’m finally done bleeding.

Time medicine PLUS CRACKERS taken:
4:00 p.m. (With circle-shaped crackers. Generic brand).

Physical differences noticed today:
I’ve continued to feel quite fatigued. That’s my new normal. Sleepy. I even took a nap before confession today.

Mental differences noticed today:
I fell asleep really quickly before my nap (I experienced a shorter than usual period of thinking before falling asleep).

Is that a mental difference or just a side effect of the physical (sleepy) difference?

I’m sure he’ll tell me if I put it in the wrong category.

Did you do your routines today?
Yes.

Something weird has been going on with my routines during the last few days. My timing is off. Everything’s a little faster. I’m still accomplishing everything, though. Just somehow in less time.

Are you still picking off your nail polish?
Yes.

I caught myself doing it today during my spare time after my shortened morning routine. I was bored. I didn’t have anything else to do.

How many calories did you consume today?
More than 1399 and less than 1401.

What food was being cooked last night when you went to bed?
Slow cooker meals.