Forever Checking (Checked Series Book 3) (25 page)

As for cold-like symptoms, I haven’t documented my sneezes over the last few weeks, but I’m sure I’ve sneezed here and there. Not very often, but I’m sure it happened once or twice. No other cold-like symptoms.

Have you noticed any mental differences recently (general changes in stress levels, new worries/less worries, etc.)?
Well, I guess I’ve been relaxed enough to fall asleep for my naps, so my stress level must be down somewhat. As for new worries, I haven’t totally freaked out about anything new, I guess. I did accidentally hear the opening of a television commercial about treatment for herpes, but I switched the channel before it got too scary. And I didn’t let myself continue to think about it afterward…which is good. An improvement. But I don’t want to keep writing about it now. So I’m moving on.

As for less worries, well, I guess I’m somewhat less worried about messing up my checking (if this makes sense). As you have so astutely noticed, I have been getting through my routines more quickly. So I must somehow be allowing myself to believe that I’ve adequately performed a step, a check, in a much timelier fashion than usual.

You sound like a total tool, Callie. Luckily, he speaks “tool.” So he’ll understand it.

Did you do your routines today?
Yes.

Were your routines shorter than usual today?
Yes. Honestly, they are getting a bit shorter every day, even though I’m still doing all of the normal checking and cleaning. As I said in my previous answer, my brain is just apparently accepting the completion of each step much faster than it used to…which is surreal. And sort of awesome.

Have you continued to experience a stream of music in your head? If so, what song is in your head right now?
Yes—the music is still ever-present. Right now, I’m listening to “Summer Nights” from
Grease
. Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta are singing about their romantic summer. Oh, and all of the T-Birds and Pink Ladies keep breaking in, singing too, asking for more details.

Have you still been going to confession on Saturdays?
Yes.

Are you still picking off your nail polish?
Yes.

But not as much during my downtime. I’ve been completing schoolwork ahead of schedule, organizing various closets and items in the house, paying bills, etc. Maybe I should also start to watch a television series on Netflix…

How many calories did you consume today?
1400.

OH. On some days during my spare time, I’ve been doing this exercise DVD. I did some research, and I must be burning between two hundred and three hundred calories every day I do the video. On those days, I get to eat an extra one hundred and fifty calories (just in case my research is wrong—in case I’m not burning a full two hundred to three hundred calories). I’m still counting my calorie consumption as fourteen hundred daily, though…

Because 1400 calories minus around 150 burned calories (or more—safer to estimate low, though) plus 150 calories still equals 1400 calories.

Are you still stepping on the scale every day?
Yes.

And I’m going to continue to do this. I don’t plan on gaining any weight. So this is a responsible practice.

Are you still counting to three in your head?
Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Answer the following questions with one of the following responses:

Absolutely/Probably/Possibly/Probably not/Not a chance

Are you ready to try to have your blood work done?
Not a chance.

Not a freaking chance. And I don’t want to talk about it, or write about it, or even look at this question anymore.

If I make you pancakes, will you let me put syrup on them?
Probably not.

Not unless you force me to in a therapy activity.

Where is he making these hypothetical pancakes? In my kitchen? Is he messing up my kitchen to make them? Ugh. I don’t want that either.

Will you go to a party with me?

Tonight? What party?

I don’t really want to go to a party. Any party. But…a party with him? I would go. Because, well, I don’t really want him to go with someone else.

But does he really want to go to one?

Ugh.

Will you go to a party with me?
Possibly.

But only if we really have to.

Will you start to carry cash instead of always paying with a credit card?

Can I wash my hands right after using the cash?

Even if I can, what is the point of this? This is sort of a dated question. I don’t think OCD patients are the only people not carrying around cash these days.

Will you start to carry cash instead of always paying with a credit card?
Probably not.

Will you proofread your next paper three times before submitting it?
Absolutely.

At least three times. Maybe six.

Will you consider using cleaning products stronger than window cleaner and dish soap?
Probably not.

Do you think that at some point you’ll be able to empty a dishwasher without thinking about Lockjaw?
Probably not.

Freaking Lockjaw. Freaking forks.

From my observations, the music in your head doesn’t seem to upset you. It doesn’t seem to annoy you or pose any harm to you. Would you agree with this statement?
Absolutely.

If you drop your purse in an area of dry, seemingly clean concrete in a store parking lot, will you throw out your purse?

Seemingly clean? Seemingly? What does that mean? Does that mean that the cleanliness is an illusion—that the area seems clean but is actually diseased?

I would need more information…much more information about the specific spot before I can answer this question. Is it a new parking lot? For which store? How many people are around? Is it a popular area? Ugh.

If I ask these questions, he will answer them. And then he might ask me even more questions. There might be another form. And I don’t want that. So…

 
If you drop your purse in an area of dry, seemingly clean concrete in a store parking lot, will you throw out your purse?
Possibly.

What if you drop your purse in a seemingly clean public bathroom? Will you throw it out?
Absolutely.

Why am I hypothetically in a public bathroom? Gross.

If you step on gum, will you throw out your shoes?
Absolutely.

If you step on a Band-Aid on the street, will you throw out—

Everything. I will throw out everything in such a case. Shoes, socks, nylons, pants—whatever I am wearing. I might even throw myself out if I can find a brand new trashcan.

If you step on a Band-Aid on the street, will you throw out your shoes?
Absolutely.

If you step on some mouse droppings, will you throw out your shoes?
Absolutely.

Will you go to see another movie with me at some point soon?

Hmm…I haven’t really thought much about movies since our
Gone With the Wind
gum debacle. But everything was okay other than the cell phone ringing and the purse dropping and the gum touching. I can probably just be more careful next time…and not bring my cell phone (obviously).

Will you go to see another movie with me at some point soon?
Probably.

Will you go to sleep without turning on the television?
Probably not.

If he’s cooking me to sleep again, I can handle that.

If you are driving somewhere and you realize that you are almost out of gas, would you be able to pump gas at a gas station?

Is there a needle in the gas pump handle? He knows that I read that scary article. You’d think he’d be more specific about the whole needle situation in his hypothetic scenario.

What does “almost out of gas” mean? Can I get to my desired location? Is Mandy nearby?

Where am I? Am I somewhere scary where someone will murder me if I run out of gas and am stuck in my car?

These questions just aren’t detailed enough. Not nearly detailed enough.

If you are driving somewhere and you realize that you are almost out of gas, would you be able to pump gas at a gas station?
Possibly.

Will you go to a salon for a haircut at some point in the next six to ten months?
Probably.

I made it through my therapy haircut okay. I can do it again. I just have to pick a clean-looking stylist.

Will you go to a salon for a manicure or pedicure in the next few months?

Ugh.

I know that the odds are good that I won’t bump into an open bottle of nail polish remover again, but still, this seems like an unnecessary risk. I’m just going to pick the nail polish off anyway.

Will you go to a salon for a manicure or pedicure in the next few months?
Probably not.

Will you ride the party bus again with me?
Probably not.

If he really wants to, I’d probably try a different mode of public transportation, one not carrying a bunch of drunk people.

Hmm…I don’t think I’m even allowed to ride the party bus again. If the same guy as before is driving, I don’t think he’ll let me on the bus.

Do you want me to buy you more “celebrity nonsense” magazines?
Possibly.

I already bought one earlier this week. But having more of them wouldn’t be so bad. They’ll help me fill some of my extra time…

Do you want to play another game of Words with Friends with me?
Absolutely.

With him, definitely. I can beat him. With Melanie, there really isn’t a point in trying. Unless maybe I consider myself a winner if she beats me by less than two hundred points…

Will you plant a flower with me again?
Probably.

If he really wants to…

Will you make me dinner? :)
Probably not.

Haha. I’d probably end up accidentally poisoning him.

If you really had to go to the bathroom, would you use a seemingly clean nearby public restroom instead of driving ten miles to get to your house and your own bathroom?
Not a chance.

“Seemingly clean” again. EW.

Will you stay in a hotel again someday?
Probably.

If it’s immaculate. And if he’s there too.

Him. In a hotel bed. Waiting for me. I’m definitely up for that.

Do you want me to come over tonight?
Absolutely.

Phew. Done.

SEND.

Chapter 21

thirty-three moments after

THIRTY MINUTES LATER

My doorbell is ringing. He’s here.

THIRTY SECONDS LATER

His lips burning against mine. Bodies entangled. Arms and hands and fingers everywhere. Legs moving, moving, moving. To the staircase. Up the stairs. To my bedroom. To my bedroom. To my bedroom.

{Jason Derulo. “
Trumpets
.” Louder and louder and louder.}

THREE HUNDRED SECONDS LATER

Hair strewn about a pillow. Cool sheets beneath my bare back. Hot, scorching skin pressed against my chest.

Him. All over.

{“
Trumpets.
” Louder yet. Thunderous.}

THIRTY MINUTES LATER

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

{“
Trumpets
.” Blasting. Vibrating. Bouncing all around.}

THREE HOURS LATER

Almost asleep. His arms around me. My head on his naked chest. His heart beating in my ear. A young baker on television making a lemon meringue pie.
{Damien singing his song.}