Forever Hers (37 page)

“Love me, Eddie,” she gasped.

He didn’t need a second urging. He met her halfway. No longer scared of hurting her, he didn’t hold back. Not with her. She was made just for him. His movement became uncoordinated. Everything he’d learned, the discipline, the iron-clad control, the last of the barriers he’d erected came crushing down. He became nothing. She was the master, the craftsman molding a new him.

The whirling emotions inside him churned and whipped, until they reached fever pitch. Then they melted away as though they were now encoded in the fabric of his being. He reached for her, just as she did for him. Skin speaking to skin, heart to heart, soul to soul, nothing else mattered but them.

She arched her back and cried out, coming violently, clenching him tight and triggering his orgasm. He uttered a guttural shout of triumph as she hurled him over the edge into the abyss, stars exploding in his head, body disintegrating.

He must have blacked out because when he came to, he was on his back, his gut aching, throat tight. Amy kissed his chest, his shoulders, anywhere she could reach and murmured, “It’s okay…it’s okay.”

She’d unmanned him. Stripped him of his dignity. Turned his world inside out. Before her, he’d had no problem living without love, shunning relationships, having physically fulfilling yet emotionally bankrupt sex, and moving on. They’d served their purpose as stress release, using women and letting them use him. Amy changed everything he’d ever believed in. But what guarantees would he have that she would always love him, want him?

She scooted up and kissed his jaw, his lips. “I love you,” she said softly.

Why? He hadn’t done anything to deserve her love.

“Eddie?” she asked cautiously.

He tried to block her voice.

“Talk to me, baby,” she whispered. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, you didn’t hurt me, but you proved to me and to yourself that you have an amazing ability to reduce me to a trembling, blubbering idiot.” His words were harsh and he wished he could take them back, but everything about her screwed with his head.

“I’m sorry. Do you want me to leave?”

Yes.
“No. Stay.”

Amy lifted her head and squinted at him. Then she brushed the lock of hair on his forehead, caressed his cheekbone. Even when he was being a total jerk, she was sweet and gentle with him.

“Why?” he asked, studying her beautiful face.

“Why what?”

“Why do you love me?”

She smiled. “I love you because of the man you are. You are a good man. Honest and honorable, loving and loyal. You give so much of yourself without asking anyone anything in return. Honestly, you’re kind of amazing.”

She couldn’t mean the things she just said. How could he be honorable when he craved her love but was unwilling to give her his? Eddie wrapped his arm around her and rolled with her then pinned her down with his thigh. He studied her so intently she flushed.

“What?” she asked.

“I told you I don’t believe in love or marriage, yet you call me good?”

She shrugged. “You were honest about it. Most men would fake interest then walk away.”

“I’m taking from you, milking your feelings for me and you say I give without asking anything in return? That’s crazy,” he added.

“It’s not and you do. You helped Vince go after a psycho kidnapper and got suspended for two weeks—”

“The bastard kidnapped Jade. She’s family.”

“You could have thrown him in jail from the moment he was implicated in the death of that antique guy. You rescued Ken from Faith’s ex-fiancé, denying yourself a trip you’d planned with a girlfriend, and you almost ran into a burning building to rescue Ron after he went in to find Ashley.”

“Whoever told you these twisted versions—”

“Oh shut up. Do you want me to hate you?”

He blinked. Did he? Was he worthy of her love? “Maybe you should.”

“Why? So you could go back to your old life? Not caring about anything but your job, not letting anyone get close? So I made you lose control tonight, big whoop. You do it to me all the time, but you don’t see me trying to trivialize your feelings or lack thereof.” She hit his chest with her fist. “You will not use my love for you to pick a fight with me, Eddie Fitzgerald. You are—”

He cut off her tirade with his lips, rubbing them back and forth. For a brief moment, she succumbed and returned his kiss, then she tore her lips away.

“You are not going to distract me until I have my say, damn it.”

He buried his face in the pillow and groaned. Sometimes she talked too much.

“You always act like you don’t deserve to be liked, loved or respected when no one is more deserving than you. Your cousins came out tonight to welcome me and Raelynn and threw her one heck of a party. Know why?”

“They love you?” he teased, trying to lighten her mood.

She shoved his leg off her thigh. “No, because they love
you
, you bonehead. Vince, Ron and Ken owe you a debt that can never be repaid, yet when they came to the lake house, you were uncomfortable accepting their help. Instead you saw them as a pain in the ass.”

They were a pain in the ass. Eddie sat up and walked into the bathroom to get rid of the condom then walked back to the bedroom. She was waiting, the battle light still in her eyes. She’d never looked more beautiful or desirable.

“What do you want from me?” he asked, his eyes narrowed.

“I want you to open up to love, to be willing to give and receive it.” She grabbed her dress from the floor then reached for her stockings, giving him a view of her naked buttocks. His body reacted. Even when every word from her mouth pissed him off, he couldn’t control his response to her.

“Are you sure this is about me?”

She went still. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“You saw my cousins with their spouses tonight and you suddenly want what they have, so you’re punishing me for not offering you the same thing.”

She glared at him. “So what if I did? What’s wrong with wanting to be loved?”

“Nothing, just don’t make me the focus of your obsession.”

“Obsession? You wish.” She turned around as though searching for something then gave up and marched to the door.

She was really leaving. His body clenched. He needed her. She meant everything to him. He moved and blocked her path. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Where do you think? Move out of my way, Eddie.”

He crossed his arms and continued to block the door, his heart pounding so hard he was sure she could hear it. He couldn’t afford to lose her. “No.”

“I know a gazillion ways to cause you excruciating pain.”

He’d taught them to her and the look on her face said she would use them too.

“You wouldn’t hurt me. You love me,” he said.

“Not at this very moment, pal.”

As he stared at her furious expression, the warmth he always felt in his chest whenever he was around her or even thought about her finally made sense. He loved this woman. Loved her craziness, loved her smart mouth and her loving, caring nature. He’d fought admitting his feelings to himself for days when it was obvious every time he looked at her, when he watched her with her daughter, when he made love to her. Hell, she could pull her dominatrix she-warrior move on him for the rest of his live. He didn’t care. He loved Amy Kincaid.

Eddie grinned.

“Oh, did I say something funny?” Amy snapped.

“I am crazy about you, Amy Kincaid.” Saying the words was so liberating. He reached for her. “I’m completely nuts about you.”

She stepped out of reach and stared at him as though he’d lost his mind. “That was pathetic. You’d say—”

“I love you,” he finished

“And do anything to get me to stay in your bed, wouldn’t you?” she continued as though he hadn’t spoken. “There are many things you do that drive me crazy, Eddie, but using love to get your way is the lowest. Get. Out. Of. My. Way.”

He blinked, realizing she didn’t believe him. Of course, she couldn’t. He’d practically challenged her to explain why she loved him and shot down her reasons. To turn around and say he loved her sounded insincere and calculated.

“I know you don’t believe me, baby, but I do. I love you.”

Her faced worked as though she was about to cry then her chin shot up and she looked at him with coldest eyes he’d ever seen on her pretty face.

“If you don’t mind,” she spoke slowly as though measuring her words, “I want you to move out of my way now. I’m tired and I want to go to bed.”

His timing sucked, and she wasn’t going to believe anything he said. Nodding, he stepped aside and opened the door for her. With her chin up, she marched out of his bedroom.

Eddie watched her go, a deep loneliness settling around him like a cold mist, prickling his skin. He wanted to go after her, but she wouldn’t believe anything he said now. The time had to be right.

A few minutes later, Eddie stared at the ceiling, missing her so much it hurt. Somewhere a phone rang then went silent. She was right. He hated losing control. From the first time they made love, he’d run the show, always making sure he pleased her first, several times, before he found his own release. She turned tables on him and he acted like a world class jerk.

Why? Because for once in his life, he wasn’t in control. He wasn’t talking about their lovemaking. That was out of this world. Humbling. No, he was talking about his love for her. In such a short time, she’d become lodged in his mind, his heart and his dreams. He couldn't think about a future without her in it, fighting with him, driving him crazy and making him laugh.

You always act like you don’t deserve to be liked, loved or respected when no one is more deserving than you.

She was right about that too. He had let the past mess with his mother poison his mind to the point where he’d built a wall to protect himself. Amy and her little girl had chipped away at his wall, his prison, until it tumbled down. Even though he was uncertain about some things—whether he’d ever forgive his mother, leave the L.A.P.D. or start his business—the one thing that he was sure about was his love for Amy. He had found the woman he planned to spend the rest of his life with and the future couldn’t be brighter.

Sleep eluded him, so he pulled on a swimsuit and left his room. The light inside the room she was sharing with Raelynn was off. Was she thinking about him in there? Regretting their fight?

An hour later, physically exhausted from attacking the water, he was back in his room, pacing. Then he remembered her manuscript, which she’d printed days ago, but he’d put off reading because of Raelynn’s illness.

He went to his computer bag and retrieved it then settled on the bed and started reading.

Amy woke up to aromatic blend of coffee, eggs and bacon. She reached across the bed and her hand came up empty. Then she remembered their fight last night. Eddie was the most impossible man she’d ever dealt with. She loved him with every breath she took, but he had acted like a jerk.

How could he pretend he loved her just to manipulate her? As her anger had ebbed, she’d hoped that maybe, just maybe he’d meant it. That he truly loved her. If he did, he’d come for her, she’d told herself. So after crawling in bed with Raelynn, she’d waited for him. She’d even heard his footsteps move toward her room then nothing.

It had all been a game.

Sleep hadn’t come easy. Her daughter was a kicker and a bed hog, and worries about the future and where her relationship with Eddie was headed had kept her awake. Funny she hadn’t worried about their relationship until he pulled that calculated stunt. It showed her a side of him she didn’t like.

About midnight, she’d gotten up, turned on her computer and did something she might come to regret. She’d gone to her mother’s university page and sent her a long e-mail, pouring out all her hurt, pain and anger at the way they’d treated her. She’d even told her mother that she doubted she’d ever forgive them.

Stupid move on her part. Of course, she would forgive them. Eventually. They were her only living relatives and Raelynn’s grandparents. By now she ought to have learned to never write or say anything when angry.

Oh well, what’s done is done.

Amy slid out of bed and put on a pair of capris and a T-shirt then headed downstairs. As she got closer, Raelynn’s high-pitched voice and Eddie’s deeper one reached her ear. The family-like picture that greeted her in the kitchen would have made her smile a few days ago. The table was set for three, and Raelynn played on the floor with her new dollhouse while Eddie cooked.

He wore a white T-shirt that hugged his masculine chest and washboard abs, and sweatpants that rode low on his hips. His hair was mussed as though he’d run his fingers through it. Add in his unshaven chin and you had every woman’s dream man.

Just not mine.

As though aware of her scrutiny, he looked over his shoulder and their gazes locked. Amy’s breath froze in her chest as she waited to see what he would say, her heart thumping hard. His grin was heart melting.